I don't really know what to blog about, to be honest.
I've got things that I want to talk about. But, I don't know where to really begin, what to cover exactly, to be honest.
​I guess I should mention that things are going...okay, I suppose?

I've got lots of medical stuff coming up.
I've got a dentist appointment coming up.
I'm going back to counseling for mental health.
​I am working on better healthcare, for my hair and my teeth in particular.

I went to a doctor appointment to try and solve my issues regarding constant dizziness, lightheadedness, head spinning, vision blurring, loss of balance, etc. They didn't, and I have a cardiologist appointment.

I've got a dentist appointment coming up.

So like. I've got lots of things I'm trying to do for my body.

And in plurality things we continue to discover new facets. We're up to eleven.

Morgan the Aussie.
Bella the southerner.
Amanda, a deeper-voiced woman.
Joy, a source of energy and optimism.
Hope, a reassuring voice.
Ashe, a collective of littles.
Kat, part of the Ashe system, a cat.
​Ash, a guardian of Ashe, a nonbinary phoenix.
Miranda, who plays mafia.
Hera, who survives.
Hermione, who does puns.
And Danielle, the absorbed David.

​That, aside from confirmed soulbounds of Vee, Ruby, and Phyrra.

I'm wasting some time on TFT/League, but less so. Still got quests to complete, which means I gotta keep at it. But mostly doing other things.

I've tentatively reintroduced myself to ComicFury, integrating it into my daily routine.

I've been staying atop of discord and torn and a lull in mafia means I've been fine there, too.

​No shower today unless an opening comes up later tonight where there's a lull of nothingness, but been doing better overall.

Kongregate is back with new kongpanions, I missed out on the gold this week unfortunately but I'll be back next week to start playing the games again.

​I guess being active in blogging is good.

And, I'm working on writing things for farn, again. I'm only to January 22nd, but that's better than the 19th which is where I was before. The notes I'm gathering have a high level of redundancies, and are messy, and not very clean, buuuuuut...still, progress is progress.

I'm taking a break from there for less exhaustion, but...I am probably going back in. Because I feel like I can get caught up in transferring discord notes to my documents, and then from there start transferring my existing notes to their appropriate places, expanding things out as they should be.

That's the plan at least.

​​I have no clue what I'm doing to be honest.

This blog has been written over five hours, but...it's a start I suppose.

I am still on January 19th for transcribing notes from discord into my files, and the transcribed notes are messy and not organized properly, as I would like them to be. However, this is much much much better than it was before.

I've begun to add things in, and finalize a few, and am networking things far better. (Speaking of networking, it's been a while since I've reminded you that this blog is published on two sites, the weebly main site and the wix mirror. The wix mirror doesn't have my older blogs yet, but will eventually, when I put the time in to add them.)

​I did decide to cheat and do a little bit of gaming--but I kept it to Normals in TFT (kinda regret it not being ranked since I got top 4 in both but I was not ready for the tilt of getting sub-4 on a night I want to get rest), and it was to clear out almost all of the quests I have. (The one remaining one is the 3* 3+ units, which is just a hyper-roll and/or Supers and/or trade sector type game, so can be done easily enough.)
All I needed was Neeko with a deathcap and 2* (almost didn't get it, as I 2*'d her the round I died), and then the Threat ones (Morgana, Aatrox, Fiddle 2* fielded; Syndra summoning a 2* threat), and in two games back to back (I think I got 3rd and 2nd?), I pulled it off.

Butyeah, today was mostly spent on trying to transcribe notes into their proper locations. I'm going through the notes, slowly, surely. When I get done with the discord notes, there will be a lot more work to do. Formatting the notes, cleaning them up, placing them appropriately, and then fleshing out the notes as they should be.

My notes have the format of an unofficial wiki (because I find that format easy to read/understand/process/file), and part of that is needing to make entries for everything. And put the 'tropes' for everything. To be honest, I think that doing everything I am setting out to do might take months upon months of work. There will always be more to add.

Still though. It needs to be done to at least some extent. Some details, I can get away with not fleshing out. (Don't really need to think up blood types, for instance.) Other details, though, I need to include. Anything I want to write? Need to include. Any detail I want to include? Needs to be written. There are things that I don't think I can realistically do. There are things I don't think I can flesh out. There are things that will remain vague, ambiguous, generic, etc.

I'm going to be cutting as many corners as I can, so my notes don't need to show the details. Maybe note I'm cutting corners, but not really detail things. Still, because Farn is going to be three books and the first book is going to be very, very long (it would probably be enough material for three or more books on its own), that means even the bare minimum after having cut corners is going to be very very long.

I still gotta try tho.
Farn is worth recording.
In the event I fail to write it, at the very least I want to leave enough that someone else could piece together the events and build something resembling what I wanted.
To some extent, that's why I've also become more open to sharing farn with others prematurely. Those in trusted spaces have been given the theoretical access to the worlds. I'm reasonably certain none of them have taken me up on the offer and actually viewed the work--and that's okay. The offer was the important part. It's there for them if they want it to be there.

And with it out there, that means my work is less likely to die.
The more and more work I do on it--the more and more likely it is that the final product matches my vision.

So I gotta keep pushing forward, and hopefully, I can make farn a reality.

I've been, frustratingly, busy as of late.

I was on the last week of league/tft quests so needed to grind them, which ate up a lot of time.

I've been busy with work.

I literally had my car turn over sideways due to going into a ditch on Tuesday. (Surprisingly--as far as we can tell--the car is fine; I am fine. I'm not traumatized, but I am just frustrated and confused.)

I've been busy with stuff.

I don't even remember what.

Just.

I've not had free time. I don't even know why. I've had objectively more time but objectively have been getting less done. I did things. I was doing things. I just don't remember what they were. I was really busy.

Now, granted. Life stuff has happened. We're up to knowing the name of four voices that aren't soulbounds like Vee and Ruby. (Morgan, our Aussie; Bella, our southerner; Ashe, our high-pithced 'hiiiiiii' voice; and now, Amanda, our deep 'yo' voice.)

We've been doing at least some work on our novel.

We've done a little bit of work on our castle in minecraft.

We've done stuff, but we've been left quite busy.

This week started promising in terms of health between both showering and brushing teeth and now I've done neither.

I've not streamed this week and between picking up a shift on Sunday and the staff meeting tomorrow, I probably won't, which is frustrating.

So like.

​Just not a great week.

I'll say quickly; I'm taking a bit of a risk but I've opened up my current story to viewing to those with the link, on a private discord server of friends. I'm hoping it's secure and trustworthy enough that they don't abuse that power (and also hoping that it is indeed read-only for them), but I think it's worth it; sharing it with others is a goal anyway.

I've got caught up with uploading my past streams, but unfortunately, I can't stream more until Friday Night/Saturday Morning at the earliest. (Well technically, I might be able to try tomorrow? Well if I don't do things like what I've done this week and waste hours of time.)

Uh, I guess I got out of placements and into Bronze IV in double-up for tft. (I think I need more hyper-roll games now to make sure placements are finished and I'm in green.)

Anything else?

Well probably but the more we write the later we are to bed.

Doesn't mean I'm happy we basically did nothing.

We did get our laptop maybe functional again (we need to actually test things out), we got med refills and bought headphones while there, and we got closer to caught up in or vod uploads (two away from caught up I believe).

​And I guess we got a few of the placement games (not all of them I don't think) done in the team mode of teamfight tactics, so that's good I guess. (We want to get to platinum in tft, to get blue in hyper-roll, and to have enough games to be fully placed in double-up.)

But like.

Not really a productive day. I did do a bit of a story note, but no writing, no editing.

Today was largely a wasted day. I don't even remember what we wasted our time on (I think it might've been reading TVTropes?), but we weren't really productive.

We did download the audio for potentially adding alerts to our stream (altho we need to get that whole thing set up and currently don't have it), and we actually did work on the writing of our novel (rather than writing down notes and worldbuilding/character building), but even that was just editing.

We also got our laptop functioning again, which opens us up to potentially doing streams on it. Speaking of streams, we're nearly caught up on our youtube video uploads of them. I believe we're at 80/85? So like--at a couple uploads per day or so and accounting for extra streams, and we should in theory be caught up within a week.

We ended the night by indulging in Civ 3, playing a single turn all the way out.

We had planned to stream, but a few things got in the way. First was not wanting to not be part of the vibes for one particular stream (and even now, we're enjoying the vibes of a different stream that they raided in to). We could have done a stream, but we made the choice that the vibes of that stream were worth more.

After our parents came home at 4, we could've started stream, but right now, we're thinking it's best not to. We have a medication to pick up, and while we go to the pharmacy, we're hoping to pick up a few extras. (Lotions, tea, headphones, maybe a mic?

So like.

We could've done a lot more than we did.

It's not a nothingness day because if someone were to look at what we listed above, they'd say it was great, it was incredible, I did a ton, etc. But it's still disappointing, yaknow? We did basically nothing and wasted a golden opportunity to be productive. Tomorrow will be a short day (due to work on Monday), made shorter by a need to visit the pharmacist to get my medication.

Today was a day we could've done nearly 20 hours' of work, and instead, we did like...two, maybe? About half an hour for the laptop, about half an hour for the audio, about an hour for the novel, and then paltry amounts of time per video. (They take basically no time to put the info in, the rest is the upload/processing which is why we get a rate of like 1 video per 3 hours or so.)

So like--having two hours out of twenty means we were only at 1/10th of the productivity we should've been at.

Disappointing. Not shattering. But still a let-down.

Ah well.

​Is what it is.

We were up to 10:30 am yesterday, it's 7 am today.
We streamed more TFT in spite of not quite feeling it, under the belief we could maybe promote, and then ended up lower than we started.
But honestly, stupid as it sounds, the real tilting thing is the riot games client, after a game of tft finishes. They give an absurdly long wait time on the 'waiting for stats' menu, and if you skip that, you're booted out of the lobby, and if you're too fast to get back in, you're kicked from the party. (A party of one.) Causing delay after delay. (There's also no way to turn off the special executes that can't be skipped which also can delay things further.)

When I have a match end I want to be into the next immediately.

Bug I digress.

Point is, poor time management. We have it. We did a useless stream rather than a productive stream on, say, our novel.

Which has work we still have yet to do on it.

Like, the thing we want to do is quite literally just looking up terms and--*adhd kicked in and now different rant*
...And now instead of having done it, we learned why we didn't because instead of just two names to look up, we have like ten.

And it's now 8 am...

​Bed. Now. If we had thoughts, gone.

It was down for about 12 hours, which is why we didn't blog yesterday.

Pretty much all we did in that time (the entirety of it) was alpha test our Civ 3 mod some more. The mod which is, theoretically, playable--it has literally everything in the game, as we intended it to be.

But which is not actually playable, because we haven't put in any of the Civpedia files to let people (including ourselves) know what a building, wonder, or even unit truly does. So like, it works, but it's not something that people can really understand. It'd take endless trial-and-error and/or actually looking at the game files to figure out.

Of course, balance is also an issue. We wanted the "civilized" techs to be harder to get, and for tech progression to require more and more of an investment as the game progresses, and for wonders to be a dedicated investment to build, but all of them on this first alpha test were too low. (We'll need to do a second test.)

We wanted the warring AI nations to mostly be at a stalemate with each other--on the first run, an AI Persia was slowly but surely beating the AI Greece until they declared war on me, so I needed to buff the Greeks.

We wanted each of the non-original-four civilizations to have a wincon and playstyle, but while the Hordes were a terrifying success (their draw is having an overwhelming horde of units that can cross ridiculous amounts of distance), and the Celts worked well enough, the Goths were notably weaker than they were designed to be, so we needed to buff them, too. We also made Germany more threatening (they were actually doing quite fine so this buff might've not only been unnecessary but also make them too strong now), by offering them a wonder placing a free shield buff in every city on the continent, which also makes warring with them lucrative (since capturing that would instantly be a boon).

Another thing we did was nerf spies and their upgrade (originally called Ninjas, now Assassins since I gave the Hordes the upgrade of the current Ninja), because they were annoyingly annoying, menaces that shouldn't be spammed as much as they are. So we upped their cost and made them weaker, meaning sending them in for harassment now carries a greater risk.

We do need to figure out a buff for archers as across the board no civilization seems to be building them tho.

Anyway.

​Mostly, we wanted to say that we need to get much much better at self-care.

Perfection is the enemy of doing good.
We need to brush our teeth--perfect doesn't matter.
We need to change our undergarments daily--wanting it accompanying a shower isn't mandatory.
We need to shave more--wanting a shower isn't mandatory.

We need to shower--it doesn't need to be the fully full shower.

This mindset also applies to other areas of our life, too.

We don't need a win to play League of Legends.
We don't need to climb to play TFT--or even play ranked.
We don't need it to be long or good in order to stream.
We don't need writing to be perfect.

We don't need to progress much in a game to play a game--30 minutes is more than 0 minutes.

We don't need to do perfect, we just need to do good enough.

So wish us luck in actually following through on this. (Chances are, we won't.)

As a reminder, tomorrow we should start an upload for youtube of our vods and then shower.

So that's what's going on right now.

​I did agree to work tomorrow tho so gotta go to bed now.

...And then at the very last second, I had a near-miss with potential power going out. We had a storm, we had previously lost power for a week, so I instantly panic-sleeped my computer. Oh well. I made it now tho! Anyway, will be late for bed for work tomorrow, so hey, may as well be making a blog.

I've had an incredibly productive weekend. Did waste some time on TFT and League, but still made good progress in minecraft, and, notably: actually finished my art project!!!

I finished my new profile picture/avatar for twitter, twitch, discord, and youtube!

This is an image that is me.
It's an artistic depiction of me, taken from a selfie of me.
I wanted to art-ify that selfie, but have it retain the realism of the selfie.
And then I wanted it to identify who I am.
​The lesbian hair, because I am a lesbian.
The transgender shirt, because I am trans.
The gay mask/necklace because I do be gay and they are easily recognizable as such.
The hazel eyes because that's my eye color.
The plurality necklace is, as far as I can tell, the plurality pride flag for a median system, which is what we are.
And then we have the nametag to show our name, Bree (short for Brianna Danielle Lewis), with our pronouns she/her. And it's the autistic pride flag because we are autistic.
​The second necklace (as well as subtle colors throughout) has our blue, our red, our yellow, our white, and our black in it, the colors of the five groups in our brain.

It's an image that is just...it's me.
It can't fit literally everything, obv. No bipolar disorder, no anxiety disorder, no ADHD (this one I kinda wish we could fit in).

But it is a perfect encapsulation of most of who I am, in a single image, that allows people at just a glance to tell who I am, what's important about me, and is essentially a visual way to instantly tell what I am.

So.

It's me.

And I love it.

Artistically it is the best thing I have ever drawn. Which means it advertises my talents, too.

It's just.

​It's everything I was hoping to make.

There's little imperfections. But it is as good as I can do.

​And I am happy with my work.