Nothing, nothing. At least, nothing except waste of time trawling about the internet. I got distracted by looking up Sir Bearington. One thing led to another, and I just spent an hour reading a post which was a story of four demigods' journeys into usurping their god's powers and ascending to full godhood. (To be fair. It was an EPIC post. If you've read it, you probably know it. Wouldn't know where it came from and can't remember the link, but probably not too hard to find.)
Basically, random stuff here and there. Just reading stories and laughing, or in the case of that one, being enthralled (ironically enough given the protagonist's power of charm, which makes it a really meta thing when you think about it), and doing that instead of...anything useful.
Comics? Nope. Writing? Nope. Getting my life together? Nope and nope. Nothing. Just wasting time. Doing absolutely nothing of note. It doesn't get much worse than that in terms of days wasted. Now, granted! It is in fact possible to do worse, far worse with a day. I'm sure that the material I read will on some subconscious level serve as future inspiration. A quote I can't remember the source of but which pops into my head. A dream coming to my mind, reminiscent of what I had read. When consciously making things, having an idea and not having any clue where the inspiration for said idea came from.
So in that way, the day wasn't entirely a waste. The time lost there will provide fuel for some stuff in the back of my mind; I'm sure of that much. And yet...that's not exactly very practical. What will I do with that dream which may or may not materialize at some point somewhere vaguely in the future? Write it down, if I'm lucky. Lose the idea entirely otherwise as I had the passing thought and once the thought fades it's gone forever.
Turn it into a game? Possible, but that's not something I have a great track record in. Webcomic? Yeah, that's not going so well for me. Book? See also webcomic. What's to stop me from just doing what I'm doing today when it comes time to actually create those things? Yeah, nothing.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up on writing or comics. They're too much a part of me. But I'm saying that as far as intentions go, I'm doing a very lousy job of making said intentions a reality. No pessimism there. No cynicism. Just pure, easily observable, objective facts can tell you I absolutely have done lousy in both departments. Basically, I'm avoiding. Hardcore.
Now, today's avoidance was totally accidental. I didn't mean to do what I just did. It started out innocently enough, and I just wandered off, one thing led to another, and sure enough, here I am having lost hours of my time for something I thought would take only five minutes. I didn't even consciously choose to shift priorities. It just...sort of, well...happened.
I mean, to put it in simple terms...basically this comic. Except far less humorous and far less productive and far less actually social. I just kinda drifted off, and was lost for a while. I was shocked to realize it was after 8, and I didn't even notice it get dark outside. (Admittedly that was something which happens only after a couple of hours from when I tend to get up right now, butstill...)
The time slipped away from me now, and now I have to figure out how to best do damage control. This is exactly the kind of self-destructive behavior I talked about, and why I say I was so stupid to let it happen again. I'm a pretty abysmal failure.
I know, don't have to nag at me. I'll figure out a positive spin on it somehow. I'll figure out a way to not hate myself. I'll figure out a way to turn this lack of success into some form of success. I know that I have accomplished things in the past, things I succeeded at, so no need to tell me about those.
Still, fact remains, I did in fact, in this particular aspect...fail. So right now I need to fight the failure while having accepted it, and try to push it to be something else.