I was right to say other people's lives are their lives. So like, I should move on in that regard--those that made the decisions they did, made the decisions they did, and I should move on and accept I will never be a part of the events with them I was going to be.
So like--as true as it may be that they can benefit from me saying that they are going down a path they'll later regret...it's probably not good for me to do that. I should move on, wash my hand of it, and just...accept things are what they are, and let them make whatever choices they make, even when those choices are ones they will later reflect upon and wonder why they did it that way.
I can't word well, I'll probably regret this word choice tomorrow or later or more likely if someone randomly reads this blog and thinks I am saying something I'm not, idk, but like. I don't know how to word this but basically. I need to just...not intervene. I need to focus on my own life. Their lives are theirs. If they want me to be in their life, they can approach me. If they want my advice and my feedback, I can give it to them. But if they don't, then I should just...not try.
...no, this is still wrong. I don't know how to word this. God, I suck at wording. This was supposed to be a quickie but my lack of words is sabotaging me. idk how to say this. It's meant to be a positive concept, not a bad one, why can't I find the words that are there to describe this as a good thing?
Uh, let me try again. Basically. I know I made mistakes. I know I need to move on from the mistakes as well as the consequences of the mistake. I can and should self-advocate for the purpose of healing when the environment is right for it, but despite how regrets will come from me not forcing it, it is not the right environment for me to self-advocate rn. Despite my pain, despite their pain, despite all the pain coming from it, it's already set in motion as going to happen in that way. Healing will come at some later time. So I should move on and not try to force that healing sooner. And like, I'm still not sure that's the right wording. But basically. I need to not dwell on what was lost and not try to make others dwell on it. I need to help others, but only those who are open to it. And right now plenty aren't.
I'm sorry. I'm not wording.
I'm probably going to cause harm by having not worded.
I'm sorry, I can't figure out how to word this.
It was meant to be just a small note. "I am going to move on and let go", as well as focus on building the life of happiness I want to, to continue doing what I have, of uplifting people, but not dwelling on those I can't. To have my wonderful lovely fiance there to support me. And like...I had more to say. The "let it go" part was meant to be just half, with something else, which I've now forgotten.
I dunno, I'm just a mess.
I don't want to let go of all anxieties I have, because I'm afraid they will turn me into an apathetic narcissistic egotistical maniac or monster or sociopath or whatnot. I don't want to be uncaring. I have to care, and because I have to care, I need to have the anxieties which come from caring.
But, I probably can have less anxieties and let go of what I can't change.
I should self-advocate for when it will do good, and accept what has happened can't be changed for when I can't.
I think that's more or less me getting in the direction I need to go, and what I was trying to get at. Sorry I'm so bad at speaking. But, I hope this isn't hurtful to leave as-is. I'm trying my best. I'm truly sorry if my best isn't good enough, I will need to elevate myself to be even better if so and I will always respect you if you think my best not being good enough warrants no second chances for me. All I can really do is keep going forward.
I have a life to live, and that life will do more good than bad. I need to keep living it, no matter what. What others think of that life, I can't control. I will do the best I can to make it as favorable as I can, but I am human, not perfect, so I will fail. So, I will have those who look at that life and see the bad. But as long as I don't let apathy or arrogance define me, I promise to elevate the good going forward.
Sorry, shouldn't be rambling on a blog this late.
Gonna go try some more in life.