All Too Human
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Rambles, Rants, and Musings

So I just did something interesting.

5/22/2015

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In my head, I mentally composed the tune for a new song...using the tunes from my cell phone ringers, my old phone being the verses and my new phone serving as the chorus once placed in double-time. The text sound from my current phone (don't remember the one for my old one) could act as a bridge, too. And it's surprisingly coherent.

All I need to do is write the lyrics.

I could make this a new blog post, but decided that since I'm typing this up at the same time (in spite of the above being written earlier), not much point. (Really need to consider timestamping my blogs, though. For the record, this began as a thought at 1:15, but I've held off on it 'til 4.)

Anyway, so you know that I really like dancing, right? When there's a good tune on, I can't help but do my best to dance along to it, regardless of the circumstances around me. Including during a class the song's meant for, while I'm eating my lunch. (It was disco music, I believe, for the curious.) So something interesting happened. I was doing my dancing, having a little bit of harmless fun, and suddenly, everyone in the class turned to look at me and started giving applause.

I'm not sure that I have the genetics in me to blush, so my face probably didn't turn red.

But, hoh, boy, did I wish I could given how embarrassed I felt. Lacking a blush response, my reaction was basically laughter as my head tilted down a lot (and back up), and me trying to dodge out of the way only to come back out a couple seconds later, still feeling like I should be blushing.

I mean, I've gotten individual comments that they like my dancing, awkward and cheeky as it may be, but nothing like this has ever happened before. Way to put me on the spot. (I know a few of the people in there--rather, they know me--but don't know which of them came up with the idea. If the idea was to catch me off-guard...they definitely succeeded!) It was highly awkward, but at the same time...I did appreciate it.

Naturally, after they were done, I got more than the normal amount of comments. A fair number of them commented on my smile, too. See, I'm not very emotive. (Part of the whole, "Most likely have high-functioning autism" thing.) I smile all the time, but it's so subtle that nobody other than me can tell I'm smiling. (My smile looks more like a neutral face. Incidentally, my neutral face looks like a brooding face, and my brooding face like a depressed face.) I can put on a cheeky grin, I can open my mouth and leave it there for another type of cheeky grin, but an actual legitimate teeth-showing grin is something that--while it does happen--only appears for sort bursts mostly.

...Yet when it does, according to them, it is absolutely a wonderful smile. (I've heard this from my parents, but them being my parents, there's that bias. Coming from people who don't really know me, on the other hand...and you know that when they say I have a magnificent smile...they MEAN it.)

They did a good job at bringing it out for a prolonged period of time. Sometimes, I grin like a madwoman for no reason. But this happiness emotion I was showing was real, not faked, not forced, gleaming for quite a while. So while I was highly embarrassed, the experience was worth it, I'd say.


In Rubyverse news, I got a little bit of Gary info done. I decided that he has a hobby as a musician, mainly working with the guitar, with aspirations of forming a band with him as the lead singer and main (electric) guitarist. This actually becomes viable after members join the Ruby Gang. Dark Ruby has eidetic memory via her vampire side, thus, quickly masters becoming the percussionist and other main singer. D.D. joins as a bass guitar player, and Vili as a second guitarist. Their band name I want to not be the name of a real band, so I'd have to do some creative searching, but something with regards to Riders. So for now pending actual research (because I'd be flabbergasted if there wasn't a band with that name), their band name's The Riders.

He also manages to get a power-up in his abilities. All Riders expand in some manner. Ruby/Sally most of all, but D.D. grows a lot, Vili is incredibly versatile in her powers, and Amy has basically unlimited strength. Hannah doesn't grow much, but that's because she's technically already one of the strongest Riders and doesn't like to fight (so she does grow, in what she can do, but it's things like learning to teleport people rather than learning how to blast someone to smithereens), and Whitney being older has already undergone most of her growth. (She still has room to grow, but not nearly as much because she already knows how to use her powers very effectively.)

So it figures that Gary grows, too. His role as the medic can't grow much (basically all it can expand to is helping to heal mental wounds, which it does), but it does get some; he can apply knowledge of injuries inflicted to know where and how to push, effectively allowing him to be an effective strategist (hitting psychological weaknesses), adviser, HeelFaceTurn-inducer, and precision fighter.

Basically, though Sally is officially Ruby's Lancer, Gary is basically a co-owner of the slot. (There's a reason that it's both Gary AND Sally in charge when Ruby goes MIA during the traitor arc.) He starts as a fairly normal guy. Once he becomes a Rider, he's a fairly weak Rider comparatively speaking. (His role technically being that of a medic is a sore spot.) He remains there as one of the weakest for quite some time, but all the while, he continues to hone what he has.

This is why while he doesn't have many abilities, he uses them well enough to compensate. After he learns how to shrink his sword, he gains a blade that is able to cut through nearly anything. He learns to control his shield-powers with incredible skill, launching multiple barrages. His tsunami slash/crescent cut skills in his shrunken blade he learns to fire remotely, albeit at highly-reduced strength to be effectively a mere distraction.

And he gains one ability. That one ability, though, is theoretically god-tiered. (Even at the story's end, he doesn't have mastery of it. It's simply too tough for him to fully control. However, even partial control is more than adequate to be immensely powerful.) In it, he basically ties water having waves to light having waves...and on a local scale, manages to manipulate them. In short, he compresses all the light around him into a tangible, handheld form, then expands it out into a wave to launch it as an attack that can bypass even many supposedly-invincible defenses.

It's incredibly hard for him to do, dealing with advanced concepts he can barely grasp, but is added to his arsenal. (Incidentally, a secondary aspect of this is that he becomes perfectly in tune with soundwaves, making his hearing be even better than a vampire's. But he being an average guy, just uses it to achieve total perfection in turning his instruments for his band.)

In short, Gary goes from the average guy to being one of Ruby's best allies, formidable in combat, comforting outside of it, smart, intelligent, and generally competent...while still mostly being, well, Gary, and not really stealing the spotlight. Good, not godly, and the overall third-strongest member of the Ruby Gang. (Overall being the key word--that factors in all aspects of their contributions.)


I also as a thought experiment went about the "What if?" scenario of what the Rubyverse would be if Ruby weren't in it, similar to the "What if"s I explored of her not being a magical girl (result: Lord Darkblood turns Ryan and Ruby never exists) and her not being a magical girl nor a vampire when such things. The overall conclusion in this case being InSpiteOfANail: the world would exist mostly as-is, just slightly worse off.

Sally would be TheHero, not TheRival-turned-Lancer. Gary would officially be TheLancer, and much closer to Sally as a result. Not so bad. But then you get into other details. The traitor arc wouldn't resolve nearly as smoothly; the traitorous magical girl would still do a HeelFaceTurn, but forever be haunted by the darkness rather than having it be purged, and the villains of said arc would still be running rampant. (Because Ruby was directly instrumental in crushing them.) Whitney would be much more cold and less open, treating the gang with caution. Dale would either not be around or be a Noble Demon antagonist, and Dion would be a Tragic Monster, forced into being an antagonist. (Because Lord Darkblood would still be alive and not approving of all the superheroics interfering in his business.) He would eventually be able to get out and become the darkness Rider, but he would not be a good man for it. Amy wouldn't be born, so a different Light Rider would be needed--probably Ana, placing further strain on her. Herald would have no reason to work with the heroes, thus, be unassociated with them.

Again, nothing really bad, and actually some little bits of good in there...but mostly not nearly as happy an outcome as what things look like WITH Ruby. She's overall a net positive influence on the Rubyverse. It was certainly an interesting thought to pursue.
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Been a while since this has happened.

5/21/2015

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I got a tune stuck in my head. I don't know if it's real or something I made up, but it feels real, in spite of how I can tell it has similarities to THE tune.

I don't know what it's from, though. A battle tune with a short loop (it's less than ten seconds long), or a section of a song I happen to be looping in my head without the ability to know what comes before or after.

I do know it's there, though. It's made up of two electric guitars, one bass and the other also fairly deep.

It's approximately six measures long by my very rough estimate, and goes something like this for the main part:
Bah, da(u) duh(d)-duh(u?) da(u)-da(u?), Da(u) duh(d)-duh(u?) da(u)-da(u?), Da(u) duh(d)-duh(u?) da(u)-da(u?), Da(u) duh(d)-duh(u?) da(u)-da(u?)-duh(d)-duh(u?),
And then repeating.

The bass supports that, as, Dah-dah, duh-dah-dah, duh-dah-dah, duh-dah-dah-da-da, with that taking up the same amount of time as the above, overlayed so that the notes more or less match.

It's a really good tune. I just wish I knew where it was from.
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Go, me?

5/20/2015

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So today, I got praise from my boss, telling me that basically, I'm awesome.
This being random, out of the blue, literally-walked-up-to-me and explained in length, is no empty praise.

So I should be celebrating, but I'm the type of person who lives in perpetual self-doubt. See, there's three types of praise. The, praise-as-just-praise type, "You're doing good, so keep it up!" type, is what I'm hoping for. Then there's the good-praise, "You're doing good, and good things may come of it" type, which I'm anxious about (because what could I possibly be doing that's good enough to warrant good things), and worse of all is the bad-praise, "You've done good, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...", which I live in constant fear about coming from a figure of authority in particular.

I mean, this person used to be my coworker and is now my boss. If they were still my coworker, I'd think nothing of it. I'd give a heartfelt "thank you" rather than the trepidation-filled nervous "thank you"s I ended up actually giving. But since they're now my boss, there's always that worry. Did I do something wrong, and they're telling me that it's not all bad? Little stuff like that.

Little stuff like this helps to show why I am not, contrary to how I'm seen in many internet circles, actually arrogant. Here I am, with something that should be celebrated, yet instead of flaunting it for everyone to see, I'm terrified of it.
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Past Midnight, Shut Up, I Know XLVIII

5/20/2015

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I probably could have gotten an entry in today before midnight, but I didn't really have that much to say. I wasted the majority of my day, and the most noteworthy things were my TKD class being cancelled (my teacher, who by now is just as much a friend as a mentor, apparently needed to take her daughter to the hospital) and that Dancing with the Stars ended exactly as I wanted it to, with the person least-deserving to win in third, the person I generally liked in second, and the person I actually wanted to win taking first.
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A decent day.

5/18/2015

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So today, I did some notetaking work on Red Hood Rider. You know, writing it down in my word doc? All that stuff from a month and a half ago? (Beginning of April, to be more precise.)

Yeah, that. I made a few new things, like naming a couple spirit totems, figuring out the release phrase Ruby initially requires to transform ("I am the divine instrument chosen to fight evil, release my form"), and giving her a new technique (Arbalest Arm, more specifically, which yes is a variant technique off of Arbalest Arrow), but nothing much.

Funny thing, though, it did almost get me late for work, since I lost track of time. (Whoops.) Well worth it, in my opinion, given how strong my passion for it is; it continues to grow, even as I type this. Soyeah, that's basically been my day. I'd say it's been fairly productive.
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So much exhaustion...

5/17/2015

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Uhg...I'm writing this during work to say...I'm not doing well. At all. I'm seeing things that aren't there out of the corner of my eye, and things that are there are morphing into strange shapes. This mental delirium can only mean one thing:
I'm exhausted. I got more sleep than normal last night thanks to skipping One Piece, but that seems not to have solved the issue I was having even last night. The simple fact is, my body needs rest. I even skipped breakfast today to get extra sleep napping. Nothing. I'm just...not well-off right now.


...Follow-through from the above: my main two theories this point are that I might be SLIGHTLY sick (a single night's rest should get rid of it), or that because I also skipped out on coffee (whoops), I had a major crash.

Regardless, I think it's a sign that I'm doing too much. Too much pressure on myself. Too many obligations. Too much stuff. I'll live, but that was scarily close to me not living. You don't know how many times I was weak on my feet, how many times I nearly collapsed from fatigue. I do.

I'm not sure what needs to change. But something does.
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Saturday, May 16th

5/17/2015

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So my computer did a surprise-update on Friday that ticked me off, which I didn't decide to do much about at the time since it was family night. (I was thinking my computer was slowing down and a reboot might do some good, it just had inconvenient timing.)

That kinda has inconvenienced me now, because I neglected to start up my browser at that time, until just now, when I was intending to make a blog post.

Since I need to go to bed, I won't be able to stay up long enough for the blog to load, so while I'm writing this here on Saturday, it's going to be visible only on Sunday. (Not that you'd see much change, given that it'd be posted after midnight anyway.)

Anyway, yesterday on family night, it was the standard Andromeda. Today, however, my parents are staying overnight at a resort, meaning it's just us kids around to watch the anime...including, as it turns out, my brother, who typically pays a visit when these absent times come up on a Saturday night.

Tradition and all that.

Anyway, that happened, which kinda hindered my watching of movie night--I couldn't chat with my friends, because my siblings both decided to watch Kingsmen with me. (I lied and told them that was it, when there was an episode of Impractical Jokers after that.) I missed out on Deus Ex, the movie they were gonna watch next, because my siblings decided to watch an anime:

In this case, introducing my sister to Parasyte, which I knew of from reading the TVTropes page start to finish and my brother knew from reading the manga start to finish. So that happened, and now I'm three episodes behind on One Piece, not to mention, that I missed the first few minutes of DBZ Kai because we wanted to end our watching on a good note. (I think we knocked out ten episodes?)

It was a good experience, but I need to sleep, so you'll see this entry as soon as I get back from work tomorrow...which may not be for quite a while, not sure.

We'll have to see.
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This is unforgivable.

5/15/2015

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I'm slipping.

Am I really that far gone that I'd entirely neglect to make a blog post for a day?

I'd say I forgot, but that'd be a lie. I had it in mind before I began watching the anime. I had it in mind after I finished watching most of the anime. (Still need to knock out the One Piece episodes I missed.) I had it in mind as midnight passed.

I only forgot when I decided to go to bed, because I was dead tired, but before then, I could have made it, and...

...I didn't. I missed a day. The deadline clock, from February, of daily blog posts is reset as a result of my incompetence.
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Rubyverse Death addendum:

5/13/2015

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Just wanted to make it clear: Grim Reapers, when not doing their job (that is, reaping a soul by greeting them in death), have no direct link to Death. They're fully individual selves who life entirely separate lives until they are called upon as the nearest Reaper to a notable death. It's at that point that they merge with Death and greet the soul.

It should also be noted that when greeting a soul, time passes as the Reaper sees fit: they can talk in the void of emptiness for what feels like years, and nothing will happen. They can show events in the past, and give glimpses into the future, to help give closure to the soul. They can life this time in real-time, too, effectively predicting generally up to 100 years. (Things like, "how will I be remembered?" and "How will my offspring do?" are what I'm talking about as giving closure by showing the future.)

However, once no longer reaping, a Grim Reaper returns to their life with only moments having passed. During their every-day life, they do have some perks: people they're close to have the "blessing of the Reaper", an effect that makes them less vulnerable to death in their lives, be it their own or relatives. (Less vulnerable, not immune to.)

They can't see the future, nor can they see exact time of death on individuals, but when looking at people, they have the ability to tell a general estimate of how long they have to live and a general idea of how they will die, but they don't know the specifics. These dates they see, in fact, are not even absolute: they're predictions off of how things seem to be going. (Reapers can tell, periodically, when there's an Omnicidal Maniac near victory by seeing the lifespans around them all going instantly down to near-zero, to give you an idea, and will just shrug it off as, "Not again!")

Death itself actually isn't that much stronger. Death gets to see the exact chronology of "important" figures, knowing when they will die, absolutely, without question be dead for real and forever. (Obviously, Death isn't privy to share that info, but has it all the same.) However, Death doesn't get to see the lives of every living person; Death is not omniscient. Instead, Death just gets an upgrade on the Reapers: instead of a prediction, "this is a probable event", Death, if Death wills it, gets to see, "This is what, if nothing changes, will happen". However, Death--just like Reapers--has to actively choose to use this; it is not an automatic passive ability.

Most Reapers tend to leave the ability on the majority of the time, but Death generally prefers not to use it.

So guess I only got 15 minutes to spare after all.
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Rush to beat the clock:

5/13/2015

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I've got a little bit of a ramble, and just over an hour before midnight, so here's to hoping I can get it all in.

Once again, it's talking about Red Hood Rider, which I'm considering naming the Rubyverse. (Because, yaknow, why not?) I've certainly put enough thought into the setting for it to have a Universe-portmanteau name as is traditional for bigger works. The story itself would of course still be Red Hood Rider. It's the setting which'd be the Rubyverse. I like the idea.

But I digress. I didn't come here to talk about a small thing like that. I came here to talk about how I decided to expand on the setting, on the Rubyverse, even though it's a detail not directly relevant to the main story. In this case...on Death. With a capital D. (Death with a lowercase d is for a different ramble--the short version being, there is an afterlife, and truly evil souls suffer in a hell-like environment for a set punishment time yet are explicitly not eternally damned, whereas the vast majority of people go into the afterlife even if they were slightly evil so long as it wasn't an unforgivable sin.)

Death is the entity of...well, death (imagine that), residing over the cessation of existence on the mortal plane. (Be it temporary--because some superheroes have in-built powers to come back to the dead or friends who will bring them back--or permanent.) Death is omnipresent, like all fundamental forces of the universe, but prefers to work through avatars stationed throughout the world. These avatars--Grim Reapers--are not Death itself, but Death channels itself through them when doing its work (i.e., when someone dies and a Reaper greets them), thus, why Death is simultaneously a He, She, and It.

Death has a personality, and each Reaper a unique one as well, which when the Reaper is using their powers (i.e., when someone dies), gets combined with Death's own, hybridizing themselves into a single entity temporarily, one which is an equal mixture of both. Thus, every encounter with Death is both the same (because Death is present each time, and has knowledge of all death, and gives its own flair), and different (because each Reaper encountered has different personalities).

Death is constant, having the experiences of both itself and every avatar of Death throughout time. However, since Reapers aren't (though part of the job perk of being a Reaper is that they're immortal--they know that the afterlife exists and is better than the mortal realm, but they for various reasons offer their services to Death anyway), different Reapers = different apparent personalities of Death.

The result? Death can be more lenient, less lenient, be friendly, be cold, play favorites, be objective, strike bargains, or be absolute; these are all traits dependent not on Death (who is, frankly, a whimsical entity that doesn't really care that much), but rather, on the Reaper Death speaks through. Death holds override on this, of course, should the Reaper extend too much of their personal influence, but mostly, Death gives them largely free reign.

This is due to what Death is. Being one of the oldest entities in the universe, and not having an agenda, Death is...actually remarkably down-to-earth compared to a fair number of other comparable forces. Without influence from a Reaper directly, Death is slightly-benevolent, humorous, and largely bored force of nature, who cuts people a lot of slack in large part because it's more interesting that way. (So, yes, Death plays favorites itself, because if you entertain Death, then Death will reward you for lessening the boredom of eternity, since Death of course sees a lot of tricks as effectively being reruns.)

In fact, in spite of being quite busy, Death often will separate its will from a Reaper's, allowing the Reaper to speak fully as their original selves to the soul, so long as they do so on the condition that they guide the soul to Death itself for a nice chat. (Basically, the default interaction with Death is a merge between Death and Reaper. However, some interact with the Reaper and with Death as individual halves of death rather than as a combined picture of it.) Again, largely because Death plays favorites.

Incidentally, Death also has least-favorites. Though the afterlife is better in every way to life (think everything we have, but better), the afterlife for evil is effectively like a jail: the dead inside of it have to repent, truly, fully, honestly, on a fundamental level to escape their suffering for a shot at reincarnation and living as a better soul, but Death is a little bit spiteful, because if a soul did something particularly terrible, then sometimes, Death will inflict upon them a curse where they're under worse pain than they would be in hell, yet cannot die to be sent to there.

For Death's part, by the way, Death itself has no definitive physical form, since fundamental forces of the universe are without shape...however, as a result, they can take whatever form they please, to serve as their body, and over time, if they keep it long enough (think millennia), then it becomes pretty much their default form, as close to an absolute shape as they can get. So what does Death look like?

...Well, I said Death was down-to-earth; I meant it: Death takes the stereotypical form you would expect--the black robe where the face is invisible (though Death can will glowing white eyes visible to emote), the bone hands, and the scythe in hand. That's not Death having liked the look and others learning to portray Death as it. That's others portraying Death as it, and Death going, "Sure, why not?" and taking it as its default form.

Soyeah, that's Death in the Rubyverse, with a side bit on how death works. A pretty cool person, who combines basically every trope about the grim reaper out there in a fairly plausible, manageable way. (And I have half an hour to spare!)
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