Hoo boy am I garbage.

Let's see.

I promised my family to try and help them understand me within 72 hours after coming out.

We're long past that mark and I've not even started there.

I promised myself that I would start job applications Sunday or maybe Monday.

Tuesday is finished and I've yet to do so.

I haven't blogged in four days.

I've not done my tiktok.

I've only done one stream.

I've done no art.

I've done...nothing.

I'm pretty much failing.

I've no excuse, no justification.

Just. Am not doing well mentally.

I've told people who have asked me how I am doing after having come out that I am good. Because they are asking about my family and their treatment of me, if I've run into trouble, if I am in need of help thanks to them being harsh, etc.

My family is definitely more awkward. They're not talking to me by name at all. Which is an improvement over calling me my deadname but none of them are calling me a name at all because they can't bring themselves to actually say 'Bree' out loud but don't want to drive me away with the deadname. All things considered, that's not bad!

So when asked, I truthfully say that I am not bad because I am not bad in the way they are asking about me.

...But if they were to ask me about how I am doing and specify that they are asking about my mental health beyond my family, regardless of my family, disregarding my family, about me without taking into factor my environment?

Hoo boy am I badly depressed. I am at a very very bad lowpoint and struggling hard to capitalize on my momentum. I need to be strong, I need to be staying on top of my game.

But I'm not.

I'm slipping into...complacency. And that is very very VERY bad.

So. Downward spiral activate.

​Yaaaaaaaaaay.