In my defense: I have been busy. I've got three interviews that I scheduled today which will be over the course of the week. I had a dentist appointment today, too. All in all, it's a very very very good thing to keep busy on. Health stuff and work stuff.

Granted.

It's gonna suck.

Early times getting up almost every day this week, along with a ridiculously long drive for the in person interview.

But it needs to be done and I want to do it.

I want to keep moving forward in my life.

I'm surviving, but not thriving. Still doing only the bare minimum and continuing to fail to progress.

Depression has somewhat gotten the better of me today.
I've kept on top of job search stuff, but I've still not done medical stuff.
I've again slacked on mafia stuff. (This is becoming a recurring issue.)
I'm only somewhat managing daily self-care stuff.
I'm also not progressing productive projects like the card game idea I have.

It's not a total collapse, so depression hasn't completely consumed me.

But the depression is still there, strongly enough to be crippling in effect.

I'll take the little win that it hasn't consumed me entirely but I'm worried that if it's this bad now, it could get worse if I don't get better at staying on top of things.

On the bright side tho.
I have maybe figured out how to make a proper drawbridge. Maybe. I've not tried out the science behind it, but if I can figure out how it works, what makes it tick, then I might be able to incorporate that into castle 4-0 for the castle gates. Probably not for the multi-leveled keep, unless I can make it compact.

Still though, castle 4-0 is coming along quite nicely. I'm most of the way towards completing one of the four walls in its entirety. I still need to do one side's tower, and I'm working on chiseling out the archery level and the cannon level, and I haven't done the outsides yet (the moat, the palisade, etc.), but completing that will give me the template for completing the rest of the walls and once I finish the walls, I can get a gate, and from the gate, build the moat and palisade and barbican and after that, I can create the contents within the castle.

Well, I'll probably be making the keep once I finish this wall (as my mental map of castle 4-0 has the keep be on the wall I am making right now), but most of the interior of the castle I want to craft after the exterior. Castle first, interior of the castle second as it's not much of a castle if there's no walls in the first place.

So I'm obviously not fully on top of everything.
My health stuff could be better. (I need to attend to my appointments; I need to stay on top of daily health stuff.)
I have been neglecting a lot of my mafia duties.

But MOSTLY, in spite of having royally messed up, I ended fully on the bounce-back today. I've even managed to do a little bit of work on other things. A little bit of minecraft work yesterday on castle 4.0, a little bit of stardew valley (working towards getting the crafting/cooking/etc. achievements), and currently?

I'm building a new tactical card game that is meant to also have some board game elements (the card game has a chess board layout).

It's not something I want to show off on my blog, because this actually feels like it could be a big thing.

​I might detail the game after it's done, but this feels like something I can actually make and have it be actually good.

It's literally nine fifteen in the morning and I've yet to go to sleep...because I legitimately genuinely didn't realize what time it was.

I still thought it was like three am in the morning.

Maybe six am at the latest.

In my defense, my family never turned out the lights or said goodnight to me so I was under the impression it was still much earlier than it actually was.

Butstill.

I was already suffering from depression.

​And now I'm going to have one HELL of a time trying to recover.

I haven't failed-failed but I've definitely fallen to depression again in that I am not progressing my life at all today and doing the bare minimum, if that.

I have utterly failed to do anything in spite of having ample opportunity for it.

No true blog. No job stuff. No life stuff. Nothing. Not even mafia stuff. Heck I'm delaying a shower from the scheduled today to tomorrow!

I suck right now.

I need to do better.