Well. To put it another way.
I've made it no secret how hard, how stressful, this class I'm in is, right?
In spite of that.
I'm still among the best students and am excelling, am setting a good example, am doing a good job.
And am now expected to help others specifically because I'm apparently not challenged enough by this and could use the extra boost which would look really really good on my resume.
I am doing a really good job. It is very hard. Very stressful. I'm always in full-blown panic mode when it comes to whether I am doing what I need to be doing.
I am learning.
And I am doing well.
And more than that.
My teacher's exact words were, "Share what you've learned with others".
And I actually...
...Think that struck a chord with me.
I think that's actually what I want to do.
I mean. This is no surprise to people who know me.
I like to share my experiences. I like to share my knowledge. I like to share what I've learned.
I do it for art, I do it for writing, and I especially do it for mafia. (Kinda notoriously so in fact, where it's among the first things to come in mind when it comes to me and the game of mafia.)
I want to teach others.
I say those words.
And a smile pops onto my face.
And this is not at all a career path which would be unusual. Basically every personality test I've ever taken has said, "People with this personality type are exceptional teachers". And even when I was in high school. The career recommendation test thingy I took had 'Teacher' near the top of the list, every step of the way through. It was one of the few careers to never leave as I filled out the questionnaire to the best of my abilities.
More than that.
This isn't that unusual.
I am already an assistant instructor in tae kwon do. (Speaking of which, new session tonight...which means, new batch of younglings. *shudder* They're always the worst when they first begin. No focus, no respect, no desire to practice what they've been taught......)
I've been a lifeguard for long enough where often people will ask me on something, and I'll be able to answer it when it comes to work. Especially at staff meetings, I'm almost always at the forefront of answering to the point where I often have to hold back from answering things I already know. I am among the first to volunteer to show my skills, because I have confidence in them.
When I was at college as a student rather than a post-graduate, I was there often enough and hanging around doing work so consistently that people--multiple times, some strangers and some who actually knew me--would comment, sometimes jokingly yet sometimes dead serious, that with how often I was there, I should be staff.
And as already mentioned...online. That's kind-of. Kinda. My thing. Is teaching others.
So when I say it.
It really...feels right.
Resonates with me.
I want to be a teacher.
The more I say those words.
The more right it feels to say those words.
I don't have the slightest clue how I would go about making this reality.
I don't know how I could even make it a viable career! (Teachers are notoriously underpaid.)
I don't even know how I could make the dream reality--after all. My autism makes it hard for me to speak. I stutter, I trip up, I get out of synch with the lecture I was going to give, it's difficult for me to stay on task, to keep it collected, keep things together, and to deliver the material necessary in the given timeframe.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I think this is what I actually want to do.
It's just. It's me. It's so me. I want to share my knowledge with the world.
So. I kind-of. Have a direction I want to go. It's just a question of...
How the heck do I actually do that?!?
Because right now, nooooooot a clue.