I can't complete it.
It's literally impossible.
But I am still sacrificing so much in a futile attempt to do so. Because I hold onto false hope that if I don't give up hope, if I keep pushing, that it's possible.
And when I inevitably fail, that'll mean the worst of both worlds: I'll hate myself for having not pushed further; I'll hate myself for having tried, wasting time on a game that I should be playing for fun but which I am now very very very heavily burnt out on.
I'm also quite miffed that, yeah, bot games don't count. They used to for prior events. Now they don't. Bot games took less time and less stress, so I could grind them out without burnout. But with every game being PvP, that means every game requires me to actually be pouring too much time into how to win, and then not actually manage it half the time.
Beyond that, I hate myself for what I am doing tonight which will bleed into tomorrow.
I knew when tonight was an anime night among friends that I would need to give up on something.
I can make it to work on time (top priority); I can do my proper workout tomorrow; I can take a shower tomorrow; I can get a good full proper night's sleep; I could be a part of the hangout start to finish.
But I can't do all five. I can definitely manage 3, and if I'm lucky, 4, but something has to give and I really don't like it.
I hate it.
I want to keep up my health momentum, which losing one of those is going to really hurt.
Not that I have much momentum from today as I sacrificed a proper workout for the futile league work. Which also caused me to sacrifice streaming, and/or working on my novel.
I am making decisions and most of them are not the right ones.
Hanging out tonight? A right one.
But not a decision without consequence, and I have no clue what the right decisions for tomorrow will be.