You know that moment where you have all these responsibilities you know you're supposed to be doing and yet you don't feel like doing them at all? I imagine that's a rather common human thing. What makes me a terrible person though is that most people when they have that feeling groan, struggle, but then they eventually manage to trudge through and do the responsible, respectable, reasonable thing.

I crave the pleasures of the...well, whatever really. Flesh, mind, soul, whatever wasting my time would be called. Napping in spite of knowing I have to do stuff and that if I napped now I wouldn't sleep properly which is extra important since I'm the opening guard tomorrow. Playing games instead of doing stuff I'm supposed to. I'm just all kinds of being a hot mess right now.

Which is terrible.

Now granted, I'm at peace with my inner darkness, in that I am okay with being a terrible person. There's nothing wrong with this kind of terribleness. I mean, there is. But there's nothing so inherently wrong with being terrible that it's abhorrent. At least I have to tell myself that considering if there were, well, that'd be...whatever's worse than terrible.

I'm probably rambling in nonsense mode. But I'm not the traditionally-terrible-person. Yet in ways I am. I have an awful lot of shortcomings and pretending I don't is delusional. Right now me being in this weakminded place is me succumbing to some of my more negative aspects.

I'm not always weak, mind you. Sometimes I have incredible strength. Right now, not so much though. I'm not always an awful person, sometimes I'm a wondrous person, especially since it's really hard to accept your inner darkness as a part of you. I don't really fight it, I don't try to expunge it, to deflect it. I absorb it. Let it pass through me. Ideally, I do so and then become stronger from the results.

But right now, it's just caving into it.

I know I'll recover eventually, but.
Eventually isn't now.
And that's really frustrating me. I want to be better and I know all it'd take to be better is for me to stop talking about being better and take the plunge into being better yet I'm content to sit by and just be me which is the terrible thing I keep mentioning. There's nothing wrong with me being me...until me being me starts to have negative consequences which aren't easily reversed and I'm reaching that point.

It kinda sucks.
I wish I could be more coherent here.
But this is the best I've got.

STILL no blog. I got distracted by TVTropes. Good distractions since it led to a series which has an incredibly powerful and relevant thing (Ensign Sue Must Die), but distractions all the same. I've just got so much STUFF to do and I'm not really helping myself. I suck.

I wrote part of a song today!

Didn't get very far, but given that I also wasted today, I'll need to talk about it tomorrow.

I just couldn't pull it off today! But it'll happen.

I'm in a little bit of a funk where I'm having trouble doing stuff at the very least. So, no blog tonight but we'll see if I can make one tomorrow. Got over a week's worth of adventures to write about now and I need to do it before the memories are lost altogether.

And probably won't be tomorrow, in spite of me being likely to have more tomorrow. I am terrible at this whole "being responsible" thing. I'm supposed to be keeping my life organized and neat; it is everything except that right now. I'll get it together, but when exactly, don't know.

Which is apparently not today, but might be tomorrow. I had something I wanted to blog about today (key word: coat), plus my adventure today, plus my adventures over the week so it was gonna be a very long blog but it'd probably be best if I just went to bed.

Oh family night was tonight so I need to talk about that too.

Blah. Not much in the way of adventures happened today, butstill, I had three adventurous days in the week and I've blogged about none of them. I've mostly even forgotten about Thursday's adventures and Tuesday's are probably dimmer than I'd like. I didn't really waste time per se today (I was doing stuff I needed to be doing), but I didn't use it as productively as I was hoping, either.

​And now I'm sleepy and I've got work tomorrow and after work comes a family night which is all kinds of BLAH WHY DOES THIS KIND OF INTERFERENCE GET IN THE WAY OF LIFE. Ah well. I'll manage.

AND I AM BEING AN IDIOT BY NOT BLOGGING ABOUT THEM
BECAUSE EVERY TIME I GET THE CHANCE I DO SOMETHING ELSE UNTIL I REALLY NEED TO DO BED
​WELP

I'd say "not my fault" but that wouldn't be true it really was my fault. Basically I meant to take a small nap after dance today because I needed one really, really badly. I ended up sleeping for six hours. Essentially a full night's sleep. Yet it's not yet Friday for me because I woke up at 4:30 AM. That's still way too early to be tomorrow! Meaning once I type this I am going to go back to bed to reset my body to what it should be waking up to.

​Still kinda ticked off though since that means all that time I woulda spent doing stuff went down the drain for nothing.