There’s a lot to be done and could be said.

For a start, the date on this blog being a notable milestone American date, but I don’t feel like going into the nuances of that subject. Suffice to say, it’s not something black or white, so describing my feelings there is complicated.

I’ve said before that every single holiday celebrated in the western world, in particular every American holiday, is rife with material for fueling both cynics and optimists, for being pessimistic or optimistic, depending on perspective of the holidays and which aspects of them, their history, their meaning, their representation, their iconography, etc., you choose to focus on.

The same holiday which can promote arrogant imperialist superiority and the assertion of world dominance, control, and loss of cultural history and identity in favor of a forced unity,
Can also be promoting the ideas of no one person or perspective or way of life being inherently right, and can be used to celebrate progress and the right to live.

The same holiday which can be used by bigots to justify bigotry as their divinely and according to them Constitutionally protected right,
Can be used by minorities to celebrate their validity and right to exist equally to others.

Many things, including holidays, are arbitrary in what capitalism opts into investigate in monetizing en masse, but while those events which get merchandised lead to merchandise being available everywhere, they also shift the focus of the holiday away from creativity and the spirit of the holiday and instead into buying the most expensive display available as the accepted token to celebrate.

In general I am heavily critical of capitalism as a system, and while I recognize in modern civilization there’s a need for a universally recognized equalizer between goods and services, between time and products, I wish money were a secondary, only-as-needed, tool, rather than the default, especially given how late-stage capitalism creates billionaires on the way to becoming trillionaires where a hundred people control more wealth and resources than 99% of humanity combined. 

I’m equally critical of these mega corporations and their effective monopolies having handshakes with politicians where just enough are bought and paid for to prevent any real change despite a majority of people desiring those changes, with politicians not even bothering to debate how to tackle implementation of these things and just refusing to ever try.

But all of that is a given. It’s not what I’m here to talk about. 

Nor am I here to talk about how dire and critical life currently is, with me being on the verge of homelessness and losing everything, again, with no guarantees of current plans working out.

I’m here instead to talk about the hope of my writing, because despite everything, I am increasingly drawn to it.

Part of me has always said, "I’m not ready to present my work, it’s not complete enough". Especially since I can only work on it in the small windows my job isn’t working me to death, which is every workday without fail.

But what if I can actually sell my vision to someone who can advocate for me and get me the resources I need?

It’s just a matter of finding the right person with the right connections.

I know I have a potentially billion dollar franchise idea. I have the plan, I have the world begging to be made, I have all of the tools I need. I just need to present them to the right person.

I haven’t done much writing, but I have done some, so I want to invest in it. I’ve been told, for years now, by my spirit team to be a writer, to embrace my creativity. I just haven’t thought I have had enough to present.

But they've also told me not to doubt myself, and to believe in the improbable, to believe that what I’ve written off as impossible is in fact possible. 

So, if it’s possible...It’s just a question of finding out how.

There’s a lot of parasitic companies who are scammers or have incredibly brutal unfair contracts.

And even legitimate people have entry costs more often than not. 

So, I have no idea how to find a legitimate, fair, non-parasitic, person to pitch my novel to...

...but I know that they must exist, and I want to find them, and then sway them into giving me what I need. 

I’m never going to get the life I want on my current income, especially when renting eats it all up. But I also am largely unemployable, as my failures to land either promotions or new jobs show, in this nightmarish job market. 

Something has to change. Living situation doesn’t look like it’s going to improve, so that won’t magically fix my issues. So what if I just go for it, in finding who to talk to about my idea, and with my passion, providing them the belief I can make it if they help?

I am tired of becoming less and less the person I want to be, of shrinking, of going down a path in life looking worse and worse, every day more grim than the last, every week harder to survive, the struggles only growing over time, and no way out, no hope, no help which actually helps.

I’ve got to find a way which provides that, and it won’t happen if I don’t make it happen. 

After all, the worst which could happen is I waste time and money. But the reward outweighs the risk. After all, when I’m on the verge of potentially losing everything, I’ve got nothing to lose by trying.

So Let’s fight for that better future.

Wish me luck.

I believe in myself enough where I want to try, but keeping it up is something I have never been strong at. But now, I’ll need to be.

I can do this. I have to. Here's to hoping. <3