Obviously, I'm not blogging every day as I used to, despite how my blog went over ten years as a consistently daily blog. So I'm not really using my blog for daily check-ins. I'm using my BlueSky account to post them, and then refining them on the mafia site I played on, and then posting the refined versions to discord in every community I am welcome to post them in.

But I wanted to explain a few things about them.

The first is a reminder about their primary purpose.

First and foremost, my daily check-ins are meant to let people know I am alive and okay--if I end up missing a place due to the stressors of life for a day or two, then no problem, as long as I am posting them elsewhere; if I suddenly go silent everywhere for over a couple of days with no prior warning or explanation, then I want people to know something has changed, something has gone wrong.

I want the presence of me to be taken for granted, so that any absence of me is alarming and is suddenly something to investigate why. It genuinely could potentially save my life, or if it's too late to save my life, then it could at least inform people of this fact, and allow them to contact my other loved ones, inform them, and collectively grieve the loss of me.

As time goes on, the number of spaces I am in changes. Realistically I can only handle being in so many. I will lose some spaces I was in, I will stop remembering in some spaces I was in, etc., while also occasionally gaining new spaces to be in. But as long as I am able to, I want to provide confirmation I am alive and okay enough to post on the given day. It needn't be anything revolutionary, but just a simple message can say I am still there.

However, I do have a preference in the form of check-in I provide. Because I want to normalize check-ins, I want to also normalize an environment which fosters the ability for others to check in themselves. I don't think people need to post their own affirmations because not everyone can--but I do want to normalize telling people you are alive, you are okay, and you love them. To let people know you're still around and you still care.

I do affirmations with most of my daily check-ins because that's the energy I want to send into the world. But any form of check-in is something. The reason I do affirmations specifically is because I know I have a talent with them. One of my past daily affirmations said, "if you think something is something anyone can do, chances are, that something is your talent, your skill". And that came from my own experience. I previously viewed supporting people like I do as something anyone could do.

I didn't think it was anything special, or remarkable. I just took it as a given, took it for granted, as something anyone could do. But with time, I've been able to realize that it is something special. Even if it's something anyone could do, I do it a lot more easily and naturally than most people, because it's something that just...is what I am good at doing.

From a spiritual perspective, this is because I have been told time and time again: "You are a healer" with a side of "you are a teacher". I heal and I educate. I have been described as having a bright light around me, a radiant energy. I have been told countless times I am a form of sun, a form of light, that I spread light into the world. Regardless of whether you put stock into those spiritual things, they do seem to have truth to them because, well...I am good at the affirmations.

And from a more practical side...it is because of my life experiences.
I have lived a very storied life and covered a wide array of beliefs, of perspectives, of life circumstances, of philosophies, of emotions, of states of being.

I have made hundreds, if not thousands, of friends. Every time a friend struggled, I read about it. I listened. Every time they had a hard time, I paid attention. (That may be the autism, but who knows?) I had a natural desire to help them, and did my best to. (That's probably due to innately high empathy for others.)

And I remembered my own darker times and what I lived through. In my darkest moment, how my empathy almost got extinguished, and how after I realized how close I had come to becoming apathetic to others, I was racked with the guilt of this and set out to atone. (This was before I was 18 by the way. The darkest period of my life was then, and it will always be the darkest period of my life because of how close I came to doing the unthinkable.)

I have experienced such extreme darkness, such extreme hate, such extreme loathing, such extreme guilt, and every negative emotion you can think of. I have become increasingly jaded. I was always a naive idealistic childish optimistic enthusiastic kid. But that outlook got repeatedly destroyed, leaving me increasingly bitter, cynical, pessimistic, defeated, jaded, and all-around spiteful. Yet I kept going, and despite everything...

...I ended up becoming able to reconnect with who I always ways. And I found my idealism, my optimism, my enthusiasm, my awe, my wonder, my belief in the better parts of the world, was stronger than that cynicism. (This is probably both plurality and also bipolar disorder.) Despite how messy my life and the world is, I see the beauty in it and everyone within. My hope became greater than any level of dread or despair could be.

My love grew, and got stronger with time.

And I almost never stopped wanting to help people.

And having needed help myself.
And seen others in need of help.
I paid attention.

I saw what didn't help me.
I knew what did help.
I saw what didn't help others.
I saw what did help others.

I remembered. I adjusted. I learned. I refined. To become more and more supportive to friends and loved ones.

I deal with crippling depression and bad life things happening, as well as having my life remain a mess--but at the same time, I have persevered, overall, with the help of loved ones, to help give me the reminders I have built my life up with.

So I have 31 going on 32 years (well pragmatically about 4 less than that or so) of living life as an autistic plural transwoman lesbian with bipolar disorder and adhd, living with crippling anxiety, with great dreams and the shattering of them by knowing just how unobtainable they are.

Hope, love, and support give me the strength to overcome life's challenges.

And it's never easy.

But I feel obligated to do what I can. I know I can't do much, but because of the life I have lived, the skills I have nurtured, I know I am good at giving the reminders which help people like me, which help my friends, which help heal the world, give strength, give hope, give small boosts of support and guidance.

It might not make much of a difference, but it also makes a difference.

Listening. Learning. Paying attention. Providing support. Finding what helped you, and seeing how it may help others. Finding what helped others, and seeing if it may help even more. Giving love, support, and empathy. Making people felt seen, felt heard.

It's not something that is easy to do, but it is something that when done, can just...make a small bit of light in a world filled with darkness. So as long as I am alive and okay, I will continue to do so in every space I am allowed to.

I know I can't make much of a difference. I know I can't do much tangible. But any little reminder, any little bit of support, any little bit of light in life, I will happily provide. So, I hope you all can stay strong. Much love. <3

After one of the worst possible weeks to endure, today was terrific.

To catch you all up, my car nearly exploded on me. I told my boss about this, and my boss threatened corrective action if I didn't show up despite how my car wasn't safe to drive. So I drove a damaged car to work (endangering my safety in the process), it nearly stalled four times and had multiple kickbacks and was probably damaged by this process more than it already was.

And, knowing it wouldn't make it back home, I made some emergency maintenance on my car at work. The good news is, it mostly fixed the car. My car could still break any day, mind you (largely from the damage sustained from the drive I didn't want to do), but it's less likely to after the repair I did. The bad news is, because I wasn't in an environment suited for the repair and had to make it myself and without the tools at home, I spilled oil all over.

And then my boss threatened me again from it, saying if the oil got to the storm drain then the city could sue my workplace and I would be held liable for it. This being the same boss who I TOLD HER ABOUT MY CAR BEING UNSAFE TO DRIVE. I would not have needed to repair it in my workplace parking lot if I wasn't threatened with corrective action for prioritizing the repair over prioritizing showing up for my scheduled shift.

But because my boss threatened corrective action if I did prioritize the repair and my safety, I had to sacrifice both for the sake of showing up for my shift. And then to make it back home the emergency repair I did made my boss threaten me AGAIN for something which never would have happened if she listened to me in the first place!

And then I had to wait all day for them to come up with a solution. Tired, cold, hungry, with no help, and no effort to prioritize the spill over anything else. And I will have to pay for the stuff which got bought to be used, after my next paycheck. Meaning they are going to charge ME for a problem MY BOSS CREATED BY THREATENING ME and not listening. I SAID my car was unsafe to drive, and instead of accommodating for my life circumstance, I had my job threatened, and had to try and do a repair in an environment ill-suited for it, and got threatened for the result.

All of this also meant that I was outside in the freezing cold for a long time. Doing lots of hard physical labor. Banging and bruising my head and back. While sick. I was, and still technically am, sick. And I was straining myself by overly physically exerting myself. And being exposed to the cold for a long time. 

And since then I've been just trying to rest, relax, recover, and get through the day.

That led to a lot of things, namely, cleaning, at our apartment falling behind.

Until today!

I fully cleaned the apartment of all trash, removing it all.

I made progress on getting the dishes cleaned, too!

So like...got a lot done and am still resting and relaxing.

A lot could go wrong, but at least today, I have a lot to be proud of. <3

...Okay to be fair, I haven't blogged a lot so that joke is less effective than normal, butstill.

I'm still sick, recovering. Returning from vacation got me one sickness, and to be honest, I'm not even sure I was over it when Christmas hit and I got another sickness.

Both me and my wife got it pretty bad, but we're recovering.

And we've gotten some really good stuff now.

We're getting a free futon, as well as apparently also some free other stuff. A free desk and maybe recliner down the line.

So we've been cleaning our apartment to make room, and already our apartment is so much neater and cleaner.

There's a lot more work to be done, slow going because we're sick still and we don't want to prolong said sickness by pushing it, but it's going and going pretty good!

We got a lot of cooking supplies, including a microwave, so once again, in all ways but one, life is good!!!

The one way it isn't remains illegal financial charges, but...we're working on it.

In the meanwhile?

I'm making tremendous progress on my novel!

I'm cruising through writing, and in terms of organizing notes...

...Well, it's, ah. It's both going well, but also needs some cleanup. Because my worldbuilding is going faster than my notes can keep up with.

I know the details of basically every Abundant Argon.

When they formed.
Why they formed.
What they look like.
Even ones I didn't before.

I have an unofficial backstory for Luden (kept that way deliberately, but rather extensive), and a loose ETA of when. I always knew what Luden looked like.

I've always known what Lilith looks like, and her backstory (rather extensive). Her timeframe of when is actually a bit of a chronological rock/anchor for me in fact; knowing when things happened in regards to her lets me place when they  happen because of how well I know her timeline.

​Zeboel I relatively recently figured out the event causing their fall, what they look like, and the time involved. It's enough to be a Musical.

Deumos I already knew was the demon who caused Bothai's fall, but Deumos's own backstory, I figured out today!!! (It's ridiculously extensive.) Some of Deumos's backstory would be shown during Bothai's story, and Deumos's character growth would be largely because of Bothai. This also gave me his appearance.

Sanatas I knew the appearance and backstory of (relatively extensive). He was kinda a rock, as he had to be pre-Seidonia.

Dabadon I knew the approximate appearance and backstory of already. He was another rock, thanks to sinking Seidonia. A story extensive enough to be a live action show imo.

Rarma's appearance and backstory I've known for quite a while. (I want to write a novel about it in fact.) The one thing not QUITE set is the timing of her ascension. It's after Deumos's, as she wasn't ruling Angea back then, and presumably after Mastemo's unless she randomly left North Angea untouched. This would make her among the younger, but not among the youngest, as she's pre-Bothai (who is pre-Rothasta).

Belchevore's backstory is largely lost to the ages, but I know what he looks like now! And I have an approximate time he rose to power, too! (It's in one of the two Dark Ages. I'm thinking the mini Dark Age caused by Toran's fall, placing Belchevore as between Deumos's Ascension and Mastemo's Ascension.)

Mastemo, I knew the appearance and backstory of (pretty extensive, although relatively easy to summarize). He also served as a bit of a rock, as I knew exactly what the earth equivalent of his Ascension was. (The earth equivalent being the Fall of Rome. The farn equivalent of the Roman Empire pushed him too far in corruption, laziness, and greed.)

​Trisairo, I know the appearance of and have a working backstory (I admit it's basic, as it amounts to "She's the Demon of Order, who tried to bring Order to the Fae Realm, and the Fae being Fae, this was Not A Good Thing", but not every member of The Abundant Argon needs a whole life story. Most do, but it needn't be ALL of them.)

Ditto Milodee. Trisairo and Milodee are two of the few chronological absentees, in that I don't have their timeframe established yet.

Both are on the much older, but not ancient, side. We're talking pre-Deumos. Whether pre-Dabadon or post-Dabadon is the real debate at the moment. I'll figure it out soon.

​Bemoheth and Athaneva are unique among the Abundant Argon in that they have no backstory. I don't have their exact appearance nailed down definitively, or at least not their human forms. (I know what their true forms look like.) They are basically as old as farn itself, so they predate even Luden. While I need to know what their human forms look like, I don't need to know anything more about them because there isn't more to know about them. They're proto-spirits who chose to become demons just because they could. They're siblings and spouses. (Demons and Gods, natch. Refer to basically any mythology for how Gods are entwined.) That's about it.

​Bothai is one of the youngest Abundant Argon. I've known his backstory and appearance for a while, but finding his exact chronology has been a challenge. I'm honing in on an approximate timeframe, but it isn't nailed down to anything specific quite yet. He's younger than Zeboel by a considerable margin, and younger than Rarma, too. In fact I'm pretty sure he's the third-youngest, with only Rothasta and the 18th Abundant Argon as younger.

​Belreach is basically as old as Bemoheth and Athaneva and ever so slightly older than Luden, so is among the oldest of the Abundant Argon. I know his backstory, for what little there is, but his exact appearance isn't quite nailed down. He's a man. He looks like a dude. That's...about it, for details I know for sure.

​Phaimyustazael is one of the Abundant Argon I know the least about. He's got new info I know about him as of today (well, mostly it's stuff I internally already had, but wrote down more definitively), namely why his name is so ridiculous compared to the others. (As the King of Contracts, it's by design. It makes it easier for him to deceive people and makes it harder for would-be loopholers to succeed.) I have a really good idea what he looks like (basically, a constant grin fairly pale white man with black hair that's slightly animesque but more subdued and realistic, with shining ocean blue eyes), and a basic idea of how he became the Demon of Contracts.

I don't have an exact chronology set, it's somewhere likely in the range of Deumos: definitely after Dabadon, but before Mastemo. He might be the farn equivalent to King Midas? (As Midas was pre-Troy and Deumos was at the end of Troy, if so this would make him pre-Deumos but responsible for a disastrous fall of an empire.) Which would place him as over 4,000 years ago.
Someone who could cause the fall of an empire like the Babylonians, Myceneans, Hittites, or Assyrians. He could have caused the equivalent of the Knossos, Crete earthquake, the Minoan eruption, or the equivalent of the Thera eruption, etc., all about 200 - 500 years prior to Deumos.

And then we get to the youngest two.

Rothasta was 100 - 200 years ago in the demon realm. Her life as a mortal was pre-Bothai, and might be even pre-Mastemo, as knowledge of her kingdom was lost even to him. Since knowledge of an entire kingdom being wiped out with no trace is rare, this places her most likely human on farn times as immediately post-Zeboel or immediately post-Deumos. However this culminated in her actual Ascension being only a couple hundred years ago because she held onto her humanity in the demon realm for hundreds of years. I know what she looks like, and what she did. Her own pre-guardian history is lost even to her, but I can trace it based on her kingdom not having any trace of existing. It's quite possible she was a resident of the Ferachen Empire, in fact. But if so, would be closer to its founding under King Arnos. She could have even met the guy, been friends with him, even been one of his knights.

And the youngest of the Abundant Argon technically hasn't formed yet, but is known who they are to the Abundant Argon. The 18th member is a spoiler though, but I know who they are, what they look like, and what would cause their Ascension.

Soyeah. Making a lot of worldbuilding progress!

The Abundant Argon have always been a kind of linchpin by which the rest of farn's history has formed through. Other pantheons' rules were modeled after the Demon God-Lords out-of-universe (not in-universe). Ditto their powers, how they work, etc. The mechanics of divine entities were largely reverse-engineered from the mechanics of demons specifically. So, similarly, their history has shaped farn's own history, as well as geography.

I've mapped out farn's geography to have most places named.

And with the abundant argon having shaped the history of those places, I have basically the entirety of the background of the world of farn memorized to the level of an average farn well-educated college general-education adult.

Which is about the level of earth well-educated college general-education adult about earth's geography, history, and religion.

I've always said that farn is comparable to earth in history, geography, socioeconomics, geopolitical climate, cultures, etc. But now I have the how laid out, to the point where I can point to earth events I know about, and point to their farn equivalent. And vice-versa. And how they're similar, and how they're different.

Farn and Earth, despite Farn having magic and explicit deities as well as numerous different sapients, follow nearly identical trajectories as a whole in their progression and regression, in their societal collapses and empire collapses and empire rises. Not identical, especially as The Old World became more "crowded" by divine beings as time passed, and The New World was discovered far sooner chronologically (we're talking basically a thousand years sooner or so, loosely speaking), with Bairn's history more being a mixture of USA and United Kingdom history (history for the region dates back to the equivalent of the Roman Empire, so 1600+ years ago, albeit with large gaps until 1000 years ago or so when Baeyern, the farn equivalent to William the Conqueror, founded the country that would bear a simplification of his name), so like...it's not really a 1:1.

A lot of earth events are condensed into a single farn event, and vice-versa, with what might be a single earth event having been extrapolated to be numerous different farn events. But loosely, the overall trajectory of the two planets is OVERALL comparable, enough that any reasonably relatively well-educated adult from earth if transported to farn would just kinda...GET it.

Both so that Vee, said earthling, would be able to comprehend...and more pragmatically, so my readers, also earthlings, can too!

I hope you all like the final result.

Farn is eventually going to be turned over to the masses.

I've always seen me as just the medium by which stories of farn begin to get shared. Not as the only earth resident producing them.

Farn is as real as earth is, but that makes it a world too big for me to tell every tale of. I want to open it to others, too.

So the work I do now will help let others carry on my work in telling the tale of the planet after I am done sharing what I personally know.

Let's write the future together.