...Doing something with the life. Living the life. Trouble doing things. Anything. I'm just. Not doing anything. I want to veg out. But this time, not in a good way. There's chillaxing veg out, which is a good thing. The rest, recovery vegging. That I can and do get behind, because it's healthy and a recuperation method.
This is just the shutting down vegging out. Trouble being anything, anywhere. Going through the motions, but not having a spark. It is a feeling of having given up, and yet not having fully given up, just given up on a bunch of stuff, seemingly at random, but not really random, tied to inertia.
Can't do things right now.
Even though I want to be doing them.
I don't know why I am shutting down like this.
Well, I suspect depression, a bad case of it.
But you know what I mean. I may not know the cause.
What I do know is the effect. That I AM shutting down.
It's like my mind is a computer and instead of willingly having processes put to sleep, they're being forcefully terminated. "Do that. Wait, do that? I recognize the task, but how? Why?" Missing data, scattered brain. I'm just having a hard time holding it together and I don't know why.