We had eight hours of sleep last night, not counting naps.
We've been keeping up on coffee drinking and tea drinking at normal times.
We're pretty sure our hydration levels are normal, and food intake regular, and workouts about normal.

What gives.

Why are we this badly tired?

We're still doing productive stuff, mind you! Today we did a little extra notes writing (nothing new in terms of worldbuilding, but writing down some notes we had kept in our head) and actually did a little bit of the revising we needed to do on the current chapter we're writing (I know the dangers of the eternal edit loop, but this edit is necessary because to tell the narrative we need, we need a specific tone and content within, and while we nailed it in the earlier sections of the chapter, the later seconds drifted away; we found the spot it drifted and are working on fixing it, which will be worth, trust me).

So not a lost day with nothing done at all.

But.

Still.

We're not supposed to be this exhausted all the time.

​What's wrong with us? Is it really the sickness?

We got decent sleep.
We got decent rest.
We took a nap. (More than one in fact.)
We felt less sick than before.
We rested.

And yet we have felt more tired than ever before.

​I don't know why.

​On the bright side, a nearly 7 hour stream of writing for our novel, but like. That didn't cause this tiredness.

Got some pretty good presents. Two rings, new fingerless gloves, a couple bracelets, a new mouse (no more disconnecting mouse in the middle of things!), another USB port expansion for my computer (tho that said, my computer bluescreened three out of five streams last week, so like--something badly broke and idk what to do to fix it), an Uninterruptible Power Supply (that my family will inevitably never set up, but which is an awesome gift if they did), and delicious food.

I managed to do a lot of work on farn, by better defining some of Lilith's aliases and titles. (I'm focusing on her a lot since she's one of the most important of the abundant argon, but technically speaking, the thing I'm doing for her I should be doing for all sixteen of the others who need it done.)

I also scheduled two youtube videos for release.

To-do:
-Need to clip my streams I didn't clip already.
-Need to figure out how to fix my computer bluescreening during streams.

​Anyway, should be wrapping up and heading to bed now.

Didn't do much of anything, but I made progress on a few things.
Watched "It's A Wonderful Life", which was incredible.
Watched Home Alone and Home Alone2, which was hilarious and iconic.
Did some work on farn by trying to find a way to create names from a word (rather than vice-versa), which I might've succeeded at, and am building up a list of Demon titles and aliases they use to avoid giving out their true name.
Didn't get to properly investigate how to fix the computer crash tho, and fell behind on a lot.

Gotta do a lot, in a short amount of time. But, meanwhile, bed; if I want to get a proper shower and a proper night's rest I should've gone to sleep an hour ago. So I'll be cutting corners.

We made small gains in our novel for the demons, and we're feeling extra-sick tonight, so likely the same for stream and for tft.

Buthey, we're still making gains in our novel, and as long as nothing goes wrong, we are going to stream tonight! (I think that marks like five in a week?)

Today we also learned about a new plurality thing applying to us. Apparently we're also a soulbound system? At least from what we can tell. We have people like Vee and Ruby in our head, actively talking and helping us make decisions, with their unique voices and suggestions and feedback.

So like. Stuff happening! Good stuff! But just the start of a journey.

We're also making huge progress on youtube video uploads.
We do need to upload clips to yt shorts, tiktok, and twitter, but beyond that we're doing great. We're almost fully caught up.

I suppose one of the next big steps is sifting through eight years' worth of blog material to tag things properly and put things up on the blog mirror. We have done a good job of copying every entry we make onto the wix mirror site (as a reminder, the weebly blog is the primary blog, the wix blog the mirror, altho if every entry goes up on both then they're basically both the main in a sense, but the weebly one is the original).

Anyway, shorter blog here. Just waiting for my father to finish his nightly eating of oatmeal. (Which, yes, he does eat literally EVERY night. Without fail. He'll say otherwise. He'll claim he only does it on nights he needs it to sleep. Well I've got news for you father, I've been up for every single night the entire week and seen you eat oatmeal every single night the entire week. It ain't something you do just as-needed, it's something you do literally every night without fail.)

Soyeah, Imma about to go live on twitch with more TFT gameplay! With luck we can climb to gold tonight, altho with my luck, not so much. xD
Teamfight Tactics is fun tho.
In the very unlikely chance that you see this blog shortly after I make it, as a reminder, this is my twitch stream:
www.twitch.tv/rbree2
See you there, maybe!

'Cause it's once again 7 am and I don't want to stay up until 8 am again like we did yesterday.

That said, it is once more a nearly identical day. We streamed, but unlike last stream which had frustrations, this one was almost nothing but positive. We managed to end higher than we started by a significant margin, and more than that, the big draw of the night:

We talked to another plural person on twitch! That was literally the thing we set out to do. No, seriously. We tweeted about it, we made a blog about it I think (if not, we meant to but I'm pretty sure we did), and like. The interaction tonight is precisely what we set out to build for interactions, what we set out to make for a community. To be the voice of change that we want to see.

​I realize that every plural person who streams on twitch likely has identical aspirations: they want to do the exact same thing we want to do. To build a safe space to gather the various plural folks across twitch and allow them to network, to chat, to discuss their plurality. Twitch has a lot of plural folk on it, but they're scattered, and can't network very well. They don't know about others, where to find them, etc. They don't have the ability to do what they want to do.

They can't freely talk in most streamers' chat about their plurality, and they need a chat which is relatively slow enough and a streamer open enough to allow it. Which, well, it exists, but in far fewer players than it should. And we want to make it readily available to everyone. To be the area we can gather. To give a voice, a community, to plural folk and to make it so that plurality is easier to talk about more openly on twitch.

Plurality is more open on youtube.
Plurality is more open on social media.
Plurality is more open on tiktok.

So now, it's time for plurality to be more open on twitch, too. Which we need to be the ones to help make happen. It doesn't necessarily need to be our streams, mind you. We'd happily support a different plural streamer if we found them and could be a part of building their community. But we want to make it happen in one way shape or form. It need not be us, but lacking knowledge of anyone else, it may as well be us.

I'd rather have ten different plural folks be trying to build a community assuming nobody else is, rather than zero assuming someone else is. So like. It doesn't matter if others are doing what we are doing, that's explicitly a good thing!!! But if nobody else is doing what we are doing, then we doing it is a vital thing we absolutely must keep at.

​Tonight was a reminder of why we set out to stream with renewed vigor. (That said, we do need to clip our streams to help compile more clips. And we need to upload the clips from a few days ago to twitter and tiktok and yt shorts.) We saw a sneak peak of the success we are aiming for. We saw a sneak peak of us having done exactly what we set out to have done. We saw a sneak peak of the potential of our dream coming true.

We saw how it was possible. We saw how it was viable. We saw how it was doable. We can do it. We can succeed. Tonight was a proof of concept of it having worked. Tonight was evidence that, yes, our dreams and aspirations are not actually long-shots. We can build a community for plural folks on twitch.

We need to do better. We need to live up to the hype. We need to become as good at streaming as those we look up to are. The people whose chats we hang out in, we need to be just as good if not better. Because if we can manage to get in the groove, where we are doing streamer things as good as the streamers we are inspired by...then we can pull it off. It won't be easy. But it WILL be possible.

We just need to keep at it. We have the start we need. Now we just need to finish it.

Speaking of, tho (hate to ruin a perfect end to a blog but this doesn't fit in earlier and I don't want to neglect having said it), we continued the refining of the Abundant Argon today. We're actually within striking distance of having them finished!

We still have work to do on Lucifer, but we have a loose draft of where he fits, and how he became the head of the Abundant Argon.

We have both main characters defined. We have Mastemo defined. We haven't laid it out in our notes but we have Milodee and Trisairo defined.

​We have Bemoheth and Athaneva both more or less defined--they're not the most complex of characters, but they don't particularly need to be, as their impact on farn is more mythological than anything else. In the story, they're mostly footnotes, but obviously over the course of existence they have shaken the world and broken continents (literally, pretty sure Athaneva was involved in the sinking of Seidonia (the farn equivalent of the Atlantean continent).

We managed to define Belreach as well, and his relation with Luden.

Plus, we now know Rothasta.

We've managed to narrow down the demon character taking influences from Gort of Darken + Yuji Itadori/Ryumen Sukuna of Jujutsu Kaisen + Benimaru/Guy Crimson of Slime Time (yes we know it's not called Slime Time, but Slime Time is much shorter to write, you can still figure out the source material and know what we mean by it, so it's good convenient shorthand).
He's either Ebandon, The Commander,
Or Bothai, The False Chosen.

Whichever of Ebandon/Bothai he isn't, we know has a secondary title of "The Knight of Seidonia" (and, yes, was involved in the sinking thereof alongside Athaneva among others).
Currently kinda lean towards the Knight of Seidonia being Ebandon, The Commander, with Bothai, The False Chosen being the redhead taking influence from the above four sources. (Trust me, it'll make sense when you see their combinations. But the basic version is, he was a good person, who was a well-respected hero and smallscale commander, who in his heroics stopped a would-be-disastrous demonic summoning, but in the botched process, took up a quick-link to that demon. He got persecuted for it and hunted down, eventually slain, but not truly killed, resurrected before he had moved on by the demon; they form a link, a contract, he eventually brought that demon into the world, where he served as that demon's begrudged servant, and eventually grew to be his former-master's equal or superior.)

We've managed to narrow down the demon who corrupted the future-demon-commander as being either Belchevore or Belreach.

By my count, that's 12/18 defined, at least unofficially. (Officially, none of them are, because I've not written the full notes.)

Which is better than a couple of days ago when it was quite literally 5/18. (Two main characters + Mastemo + Milodee + Trisairo, and that was it.)

So we need to keep at it, and finish there. We're so close!
We just gotta keep pushing bit by bit until we get there.

It's all coming together.

​We just gotta keep our momentum going.

Technically on 12-22-2022 but that's what the Past Midnight tag (which tbh I don't really use much anymore since most entries are past midnight) is for, when I call attention to it.

So obviously, not me waking up--me needing to go to bed.

But, while today's stream went quite poorly, it was still a hugely productive day. One of the major accomplishments was working on my story. Mind you, I didn't actually write anything (I know! I know! I need to!), but I tackled an issue that has been bugging me for months.

Basically, months ago, I made a list of 18, at the time, called "Demon Lords", also called "Demon Gods", later officially deemed the Abundant ARGON (technically doesn't need to be allcaps there, can even be fully lowercase, but my phone's autocorrect suggested it and I found it funny so I tend to keep the allcaps even when not needed; Abundant Argon works just fine).

Now I later went on to define more clearly demons (they're inherently "divine" beings so even the weakest demon is akin to the strongest mortal, and being inherently divine beings, their perception of reality is different than that of a mortal, with many transcending realities in some way shape or form), Demon Lords (basically, demons that are powerful enough and influential enough to rule over something, but not necessarily any stronger than a powerful human, although most are stronger than any mortal), Demon Gods (basically, demons that have gone through ascension to become full realized/awakened/etc. true demons, usually some of the most powerful), and how the Abundant ARGON are basically just the 18 individuals who are the combination of both, both ruling over lands and having gone through Demonic Ascension.

But something was bugging me, and holding me back.

When I first did the work on demons months ago, I named the Abundant ARGON, all 18 of them. Yet I didn't leave notes as to what those names meant. A fair number were obvious. "Luden, The First Fallen (loosely, pride) (light)", doesn't take a genius to realize 'oh that was Lucifer'.

"Trisairo, The Exiled Fae", I obviously knew was based on Ramiris (well, actually, a combination of Ramiris from Slime Time, and her demon assistant Beretta, and largely, Glaistig Uaine from Worm while also taking cues from the fourth wall breaking fae in Keychain of Creation and fae in general), so that was fine.

"Milodee, The Dragon Reject" I obviously knew was based on a combination of Milim from Slime Time and also Hera from our own work of Phyrra and Cyrus. So that was easy.

"Mastemo, The Forsaken Scholar" was named later because I actually forgot to name one of the Abundant ARGON and he was the one that I did later, so he was good.

​"Bemoheth, The First Beast", and "Athaneva, The First Chaos" I could identify as Behemoth and Leviathan because I paired them together, their epithets were fairly obvious, and autocorrect wanted to make Bemoheth be Behemoth anyway, so that I could figure out.

And two demon lords are impossible for me to forget, as both are main characters.

​That's 8/18 I had easily figured.

And a full ten that I had no notes on. Just their name, and the epithets.
Who was "Zeboel, The Striker (loosely, envy)"? Well I don't know for sure, but I have a fairly good educated guess that's farn's equivalent of Beelzebub. (Beelzebub is often either gluttony or envy.)

Who's "Deumos, The Deceiver (loosely, despair)"? Well, I'm guessing it's the farn equivalent of Asmodeus, reassigned away from lust because that's a position held by a different demon, a main character.

​What about "Sanatas, The Destroyer (loosely, wrath)"? Well from what I can gather, the most likely answer is Satan.

Who's "Ebandon, The Commander (loosely, sloth)"? As far as I can tell, the farn equivalent of Abadon/Abbadon.

Then there's "Rarma, The Ensarer (loosely, greed)". I don't know how I got from point A to point B with that name, but from what I am guessing, that's somehow the farn equivalent of Mammon.

Of course, "Belchevore, The Consumer (loosely, gluttony)", I also had to guess at. It seemed reasonable to assume I made that name from Belphegor, who is traditionally either gluttony or sloth, and me assigning the former instead of the latter.

See, when I originally did the naming, I spent like ten minutes on it (estimate, is anywhere from 5-120 actually), basically just searching "demon hierarchy" or some term like that, and got the wikipedia article on Classification of Demons, and one of the first lists looked plausibly like my own. The six names above, paired with Luden/Lucifer, are the first on the list, and in that order by and large, with Asmodeus moved by virtue of not being Lust and being a different sin.

But that still left mysteries for me.

​Where did I get the name "Bothai, The False Chosen"? In my three hours of research to find the same process my past self did, I couldn't locate anything remotely looking like this. Maybe, maybe, maybe it was combined with the below and separated out for convenience, but I don't know.

How the heck did I get "Belreach, The First Damned"? Like Bothai, it baffles me, nothing is a full match. I'm guessing​ that 'first damned' along with vague loose name similarities means that this is what I came up with for a combination of the lore behind Samael and Belial/Beliel, in being basically one of the strongest, oldest, demons, akin to Lucifer/Satan and often combined with them, as sometimes a first/prime servant of God, sometimes God Himself, and often a fallen angel who used to be a servant of God, and/or a demon rivaling God.
But I couldn't lock it down for sure.

For "Rothasta, The First Accused" (I later renamed her to Rothasta, The First Inquisitor), her epithet is that of Samael, but her name was fairly clearly me making a farn equivalent of Astaroth.

And then I got "Dabadon, The Trickster", which also seems like it's Abadon/Abaddon. It's possible I accidentally got the same demon twice due to Abadon and Abaddon and assuming that in spite of it being just one single letter that it was a different demon, but for the life of me I can't figure out how I got everything I did.

​Granted, this does potentially free me up to add in different names of different demons that I know I didn't use but which could be useful to have. Ahriman / Angra Mainyu, Amon, Mephistopheles, Moloch, Obizuth / Obyzouth / Abyzou / Abizou / Obizu / Obizuth / Obyzouth / Byzou / Apsu / Abzu / Gyllou / Gylou, / Gello / Amorphous / Karkhous / Briane / Bardellous / Aigyptiane / Barna / Kharkhanistrea / Adikia / Myia / Petomene / Anabardalea / Auntara / Alabasandria (uhhh she has a lot of names for some reason), all are good options.

Then there's also the ones that I'm baffled about because I would've sworn past-me would use them, but I can't tell for sure.
I swore I would've used Azazel, but I can't figure out where.
I swore I would've used Azrael, but I can't figure out where.
​
Beleth / Bilet / Bileth / Byleth / Bilith, Balam, and Bael / Viné / Baall / Boal / Boall / Ba'al / Baal all feel like I could've used them.

Ditto for Amaymon / Amaimon / Amoymon.

I can see me not using Python/Pythia, and assuming Mahazael was too niche (needing the element assigned but not the name), and maybe similar for Merihem.

But there's a lot of holes in my tapestry.

​And I spent the majority of today plugging most, to make it workable.

Mind you, I'm not plugging in demonic figures of earth's various mythologies into farn as demons with them being such. There's a reason I deliberately renamed them. It's because most of them have actual origin stories in the form of most of them having once been mortals, having undergone demonic ascensions. So, no fallen angels here. No servants of god here. No offspring of monsters here. No opposite of god, here.

I have set the backstory for Milodee, Trisairo, Mastemo, both the main characters (obviously), and most recently Rothasta once I decided that, yes, she would be one.

And I know the backstory of two others, too, just awaiting final sorting.

But that's only 8/18 demons.

Some of them don't particularly need much. I'm thinking that Luden, Belreach (okay so he might have backstory anyway if he's one of the two above), and both Bemoheth and Athaneva don't really need backstories if they're basically primordial forces, things that have essentially always been.

But while the oldest demons don't need backstories.

​All of the newer generations do, as to what caused their origin.

And better defining who they are--which is what I did today--gets me close to doing exactly that.

So I made huge progress.

There's still a lot more to get done. But it was good. (Also, gotta go to bed now for real, took over an hour to write this blog and it is freezing cold. As in, in the teens outside and 63 inside, COLD.)

So. Productive day.
Frustrating, didn't go great.
​But productive all the same.

I had a thought that I was going to leave for just my journal/diary--but like.

I actually feel like writing a proper blog about it?

Not like I have anything better to talk about. (Unless talking about my chronic fatigue this week counts. I don't know why, but I literally can't not be tired.)

Anyway. So basically.

I had a thought.

Realistically speaking.

I won't be able to make everything that I want to make, be a reality.

I come up with new ideas on the daily, and each idea takes literally years to come to fruition, if I keep up on it. (I never keep up with it.)

...But...

...While I can't make everything that I want to make a reality...

...I can make a few things a reality. Realistically speaking, assuming I don't die too young, I should be able to get at least a few down.

And I genuinely think I have a chance of getting about four done. One would be harder, but I think I can pull off doing all four in my lifetime.

Basically.

There's a Big Four that I feel I owe it to them to create.

​Those four are my current work (a novel stylized as if an anime) on Farn (both the main story and the sequel), because of Vee;
Red Hood Rider (as a webcomic), because of Ruby;
The Descended (as a webcomic), because of all the characters within (sequels are more optional);
Phyrra and Cyrus (animated series with four seasons each at 12 episodes except the last which has 2-4 extra).

Each of them represents a world that I have built extensively, so extensively that literally multiple characters from each have permanently become part of my brain--no literally. I'm plural, you may recall, and part of that is that I literally gain notable characters in my head, permanently, as they become proper people of their own.
When I write a narrative, the characters I write don't stay as characters. They become people. I start with the idea of a person and their function in the story, but past that point, they start to evolve. They grow beyond their roles.

They gain personality traits they didn't need. Emotions they didn't need. Quirks that are things they didn't need. They say things beyond the necessary. They grow. They expand. Their motivations change. Their reasons shift. My notes often display this evolution in characterization where some notes start with them saying one thing, but then I seemingly later retcon it to be something entirely different.

But that's not me changing my mind--it's them having taken on lives of their own and made their own decisions. Often in line with what was written, but for entirely different reasons. They have lives on their own. They are people. Not characters. They are fluid, dynamic, ever-shifting, ever-evolving.

Because they are still part of a narrative I am telling, they basically act out what they need to act out, but they are not defined by their actions. They grow beyond that, and can shift the narrative. They can change what they act out. They are greater than anything they would be.

Basically. Once I make a narrative, they populate the world and the world becomes a world. Not a setting. Not a story. A world. A whole universe. A universe populated not by characters, but rather, by people. The people in that universe have free wills. Those free wills, those emotions, those motivations, their memories, when I think about them enough to bring them to life:

I literally bring them to life.

And then, once they are brought to life--they are a part of me. As in, a voice in my head. I influenced their life. I came up with a story which they did things in. But after having done that...after I got to know them, to really know them. Talking to them. They talked back. And then, they start to talk to me outside of the story. And make decisions outside of the story.

I have a Vee facet. I hear her voice clearly. Vee has facets of her own, but I can hear her. Vee is as real as I am, quite literally. She has just as strong a voice as my own. She is one of us. There's hundreds OF us--and she is among them. Vee is not a character. She is a person. She is me, and I am her, and she is a proper individual. Every bit a part of Bree as any other voice within the Range of Bree system that is us.

​And she's not alone.

Ruby is there, from Red Hood Rider.

Phyrra is there, from Phyrra and Cyrus.

They're not alone I'm sure. Others from their worlds are in my head beyond just them. It's just that those are the ones confirmed.

And while I don't have all the characters of The Descended in my head, I'm fairly sure most or all of the main 16 among others are in there, too. (Aria definitely, probably Argus, etc.)

​The big four are the four that are more prominent in all aspects of my life. Literally all of them.
I constantly go back to them.
I go back to the world of Soano.
I go back to the Rubyverse.
I go back to the colliniverse.
And I am actively deep diving Farn.

At every chance I get, I channel them.

They are part of my life.

They are literally defining decisions I make. They talk to me, advise me, give feedback, are part of my internal council, even make decisions of us.

I go to those worlds for comfort.

They are the four I have always been the most passionate about.

They are the stories I blog about.

They are the stories I talk about.

They are the stories I never ever forget.

Most of the details, I just don't forget.

They are not settings for stories. They are worlds. Universes.

I owe it to my headmates to make their worlds be reality for more than just me. I owe it to them. They have given so much to me. I need to give it back to them. Those four stories just are everything. They are passion projects. Epic in scale, but which are worth being made. Difficult, grand, large in scale...but all worthy of it. They have grown beyond the scope of what was set for them.

​Soano was just a joke but now is genuinely a full world with full geography.
​The Rubyverse grew into an amalgamation of so many past ideas but took on a unique life of its own--not any of the past works just imported, instead being more inspired by past works.
The Colliniverse just organically wrote itself, albeit taking some cues from Soano.
And Farn, while taking some inspirations from the Colliniverse (and by proxy, from Soano), and taking some cues from a really REALLY old setting (that also kinda influenced all of the other three), has also written largely most of itself.

​​They deserve to be made.

And I think that I can actually make those in the span of my lifetime.

It'll be challenging.
Daunting.
Difficult.
Hard.

And I might not succeed.

But I think that I can pull it off if I do that.

Okay so there was more to the ramble originally.
I wanted to mention as a reminder something about the main blog (weebly) versus the wix mirror (wix), but I forget whatever it was.

I also was going to mention notable stories that are not in the big four, but which I keep coming back to. (Life of a Mortal, Coat, Disease, namely.) And honorable mentions to the likes of the superhero stories, notable stories like Gistou, etc.

But I started this blog before midnight (10 pm I think), and it's 3 am now--not written continuously, but over the course of time.

I'm tired and beyond being tired, I am also scatterbrained.

So I think it'll be good to leave it here.