Like, I have a blog I could make.
And work I could do.
I have discord things I wanted to get done.
But right now, I just kinda...want to vibe.
I dunno why.
...and I remember them, but I'm kinda...not in the mindset to do things.
Like, I have a blog I could make. And work I could do. I have discord things I wanted to get done. But right now, I just kinda...want to vibe. I dunno why.
0 Comments
I kinda feel like I'm probably taking on too many things since it feels like I'm always scrambling to get everything done in a day.
To be fair, I'm actually getting most of it done. I'm playing mafia again. I'm mostly on top of my games, like Torn and my addiction to Idling to rule the gods. I'm upping my social media presence. I'm attending and juggling multiple streams better. I'm keeping on top of work stuff. I have mostly been on top of daily discords, making sure I'm not falling behind. Granted, there's stuff that I have fallen behind on. I neglected to write a poem to a family member I promised. I haven't dealt with important bills I very badly need to. I am falling further and further behind on my mirror blog. And there's stuff I haven't done. I haven't worked on my discord today yet. I haven't set up the twitch commands I wanted to or gotten the commands set up yet. I haven't done writing yet. I do need to stay busy. But I'm not on top of everything, despite my progress. There's a finite amount of time in a day and I don't want to neglect anything. I'm getting better about hygiene, but need to be better about meds--I'm taking them daily, but not at the time recommended and much later than I should. So like. Life stuff. I'm progressing. Got a lot on my mind, but gonna keep going. ...I still pulled together my first post-affiliate stream! It's not much, but I did it! And I remembered to upload it. And I'm blogging, too, something I often didn't do on days I streamed before!
And my discord has members now, so I have the incentive to finish it. I'm finally putting it all together. Things are progressing at an impressive speed. As much a mess as I am, I am a productive mess. I don't have much to say, but there's much I am doing. Gaming? Exhausted myself on Stardew Valley.
Viewing streams? Kinda burnt out. Reading discords? Not feeling up to it. Working on my discord? Burn out despite continuously changing what I'm doing. Mafia? Not up to it. Important bills and legal stuff? Not strong enough to trudge through it. Social media? Not inspired. Writing? I'm not feeling it. I don't feel up for almost anything productive, and I'm not sure what to do. Not working on my blog, either. I'm just...I dunno. Drifting right now, I guess. It's possible that's depression. Despite my best efforts, I do have sad thoughts about all I've lost. But it's also possible I'm not resting. I dunno. I just feel like I'm kinda underperforming, but I also don't feel up to performing much. I'll have to accept just vibing with my lovely fiance. Such a tragic fate. <3 (To be clear, this is not a bad thing, in fact it's a very good thing and feels like it's what I should do.) Yesterday, actually was quite productive.
Today...I dunno, maybe doing more of the same, just less. I don't know what I'm doing today. I feel like I'm doing nothing, I feel like I have energy for nothing, but I also feel bored and that I should be doing something. I dunno. I'll see what I can figure out. So I didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to, but I've gotten strides towards better hygiene and upkeep, shopped, have been paying attention to my fiance more, and got a bunch of work done! My socials are mostly networked together with my content creation and my discord is nearly functional. I do still need to finish setting up the pinned messages for each channel, the permissions for each channel, and the bots, but I'm nearly finished. I still have to work on my mirror blog, which I've continued to neglect, and while I didn't do art, I remembered I could share these masterpieces on here. The first is an approved tier two emote, the second is a submitted (not yet approved) tier three emote, for my twitch channel.
And, yes, they are big memes and nothing more. So like--I'm not really accomplishing MUCH, but...it's not nothing! I'm doing stuff. Not as much as I'd prefer, but not nothing at all! I'll take the wins where I can get them. I feel like I'm "wasting" my time, but not quite. I'm not doing enough, more like, with the time I have.
I'm not doing art. I'm not progressing my music. I'm not doing my writing. I'm not streaming. I'm not crossnetworking my social media or finishing setting up my ko-fi. I'm not catching my blog mirror up. I'm not cleaning up my apartment. I'm not doing enough spiritual work. I'm not doing my part for my fiance. I'm not showing them the affection they deserve. I'm not finishing the setup work for my discord. I'm not doing hygiene work like brushing my teeth. I'm not getting ready for the need to buy groceries. I'm not blogging about settings like the old story idea, as I should. I'm probably not doing enough to check in on work, too. I only have one week left off. And I feel like I'm wasting every day. I'll see what I can get done with my time, but I need to be doing more than what I am. I am also home from my family night, having brought home a lot of stuff to sort through and organize.
Tomorrow is grocery shopping for essentials and organizing things. Today the remainder is mostly nothing. I want to talk about an old story idea I remembered, with the updates I've filled in since. But for now I'll settle for saying Hunters/Slayers (the terms are used interchangeably) are a type of "human" (in the same sense that a witch would be) in that they aren't actually human but appear human without any supernatural qualities--except when they are near a supernatural quality, and they act as a form of "strong as they need to be"--they gain the strength, speed, endurance, and supernatural senses of the supernatural, proportional to how close they are. Kinda like the Duke power in Haven, the closer they are to contacting, the stronger they get, so when in direct contact they are actually stronger than the creature they are touching. (Probably has a term.) This isn't something which need be used to slay the supernatural creature. In fact in modern times it's usually just used to have two effectively supernaturals for the price of one. Anyway, busy resting and recovering so that's probably it for now. See you all next time, love you all. Tomorrow is going to be my six-month anniversary with my fiance, who is the love of my life. They get to have whatever treats they want tomorrow. And yesterday was Valentines Day. I drove them down to Portland Oregon (a 3.5 hour drive one-way), to go to a local diner, then to the nearby Washington Park, then we went to a place we were recommended, Portland Burger, and drove nearly 5 hours back.
But today is shaping up to be both a rest day and a recovery day and catching up on life. Yet, I don't know what I want to do. I know what we were planning to do. To fix the driver issue with my fiance's computer so they could get going on streaming. And to clean. And to redo the bed. But I don't know what I want to do while they are napping. I want to continue setting my discord up, tackling the tasks there, but am a little burnt out. I want to set up my twitch stream more, but don't know where I want to begin. I want to stream, but that requires both me and my fiance to be ready for it and for me to not be actively attending other streams. I want to do art, but I also don't want to go through the process of doing serious non-MSPaint art. I want to get my blog mirror up to date, but that's also a ton of work--three months' worth, at this point. I also want to get social media cross-networked, yet that's a ton of effort. I might settle for using them, I guess. But, yeah, got a lot to do and am not feeling like doing most of it. ...but it was exhausting.
It was good, to be sure. The food at the diner was the most delicious we've ever had, we went down to a local place in Portland. And then went to Washington park. And then got Portland Burgers. But it was so, so draining. Filled with love, awe, wonder, and beauty. It wasn't quite what we had planned, but it was still special, memorable, and I had a ton of fun. Just tired now. <3 |
rBree2AKA: Archives
March 2024
Categories
All
|