I'm just...low energy.
Low motivation.
The things that I love to do, I am actively trying to make excuses to avoid doing--and as a result. When I don't do them.
I tell myself that I suck, that I'm terrible, that I'm all those bad things I say about myself. Liar. Fraud. Failure. And so on and so forth. That I'm just...not good in any way shape or form.
And because I have those feelings.
I want to run away from those.
To run away from those feelings, I retreat deeper and deeper into myself where I don't feel like doing those things...and that makes them worse. It's just...
...I just.
Want to. I dunno. Not, "not exist".
So much as.
Exist as I envision, rather than exist as I am.
Because there is nothing in what I am that is worth existing in.