One, if anyone asks, offer morale support. (Which I used to be great at and do very frequently and often, especially on ComicFury, but my skills there have...atrophied, unfortunately.)
Two, provide a positive experience for them to read. I know for some people, that would make things worse. I don't think anyone who would read my blog would have things be worse because of it, but if so: I well and truly do apologize, since my intention isn't to bring up the pain, it's instead to try and offer a release.
Because in the case of my family, I've been blessed with a mother who is absolutely loving. Ironically enough, as a child she was the parent that I was more angry at (I liked my dad more, but then again my main recollection of interacting with him was he was either not around or when he was positively so, almost never negatively so--it wasn't until I got to see him more that the resentment built up), but as an adult, I've come to appreciate what she went through far, far, far more than I ever thought possible.
I have autism--I think that should immediately establish something. Yeah, it's a mild case, not severe. Yeah, it went undiagnosed for years...but that actually makes the fact that she dealt with me all the more noble. I was a trouble child. I didn't understand things. I was even malicious at points. I destroyed things. I threw very very very very very bad temper tantrums. I expressed myself very negatively.
And in school I wavered between being bored out of my mind because I was too gifted with the material and struggling for my life to so much as have a semblance of keeping up because I couldn't grasp the material. (Albeit, some of that my fault via my bipolar disorder.) The whole time, I stuck out, I didn't fit in, I didn't "get" things, and yet. Through the years. Then and still even now. She's been there. Guiding me. Protecting me.
She saw how I was suffering and being bullied. I didn't even know I was being bullied (I mean if I don't understand social interactions, then it's hard for me to recognize that I'm being bullied, so it was something I recognized only with hindsight as being bullying), but she did, and she took care of it. She got me into the school I love so dearly. She got me at the grade level she best hoped I would be good at, neither too much nor too little. She helped me when I was struggling. She taught me at home. She gave assistance even if not understanding the material. In one class I was really struggling in, she even hired a private tutor for me.
She guided me through life and is still guiding me through life. And she discovered my secret, my closest-guarded secret, and while she recognized it wasn't ideal, that it wasn't what she hoped for...she still accepted it, and loves me all the same, regardless, fearing for my future knowing about my dad and his bigotry and how weak and vulnerable I really am right now.
That level of care is what every mother should strive for. A difficult child giving basically nothing to her, and yet she is guarding and guiding. Gently. I was mad at her as a kid because she was always chastising me. But she always did so to try and guide me away from bad paths I was walking down. She was saving me from sadness. Short-term, she robbed me of happiness, sure, but I wasn't thinking long-term. She was.
She has been there offering me futures, at every step of the way. She's not forcing anything on me. She's offering me choices. She'll help me regardless of which I take. She gave me the resources. The knowledge. The experience. To make my own life. What more could I possibly ask for? Because that is love, that is what a real mother offers her child, it'd be what I'd strive to be if I ever became a mom (I mean, I don't really have to give birth especially given that's currently a biological impossibility but there's probably half a dozen ways to become a mother aside from being pregnant for nine months, meaning that it's always possible), and it's the standard I hold mothers to.
Yes, mothers won't be perfect. They're human, they're flawed, they make mistakes, they don't know what they're doing, but the important bits are all in there and aren't hard to achieve: a genuine effort to try, to face the difficulties, to offer life to the next generation, to support them, to protect them, to guide them, but to let them go, always with first and foremost above all else a genuine love. Not possession. Not hatred. Care, soft and smooth. A comforting hand the entire way, someone you can cry to. Someone who you'll cry at, but understand and appreciate later when you recognize why they were doing what they did.
If a mother doesn't offer that to their child, then that's not a mother I'd want to call 'mom'. I mean. The world is slowly getting better. Many (maybe even most?) mothers do in fact fit this, trying to offer the best for their child. But I know the sad reality is there are also plenty who don't fit this criteria, and the abuse those children suffer is one reason why I am so glad I have the mother I do: my life might not be great, but it'd be so much worse if I didn't have her as a positive influence on my life.
I'm currently at the stage where I'm basically incompetent at giving anything though. I can't really verbalize anything. I can't really give her any object. I don't have anything to offer, except simply being there, supporting her on the day that is hers.
Which the rest of the family is also doing, making my contribution nothing special. Still, I'm doing it all the same. We're going to see in the Theaters the new Guardians of the Galaxy. After that, I believe the plan is pizza. I mean. Normally we'd eat first, then film, but since film times are set yet eat times are unpredictable, safer this way. I don't know the exact details on why we couldn't do our original plan of Denny's, but oh well. Doesn't matter. We're still going out to eat, after a film, as our entire family, a sort of second family night.
Speaking of which: we leave in ten minutes.
I originally intended to include in this blog a few other things. I want to write a tango to a Saint Motel song. (Specifically, Move. Though, to be honest: both their other two big-hit singles would also work.) I also wanted to go into a new general-magic-thing relating to fire (maybe expanded to other elements but fire is what I worked on this morning), where I want to be (you'll understand that when I blog about it), and an update on the Civ game. (Prognosis: Grim. Unless......)
Unfortunately, since I'm running short on time, those will have to wait for a followthrough entry.
Also, I didn't write a note on this so I'll make a note here on my blog, but in my next blog I should explain the merchandise I ordered today.
So, stay tuned; I've got a lot to say later.