I feel neither great nor terrible--thoroughly "okay", is how I've been describing myself today. But the strong inertia I have in regards to doing anything which is actually effortful means that I'm probably fighting a losing battle with depression.
Right now, I don't know what I want to do.
It almost feels like I want to do literally nothing.
That I just want to sit back and do. Absolutely nothing which is anything.
The tasks I've been trying to occupy myself with end faster than I can do much about. I'll get caught up, stuff will happen, then I'll get caught up again, and expect there to be more stuff, only...there isn't. That was it. Forcing me to leave and then feel...empty because I don't have that direction.
Sounds an awful lot like depression to me.
Things could be much worse--I'm actually doing reasonably okay? I'm not being negative. I'm not being sad. I'm not being destructive. Not angry. Not loathing. Not insecure. Not bad. There's just nothing in me right now which is really a thing I don't think should be there.
The problem is, things could also be much better--I'm doing okay, but not great, because there's not really anything positive today, either. I'm happy when I interact with people. But otherwise I'm just...not really experiencing much positive nor am I doing anything productive.
So today's a so-so day. A "nothing done" day. An empty day, with nothing within.
Meaning, while I could be better, overall I'm at least glad today's not worse.