An upside to the decisions I have made is that, yes, I do have more free time to myself--including the ability to write a blog during the day, rather than at 5 am.

That said, the blog I'm going to write would, if viewed by some individuals, probably be viewed as mean-spirited, malicious, or even hurtful. To those individuals, I would simply like to say I always warned you I am a monster. You didn't believe me. I have always been a malicious person. I've always been mean-spirited. You never saw it because I deliberately suppressed it. You never saw it, because I wanted to believe in my heart that a person could change, that I had well and truly become a new person, a person devoid of the hatred, malice, and harm the past monstrous-me had.

Except, as it turns out. People actually don't change. No matter how hard they try. No matter how much they want to. No matter how much they delude themselves into thinking they are a better person. People remain the same person they always were, and any moment, any event, can reveal just how nasty the person claiming to have changed actually is.

I've never hidden that I am a monster. I've never hidden that I have monstrous thoughts. I've never hidden that I was one of the worst monsters ever known in the past, and that my friends would never want to have been friends with past-me, and if they knew the truth about how much present-me still suppresses in an attempt to be something better than the monster...they wouldn't want to be a friend with me even now.

So if those people think that this blog is mean-spirited, congratulations! Now, you have the proof I've always told you about. When people tell you who they are, listen to what they say. And with how nasty I am, unleashing my inner nastiness is an apt response.

Over the last five days, I've been filled with an overwhelming anger, one I want to say I've never had ever before, but which is more apt to say, I've not had since my days of being an unrepentant monster. And it's common across every facet of our system, too. When I say "I'm angry", what I mean is, in a seemingly-impossible feat, the entirety of my system is angry.

​Vee almost never angers. And yet, she's furious.
Ruby, I don't think she ever canonically got angry. And yet, she is. A person who as far as we know has never known anger before, was taught anger by this week.
Phyrra, another who has never known anger, is furious. She's someone who never angers (Cyrus does, but Phyrra doesn't), and yet, she is angry.

Across our entire system, there is anger.
Morgan being angry isn't too uncommon. Ditto for Bella. They've a bad habit of being out in force when we're feeling frustrated, angry, etc.

But my entire system is filled with an overwhelming rage, that many facets simply don't know how to deal with, because they've never felt anger before. It's a foreign entity to them, having invaded. It's not a foreign entity to me. I know it well. The facet doing the writing right now? I'm familiar with it. I can take the pain of the rage. But plenty within my system cannot, they don't know how to deal with it, but they at least understand why we ARE angry, and agree our anger is understandable, and worth being angry for.

​Anger is a disease, which consumes people. Including us. When we were at our most monstrous, we were fueled by unbridled rage, an anger which hurt everyone. And if we, at our most monstrous, were consumed by anger...what does it mean that our current self is consumed by anger? Well, quite simply, it means the monster is back and we're not even going to bother trying to hide it, to be honest.

We are angry. And we are a monster. So if you get hurt by us, so be it. We did warn you. We warned you this was the true us. We warned you we were really like this, underneath the surface. You didn't believe us, because you thought that we were exaggerating, you thought our bad anxiety disorders including impostor syndrome meant that we were making a small insignificant failure on our part into some overblown act of evil. But we told you this is our true self, and as it turns out, we weren't lying. So go ahead and feel hurt, feel shocked, feel surprised. This is what you get for having not listened to us.

​That's a hell of a start to the blog. But it's just the preamble to the hurtful section.

For obvious reasons, I don't want to go into the details. But I will say this much publicly.

Right now, we have a friend in need. This friend has been ostracized from every space they were in--including having almost every friend of theirs, including their best friend, including their closest friends, including my own friends, turn their backs on them. To me, this is something I can never forgive them for.

The people not involved more intimately, I don't blame. If they didn't really know my friend, then acting to protect their communities when they believe their community is under threat, I can't fault them for. I can state I believe they are making the wrong choice, but I understand why they would make that choice and believe it to be the correct one.

​To those who actually know the individual in question though...I don't think I can. Which is an instance of hypocrisy, because of what I'll be saying. Like I said. I am a monster. I'm a hypocrite. *I* can preach one thing while acting in violation of what I preach, because that's what monsters do and I am a monster. But I will say it now. I don't think I can forgive what I see as essentially the ultimate crime.

​To me, friendship, actual friendship, is something sacred. There are plenty who I say are my friends. There are plenty who say I am a friend. But, there is a difference between people who occasionally interact with each other indirectly via spaces they share, and people who actively prove they are friends with their actions. Remembering details. Checking in on each other. Talking to them, exchanging contact information. Going to extra lengths to transcend the spaces they originally met, in order to connect on a deeper level than the superficial. Thinking of them even when away from the space, rather than thinking of them only in that space when they are around. Doing activities together, chatting, bonding.

​The mark of a true friend is high, requiring basically all of the above. It has a level of trust in each other, a level of connection, a level of bond to each other. And when that bond is formed, it should be nearly impossible to break. When it comes to a friend, a true friend, a really good friend. To put it simply:

There is nothing I am unwilling to give up for a friend.
There is nothing I am unwilling to do for a friend.

My trust in my friends means I believe in my friends. I would move heaven and earth for the sake of a friend. There is nothing I wouldn't do for a friend. There is nothing I wouldn't give up, for a friend. The bond of friendship is that sacred to me. It wouldn't be friendship, if I didn't stand up for a friend. There's a quote from John Wick 4 which aptly says it best.

Friendship means little when it's convenient.

To be honest, I never thought I would be in a position which proved the philosophy. Yet here I am. There is a friend who being friends with right now is, basically, so to speak: an inconvenience. Yet that friendship would mean next-to-nothing if I let its inconvenience stop me from being a friend. Perhaps this isn't the best of wording. But what I mean by this is, friendship would mean nothing if I didn't stand by and support my friend in their time of greatest need.

​My friend needs the help of their friends--now more than ever. And in their time of greatest need, most of their friends left them. Most of their friends abandoned them. Most of their friends turned their backs on them. Most of their friends broke that sacred bond. Most of those friends essentially went, "I wish them well in the next chapter of their life", cut them out, and went "it's unfortunate that they are going through this, but this is the consequences of their actions, they have hurt us, and we can't go through more hurt, and it'd be for the best for all of us to move on", more or less.

I'm sure if those individuals saw my description of them, they would find it unfair, my description of them. And feel hurt I would describe their actions that way. Well, I don't want to share the exact words and it's a very complex situation and it's hard to describe and it's not something I really should go into the details of, so those are all contributing factors, but frankly, refer to the preamble. I don't care. I don't care if they are hurt by my unflattering description of them. I don't care if they think my words are a disingenuous representation of the situation. I don't care if they think I am being unfair to them. I am a monster. Maybe that I would say these things about them will finally get the message through to them.

​I am more of a monster than any of my friends would be. Including the one I am going to bat for, including the friend I am standing with, including the friend I am standing by. My friend is one of the kindest human beings I've ever known. My friend is one of the nicest, empathetic individuals I have ever known. My friend is good. I am not. This friend has been a contributing factor in me trying to be a better person than I am. This friend has been an inspiration to me.

​My friend, in their time of greatest need, was abandoned by those they were closest to, because apparently their idea of friendship differs from mine. I believe my friend. I trust my friend. Now, I am not going to portray my friend as free of fault, or blame. My friend is human. As a human, they do make mistakes. The mistakes they made were very hurtful to others. This is true regardless. My friend did hurt others, including their friends. My friend caused a bunch of pain, to friends, to communities, and a level of hurt which the closer they were, the higher it'd be.

If I weren't a monster, I would have the empathy to understand how my friend's friends, who were deeply hurt, made the decision to prevent further harm to themselves. But I am a monster, so I don't accept that excuse. And it is largely because of two factors.

The first, quite simply, is because of the question of character. My friend is my friend. My friend is someone I have gotten to know. My friend is someone whose intentions and motives, are things which should be clear. My friend is a good person, and they have spoken up. So as their friend, I believe them. I trust them. To not trust them, to not believe them, IS to question their character. To invent a reason for their actions, which they swear wasn't what they were trying to do, is to call into question their honesty. It is to believe that they are not who they said they were.

To be clear, this friend did do harmful things, and did get caught in at least some lies. Yet there is a layer to lying. If you see a lie, and it is called out, and the person explains why they lied...then either you believe the reason for why they lied, or you think they are still lying. If you believe they are still lying...then you believe that the character of the person is not good. You believe the character of the person is in question.

The individuals involved said that it is both possible for the friend we've known to both be everything we know them to be, yet still be guilty of everything they've been accused of, more or less. That my friend is not a monster, that my friend isn't malicious, that my friend isn't a psychopath/sociopath who didn't mean to cause harm. But my friend's character IS being questioned. My friend asked to be believed, and these people...didn't. To believe my friend was a good person who didn't intend harm and whose intentions were good, is to believe that the friend we knew is the person we know. To not believe my friend's intentions were good, is to call into question the character of the friend who swears they were trying to help, and if you don't believe them when they say they were trying to help, what DO you believe?

The friend I know is a person who is kind, caring, and empathetic. Who does try to help others. Who does try to do the right thing. If you don't believe them when they say they were trying to, despite being a kind caring empathetic person being defining characteristics of this person, then you ARE essentially calling them a psychopathic monster who acted with malice, because you're not believing them when they say they didn't, and not believing them when their explanation matches their character. And by believing their explanation which matches their character is a lie, you are believing that the 'truth' is they didn't act in a way matching their established character...which means by proxy, you don't believe in their established character. Because if the established character of a person doesn't match the reasons for the action you believe, then you must not believe the established character is real.

​They can and have argued the ideas can coexist. But they really can't. They genuinely, legitimately, are mutually exclusive. To believe in the character of the person is to believe in them when they say they did not act out of selfishness and malice. To believe they acted selfishly is to not believe them and to not believe them is to doubt their character because to not believe them when they say they didn't act selfishly is to believe they acted selfishly, despite their established character being that of an incredibly unselfish person.

If the established character of a person is that of an unselfish person and the person in question says they did not act selfishly, then that is a packaged deal of a profile. You cannot doubt one without doubting the other. Because if a person acted selfishly, then that means they are not as unselfish as their profile suggests.

​My friend did great harm. It was not intended, yet it still happened. Not believing them when they say they didn't act with selfish intentions which caused malice is to not believe in them. And that is an abhorrent crime I don't think I can forgive. Especially since there's a second reason. I don't accept the excuse for a second reason.

And that reason is, quite simply: forgiveness. Ironically enough. I did mention I'm a hypocrite. In my monstrous state, I am guilty of the very sin I am ticked off at them for having done. To explain what I mean by forgiveness, it is quite simply this.

Even in the case where my friend was guilty of everything they are accused of. Even if they lied, and then lied on top of the lies. Even if they caused great harm. Even if they continued to act hurtfully in their desperation, causing even further harm. Even if every sin they are accused of they are guilty of. Even if it's all true.

If a person doesn't believe the individual is a monstrous psychopath. If a person doesn't believe the individual is a sociopath. If a person doesn't believe the individual in question is a bad person. If a person believes that the accused IS a good person, despite their crimes.

Then a refusal to forgive them is, itself, unforgiveable.

In my personal opinion, the idea of the person I know as my friend acting selfishly and causing malice is mutually exclusive with the idea that they are a good person. But even if you believe that the two ideas can coexist, then by virtue of believing the individual is a good person, then by virtue of them being a good person, they should not be treated as a bad person, as a monster, would be.

People are human. Most humans are good people. Good people make mistakes. Humans make mistakes. My friend made mistakes. Yet as long as there is belief that my friend is a good person...then it shouldn't matter what crimes they are guilty of. As a good person, they should be forgiven for having made mistakes.

You might think that's idealistic, or naive. That the world doesn't work that way. But at least on the scale of a friendship, it really does. If a friend makes a mistake, but is still a good person, then as a friend, you can and should forgive the friend for the mistake...because if you don't forgive them for their mistake...then what kind of friend were you?

Yes, I realize that when the wounds are at their freshest, forgiveness can be hard. But again. Friendship means little when it's convenient. If a friend makes a mistake, even a mistake which badly hurts you, but they are still a good person...then forgiveness is the bare minimum a friend can give. Forgiving a friend who hurts you is part of friendship. Recognizing your friend is human, and makes mistakes, even badly hurtful ones, is important.

​This is one reason why Vee, the beacon of kindness in our system, is so miffed. (Well, she's not THE beacon, but she's among them.) Vee believes that as long as a person is able to be guided towards doing good...they should be allowed to do good. So if a friend has hurt people but is still a good person despite having messed up badly...they should be allowed to still do good, and be forgiven for having messed up.

That's a core part of friendship. A friendship that can't survive the turmoil of a turbulent situation where a friend makes a mistake is...not much of a friendship. I am willing to undergo any amount of pain, suffering, and hardship for the sake of a friend.

I am willing to lose friends, for the sake of a friend. By the same virtue of the above. If my friendship with them can't survive the turmoil of a turbulent situation, then the friendship was never as much of a friendship to begin with. My friend is worth keeping as a friend. They are not a terrible person. They are a better person than I am.

I am more monstrous, I am more malicious, than my friend. It may be an imperfect explanation, but I basically treat my friends like Luffy from One Piece does: nothing, nothing​ will stop me from helping them. If anything did, then they wouldn't be my friend.

I don't really know what to blog about, to be honest.
I've got things that I want to talk about. But, I don't know where to really begin, what to cover exactly, to be honest.
​I guess I should mention that things are going...okay, I suppose?

I've got lots of medical stuff coming up.
I've got a dentist appointment coming up.
I'm going back to counseling for mental health.
​I am working on better healthcare, for my hair and my teeth in particular.

I went to a doctor appointment to try and solve my issues regarding constant dizziness, lightheadedness, head spinning, vision blurring, loss of balance, etc. They didn't, and I have a cardiologist appointment.

I've got a dentist appointment coming up.

So like. I've got lots of things I'm trying to do for my body.

And in plurality things we continue to discover new facets. We're up to eleven.

Morgan the Aussie.
Bella the southerner.
Amanda, a deeper-voiced woman.
Joy, a source of energy and optimism.
Hope, a reassuring voice.
Ashe, a collective of littles.
Kat, part of the Ashe system, a cat.
​Ash, a guardian of Ashe, a nonbinary phoenix.
Miranda, who plays mafia.
Hera, who survives.
Hermione, who does puns.
And Danielle, the absorbed David.

​That, aside from confirmed soulbounds of Vee, Ruby, and Phyrra.

I'm wasting some time on TFT/League, but less so. Still got quests to complete, which means I gotta keep at it. But mostly doing other things.

I've tentatively reintroduced myself to ComicFury, integrating it into my daily routine.

I've been staying atop of discord and torn and a lull in mafia means I've been fine there, too.

​No shower today unless an opening comes up later tonight where there's a lull of nothingness, but been doing better overall.

Kongregate is back with new kongpanions, I missed out on the gold this week unfortunately but I'll be back next week to start playing the games again.

​I guess being active in blogging is good.

And, I'm working on writing things for farn, again. I'm only to January 22nd, but that's better than the 19th which is where I was before. The notes I'm gathering have a high level of redundancies, and are messy, and not very clean, buuuuuut...still, progress is progress.

I'm taking a break from there for less exhaustion, but...I am probably going back in. Because I feel like I can get caught up in transferring discord notes to my documents, and then from there start transferring my existing notes to their appropriate places, expanding things out as they should be.

That's the plan at least.

​​I have no clue what I'm doing to be honest.

This blog has been written over five hours, but...it's a start I suppose.

Gotta send an email to my father real quick about some tech stuff.

I've not worked on my story today, but I finally finally finally​ have reintroduced myself to ComicFury! Am slowly dipping my toes back in, cautiously.

Eventually I might disclose my plurality. CF was where I first became aware of me being trans, from them starting threads about it. I'm wondering if they had a plurality breakthrough as well during my absence, but if not...hoo boy would that mean my introduction would be awkward. So I'm being cautious about it.

Butyeah. Gotta keep working on story stuff and rl stuff.

I need to do my full workout tomorrow, maybe nap. If I leave work and get stuck in hard traffic because I left at like 4 pm: so be it. I've got nothing important tomorrow.

I also need to write a (fairly negative) medical review.

Gotta keep moving forward. Slow steps!

i kat, i a cat, i part of ashe, ashe part of bree, i young, i speak like this, i normally never come out to play but system tired, dangerously so.

we almost crash many times on way home from work, we spill coffee, vee got very mad and was actually fronting for a while, we didn't notice because vee also plural so her fully front is little different from all of us being all of us. we normally permanently disassociated, no definite fronter, vee fronting was almost same and we didn't notice because vee fronting is similar to us being us, is very different from when ruby did because ruby fronting we instantly could tell, vee fronting took a voice saying 'calm down vee' instead of 'calm down bree' to let us know.

anyway i be the one out rn. i normally never out, others not let me loose 'cause i be like this.

blog writer will prolly be furious looking back, they insist on proper spelling, grammar, etc. i be opposite of that, but it their fault for not being strong enough to come forward i guess.

we tired, we exhausted, we so weak i be out and i never out for this long, so we need sleep, we need rest. sorry for the disruption, hopefully others are strong enough later to make up for me being out like i am. xD

it was me or nobody, so i guess you got me. sorry!
​-kat

oh we also want note, wasted day obv. needed sleep. got inspired, so no workout. no shower, either. it okay tho. other facets like to be meanies to us, not to us as individuals but us as all of bree, they self-hate for missing but i okay, we alright. <3

Today marked my family doing family things during family night.
And by that I mean being extreme transphobes.

As a reminder; I am out as trans.
They know I am a girl.
They still were, very very very openly, being fully transphobic.

This week I ended up not taking care of myself. I did one, one, workout correct, but failed to do a workout for 3/4 days.

I've not been brushing my teeth.
I've not taken a shower or changed my clothes.
I've not gotten sleep.
I've not been blogging.
I've not been streaming.

I had the last person I would ever expect to be pluralphobic (genuinely were a huge part of me realizing I am trans, AND, a huge part of me realizing I am plural), invalidate the identity of one of our system mates.

Heck I've lost my voice and might be sick.

No self-care.
No work done on anything.

I haven't even played my weekly ranked games!
No games.
No blogs.
No writing.
​No art.
Nothing.

I'm just...

I don't know how to live.

So on Saturday, I had the ambitious hope that the stream I was doing then would finish the project I was on and then I could blog about the result. It's a map of our plurality throughout the ages. (Speaking of which, we found the voice and name of at least one punmaster in our system. Hermione is close to Joy and Ashe, with her puns making them both laugh.)

We, uh...didn't. xD

And yesterday we were just behind on things.

So like.

No blog for two days, sorry.

As-is this blog is late, is already past our bedtime, so...gotta be quick. Just the bare minimum.

​I wanna say better blogs will return, but like, don't make promises you can't keep Bree.

I guess it starts with writing a blog for the first time in like two weeks.

Remember when my blog was daily?

I sure do!

Multiple entries per day, even!

I should start doing that again.

I need to transfer things to my new purse.
I need to use the new razor I purchased last week.
I need to take a shower and change clothes and, ideally, organize them too.
I need to get a full night's sleep every night.
I need to stick to my workouts.
I need to run.
I need to brush my teeth.
I need to brush my hair.
I need to change clothes daily and shower regularly.
I need to apply the lotions.

I need to continue blogging.

I need to eat through my to-do list.
I need to re-sort my notes I have on my desktop that I got scattered.
I need to send the emails I was intending to.
I need to do a job thing.
I need to sort through my phone.

I need to resume therapy.
​I need to get a new psychiatrist. (Ideally get Autism/ADHD diagnoses for peace of mind, too.)

I need to talk to a doctor about how we probably have POTS, too. (Not to mention, share that info with my family since they probably have it, too.)

I need to just...be better than I am right now.

We have plenty happening.
​January 29th is the anniversary of us being on estrogen, so we've passed the 1-year mark on it.
We've discovered more about our system, which we are planning to make art about to describe. (We're currently up to five discovered facets. Amanda, our deep 'yo' voice; Joy, our all-caps multi-exclamation mark voice of 'HI FREINDS!!!', Ashe our drawn out lowercase broken English voice of 'hiiiiiiii', Morgan our aussie, and Bella our southerner who gives phrases like y'all, ain't, and folks.

​We've continued writing for farn. Mostly note-taking, but a little bit writing, too. A lot of the notes we need to catch up on are farn-related though, but it needs to be done.

I did come up with a quick explanation of my story though:

"A shonen anime in novel form, with high school slice of life and harem-anime elements: the 28-year-old protagonist is isekai'd to a fantasy world as a 16-year-old. She is enlisted into a high school, but it's a school for adventurers. Shenanigans ensue, through the lens of shonen tropes. As action escalates, so do relationships, and via her personality, Vee has a lot of those."

​Is it the best description, probably not. Could I make it shorter, oh definitely. But it's apt. People I describe it to will have little interest in me explaining how it's based on me combining two different ideas that then took on a life of their own. (I think I detailed them in the blog before? How one was "what would it take for someone basically me, to be sent to this world as the one chosen?", combined with the idea of 14-year-old me who made an Adventure Questesque world where I was transported there at that age, grew up to be a great adventurer, mastering elemental magic, archery, swordsmanship, being an inventor of things like guns, and having familiars. Strong, diverse, but not overpowered per se, stronger on paper than in reality, which is what Vee is.)

​So cutting out what they don't need to know, we're left with what they do. It's designed to be something that could become an anime. I view the characters as looking like anime characters. Every scene looks like an anime in my mind. Literally all of them. That's what they look like. While I do see them as looking real, I mostly see them as looking like anime. It's like 80% anime, 20% real--not in style (a style looking like). 80% of the time, 100% anime. 20% of the time, 100% looking real.

So while it's not exclusively an anime--it's mostly an anime. It technically qualifies as an isekai, because Vee is de-aged and given a new body on arrival, even though it is not properly a reincarnation, not truly a summon, is something one of a kind in-universe.

It's a fantasy setting. The protagonist goes to high school, so there's plenty of high school drama going on. There's typical student archetypes in place, an alpha bitch posse, two guys being guys, groups, cliques, etc. But because it's a school for adventurers, they are learning to fight things adventurers fight--by design, amping up in threat level gradually, at least in theory.

There's constant training, there's tournaments, the classes have regular frequent mock battles and spar daily. But they also hang out outside of school with things like sleepovers. Vee, through her personality, interests, and past experiences, bonds with many of the students across classes, who get to show off their personalities and powers gradually. Every character has their moments to shine, but with the focus on Vee, we get a lot of focus on how her eventual lovers fall in love with her.

So that's what the story is, in a nutshell.

It's going to be one of a kind if I can do it--I just have to do it.

Like the long list of things piling up.

I've been, frustratingly, busy as of late.

I was on the last week of league/tft quests so needed to grind them, which ate up a lot of time.

I've been busy with work.

I literally had my car turn over sideways due to going into a ditch on Tuesday. (Surprisingly--as far as we can tell--the car is fine; I am fine. I'm not traumatized, but I am just frustrated and confused.)

I've been busy with stuff.

I don't even remember what.

Just.

I've not had free time. I don't even know why. I've had objectively more time but objectively have been getting less done. I did things. I was doing things. I just don't remember what they were. I was really busy.

Now, granted. Life stuff has happened. We're up to knowing the name of four voices that aren't soulbounds like Vee and Ruby. (Morgan, our Aussie; Bella, our southerner; Ashe, our high-pithced 'hiiiiiii' voice; and now, Amanda, our deep 'yo' voice.)

We've been doing at least some work on our novel.

We've done a little bit of work on our castle in minecraft.

We've done stuff, but we've been left quite busy.

This week started promising in terms of health between both showering and brushing teeth and now I've done neither.

I've not streamed this week and between picking up a shift on Sunday and the staff meeting tomorrow, I probably won't, which is frustrating.

So like.

​Just not a great week.

We made small gains in our novel for the demons, and we're feeling extra-sick tonight, so likely the same for stream and for tft.

Buthey, we're still making gains in our novel, and as long as nothing goes wrong, we are going to stream tonight! (I think that marks like five in a week?)

Today we also learned about a new plurality thing applying to us. Apparently we're also a soulbound system? At least from what we can tell. We have people like Vee and Ruby in our head, actively talking and helping us make decisions, with their unique voices and suggestions and feedback.

So like. Stuff happening! Good stuff! But just the start of a journey.

We're also making huge progress on youtube video uploads.
We do need to upload clips to yt shorts, tiktok, and twitter, but beyond that we're doing great. We're almost fully caught up.

I suppose one of the next big steps is sifting through eight years' worth of blog material to tag things properly and put things up on the blog mirror. We have done a good job of copying every entry we make onto the wix mirror site (as a reminder, the weebly blog is the primary blog, the wix blog the mirror, altho if every entry goes up on both then they're basically both the main in a sense, but the weebly one is the original).

Anyway, shorter blog here. Just waiting for my father to finish his nightly eating of oatmeal. (Which, yes, he does eat literally EVERY night. Without fail. He'll say otherwise. He'll claim he only does it on nights he needs it to sleep. Well I've got news for you father, I've been up for every single night the entire week and seen you eat oatmeal every single night the entire week. It ain't something you do just as-needed, it's something you do literally every night without fail.)

Soyeah, Imma about to go live on twitch with more TFT gameplay! With luck we can climb to gold tonight, altho with my luck, not so much. xD
Teamfight Tactics is fun tho.
In the very unlikely chance that you see this blog shortly after I make it, as a reminder, this is my twitch stream:
www.twitch.tv/rbree2
See you there, maybe!

'Cause it's once again 7 am and I don't want to stay up until 8 am again like we did yesterday.

That said, it is once more a nearly identical day. We streamed, but unlike last stream which had frustrations, this one was almost nothing but positive. We managed to end higher than we started by a significant margin, and more than that, the big draw of the night:

We talked to another plural person on twitch! That was literally the thing we set out to do. No, seriously. We tweeted about it, we made a blog about it I think (if not, we meant to but I'm pretty sure we did), and like. The interaction tonight is precisely what we set out to build for interactions, what we set out to make for a community. To be the voice of change that we want to see.

​I realize that every plural person who streams on twitch likely has identical aspirations: they want to do the exact same thing we want to do. To build a safe space to gather the various plural folks across twitch and allow them to network, to chat, to discuss their plurality. Twitch has a lot of plural folk on it, but they're scattered, and can't network very well. They don't know about others, where to find them, etc. They don't have the ability to do what they want to do.

They can't freely talk in most streamers' chat about their plurality, and they need a chat which is relatively slow enough and a streamer open enough to allow it. Which, well, it exists, but in far fewer players than it should. And we want to make it readily available to everyone. To be the area we can gather. To give a voice, a community, to plural folk and to make it so that plurality is easier to talk about more openly on twitch.

Plurality is more open on youtube.
Plurality is more open on social media.
Plurality is more open on tiktok.

So now, it's time for plurality to be more open on twitch, too. Which we need to be the ones to help make happen. It doesn't necessarily need to be our streams, mind you. We'd happily support a different plural streamer if we found them and could be a part of building their community. But we want to make it happen in one way shape or form. It need not be us, but lacking knowledge of anyone else, it may as well be us.

I'd rather have ten different plural folks be trying to build a community assuming nobody else is, rather than zero assuming someone else is. So like. It doesn't matter if others are doing what we are doing, that's explicitly a good thing!!! But if nobody else is doing what we are doing, then we doing it is a vital thing we absolutely must keep at.

​Tonight was a reminder of why we set out to stream with renewed vigor. (That said, we do need to clip our streams to help compile more clips. And we need to upload the clips from a few days ago to twitter and tiktok and yt shorts.) We saw a sneak peak of the success we are aiming for. We saw a sneak peak of us having done exactly what we set out to have done. We saw a sneak peak of the potential of our dream coming true.

We saw how it was possible. We saw how it was viable. We saw how it was doable. We can do it. We can succeed. Tonight was a proof of concept of it having worked. Tonight was evidence that, yes, our dreams and aspirations are not actually long-shots. We can build a community for plural folks on twitch.

We need to do better. We need to live up to the hype. We need to become as good at streaming as those we look up to are. The people whose chats we hang out in, we need to be just as good if not better. Because if we can manage to get in the groove, where we are doing streamer things as good as the streamers we are inspired by...then we can pull it off. It won't be easy. But it WILL be possible.

We just need to keep at it. We have the start we need. Now we just need to finish it.

Speaking of, tho (hate to ruin a perfect end to a blog but this doesn't fit in earlier and I don't want to neglect having said it), we continued the refining of the Abundant Argon today. We're actually within striking distance of having them finished!

We still have work to do on Lucifer, but we have a loose draft of where he fits, and how he became the head of the Abundant Argon.

We have both main characters defined. We have Mastemo defined. We haven't laid it out in our notes but we have Milodee and Trisairo defined.

​We have Bemoheth and Athaneva both more or less defined--they're not the most complex of characters, but they don't particularly need to be, as their impact on farn is more mythological than anything else. In the story, they're mostly footnotes, but obviously over the course of existence they have shaken the world and broken continents (literally, pretty sure Athaneva was involved in the sinking of Seidonia (the farn equivalent of the Atlantean continent).

We managed to define Belreach as well, and his relation with Luden.

Plus, we now know Rothasta.

We've managed to narrow down the demon character taking influences from Gort of Darken + Yuji Itadori/Ryumen Sukuna of Jujutsu Kaisen + Benimaru/Guy Crimson of Slime Time (yes we know it's not called Slime Time, but Slime Time is much shorter to write, you can still figure out the source material and know what we mean by it, so it's good convenient shorthand).
He's either Ebandon, The Commander,
Or Bothai, The False Chosen.

Whichever of Ebandon/Bothai he isn't, we know has a secondary title of "The Knight of Seidonia" (and, yes, was involved in the sinking thereof alongside Athaneva among others).
Currently kinda lean towards the Knight of Seidonia being Ebandon, The Commander, with Bothai, The False Chosen being the redhead taking influence from the above four sources. (Trust me, it'll make sense when you see their combinations. But the basic version is, he was a good person, who was a well-respected hero and smallscale commander, who in his heroics stopped a would-be-disastrous demonic summoning, but in the botched process, took up a quick-link to that demon. He got persecuted for it and hunted down, eventually slain, but not truly killed, resurrected before he had moved on by the demon; they form a link, a contract, he eventually brought that demon into the world, where he served as that demon's begrudged servant, and eventually grew to be his former-master's equal or superior.)

We've managed to narrow down the demon who corrupted the future-demon-commander as being either Belchevore or Belreach.

By my count, that's 12/18 defined, at least unofficially. (Officially, none of them are, because I've not written the full notes.)

Which is better than a couple of days ago when it was quite literally 5/18. (Two main characters + Mastemo + Milodee + Trisairo, and that was it.)

So we need to keep at it, and finish there. We're so close!
We just gotta keep pushing bit by bit until we get there.

It's all coming together.

​We just gotta keep our momentum going.