Still rebuilding the habit of daily blogging, because going into next year, I will need to do daily blogs for the rest of my life potentially, to let people know it hasn't ended.

Once I get momentum going, it should become easier.

Speaking of which, my muse is on fire recently.

I recorded my first ever song, technically.

It's to a preexisting tune, butstill.

I know, I know. I'm not a great singer. I have no training, and no practice. I'm not skilled. But I felt I needed to start doing these.

The lyrics;

For those I love,
Tell them we’re not done
It's just try-ing times
By compare-is-on.
But for those I love,
When times are tough,
Don't cry but try and supp-ort my kind.

Please be strong
While we move along
We have care and love
We can bear the hunt.

Peace will come,
Empathy, love
We're not demonspawn,
See us and field us so we're not gone.



And I already wrote another one that I plan to record tomorrow.

I'm going to be focusing on:
Planning.
Connecting.
Networking.
Supporting.

But also in providing hope, uplifting people, encouraging them. Giving them strength to keep going.

I intend to continue writing, and releasing videos. Songs, vlogs, videos. I'm going to keep going.

And while there's limits to what I can do, I will do as much as I can in the time I have been given.

However much, however little, that time may be, I want to maximize what I did, so that by the time I am gone people can look back at me and keep the messages I most wanted spread alive even after I no longer am. That love, kindness, caring, compassion, learning, understanding, and empathy are stronger than anything if fought for. That as long as people take action to protect their loved ones by having those, we can triumph over the disease of hatred that has infected our world.

Stay safe.

​And much love. <3

WHOOPS!

I'd say what caused the forgetfulness, but even that is something I don't really feel is safe to share anymore.

I've been heavily using BlueSky recently to help air out thoughts, keep people hopeful, and leave a legacy if the worst comes to worst.

If I ever forget to blog here, check BlueSky as well, and discord, if you can find me there.

My presence in any indicates I'm okay.

My silence in all three, unless announced (for instance, my trip for Thanksgiving will keep me off the internet for 48 - 72 hours both ways), is likely a sign that soon you'll have to be celebrating the life I lived because there won't be anymore.

One or two I can neglect or forget. But I am not someone who is ever offline all day, ever. I haven't been since I was 13 years old.

Since I kinda forgot I need to blog I don't really have anything to say--but this should suffice to show I'm still alive another day.

Realistically speaking, I should survive every single day until next year--that's when you need to begin to worry.

But in the meantime, me and my wife got our marriage license today. We're going to work on coordinating the time/date, ideally next week, but definitively within the next two.

In the meanwhile, all I can really say is;
Start planning. Stay safe. Protect your loved ones and yourself. Do what you need to in order to survive.

Have hope. We'll get through this. I believe. Love, compassion, caring, empathy, knowledge, understanding, and support are stronger than hate and oppression. As long as we fight for that love, then no amount of greed or apathy can prevent the downfall of hate and oppression. Care for others. Fight for them. We will get through this. I have faith.

It's not much, but it's all we can hold onto right now.

​Much love. <3

I might be forced to blog every day to keep proof of my continued existence at this point.

Because for god only knows how long, every day from here on out is going to be filled with a level of fear.

I've proudly been out and proud for over ten years. For over a third of my life, I've known who I was and proudly shared who online. I put zero into internet safety because I thought I would never need safety. Things could never get bad enough where I would need to protect myself, right?

Except now I do. It's too little, too late. I know. I'm too incompetent to erase all evidence of who I am, and even if I did know how, I'm not sure even for safety I would want to. After all, even if I did remove all the information, life itself is dangerous right now. I'd rather have a log of my life remain if it's lost than to have no log of it and still lose it anyway.

Every day now I am going to have to hold my head down and hide, hope, and pray. Every day now I will have to try my best to be small, to be invisible, to be someone not attracting the wrong kind of attention.

And every day, I am going to have to worry not just about my own life, but my loved ones too. I have to basically hope and pray they make it through every single day, too, without any ability to help them, and without any way to really know if something happened to them.

I'm going to be marrying my wife while we know we still can get married. It will be a courthouse wedding, but we have to. It's now or potentially never.

And...I know I have a lot of advantages compared to many. I have a far lesser risk of suddenly disappearing compared to many. But while my life circumstances give me those advantages, these days, you never know. I have (now forced to be unspecified) disabilities, I have a personal religious practice I don't want to share right now (take guesses as to why), and am part of communities I no longer will be naming in a public space.

And I've been out and proud about all of this for over ten years.

I can't hide all of that overnight, no matter my efforts. I'm making paltry attempts, but I can't pull off a full protection of myself and all of my loved ones.

So, I will never be safe. I can't protect anyone, despite my efforts. I have a higher chance of surviving than a great many, but...I also will never not be at risk from this point onward.

I wish I had better news than this.

But today is...a day where there's not really much in the way of good news going around.

I don't know how to remain hopeful. I have to find a way. I have to survive somehow. But today? I don't have anything.