So let me just say that I've gotten a lot done.

But I just wanted to put this message out there as well.

I am always down for reconnecting with any friend I have ever known.

And I do mean any friend I have ever known.

My DMs remain open to all, on all platforms.
And that's true of people who didn't know me well, too, but feel they need/want to talk to me, particularly about things going down, things which went down, things they fear going down, etc.

I have basically never blocked anyone on any platform and if I did then whatever made me block you was probably stupidity on MY part and I guarantee I didn't across all platforms so just contact me on a different platform.

I just want to put out the energy that I am always around to listen, to talk, to share.

And meanwhile, I will continue to spread my joy and positivity.

My 2025 resolution is to continue spreading joy and positivity while pursuing my dreams.

I'm already off to a great start, working on my novel.

And my daily affirmations as well as any short videos I make (particularly on TikTok) tend to give that joy and positivity too. I will give that Breeacon of light to all who will listen.

Because that's who I am.

I am here to give you a light when you otherwise can't see any.

I will never judge harshly. (I can't help but have opinions but I will never let those opinions stop me from showing love, kindness, caring, compassion, and empathy towards all, and will certainly hear out anyone.)

I will give you time, energy, and support. Because you deserve it.

And while I may not be able to do much, I know what I can do, and I will gladly do that for the rest of my life.

So stay strong. Be seen. Be heard. And much love. <3

...and only a fraction of it got done.

I wanted to make a followthrough blog to my blog about what happened last year, talking about the three worst things I could've done last year and how ironically, despite them being the worst possible things I could have done (and I tried my hardest to do none of them), it turns out there was validity behind them, in hindsight. Explaining this needs a blog proper, which I wanted to actually do yesterday, but I forgot until I crashed yesterday and today, I just have no energy for it.

I wanted to enjoy the Yuletide witch market, but I could tell kels wasn't enjoying it.

I wanted to get a lot of the apartment done, but I couldn't tackle the biggest area of the mess. I ran out of energy.

I wanted to work more on my novel, but that didn't happen.
I wanted to record TikTok and Instagram videos; neither happened.

I wanted to tackle more work on the illegal charges, but did neither.

I'm not progressing on any of the time-sensitive things I need to be.

And I feel pretty drained.

To be fair.

kels and I have been surviving on a single pack of Ritz per day. As our only meal. Shared between us. Yes, one or two cylinders, split between us, with no other food. At all. Whatsoever.

And I'm still sick.

And I did get a lot of cleaning done.

So like...I did have reason to get drained.

But...I still feel like I'm not doing enough quickly enough. While I'm not doing nothing, I don't feel like I'm doing enough quickly enough to handle life going forward.

I can't sustain this indefinitely. Things need to change. And for that...I need to step up.

I just am struggling to right now.

I'm leaving within the next 24 hours for a Thanksgiving vacation that will take me until next month--so this is very likely my last blog of the month.

I'll do whatever I can to keep people in touch during the time I'm traveling and when I arrive, but, I'm likely not going to be blogging until around December 4th, give or take a day or so.

I've got a lot to do and my body needed a death nap today, again, so like...still going to be doing a lot going forward, but...gotta try my best.

I don't really have the time to truly outline anything really hopeful, but I do want to say...despite everything, my worldview is actually more optimistic than ever before. I love this world, and the people in it. I love humanity. I love the people. And that love has only grown stronger, rather than being shattered.

I believe love, kindness, caring, compassion, empathy, learning, understanding, and support are stronger forces when acted upon than greed, apathy, and hate.

I believe most humans are good, and want to do good. That love is the natural and the default, with behaviors encouraging hate and apathy being learned. I believe we all want mostly the same things. We want to have the freedom to pursue our dream lives, and the security/safety to, while also enabling our loved ones to do the same. We want to leave a legacy that outlives us, while also living a fulfilled life. We want to leave a lasting difference which leaves the world a better place than it was before we were in it.

We might disagree on the means/methods, what is involved in these things, their exact definitions, etc. But I genuinely believe most humans want something along those lines.

That humans are smart, brilliant, creative, artsy, innovative, passionate, filled with whimsy, interesting, having each lived a storied life worthy of sharing and telling the details of and entertaining others. I believe that humans are capable of inspiring such joy, from humor, from uplifting, from supporting each other. I believe humans are loving and supportive and want to help their loved ones and to show that level of care for other humans.

I cannot hate humanity. I don't have it in me. I can't even hate any human no matter how worthy of hate. Pity, to be sure. I mourn the loss of the good person those monsters could have been, if given an environment and choices where they were given the chance to learn how to be a good person. But never hate, because I know that most monsters were born from their circumstances and environment and could have lived lives not as a monster if things were different.

I know that humanity is flawed. But there is beauty in those flaws, and I just love everyone, no matter their flaws.

So as always, I just want to say to stay strong. Believe in yourself, and your loved ones, and in humanity. Do what you need to stay safe and protect loved ones, but at the same time? Remember to live life, and remain hopeful. The world is already a beautiful, wonderful place. We can make it an even better one, as long as we believe in our dreams being possible. So stay hopeful, stay loving each other, and we will survive, and we will build the lives we want. Much love. <3

I've been getting very badly burnt out and I don't know why.

I'm working reasonable hours at work, a schedule that I have adjusted to.

I've been going to bed 1 - 2 hours early every night.

I've been having death-naps every single day this week.

I've been conserving energy, and doing less at work.

I've become more efficient at all the things I'm doing.

I've actually not been taking up too many things. Like, genuinely, the only things I've been doing are work, trip prep, and daily check-ins on discord. That's about it.

I've been meditating more, to try and help reserve and restore my energy in what amounts to micro-naps. (Something I used to be really good at doing, but fell out of the habit of doing in the last few years.)

I've done everything to not strain my brain, and not burn my energy, and everything to stay positive and happy.

And none of it is making a difference. I am still burning out, being exhausted, tired, and just lethargic.

I have noticed, at times, I have had depression this week, albeit not consistent throughout the day.
And like...it's possible I would be sick, but as far as I know I'm not sick???

So like...I'm tired.

My wife is suggesting that maybe just doing daily check-ins is draining energy. But that doesn't make sense to me. I'm actually doing less work for daily check-ins than I was doing before. I know that doing tarot readings can drain energy but those involve tapping into spiritual energies in order to give advice, mine is just words spoken largely from the heart, with like thirty seconds to coalesce. I'm not tapping into anything to make them as far as I know, so like...why would they be draining? They're certainly meant to uplift others and keep them afloat, but I'm not putting energy into manifesting them doing that, as far as I know.

But I dunno.

Regardless, that's why I haven't been blogging this week. I've been exhausted to the point of conking out and legitimately passing out at times. I'm that tired. But, I do want to keep doing my best as I can.

Next week I'll be gone on vacation until December, so don't be alarmed when there's radio silence there; I'll be traveling and unable to write blogs in that timeframe. But, I'll try to get one tomorrow (no guarantee), and Saturday (no guarantee), and Sunday (where I absolutely should).

Anyway, I have nothing but love to give, but this blog isn't a place where I have the energy to tonight give more.

I wish I had words of affirmation to present, but tonight all I can do is give my new normal sign-off.

Do what you can to protect yourself and your loved ones. Stay strong. <3