But no less sick.
In fact I'm actually more sick than before.
I had pains all along my right side. Shoulder, arm, knee, and especially the hip. These have since faded, but were quite bad at work.
My "zoning out" problem is getting worse and worse. To describe what that is, I honestly think it's a self-defense mechanism of some kind. When my body's suffering, my eyes just kinda...vacate. Become vacant. Zoom out. Fade out. I still see things, and I see them with no blur, but in spite of my vision not being blurred, it's unfocused. I can't really process what I'm seeing, because it's just kinda "out there".
That's something I've had every single day, some days much worse than others, and usually it's when my sickness is making me absolutely miserable, not helped by rather human conditions, like needing to use the restroom, dehydration, hunger, being cold, being hot, being tired, though these latter three are mostly from sickness. (The former three are more from work conditions just being brutal.)
I kinda blank out when it happens, too. My mind sometimes has thoughts in it, but often it's just empty. I exist, but there's nothing in me in those moments.
To be honest, those moments are a little scary--because every time I have them, I'm worried that they could take a turn for the worse. With, I dunno. Maybe me blacking out altogether or something. (Buthey. Doctor in two days! Not tomorrow, but the day after, on Wednesday. With luck, something can be done.)
I've been exhausted, in spite of multiple naps, and also suffering from a minor depression symptom of demotivation, in that I really haven't felt like doing anything. I've had productive things I could have been doing. Or even unproductive things which would at least be progressing something. Something, anything, even if not much.
But I didn't really do any of those. (I did knock out some puzzle games from my 500-game-and-growing-due-to-my-procrastination-and-giving-up playlist on Kongregate, though, so at least I was exercising my brain? Doing puzzles is scientifically proven to be healthy, so. Not total waste?)
I've also eaten a fair amount, albeit not quite as much as I was hoping. I ate most of my lunch; all but the ham and cheese sandwiches, which I felt I wouldn't stomach. I ate soup. I ate some grapes. I had some orange juice. Also drank tea and plenty of coffee at work (with two artificial sweetener packets and two sugar packets for the tea). But I was fixed four hot dogs, and...I don't think I can eat them.
I didn't take a shower today even though I know I need one, in part due to my dad's eating at the time I wanted to but mostly due to fatigue and wanting sleep rather than a warm shower (which honestly would probably have helped more than the sleep but OH WELL).
I have a slight sore throat and have had a little coughing today, too. Didn't really check my temperature at any point but have had the normal sickness variances in extremes between burning up and freezing cold. Then there's the tiredness, if you hadn't gathered that already! Less than before, but still existing.
But I think that's about it.
So, worse than before overall, but not terribly so. This is still "about normal" for me...given that I'm sick.
This is, absolutely, in no circumstances, normal. But it's normal for me in my current condition. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm glad I'm not worse off. Still bad, still sucks, but I know I could be faring much worse than today.
In fact I'm actually more sick than before.
I had pains all along my right side. Shoulder, arm, knee, and especially the hip. These have since faded, but were quite bad at work.
My "zoning out" problem is getting worse and worse. To describe what that is, I honestly think it's a self-defense mechanism of some kind. When my body's suffering, my eyes just kinda...vacate. Become vacant. Zoom out. Fade out. I still see things, and I see them with no blur, but in spite of my vision not being blurred, it's unfocused. I can't really process what I'm seeing, because it's just kinda "out there".
That's something I've had every single day, some days much worse than others, and usually it's when my sickness is making me absolutely miserable, not helped by rather human conditions, like needing to use the restroom, dehydration, hunger, being cold, being hot, being tired, though these latter three are mostly from sickness. (The former three are more from work conditions just being brutal.)
I kinda blank out when it happens, too. My mind sometimes has thoughts in it, but often it's just empty. I exist, but there's nothing in me in those moments.
To be honest, those moments are a little scary--because every time I have them, I'm worried that they could take a turn for the worse. With, I dunno. Maybe me blacking out altogether or something. (Buthey. Doctor in two days! Not tomorrow, but the day after, on Wednesday. With luck, something can be done.)
I've been exhausted, in spite of multiple naps, and also suffering from a minor depression symptom of demotivation, in that I really haven't felt like doing anything. I've had productive things I could have been doing. Or even unproductive things which would at least be progressing something. Something, anything, even if not much.
But I didn't really do any of those. (I did knock out some puzzle games from my 500-game-and-growing-due-to-my-procrastination-and-giving-up playlist on Kongregate, though, so at least I was exercising my brain? Doing puzzles is scientifically proven to be healthy, so. Not total waste?)
I've also eaten a fair amount, albeit not quite as much as I was hoping. I ate most of my lunch; all but the ham and cheese sandwiches, which I felt I wouldn't stomach. I ate soup. I ate some grapes. I had some orange juice. Also drank tea and plenty of coffee at work (with two artificial sweetener packets and two sugar packets for the tea). But I was fixed four hot dogs, and...I don't think I can eat them.
I didn't take a shower today even though I know I need one, in part due to my dad's eating at the time I wanted to but mostly due to fatigue and wanting sleep rather than a warm shower (which honestly would probably have helped more than the sleep but OH WELL).
I have a slight sore throat and have had a little coughing today, too. Didn't really check my temperature at any point but have had the normal sickness variances in extremes between burning up and freezing cold. Then there's the tiredness, if you hadn't gathered that already! Less than before, but still existing.
But I think that's about it.
So, worse than before overall, but not terribly so. This is still "about normal" for me...given that I'm sick.
This is, absolutely, in no circumstances, normal. But it's normal for me in my current condition. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm glad I'm not worse off. Still bad, still sucks, but I know I could be faring much worse than today.
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