In frustration and incompetency and inefficiency.
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Need sleep now.
Check schedule work tomorrow, need to also do stream stuff tomorrow (and shower), need to also get pay stuff for work done but sleep now. Super tired. How have I turned a productive week where I was getting everything done...
...Into a week where I have gotten nothing done??? ...It's truly baffling to me. I didn't work out. I didn't shower. I didn't get gas. I didn't do shopping. I didn't pursue anything. I didn't catch up on discord stuff. I almost didn't blog today until I thought of it as a medium to rant at my incompetencies. I didn't do a game review I promised. I can't remember having done anything right today. And yesterday was a total wash, too. Monday was SO GOOD. Today, and yesterday...not so much. I accomplished my workout.
I got gas. I didn't badly overindulge. I got my mic and headphones set up. I did a lot of work on my novel. I started art. Now, I didn't really nap well, and didn't shower, so not a perfect day, did have shortcomings. But a good day, I can't deny. Went to bed without blogging yesterday since I didn't blog pre-stream and slept immediately post-stream, and even today am making a nonentry entry.
Still tho. I've been making progress in things. I kept up with my weekly games and have even managed to keep working on my story notes. I've gone to like 40 pages and I'm not even remotely close to finished, but a lot of it is actually new material I hadn't covered previously in any prior notes, so brand new notes is actually a really good thing. Butyeah, gotta go now. Been too busy to do anything of note, but very productive at least!
Yesterday was rather productive, but I didn't have time to do literally everything I set out to do. I had to pick and choose near the end what to focus on, and it wasn't on blogging.
Today? Today's been a waste. I went to pick up my medication, and... ...And that was it, I legit did nothing else of note. Unless you count spending more time on twitter engaging in conversation which doesn't actually convince anyone to do any good and blocking a small percentage of people of which there are countless more. (I could never block them all.) Which I consider to be a waste of time. I do it because I am mentally unwell. I am severely depressed, I go onto twitter when depressed. (Twitter doesn't make my depression worse but it likely is adding stress.) Twitter is a useful tool for, if properly cultivating things, becoming informed. Once you figure out the signs of people spreading things which you can ignore and block, what's left is legit informative. I sometimes lack context in things, but most of the time, I can actually become educated. If not instantly, than with time. (I struggle with non-US issues, generally speaking, but I'm slowly learning.) Still though. Not a good place to be. Really really not a good place to engage. Activism might be valuable, but my words aren't gonna do much of anything there. Those I talk to, I'm either preaching to the choir or preaching to bad faith actors with no intent to change their bigoted ways. In either case, I make little to no difference, so my time would just be better spent... ...Literally anywhere else. I should be working on things. Maybe on internally looking at our plurality (we were close to identifying another voice, because we got a name--Minerva--and knew she was active, but instead of finding her voice we let it go). Definitely should've showered. Probably should've napped properly. I'm not taking care of myself across the board. Picking up my meds was nice, but that's all I did, and it was because I have no choice but to. I have more notes to write for farn, and I've done none of them. I haven't kept up on discord, either. So like. I should be doing more. I'm not doing well. |
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