That later talk with my boss means that the issue might not be resolved yet. I said what I could do about the issue presented to me. My boss basically said it'd require a couple of days to think about. Meaning that either on Thursday or on Sunday, we'll be having another conversation. Still. Regardless. The information I shared I had multiple times emphasized would be guaranteed to be kept private between us. So. The most important part? (Keeping things from my dad.) Got that.
It's just a matter of the rest since there's still the risk of mutually exclusive goals. That being, a job requirement that I as a closeted transwoman am incapable of fulfilling. So basically, I'm not worried about being outed. I am a bit worried about whether I can keep my job though. Losing it wouldn't be the end of the world...but it would suck. Especially with the inevitable questions of why I lost it, and confrontation from my mom who actually knows and supports me since me having a job is one of the few things she thinks I'm doing right.
Not exactly helping matters: later in the day, I was negligent in my lifeguarding duties because I was waiting for the bathroom. Said bathroom is the only unisex bathroom in the entire building, and it was closed for 15 minutes...all of which, I needed to use it for. All of which time, I wasn't doing work duties. My coworker was visibly...well, insert basically every anger-related word in here and you get the idea. Livid. Agitated. Frustrated. To the point where I'm pretty sure they actually reported me.
I'm just continuing to not have the greatest of success with work. It could have gone much, much, much worse. It could also be going much, much, much better. We'll have to see if I can maneuver myself into being in a more favorable position, though I know not how.
The other thing which happened? In tae kwon do, I had a knee-shin collision...with the same guy who I have had at least two prior knee-shin collisions. At least one of those times was him-shin, me-knee, but this time he got nailed in the knee while my shin got clobbered. My teacher commented--in a way where it's impossible to know for sure whether she was serious or joking, but regardless of which I don't think she'd enforce it--that we should be barred from fighting one another thanks to the frequency of the injury.
It comes from both of us being really, really, really fast with our kicks, usually round-house kicks. The perfect combination of pain results when both of us simultaneously note an opening in the others' defense...one which will be closed so much as a split-second later. So we need to kick fast, and we attempt to...only, we both try and thus, our legs intersect because we were moving too fast to avert the collision.
Both injuries have their side-effects. The knee injury is the type which tends to hurt a lot for a couple of days, and limits mobility more (it is a joint after all), but once you get past that point, the pain's basically gone and it heals in no time flat. The shin injury meanwhile is the type which hurts a fair amount, but is not debilitating. It still knocks you out of commission from doing tae kwon do for the rest of the night, but it is something you can work around. The tradeoff? Shin injuries take weeks, if not months to heal.
So you'll be stuck with that pain, ow ow ow ow, for week after week. Often subtly so. And usually only as a direct result of some sort of pressure being applied to the shin. But most definitively noticeable way past the two-day mark the knee injury takes to heal, essentially. So one's a short-term nightmare, the other a long-term inconvenience.
The lump I got from it was rather impressive. Said lump vanished after icing, but it was a huge deformed rounded-rectangle/ellipse (somewhere between the two) that stuck up at least a couple of inches if not more and had a color deformity in that it was a bunch of darker colors. It looked really, really bad basically. Didn't hurt really, really badly, mind you, but that's because my body has a high tolerance to pain.
I could tell that I was badly injured even if the pain signals from it were weaker than that. (Having a high tolerance to pain is a double-edged sword, in that yeah it allows me to function in spite of pain...but pain is the body's way of saying "THIS IS INJURED", and with my lowered ability to be affected by pain, that means I have less of an innate way of sensing how injured I am. I have to use intuition instead.)
Of course, after one round of icing, the lump was basically gone, such that by the second round of icing the only way I could tell where to apply the ice is by guessing. (I tried a combination of visualization and triangulating the pain I still felt to locate the best ice spot but I have no clue how successful I was.) So that's an injury I'll have with me for a while. It kinda sucked, too. That injury happened in the second fight of the night--still warming up. And it was such a good fight, too, until the collision. Which happened in like the last five seconds of the fight.
Oh well. It is what it is.
Anyway, the last death throes of my square dance club are tonight. Our swan song was earlier in the year you may recall. So tonight we'll be going out not with a bang but a whimper. By which, I mean. We'll be attempting to keep the club going, but if nobody shows up, we'll be calling quits. Permanently. And I am not expecting anything. Why would I, when I have so consistently been disappointed time and time again by broken promise after broken promise?
Still. I may not expect anything. But that won't stop me from going anyway. Because while I may expect failure, my presence can and does have the potential to make the difference between failure and success. Basically, me not going guarantees failure whereas me going has a chance no matter how remote of success, so I go anyway even knowing the outcome will unsurprisingly disappoint me.
While, cynical optimist, idealistic pessimist, kinda thing. (I'm a fair share of both basically.)