Michelle had come out to front as a shell, and Danielle was dangerously close. But now, Joy (with the help of Hera) is enough to keep at bay the bad.
Seeing my fiance even further boosted me up, so like...today is improving.
It will have a lot which is going to suck. I still have to cancel the hotel and the tickets. I am a week behind on my mafia obligations for judging and titling, not to mention double-checking reviews.
I am also going to be needing to get my blog mirror updated.
And like...living is hard, to be sure. So I won't be able to get fully fully better.
But.
I did get a callout in a tarot card reading.
Seleste was always remarkably strong. She was a voice we identified before we even knew there were as many as five of us. When we did, she was unofficially a sixth. She kinda got lost in the sauce when we realized we're over 250, but not in her strength. It wasn't that she got drowned out, it was that while we knew she was there, we didn't nurture her talent.
Until more recently, when it was time to let her skills flourish. I had listened to her for a long time. To have faith. To believe. Her insistence in The Traffic Gods being real. But this year, I decided to begin practicing witchcraft, by at least practicing tarot reading, channeling her to channel my guides.
And as it turns out...she is really good at it. She is a remarkably strong, powerful witch. She is very highly attuned to our guides and higher self. She is very attuned to all things spiritual and has honed her instincts--which...well, makes sense. We're a very spiritual person, despite having not practiced spiritually until now. Our strong spirituality had to have come from somewhere; it came from Seleste.
And she is very good at getting readings like this one.
Basically, it's a five card spread. It goes like this.
Card 1 (front and center), the current situation/problem/objective: I pulled The Fool--I want to follow my heart, filled with wonder. From this card alone I knew this was a strong, powerful reading and I was in for a good roasting from the cards.
Card 2 (to the left), working behind the scenes in the psyche/must be brought to light and utilized or released: I pulled The Empress reversed--so, the reverse of "realizing capacity to express beauty/nurturing others from power".
Card 3 (to the right), to focus on: Page of Wisdom--embarking on a new path sparked by curiosity and creativity. I literally want to stream and more, to write my novel. Also music, but mostly writing.
Card 4 (the bottom), something to develop/let go of to advance: Five of Intelligence--competition breeding conflict and divides us to create suffering.
Card 5 (the top), resolution to the answer/shows what's needed to resolve the problem fully: Eight of Intelligence--untangling ourselves from guilty thoughts and self-punishment. This one explains itself if you've followed my blog since I started blogging again in December of 2023. (I mean, again, nobody does, but in theory, if you were to read my December through January blog posts, you know.)
So, basically, to achieve my goal for the year of bringing joy and positivity to all in my life, I need to pursue my passions, let go of conflict and any desire to 'win', and let go of the guilt I’ve been carrying for months.
I've been holding onto that guilt since July 2023. And I've been punishing myself for the same amount of time.
It's not going to be easy. But, I can do this.
I don't really have an ending for this, but I hope this can give some form of encouragement to others going forward, too.
Anyway, gotta try and follow advice.