I completely and totally forgot.
And the real stupid thing is.
I knew I would forget.
And there were any number of things I could have done to stop me from forgetting.
Telling my family.
Telling my girlfriend.
Blogging about it here.
Writing a note.
And wasted my time on Saturday.
I'm pretty sure the thing I did on Saturday was work on my civ 3 mod, nothing else constructive.
Something I could have done on literally any day.
So I am a complete utter idiot.
And I'm going to pay for it from my self-imposed punishment: 50 jacknives (apparently what I know as jacknives may not universally be known, but they are basically kinda sorta a combination same-time crunch plus reverse-crunch, where both the upper body and legs move upward at the same time), 25 knuckle pushups, and I later added in 30 (which I pushed up to 50 later) crunches.
Now admittedly, I did these in sets of 10/5, later adding the 10 crunches.
And of those knuckle pushups, pretty sure the first 15-20 didn't have proper technique.
And near the end of the jacknives, I could tell I was failing to do them with proper technique. (I made up for it by doing some in-air cycling, after I discovered neither a crunch nor a reverse crunch were faring any better than the jacknife.)
But this is still brutal. Especially since whenever I felt like I was recovered, I did more. I felt like vomiting was a possibility before I had even done any of the workout for the class proper. And I wanted to push things so that doing things in the class would be as difficult as was possible, while not being impossible. (I don't think I succeeded, but I got fairly close.)
It hurt, but it didn't hurt enough. It will hurt big time tomorrow (aint enough stretches in the worlds to keep the soreness from debilitating me tomorrow, aint enough protein in the world to properly fuel my regrowth), but it still wasn't quite enough of a punishment for my sin.
That's okay, overall, however, because my instructor more than made up for it. Not in her chastising of me (there was a small amount--not nearly as much as I deserved, but a little justified chat on the subject), but rather, the words which were meant to be an encouragement.
The words meant to be encouraging to me were a stab through the heart harsher than any of the words of criticism, in spite of being only a single sentence: "I appreciate your help." Meant to be genuinely reassuring; was actually a dagger twisting in the wound deeper, because she appreciates my help...and without warning, I wasn't there to give it to her.
For no good reason.
Because I forgot.
With no excuses.
I thought of making some.
I had some which I could create.
But I couldn't use them--in spite of having created them, I just couldn't use them. It just...was something I deserved to take in full.
I still think I got off lightly--lighter than I should.
I don't know what else I can really do to punish myself more than I did, but I basically got what amounts to a slap on the wrist. Jacknives are a white belt punishment. (Admittedly, more like 5-10 of them at that rank, and a punishment used with decreased frequency, butstill.) Knuckle pushups, can be as early as a gold belt punishment. Both are test requirements from green belt and above, doing 10 + 5/rank. (So at my rank, it's somewhere in the 20-30 range anyway.)
I'm out of shape, so I can do less than I should be able to do for my rank, butstill--these are things that ceased being punishments and started being part of my training literally years ago, kept as a punishment more as a relic to have something as a punishment.
So I still feel bad, and feel like I should feel even worse in every way possible.