See, it's half my fault this time, but all the same...this is how today was supposed to start: I woke up at 11:30. I would eat breakfast, and then go about my day until 4, when I'd leave for tae kwon do. Seems like a simple enough plan, right? I even set a timer, so no excuse there.
...When I woke up, I felt tired.
The dog was whining.
So, I decided I could appease him and take a short half-hour nap, to energize myself, warm myself up (I was cold), and make him stop complaining.
...I woke up at 3:45. Essentially doubling the amount of sleep I got today, from six hours to ten.
And dreams are entirely to blame.
When I have bad dreams, I sleep poorly. The quality of my sleep suffers, and so too does the quantity.
...When I have really good dreams, I sleep so incredibly well, I don't want to wake up.
And there's more to it than that. In my dreams, dream logic normally is used to tie together usually-unrelated events...but dream logic can also be used in an unusual, unconventional way: harvesting my subconscious to tackle problems. I've used this productively before! Some of my best story ideas originated from me having had a dream, and then building it up. Sometimes, the story was pre-existing and the idea just vastly enhanced it. Other times, the story literally originated from the dream. Point is, it enriches my narrative abilities by tapping into the genius I often let waste during the day.
Also, I can and have used it to play games in my sleep. Some of them useless games, like flash games, video games, stuff like that, where I run through scenarios. Plans, things I want to do but haven't, or things that are impossible but would be cool if they weren't. Mostly though, I do use dream logic to assist me in mafia games. Many veteran players of mafia trust their dreams in regards to mafia games more than their conscious mind, myself included, and I've gotten good enough at it that if I choose to, when I say "I'll sleep on the issue", I quite literally mean, I am sleeping on the issue, and will come to a solution by morning, because I worked on it in my dreams.
Furthermore! Dreams play out like bingewatching a good show. Madoka. Digimon. Reading Bleach. Reading 1/2 Prince. Reading IS. Being in a good dream is exactly like that: I know I need to wake up, but my dream is so enthralling, I don't want to, in spite of the consequences of not doing so.
And the dream logic comes in at this point by giving me justifications for why being asleep > being awake. As in, quite literally, my dreams will tackle the problem, "Should I wake up?", and using dream logic, they tell me, "No. Stay asleep. Your concern is valid, but these reasons are why sleeping is superior." No joke! That actually happened to me today, at least once if not more.
Now! If I could actually remember my dreams, I might agree! I might not be so ticked off I wasted my entire day, and am on the verge of being late to tae kwon do. I remember the shows I binged. Madoka, Digimon, et all. I don't remember what I was dreaming about. Furthermore, I can't clearly remember the dream logic which was used to keep me asleep, either, so as far as I'm concerned, the time was a waste with absolutely no reason why.
I mean, sure, yeah. It had a reason, and at the time it didn't feel like a waste. But the moment I awoke and saw the time, I instantly felt this way. And that's a feeling I never have (at least, not anymore) for anything else. If I spend my time, saaaaaaaaaaaay, playing a game? I go in full good and well aware what I'm doing is a waste. I don't try to justify it, I go in knowing what I'm doing and making an active, conscious, decision to do it anyway.
...Yet this? This feels like I've betrayed myself, because I can't remember why I'd do something that stupid, and think it was the right thing to do. No guilt associated with it. No thinking it's a waste. Thinking, "I did the right thing, in spite of the consequences", while asleep, and then immediately upon waking up, the sinking realization that whatever reasons I had for thinking that have faded away, been forgotten, so all that is left is a strong sensation that, no, I did not do the right thing, specifically because of the consequences.
That's why I hate dreams.
I want to believe that my subconscious self was in the right. I want to believe that the loss of today is not a true loss.
But...I was already behind in my life. (Except maybe--and that's a big maybe--on my artwork.) And this is only going to set me back further. So...it's really hard not to feel lied to.