Uhh. I really need to calculate that, gimme a sec to look it up.
November 15th I think?
Yeah, that's the point. Due to not working on Phyrra and Cyrus for 20 straight days or anything for that matter, my official coming-out day will be no later than November 15th, 2022. (Considering the original date was January 23rd, 2023, that says something about how much I've failed.)
So, uh.
Obviously.
I've been in a very very bad mental state for a very very long time and honestly it's not even better now, so much as it is that I've gotten stronger and stronger motivation to push me into failing less.
I could technically fail even less by working on Phyrra and Cyrus today--if I did, then it'd actually go to November 16th since the total of 15th is on the assumption I fail on the day I am making the blog (which has been the case for every time I've mentioned the date moving).
I can tell you that's probably not happening. To use an expression, and do pardon me for the language but it's the only expression I know of right now off the top of my head which conveys the meaning I am going for and I can't think of a cuss-free alternative, I need to get my shit together.
I'm taking baby steps, and I have ideas for how I can actually stop failing.
Art is basically right now a bit of a dead end, but art was mostly an excuse to stall for time, where I would stop myself from failing a day on the technicality of having done work in spite of the art being mostly useless. I have an idea for something which might actually do work for it, tangible work.
I was considering, at the risk of it potentially being leaked, actually writing up the script for Phyrra and Cyrus in something like a google doc. Episode by episode, scripting it out. At this stage, there's tons of things that I've forgotten, that I have scattered obscure notes for that I'll have difficulty tracking down, things aren't crystal-clear and there's tons of lost knowledge...but I still have enough memorized.
The origins of why their universe is called the colliniverse (as the original title that I am using as an alternative to my preferred, but sadly taken, INFINIverse/INFIverse), why the planet Phyrra and Cyrus is called Lilim, the origin of humanity, the origin of the four realms (spirit, demon, afterlife, mortal), most of the details on how spirits work and how demons work, the basic nature of a lot of equipment, the way magic works, the existence of miasmic veins and how it works, monsters, and such.
Enough where while the details may be lost, I can still create the narrative. I still know the characters and what they do. I can make it work, if I actually do the work.
It can start by re-organizing my desktop's scattered notes. That...that will take quite a while, and will delay things, but the payoff of that would be immensely worth it and would actually help me clean up my life across the board because these are notes for every single thing, and also contain sensitive documents that shouldn't just be lying around out in the open randomly, yet are because I've just...done nothing to clean up when I should.
Having a plan doesn't count as delaying the timer tho so today is still not a success, because planning != actual action.
Still.
I am going to try. Try. To clean up my life some.
There's so much more I want to blog about.
There's a very topical TFT mid-set update that I want to blog about (short version: I was really really really excited to read about the new units and synergies...until I saw that Riot intends to remove some as well. I understand the adding and removing of units between sets. The shift from set one to set two and the shift from set two to set three. But removing units/synergies from a set in the middle of the set is incredibly upsetting to me).
There's a lot of changes to League, too, and I want to blog about them as well. (I'm pretty sure I mentioned the last major change I made, running teleport instead of heal, but I want to blog a bit about it as well to confirm. I also think I mentioned the rfc/runaan's I am fitting in which is pertinent due to their movespeed buff, but again, probably gonna handle those in a future blog. On that note, I also want to mention that something I want to try out is to actually commit to being a full tank on Ashe, but to do it in a lane where you're expected to be tanky, e.g. top. It's probably going to be terrible, but I want to give it my earnest effort to make it the most viable I possibly can.)
I'm pretty sure there's dozens of other things I wanted to blog about, too, but I can't remember them right now. (Maybe stuff like epic battle fantasy 5, minecraft, civ 3, how I'm addicted to watching a Persona 5 Royal playthrough and love the music from that game, the release of Minecraft Dungeons, similar stuff like that.)
But lacking the memory of them, this'll have to do for now.
I might not be in the best of mindsets.
Where I've only recently so much as started to get on top of financial stuff, important financial stuff.
Where I'm 50/50 on health stuff.
Where I'm not doing good on hygiene at all.
And I've been mentally aware of this for a long time and hated myself for knowing about those problems yet not fixing them after I promised I would.
But I am going to try and improve on these things. Because I want to take control of my life and right now in my slump...I am not.
November 15th I think?
Yeah, that's the point. Due to not working on Phyrra and Cyrus for 20 straight days or anything for that matter, my official coming-out day will be no later than November 15th, 2022. (Considering the original date was January 23rd, 2023, that says something about how much I've failed.)
So, uh.
Obviously.
I've been in a very very bad mental state for a very very long time and honestly it's not even better now, so much as it is that I've gotten stronger and stronger motivation to push me into failing less.
I could technically fail even less by working on Phyrra and Cyrus today--if I did, then it'd actually go to November 16th since the total of 15th is on the assumption I fail on the day I am making the blog (which has been the case for every time I've mentioned the date moving).
I can tell you that's probably not happening. To use an expression, and do pardon me for the language but it's the only expression I know of right now off the top of my head which conveys the meaning I am going for and I can't think of a cuss-free alternative, I need to get my shit together.
I'm taking baby steps, and I have ideas for how I can actually stop failing.
Art is basically right now a bit of a dead end, but art was mostly an excuse to stall for time, where I would stop myself from failing a day on the technicality of having done work in spite of the art being mostly useless. I have an idea for something which might actually do work for it, tangible work.
I was considering, at the risk of it potentially being leaked, actually writing up the script for Phyrra and Cyrus in something like a google doc. Episode by episode, scripting it out. At this stage, there's tons of things that I've forgotten, that I have scattered obscure notes for that I'll have difficulty tracking down, things aren't crystal-clear and there's tons of lost knowledge...but I still have enough memorized.
The origins of why their universe is called the colliniverse (as the original title that I am using as an alternative to my preferred, but sadly taken, INFINIverse/INFIverse), why the planet Phyrra and Cyrus is called Lilim, the origin of humanity, the origin of the four realms (spirit, demon, afterlife, mortal), most of the details on how spirits work and how demons work, the basic nature of a lot of equipment, the way magic works, the existence of miasmic veins and how it works, monsters, and such.
Enough where while the details may be lost, I can still create the narrative. I still know the characters and what they do. I can make it work, if I actually do the work.
It can start by re-organizing my desktop's scattered notes. That...that will take quite a while, and will delay things, but the payoff of that would be immensely worth it and would actually help me clean up my life across the board because these are notes for every single thing, and also contain sensitive documents that shouldn't just be lying around out in the open randomly, yet are because I've just...done nothing to clean up when I should.
Having a plan doesn't count as delaying the timer tho so today is still not a success, because planning != actual action.
Still.
I am going to try. Try. To clean up my life some.
There's so much more I want to blog about.
There's a very topical TFT mid-set update that I want to blog about (short version: I was really really really excited to read about the new units and synergies...until I saw that Riot intends to remove some as well. I understand the adding and removing of units between sets. The shift from set one to set two and the shift from set two to set three. But removing units/synergies from a set in the middle of the set is incredibly upsetting to me).
There's a lot of changes to League, too, and I want to blog about them as well. (I'm pretty sure I mentioned the last major change I made, running teleport instead of heal, but I want to blog a bit about it as well to confirm. I also think I mentioned the rfc/runaan's I am fitting in which is pertinent due to their movespeed buff, but again, probably gonna handle those in a future blog. On that note, I also want to mention that something I want to try out is to actually commit to being a full tank on Ashe, but to do it in a lane where you're expected to be tanky, e.g. top. It's probably going to be terrible, but I want to give it my earnest effort to make it the most viable I possibly can.)
I'm pretty sure there's dozens of other things I wanted to blog about, too, but I can't remember them right now. (Maybe stuff like epic battle fantasy 5, minecraft, civ 3, how I'm addicted to watching a Persona 5 Royal playthrough and love the music from that game, the release of Minecraft Dungeons, similar stuff like that.)
But lacking the memory of them, this'll have to do for now.
I might not be in the best of mindsets.
Where I've only recently so much as started to get on top of financial stuff, important financial stuff.
Where I'm 50/50 on health stuff.
Where I'm not doing good on hygiene at all.
And I've been mentally aware of this for a long time and hated myself for knowing about those problems yet not fixing them after I promised I would.
But I am going to try and improve on these things. Because I want to take control of my life and right now in my slump...I am not.
RSS Feed
