I could talk about a bunch of things, and should.
But right now.
All I am thinking about.
Is, "you'd be doing everyone a favor if you disappeared", type thoughts.
Not outright suicidal. Not quite dangerously bad.
But.
Really not a good place to have my mind.
I don't know what to do to get out of this headspace.
I don't know what to do to improve.
I'm not going to die.
But if I don't kick this out, I'll be in a place where I may as well have with how much everything I love to do, just...would drop from my life.
Every time I have been in this spot.
It has cost me something.
I don't want to have it cost me something again.
So something needs to get better.
I just...don't know what.