Hi, I am writing this across every platform I can, in order to best reach out to everyone and give them the rundown of things.

If you don’t know me, my name is Bree, aka, the Range of Bree System, aka Ranger, aka mastina2, and in most places I go by rBree2.

My elevator pitch for myself; I’m an autistic plural(median system) transwoman lesbian witch with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and numerous disabilities both physical and mental. I’m 32 years old as of July 23rd, and legally married to the love of my life as of November 15th 2024.

Although, tangent; we're still hoping to have a wedding ceremony (we effectively eloped) in October 2026, pushed back from the initial plan of October 2025. But I digress.

Over my life, I've accumulated a fair share of interests. Writing, games, music, songs, Dancing, Poetry, art, Webcomics, and more. (I blogged daily about these things for nearly 10 years continuously!)

I've pursued all of them as a potential career casually, but never been able to get my foot fully through the door on anything. Professionally, I've been a lifeguard and later Aquatic Lead (formerly called a Lead Lifeguard) my entire adult life, for nearly 11 years (minus one missed year due to covid).

In online spaces, I am mostly known for my supportive nature. I bring joy and positivity to the spaces I choose to inhabit. I give my time, energy, and support to friends, loved ones, and even relative strangers who I happen to share a space with.

In my mind, everyone I talk to is a potential future friend, because every friend I have ever had, I got from talking. I share memes, I make silly wordplay jokes, I just vibe with folks. I provide my presence and provide that source of constant engagement. 

I talk about my passions, my interests, my life, and listen to them talk about theirs. I find their stories fascinating, and I am pretty good at remembering what they tell me, too!

Whenever people run into issues they want advice on, I give what I can. When people are down, I provide perspective. I help people see the best in them, when they can’t, and I provide ways for them to recover, rebuild, and keep going forward. 

I give my life perspective to share that they are not alone, and I give them guidance. I am in many ways a teacher and a counselor/psychiatrist/healer. I give people a way of reframing their life, in a way which encourages healthier mindsets.

One of the main ways I share small reminders and tips is with my daily check-ins. I started them to encourage everyone to check in daily to let people know they're alive and okay, and chose to encourage engagement by providing small boosts to the day, little things which can shed perspective on all their negative self-talk and allow for fighting against their weaknesses and building on their strengths. 

I want to share those with a wider audience than what I have, so I’m working to expand into other media. I eventually want to make a year-long calendar, and/or a year-long prompt journal. I've begun plans on making a series of 44 card oracle decks, too!

I've turned these daily check-ins into a webcomic, and occasionally into videos. I started a subreddit dedicated to providing them as well, and added a tag for it on the subreddit for my presence as a content creator. 

Speaking of which, I am a content creator.
I create videos of all kinds. On TikTok I primarily post memeposts, wordplay which I think of.
On YouTube there’s a variety. I vlog, I talk about passion projects, I provide longer uplifting messages, I educate people on subjects I’m familiar with particularly plurality, I provide unedited longer form recordings of gameplay for games, and I perform the various songs I’ve composed.

I stream on twitch. (And upload streams as raw vods to YouTube.) I’m a variety streamer, although lately I’ve been playing almost exclusively Cozy Farm Game type games such as Stardew Valley and Disney Dreamlight Valley.
Besides Cozy Farm Games, I primarily play RPG games, one-off story games, and childhood nostalgia games.
I also stream both art and my novelwriting process.

My current novel, Records of Farn, has as its own Elevator Pitch, "The genres of High School Hijinks/Shenanigans, Shonen, Shojo, Light Novel Isekai, and Harem blended/mixed into one, to tell an Epic surrounding around the effects the isekai’d protagonist has on the fantasy world she finds herself in."

Farn is a paracosm, with as much history as earth. It’s as old as earth in billions of years, had a planet collision to form one moon in a similar timeframe, developed primitive proto-life in a similar timeframe, sapients began forming around the same time, modern sapients appeared around 200,000 years ago, and civilizations have risen and fallen in parallel times to earth. The main difference is farn is a place where magic and religion are real, so the history of the planet is interwoven with mythological figures who explicitly had a proven tangible impact on the world.

Since this means there’s billions alive in the modern day, with hundreds of countries, cultures, and countless pop culture, I will never be able to tell the entire story of the planet, because to tell it all would be as impossible as telling all of earth’s history.

However, Records is specifically focused around the introduction of one transplant from earth, Vee, and her arrival on farn, and how her arrival transforms the planet thanks to the influence and consequences of her actions on the world stage.

Vee was designed as a protagonist to represent under-represented demographics. Namely, she’s a polyamorous plural transwoman lesbian with ADHD, autism, bipolar disorder, and anxiety. I asked the question what it would take for a person with those specific traits to be the one of eight billion sent as most qualified to farn, with her and farn evolving side by side.

I initially planned for three books covering the majority of the world. Records would cover Vee’s first three years in farn. I would write a sequel set after, and then an interquel between the two, with the interquel covering a lot of the expanded lore, filling in the gaps neither Records or the sequel would.

But I ran into a problem; I realized Records would, in its entirety, be akin to the entirety of The Lord of the Rings in length. I was effectively writing an entire series of light novels, or the entirety of a lengthy Manga like Bleach, or the entirety of an anime with hundreds of episodes, in one single book.

My first solution was to break it up by year. Year One as Vee’s first year, Year Two as her second, and Post-Graduation as her first year out and about fully in the adult world.

...Yet I've run into the problem where just Year One alone is likely to be around 2,000 - 4,000 pages in length, and the other years are likely to be equally as long.

...So my current plan is to return to the roots. I took great inspiration from light novels, so why not just have each book of Records be one or two Arcs, a la a Manga Volume, or an anime Season?

That will likely leave the first book at a reasonable 400 - 600 pages.

And I am actually pretty close to getting it written! It’s about one tenth done for a first draft, and the hardest parts of setting the framework are almost completed, with snippets of the rest written and a pretty comprehensive timeline established.

I just need to put in the work to make it.

And I have a lot of plans for the expanded farn universe. I genuinely believe that Farn as a franchise is, if handled properly, worth a billion if not multiple billions of dollars. (Mind you, I have no interest in even being a millionaire yet alone a billionaire, but I think my world has that much value.)

I think if I could successfully pitch it to a service provider like Amazon or Netflix, Records of Farn would make an INCREDIBLY good anime. We're talking, Demon Slayer or Jujutsu Kaisen levels of animation and popularity. There’s enough characters with their quirks and backstories for endless amounts of investment in the world, and with a show to provide their official looks, that opens the door up to merch. Figures, shirts, you name it, anything which could be sold and distributed to people on a worldwide basis.

Especially since it wouldn’t end there!

Records has a planned sequel and the interquel still, both of which could be adapted to be their own, shorter, anime series!

And then There’s the expanded world lore.

I have in mind a Battlestar Galactica slash Lost type live action soap opera dramafest covering the distant past revolving around the continent of Seidonia, the farn equivalent to Atlantis, and how it led to the rise of Dabadon, the Demon God-Lord of Slothfulness. I have always thought that, given the opportunity, I could successfully pull off what all the pale imitators who tried to copy what those shows did, tried to do but failed. I feel I understand what made those shows work, and how I could artificially recreate what was accidentally made by circumstances of the time.

I also have in mind a musical, covering the downfall of the Federation of Ranmoan Children, aka the Ferachen Empire, and how Zeboel the Demon God-Lord of Envy was birthed from that late stage capitalism hellscape.

And then There’s a novel covering the rise of Rarma, the Demon God-Lord of Greed, and how she conquered Angea, putting an end to the era of colonialism in the old world.

And There’s more!

I also have in mind a book-slash-anime series called "Fallen Farn", a 'what-if' alternate universe covering one possible rendition of what farn would look like without Vee’s influence, one possible way things pan out without Vee accomplishing her full potential. In essence, it shows one possible world which diverges from the canonical farn at a point where Vee easily could have failed, and shows the consequences of that failure in an alternate future separate from the canonical sequel and interquel.

That’s four to five anime series, one musical, and one live action series, beyond all of the original books to be written, all with the potential merch to match!

And the sequel I intend to write has the theoretical potential for sequels after it to be written, too!

That, aside from how there’s at least one fictional MOBA video game which easily could be turned into an actually real one.

By my estimation, I have compiled 6,000 pages of notes for farn, and there’s plenty more unwritten I’ve stored exclusively in my head. A veritable Similarian of notes!

When I say this is a potentially billion dollar franchise if properly enabled, I well and truly believe it to have that level of worth. Farn is a rich, interesting world, truly equal to earth in scale, and that provides the ability for a truly endless amount of stories on every type of media.

And farn is just my current obsession as a paracosm.
I've made more, like the Rubyverse of my webcomic Red Hood Rider of equal scale to farn. (Heck, even The Descended is sizable.)

I've been writing stories since I was 13, and that has led to dozens, even hundreds, of rich worlds I can with relative ease write and bring to life, as I aim to with farn.

And I have more passions than just farn, too!

I also want to write and illustrate a children's book series, with an illustrated picture book containing captions which rhyme, telling subtle easily digestible morals to children through the eyes of the protagonist. Messages like "you might not like going to the doctor, but it helps you stay healthy", how to play safe, how to explore, etc.

I am a talented enough artist and wordsmith to pull it off, where I could potentially write a new book every month and release dozens in the series.

...But all of this, all of these ideas, all of the creativity, all of the passion, all of the support I give others, all of the love, kindness, education, resources, and so on and so forth I provide? All that joy and positivity, all that potential?

...Is in jeopardy, because I myself am in danger by the dire straights of my current life circumstances and the desperation thereof.

My work recently made policy changes which in effect removed accommodations for my disabilities. My work already strains me above 25 hours per week, and removing the parts of the routine which made it bearable is exhausting me to the point I genuinely might collapse at any given moment.

And on top of that, I have been given extra job responsibilities without any extra pay for the compensation of the increased workload. I’m doing more work, with less accommodations for my disabilities, and getting no increase in my pay or benefits from it.

Just my one job, now averaging closer to 36 hours a week, a full ten more than I can realistically handle with accommodations, while having those accommodations removed, and doing extra work for no extra pay? Is genuinely pushing my body and mind past breaking. I very well may perish thanks to my job if conditions don’t improve.

But it gets worse. Despite all of the above, my job doesn’t cover the cost of living. Me and my wife are both employed at soul-sucking jobs which are taxing us beyond our breaking points because we both have disabilities, but despite two jobs, we still aren’t making even close to enough to even survive.

Despite how our current jobs could already kill us, we're looking for second, even third, jobs, to get four to six sources of income, because that’s what we need at the moment.

Our apartment complex illegally upped our rent by $100 last year, without any notice. And when we renewed our lease, we went from having all utilities except power included for free, to being charged for every utility. Garbage, sewage, water, all previously free, but adding an additional couple hundred dollars.

Excluding power and internet, which together are an extra $300, our monthly rent went from $1700 to $2000, without any notice. Our first indication we would be charged for the utilities was the first monthly bill after we renewed our lease.

And this extra $300 in rent has slowly been building up to drowning us to a point where we can't keep it up, and last month finally was the breaking point.

In July, we received a $2,000 bill we had to pay. That was our rent money, and since we had to pay that bill, we had nothing left for rent.

So we have received an eviction notice. We have through August 7th to pay the rent, at least $2,000 but potentially $4,000, or we get evicted on August 12th.

We've been trying to pursue every aid resource. We've hit walls on food stamps in navigating the bureaucracy. We would qualify for legally disabled and get the benefits from it if we could actually afford to go to the doctor, but we can't.

My health insurance at the end of last year upped my monthly rate from $150/month to $550/month, a $400 increase I couldn’t pay. So I've been without health insurance all year long, and even if I had it, I wouldn’t be able to afford even the copays. We've been catch-22'd price gated out of qualifying for disabilities.

If we could afford to see doctors and receive their care, then it would be shown medical intervention isn’t enough to make us fully functional members of society, that we are in fact by the legal standard considered disabled. And that would open up the resources of disability to us. But because we can’t afford doctors, we can't get those resources, when those resources would likely enable us to afford doctors. We're trapped locked out of receiving the care we legally should qualify for.

Housing resources have largely given us no leads. We've pushed cheaper housing and programs to largely no effect.

We've tapped just about every resource left, and have nothing left.

And all of this builds on top of each other. My job exhausting me, trying to navigate the bureaucracy of receiving aid exhausting me, my own body exhausting me, hunting for cheaper housing, everything is adding up to breaking me, and if I do break...There’s no fixing me after.

All of the ideas, all of the creativity, all of the joy, all of the positivity, all of what I do, all the good I could ever do, all of the passion, all of that is on the verge of disappearing. Forever. Of being gone, permanently lost to the world.

So this is a final call for aid.

And to give a tangible answer to what you can do to help, there’s actually quite a lot!
You can send items or food directly to us. Either through throne (which has surprise gifts enabled), or through me DMing you our address.

You can spread the word. Share this, in post form, in video form, however you can, anywhere and everywhere.

Advocate on my behalf to any agency you think will listen.
Legal agencies which might take up me as a client for the illegal things I’ve been enduring.
An agent and/or manager who you think might believe in me and my vision such that they're willing to take a chance on me and believe that I can actually create what I believe I can.
Aid programs you think could work with me.

Jobs which you find that could work with us and our disabilities, ideally remote work which pays a significant amount.
Fundraising organizations or individuals, who might be interested in campaigning for us.

Or even just directly plugging how to support us.
You can support me through twitch subs and bits, albeit at a low payout to me.

You can donate to my kofi,
Or even commission something from me if you want a tangible return on your investment in me.

You can donate to our GoFundMe.

And you can spread the word to others.

You can follow, subscribe, and watch my content. (Ads on twitch when I stream, potential monetization on TikTok + YouTube.)
Here's a list of my links, my carrd.

Spread my content, spread the word of my need. Spread the word of the things I've gone through, of what I am hoping to do, of what I already am doing. Tell people about me, in any way shape or form you can.

I’m running out of time.
I have so much to offer the world.
I just need some help surviving in it.

Obviously, I'm not blogging every day as I used to, despite how my blog went over ten years as a consistently daily blog. So I'm not really using my blog for daily check-ins. I'm using my BlueSky account to post them, and then refining them on the mafia site I played on, and then posting the refined versions to discord in every community I am welcome to post them in.

But I wanted to explain a few things about them.

The first is a reminder about their primary purpose.

First and foremost, my daily check-ins are meant to let people know I am alive and okay--if I end up missing a place due to the stressors of life for a day or two, then no problem, as long as I am posting them elsewhere; if I suddenly go silent everywhere for over a couple of days with no prior warning or explanation, then I want people to know something has changed, something has gone wrong.

I want the presence of me to be taken for granted, so that any absence of me is alarming and is suddenly something to investigate why. It genuinely could potentially save my life, or if it's too late to save my life, then it could at least inform people of this fact, and allow them to contact my other loved ones, inform them, and collectively grieve the loss of me.

As time goes on, the number of spaces I am in changes. Realistically I can only handle being in so many. I will lose some spaces I was in, I will stop remembering in some spaces I was in, etc., while also occasionally gaining new spaces to be in. But as long as I am able to, I want to provide confirmation I am alive and okay enough to post on the given day. It needn't be anything revolutionary, but just a simple message can say I am still there.

However, I do have a preference in the form of check-in I provide. Because I want to normalize check-ins, I want to also normalize an environment which fosters the ability for others to check in themselves. I don't think people need to post their own affirmations because not everyone can--but I do want to normalize telling people you are alive, you are okay, and you love them. To let people know you're still around and you still care.

I do affirmations with most of my daily check-ins because that's the energy I want to send into the world. But any form of check-in is something. The reason I do affirmations specifically is because I know I have a talent with them. One of my past daily affirmations said, "if you think something is something anyone can do, chances are, that something is your talent, your skill". And that came from my own experience. I previously viewed supporting people like I do as something anyone could do.

I didn't think it was anything special, or remarkable. I just took it as a given, took it for granted, as something anyone could do. But with time, I've been able to realize that it is something special. Even if it's something anyone could do, I do it a lot more easily and naturally than most people, because it's something that just...is what I am good at doing.

From a spiritual perspective, this is because I have been told time and time again: "You are a healer" with a side of "you are a teacher". I heal and I educate. I have been described as having a bright light around me, a radiant energy. I have been told countless times I am a form of sun, a form of light, that I spread light into the world. Regardless of whether you put stock into those spiritual things, they do seem to have truth to them because, well...I am good at the affirmations.

And from a more practical side...it is because of my life experiences.
I have lived a very storied life and covered a wide array of beliefs, of perspectives, of life circumstances, of philosophies, of emotions, of states of being.

I have made hundreds, if not thousands, of friends. Every time a friend struggled, I read about it. I listened. Every time they had a hard time, I paid attention. (That may be the autism, but who knows?) I had a natural desire to help them, and did my best to. (That's probably due to innately high empathy for others.)

And I remembered my own darker times and what I lived through. In my darkest moment, how my empathy almost got extinguished, and how after I realized how close I had come to becoming apathetic to others, I was racked with the guilt of this and set out to atone. (This was before I was 18 by the way. The darkest period of my life was then, and it will always be the darkest period of my life because of how close I came to doing the unthinkable.)

I have experienced such extreme darkness, such extreme hate, such extreme loathing, such extreme guilt, and every negative emotion you can think of. I have become increasingly jaded. I was always a naive idealistic childish optimistic enthusiastic kid. But that outlook got repeatedly destroyed, leaving me increasingly bitter, cynical, pessimistic, defeated, jaded, and all-around spiteful. Yet I kept going, and despite everything...

...I ended up becoming able to reconnect with who I always ways. And I found my idealism, my optimism, my enthusiasm, my awe, my wonder, my belief in the better parts of the world, was stronger than that cynicism. (This is probably both plurality and also bipolar disorder.) Despite how messy my life and the world is, I see the beauty in it and everyone within. My hope became greater than any level of dread or despair could be.

My love grew, and got stronger with time.

And I almost never stopped wanting to help people.

And having needed help myself.
And seen others in need of help.
I paid attention.

I saw what didn't help me.
I knew what did help.
I saw what didn't help others.
I saw what did help others.

I remembered. I adjusted. I learned. I refined. To become more and more supportive to friends and loved ones.

I deal with crippling depression and bad life things happening, as well as having my life remain a mess--but at the same time, I have persevered, overall, with the help of loved ones, to help give me the reminders I have built my life up with.

So I have 31 going on 32 years (well pragmatically about 4 less than that or so) of living life as an autistic plural transwoman lesbian with bipolar disorder and adhd, living with crippling anxiety, with great dreams and the shattering of them by knowing just how unobtainable they are.

Hope, love, and support give me the strength to overcome life's challenges.

And it's never easy.

But I feel obligated to do what I can. I know I can't do much, but because of the life I have lived, the skills I have nurtured, I know I am good at giving the reminders which help people like me, which help my friends, which help heal the world, give strength, give hope, give small boosts of support and guidance.

It might not make much of a difference, but it also makes a difference.

Listening. Learning. Paying attention. Providing support. Finding what helped you, and seeing how it may help others. Finding what helped others, and seeing if it may help even more. Giving love, support, and empathy. Making people felt seen, felt heard.

It's not something that is easy to do, but it is something that when done, can just...make a small bit of light in a world filled with darkness. So as long as I am alive and okay, I will continue to do so in every space I am allowed to.

I know I can't make much of a difference. I know I can't do much tangible. But any little reminder, any little bit of support, any little bit of light in life, I will happily provide. So, I hope you all can stay strong. Much love. <3

So let me just say that I've gotten a lot done.

But I just wanted to put this message out there as well.

I am always down for reconnecting with any friend I have ever known.

And I do mean any friend I have ever known.

My DMs remain open to all, on all platforms.
And that's true of people who didn't know me well, too, but feel they need/want to talk to me, particularly about things going down, things which went down, things they fear going down, etc.

I have basically never blocked anyone on any platform and if I did then whatever made me block you was probably stupidity on MY part and I guarantee I didn't across all platforms so just contact me on a different platform.

I just want to put out the energy that I am always around to listen, to talk, to share.

And meanwhile, I will continue to spread my joy and positivity.

My 2025 resolution is to continue spreading joy and positivity while pursuing my dreams.

I'm already off to a great start, working on my novel.

And my daily affirmations as well as any short videos I make (particularly on TikTok) tend to give that joy and positivity too. I will give that Breeacon of light to all who will listen.

Because that's who I am.

I am here to give you a light when you otherwise can't see any.

I will never judge harshly. (I can't help but have opinions but I will never let those opinions stop me from showing love, kindness, caring, compassion, and empathy towards all, and will certainly hear out anyone.)

I will give you time, energy, and support. Because you deserve it.

And while I may not be able to do much, I know what I can do, and I will gladly do that for the rest of my life.

So stay strong. Be seen. Be heard. And much love. <3

Last year, I made a resolution to spread joy and positivity. It was enhanced by a witchy burn ritual.

I succeeded.

Pretty brilliantly, at that.

I don't like to brag, to show ego, to be arrogant. But at the same time, I know objectively, by every possible metric, I succeeded. I did it. Really really well, at that. The number of people who have told me I did gives an overwhelming amount of evidence that, yes, despite any self-doubt, despite any of my imposter syndrome, despite any of my thoughts downplaying my value...what I did, was exactly that. I spread joy and positivity.

So...what now?

Well that's where we get to my new resolution:
The same, but more!

Not magically enhanced this year, sadly, but my resolution:
Continue spreading joy and positivity, as I did in 2024, but then on top of that, pursue my dreams.

I want to be more specific on "pursue my dreams", but at the same time, 'spread joy and positivity' was itself a bit vague and in this case, what my dreams are may change. Currently my greatest pull is towards my novel, but will that hold steady all of next year? Who knows??? But pursuing dreams can and should.

So let's make it happen.

I know I can do it.

I just have to do it.

Let's live life together.

​Much love. <3

And when talks of energy in our apartment came up, we discovered we quite literally had a monster living under our bed. Or rather, an energy entity that was draining our energy and giving us many negative thoughts. It had come in around September, apparently, and that tracks. That's about when things became more stressful, about the time it became harder to rest/relax, about the time anxieties flared up, about the time thoughts of the past became much worse, about the time my shower thoughts got flooded with negative emotions, etc.

Just a whole bunch of things got worse around then, and now we know why. And with our place cleansed? We're feeling so much better. 

It also gives me an idea of what I maybe need to guard against at my workplace. When I am lifeguarding especially, I am often flooded with thoughts of the past and a lot of negative emotions. It's weirdly only during those times, and largely not around when I'm not lifeguarding, and I feel like there's probably a similar energy/presence hanging around that area which I need to basically tell, "Hey. No. Don't do that."

I'm not really the person with the authority to kick it our or empowered to do so, but what I can do is at least tell it, it doesn't have permission to feed off of me. To go away, that it has nothing to offer me, that I will not accept it, to reject it, etc. I know my building has a lot of harmless ghosts, but there is definitely at least one presence which isn't harmless there, and probably is the reason why my shoulders are in so much agony while lifeguarding and I get bombarded by so many negative thoughts.

Awareness helps create defense and immunity. I had built up pretty good defenses, but while working, those defense mechanisms weren't working, and I feel like I have a good idea why now. With an ability to return to sender and filter out the bad now empowered by recognizing amplification of negative, I can just say, "No. Stop." and hopefully start to improve.

So, hopefully, my strength will continue to get stronger. I already know I am a Breeacon of light. On a spiritual level, quite literally. The amount of light I radiate is immense. (Side-note but a package which should help kels and I a lot just arrived apparently, I'll talk about that in a bit if I remember.) I shine a bright light into the world, and I plan to continue doing so.

For as long as I am alive and okay, I plan to spread joy and positivity.

And...while it might not be useful for everyone, while some find it annoying, or might think them fake, or just out of place, or not bother reading, or so on and so forth? That's okay. That's natural. Not everyone will like everything. What matters is the people it does help. And the people it does help are...quite a lot. I plan to continue to help them, in any way I can, no matter how small. And my skill is in that joy and positivity. It matters, it helps, no matter how small, so I will continue to do it going forward.

And while I don't like that I require the support of friends right now to stay afloat...those friends are making the choice to help support their friend because we need it. And I will continue to try and make it worth it, to continue to improve our situation and give what I can and get to a place where I can reciprocate.

I'm doing pretty good on writing, on the daily check-ins, on the content creation. And on life stuff, we're managing pretty well overall!

So like...just gotta keep going.

I'm optimistic.

Yes, I know. The government as well as their billionaire corporate capitalistic backers and religious extremists want us dead and are empowered next year.

I'm optimistic in our ability to leave them without the power over us they have traditionally held.

To start supporting each other. To cut out the middle-man of corporations and begin directly supporting each other. Local people, as well as friends. Artists, producers of goods, etc. I believe in our ability to build what amounts to a coven, a community. To integrate and network across the world, but to also have spaces together locally.

There's a joke about "not a cult" about similarly-minded individuals, but loosely, the main differences are not having a charismatic leader, not having or even tolerating any form of manipulation, not trying to isolate people, not having any religious doctrine, not having to give up all possessions, etc. Living together and independently of the government without any NEED for many of the things we need individually, with a community pooling resources and dividing labor, but also not having things be unpaid. Loosely speaking.

It's a complex thing and nuanced idea which none of us really have the details of but basically all spiritually-inclined people are wanting and many of our friends despite not being spiritually inclined are on-board with because we are all tired, we are all frustrated, we are all struggling, and we don't want to spend the rest of our lives this way and don't want to rely on the government for fixing these things. And since the government won't help us and corporations won't either...we have to help ourselves.

Now, granted. I will still do my part to make the government be as good as it can be and corporations be held as accountable as they can be--and use all of the resources they offer. But at the same time, as the elite wealthy and the hateful people who think some humans are better than others and some humans aren't even human try to strip those resources, gut them, and try to remove our ability to exist...

...We aren't going to just die.

There's more love in this world than hate.
There's more care in this world than apathy.
There's more support in this world than greed.

And collectively, they are going to allow us to band together, survive, and after widescale socioeconomic changes take place, to thrive.

I know I don't know enough about any of these things to speak about them intelligently, and to yet act on them intelligently.

But I will learn.

We all will.

As the younger generation continues to get more and more frustrated with the struggles of life inflicted on us all, they will get more and more defiant. And creative. And network with likeminded people, who just want to survive.

And as the younger generation gets older, and learns, and begins to gain skills and resources no matter how limited in scope...they are going to not tolerate the oppression and close-mindedness of those who are in power and hold the wealth and want to maintain the status quo.

I believe the future will be brighter. I believe we are headed towards a form of mass-enlightenment. Where people become more open-minded, where people become more empathetic, more attuned, more in-touch with themselves and each other, and communication is emphasized, and connection is encouraged, and people are able to find each other and support each other with greater ease.

It will take time to manifest. And there will be resistance from those who don't want things to change, or want things to change towards how they used to be. But, I believe in our ability to recognize what they are doing. While there's traps, there's pitfalls, to fall into, there's pipelines which can lead to extremism, as a society we are becoming more aware of the tricks being used.

We don't want that fearmongering, that hatemongering, that rage, that fear, that depression, to define our lives.

So we're going to work to make their opposites stronger. That love, trust, and joy, will be so much stronger. Life will always have challenges, but I truly believe the future we are headed towards will be a better one. As much as I feel we're living in the worst timeline, I feel every timeline is headed towards that better future. We have the hardest to actively live in, we have the most challenges and struggles to overcome, we have the most difficulties to tackle.

But despite how we are in the hardest difficulty of life, the hardcore mode of hard modes, I still believe we are heading towards this better world. A world where we're able to exist as we are, be accepted as we are, explore who we are, and just all-around live life as we want to and are meant to overall.

So stay strong. Stay positive. We have a lot of work to do. And it won't be easy. But we have a lot to look forward to, and I am confident that if we keep our joy, keep our positivity, keep our empathy, our love, keep connecting, keep networking, keep learning, and keep putting action in...we'll still get to the future we want.

​Much love. <3

And lemme tell you, I have a lot of things on my mind. Too many to fit into a blog, but I'm going to at least try my best.

I figure I should start off by saying life is a huge mixed bag.

I'm now married to the love of my life, Kelsey Marie Lewis, and they can now use that name.

December 3rd, 2023 was the one-year anniversary of kels proposing to me.
December 4th, 2023 was the one-year anniversary of us securing a place to live by signing the lease agreement for our apartment.

...And today? December 5th, 2023 and going into December 6th 2023 was the day I lost 90% of my friends, including two I was deeply in love with, beyond platonically. Enough time has passed that I feel comfortable mentioning publicly what I previously only hinted at except in DMs, since I was too afraid to talk about it publicly. The two closest friends I had, who were ride-or-die friends, who I was going to their wedding? I didn't just platonically love them. I loved loved them. Not as much as I love kels, but still more than my platonic friends.

Even a year later, it's hard for me to confess this, especially since it's hard to explain. I'm always afraid that in attempting to explain, I will end up in some way implying my feelings for kels are somehow lesser, or that I will hurt friends with my explanation of love, or something like that. Finding the right words for it is something I don't think I will ever be able to do, but I feel there is enough a level of trust and ability to communicate that I can at least attempt an attempt at explaining.

Basically, I feel like kels is my soulmate, my other half, my partner across most or even all lifetimes. The vow we made to each other in this lifetime is "together, forever, for the rest of eternity". And every day, I find new ways to fall in love with them. The love I have for them deepens every day, even a year later. It seems impossible, but every day I am wowed by them, I am enamored by them, I am fascinated by them, they bring me joy, they make me laugh, they make me happy, and they compliment me. They understand me, they get me, they are bonded to me, they are connected to me, they know me, and they pair well with me. We never fight, not truly (despite a few close calls), and they also drive me to do things I never would on my own.

Despite this, love is what I am, who I am. I love the world, and all the people in it, and the more I know people the more I love them--and this love can and does go deeper than platonically for some. My love of kels is greater than my love of anyone else, but I have always been honest in that I can and do still catch at least some feelings for others. I don't want kels to ever think they are holding me back or anything of the sort, so using this wording isn't the best, but for lack of better wording, I choose my vow to kels, to be with them and nobody else in this lifetime, above any feelings for others.

I think the healthiest approach is to recognize, yes, those feelings exist, and yes, those feelings are real, but also that I have no obligation to act on them, and I lose nothing by choosing not to. I already have my life partner. I already have the love of my life. In terms of love, I need no further romantic partner. While the theoretical ability to have more exists (I fully support polyamory and previously was in a polyamorous relationship), I have made the conscious and deliberate decision to devote myself entirely to the love of my life. Kels is my greatest treasure, and the best part of my life. Romantically, that is all I will ever need. So as long as we are both alive, in this life, we are wives, with total dedication to each other.

So I can recognize feelings without pursuing them because the people I have those feelings for? There's no real tangible difference between living as friends and living as partners with them. I already have the best possible relationship with them, as friends, in my mind, if that makes sense. I don't need more. I have everything I can realistically handle or could ever want.

I don't want more romantic relationships. I want kels. And only kels. The feelings I have for others might be real, but so too is my devotion, my dedication, my desire, for kels and kels alone, above all others. The love of my life is more than enough for me. I'm eternally blessed and some small part of me will always feel like I married out of my league with how amazing, incredible, and awesome kels is. I could never want more than that, I could never want to pursue more than that, because they are and always will be the most fulfilling part of my life, a blessing I will never take for granted.

I probably will at some point make a follow-through blog better explaining this concept, but I think you get the idea. I get feelings for others, but my love for kels eclipses them all.

With that tangent addressed, a lot of the friends I lost one year ago, I had more than platonic feelings for. It wasn't just the two closest friends who I had romantic feelings for. It was a lot of those friends. To various degrees, I loved them, with the love of the two closest friends at some points nearly equaling my love of kels. (Nearly. kels was always a greater love.)

That can probably give a lot of context for why I handled events last year so poorly. The proof is everywhere. In my blog, in my DMs, in my twitch chat messages, etc. I was trying not to lose the people I loved. That I had hurt them so deeply and badly drove me to nearly kill myself, multiple times.

I don't want that to justify or excuse my behavior. While I can, thanks to healing, say with full confidence I did far less wrong/harm than these people think, that I made far fewer mistakes than they believe I did, that a lot more is on their end than they realize...I never want to go down the delusional rabbit hole of pinning all the blame on anyone/everyone except me. I did do wrong, and I did do harm. The cause being rooted in my love may make it more understandable, but it should not be used to dismiss the harm, to forgive it, to forget it, etc.

Now as a reminder. The loss of my friends exactly one year ago was triggered due to a streamer I have grown to believe is genuinely problematic (but not a monster), and particularly the two ex-friends who I believe are willing and deliberate accomplices to the problematic streamer. My feelings there are complex and nuanced and fluid, but loosely, I feel these are both true.

The problematic streamer is problematic;
The problematic streamer is a good person, and not a monster.
The ex-friends are willing accomplices who acted with malice towards me and kels;
The ex-friends are still good people.

How those can be reconciled is something I think many people will struggle with, and it took me the better part of this year to do that. But basically, the problematic streamer is not a complete monster. Few people are. Especially not the problematic streamer. I believe the problematic streamer genuinely problematic, but in ways that could go either way. If left unchecked, if left to fester, if leaned into, the problematic traits could get worse and eventually radicalize the problematic streamer to be more monstrous. But if recognized, addressed, and healthily dealt with, the problematic streamer could atone, try to change, and genuinely become unproblematic.

Similarly so for the ex-friends.

Having been the victim of cancelation, I could never wish that fate on almost anyone. Not even the problematic streamer, not even the ex-friends. What I went through, I don't want them to go through. But what I do hope happens down the line is them being held accountable. For the harm they caused, for the damage they did, to be recognized, and for them to face their uglier side, and rather than lean into it, to try and move away.

I wouldn't want people to reject them, or even to truly punish them on any longterm basis. I don't want them punished. I don't want them to have their lives crumble. I don't want them to suffer, or face losses. While I want what they did and the damage it caused to be known and recognized, I don't want it to ruin their lives, or ostracize them. They don't deserve that, because I will stand by them being good people.

I know it's hard to recognize how people are multi-faceted, and how they can be great humans in many ways but total pieces of shit in other ways. But having gone through the process of being ostracized, of being cast out, of nobody listening to me, or even giving me a chance? I would never wish that on another good human, and most humans are good. Or at least "good enough".

I will still offer this reminder though. Kels was a potential whistleblower on exposing the problematic streamer's problematic nature. When the problematic streamer found out, they abused their authority, their influence, to reverse victim and abuser, gaslight people and lie about their relationship with kels, to portray kels as malicious and shut down any ability for kels to share what they knew. That campaign of misinformation was so successful, it left kels gaslit into genuinely believing they were problematic, and almost caused kels to take their own life. I was the one and only person who was there for kels when kels needed it most, so I quite literally saved their life.

The decision to continually associate with kels and choose them over the problematic streamer led to the ex-friends turning against me. Now, I do want to reiterate, kels and I are not blameless. I recognize a lot of the things kels did were, despite human and understandable, flawed and carried some harm. And I also made mistakes in this area. I demonized myself in a very harmful way that hurt others, and was very argumentative in an unproductive, destructive way that did nothing but further harm everyone involved.

But the ex-friends did know basically everything we know about the problematic streamer--and chose their friendship with the problematic streamer over their friendship with kels, over their friendship with me, and over doing the right thing in exposing the ways the problematic streamer is problematic. Whatever harm the problematic streamer causes or is revealed to cause down the line? It could have been stopped and exposed in 2023 if not for the ex-friends choosing the problematic streamer over kels.

So when the problematic streamer is eventually revealed as problematic, I do want people to remember that and know exactly why I feel the ex-friends are the problematic streamer's accomplices. They knew, but chose to deliberately and intentionally spread misinformation, as well as a continuous campaign against kels and myself. Including a year ago, choosing to drive a wedge between my friends and me by drawing my friends' attention to my part in all of this, one year ago.

Technically, this isn't explicitly confirmed to have happened. But one friend in particular holds the key. If you asked her to be honest, and asked her who exactly directed her to a months-old blog when nobody was reading my blog, she would probably confirm it explicitly. And if you asked all of the people who reported me who encouraged them to report me, similarly so. It would all trace back, at the roots, to the ex-friends, who continuously had a campaign of misinformation targeting kels and I.

I can recognize the ex-friends did have reason to believe kels was legitimately guilty of something entirely separate from the problematic streamer. They got a report of kels having done something that would be cancel-worthy separate from anything...if it was actually true. And usually, we are taught to believe the people coming forward about things like this. But kels is innocent of that thing, and depending on the accuser would likely be able to prove their innocence, or at least have people vouch for the character of kels / the LACK of character from the accuser. (We've narrowed it down to one of two people, both of which are chronic false accusers. When I say I have good reason to believe kels's innocence despite us normally being told to believe accusers, it's because I have very good reason to believe the accusation is false and kels is innocent.)

​However, no matter how much those ex-friends may have believed kels guilty of something cancel-worthy, that will never justify them willingly spreading what they knew to be misinformation, deliberately trying to (and by and large, succeeding in) gaslighting people, lying, and spreading this misinformation as if it were infallible fact, behind closed doors. They spread the guilt of kels and I, to everyone they knew were close to us, encouraging the poison of doubt, mistrust, and second-guessing of character.

They planted the idea that my genuine love and affection was lovebombing, that my devotion and support was malicious, that I was manipulative rather than just a kind, caring, supportive person. They did this, presumably out of some form of jealousy, or envy, or just because they could. Who knows. But it sure wasn't to protect themselves. It sure wasn't out of concern of my character. They went out of their way to deliberately find the worst aspects of me and portray those aspects of me as if they were indicative of my true character, and planted the seeds of doubt in the communities I was in.

They knew who I was, that I was the kind, caring, loving friend I always appeared to be, and willingly and deliberately perpetrated the lie, the misinformation, of me being malicious.

​And that all started one year ago, to the day.

And it worked, by and large.

In the last year, I have lost 90% of the people I once called friend. All due to that misinformation campaign, launched one year ago.

So there's a great deal of mixed emotions, about all the negative from the loss I suffered. In the blogs throughout December 2023, January, June, and July 2024, you can see the evidence of just how bad I got. How low I felt. How suicidal I became. How I genuinely came close to killing myself due to the loss of people I loved, deeply, and the loss of communities I considered my second family, my found family.

...But at the same time? There is also a great deal of positives. The callout of my then-closest-friend who I loved might have deeply hurt, but it led to an incredible amount of growth. A lot of my healing over the last year has been in recognizing I was always a good person, I was always a kind, caring, compassionate, empathetic, loving girl, who was supportive with time and words and heavily invested in my friends and community. But that doesn't mean I was flawless.

I was largely closed off. Opening up over the last year has been liberating.
I was less aware of the nuances, the multi-faceted nature of things, less able to see things outside of black-and-white, less able to recognize the good in most people, less supportive, less caring, less invested, than I am now. I was good, but I have become better at those things in the last year.

I was always critical of myself, but I have become much better at realistically targeting and honing in on the productive, healthy critiques, to have a more honest outlook on myself. One where I wasn't overly critical of myself, but also not glossing over any issues.

I have become better at recognizing how to acknowledge the world has bad while also how to better focus on boosting the good.

I have become better at being there for friends and all my loved ones.

I've become better at rebuilding bridges and talking with more nuance and diplomacy.

I have become more able to make my friends feel joy.

Last year, I had the vow of spreading joy and positivity--and I have succeeded at that resolution magnificently so.

There's improvements still to make, and there always will be.

But I am more healthily tackling just about everything, more realistically handling everything, with higher intuition, higher recognition, higher perspective.

And I now have friends who I know are actually ride-or-die. They proved it, by sticking by me, when even the friends who believed themselves ride-or-die with me ended up not actually riding with me. Again, I don't want to put any blame on them for it. There were good reasons to be hurt by me. I hadn't yet realized the problematic streamer was problematic, I hadn't yet realized the malice of the ex-friends being accomplices, I blamed myself for everything, I demonized myself, and I said very hurtful harmful things that made it easier to believe I had been involved in something malicious and had no regrets.

​Believing the manipulations of manipulators who launched a very convincing misinformation campaign, especially one fueled by my own self-gaslighting when I genuinely believed myself problematic, isn't something I can ever blame them for. I've become more okay with criticizing them, and can feel comfortable giving the criticism that despite viewing me as a ride-or-die they didn't ride with me. They didn't ask me to explain. They didn't ask for my perspective. They didn't take my side. They were so willing to believe the things they were told about me.

They didn't talk to me. They didn't try to. One friend made a paltry attempt once, but they didn't communicate with me. They didn't talk with me. As much as they criticized me for not being open with them, they weren't open with *me* because they weren't willing to fight for me, they weren't willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, they weren't willing to trust that the friend they had known for years was exactly the friend they knew.

Instead, they instantly believed everything wrong about me was to be taken at face value. They had no doubts. They had no hesitation. They took action against me before talking to me. As people who thought I was ride-or-die. They thought I was ride-or-die, but they didn't act like I was a ride-or-die. And I know this because my actual ride-or-dies *DID*. 

My actual ride-or-die friends did everything the friends I loved didn't. It wasn't until they did that I was able to face the hard truth of how, despite how much I wanted them to be flawless, the friends I loved had failed me and hadn't lived up to being ride-or-die friends. Because my ride-or-die friends? They reached out to me. They heard me out. They heard my perspective. They heard our side. They listened. And they stood by me. They gave support. They trusted in the friend they always knew. They trusted that the kind, caring, compassionate person they knew who loved and supported them with time and words? Was who I am.

I had dozens upon dozens of friends, many close, many who I quite literally loved, beyond platonically.

Of them, only about a dozen or so stayed. And they are my ride-or-die friends, who I will always do everything for, because they did everything for me in my time of need, when nobody else would. Even the friends who believed I was a ride-or-die. They thought it but failed to show it with their actions. The friends who stayed, did. They gave spaces for kels and I to exist, to talk, to vibe, when we were in desperate need of friends.

​That is a memory for the last year I will always remember, and cherish.

This last year has shown me just how much I am loved, cherished, and appreciated, by all of my loved ones. And my ability to reciprocate, to pay it back, has only grown. My ability to help, to express the joy and positivity I promised to bring, has only gotten better and better.

I have met more and more of my life goals, and helped other loved ones meet theirs.

I've helped heal any who I can help heal, I've mended any damaged relationships I can, and have become the Breeacon of light I have vowed to Breecome.

All of that outweighs the loss.

But at the same time.

Despite how much has gone good, has gone right, for me, there are a lot of issues.

My apartment is illegally charging me $300 extra per month, and I cannot pay that. Even with the old rate on rent, I was bleeding money slowly; now it's an outright hemorrhage and as of today I am $1200 short on rent alone.

kels hasn't yet gotten a longterm form of income off the ground. This month, we're going to work on that, but due to the holidays and stressors of last month, it hasn't YET happened.

I'm facing another illegal charge from a company sending Collections after me, and I cannot afford the $105 / month they want.

My car, despite surviving, is damaged, and I can't really afford to repair it.

My workplace has a boss who I believe is ill-suited for the position they are in. They were hired for a position they were well-suited for, but then forcefully promoted to a position they aren't suited for. They aren't as good for lifeguards as they are for swim instructors as they were a swim instructor hired to be a boss of swim instructors, they are rigid rather than flexible and not accommodating, they insist on corporate bullshit rather than just showing the understanding and awareness to handle things with care. They value rules over employees, despite being well aware of how ridiculous and unrealistic some of those rules are. The well-being of employees takes a back seat to rules and regulations for them. I don't think they are a bad superior in principle. I just don't think they are qualified for the superior position they were put in, in terms of personality. No matter their qualifications on paper, the insistence on doing things in a way despite employees not wanting to do it the way the superior wants to is detrimental to the staff and a hallmark of poor management.

And this is taxing to me. My wife believes my boss wants me to quit, that my boss is targeting me, because of these. I don't believe that. I don't believe there is any kind of annoyance, malice, intent, etc., there, to try and pressure me into quitting or making a mistake that gets me fired. But I do believe the fact my wife thinks these things is evidence of their incompetence in the position. I don't think they are a bad boss on principle, but I do think they are a bad boss for all of aquatics to adhere to, and that they were promoted outside their area of comfort to a position they have not yet adjusted to despite having the better part of a full year to.

I'm making less at work, and while the increase in freedom is liberating and healthy, it is taxing during a time of financial hardship.

It comes back to the same old same old, only magnified moreso now.

I'm mostly good in life, just finances are...leaving me stressed.

I've become very good at spreading a positive outlook, despite hardships we all know are coming.

But at the same time, I'm struggling right now. There's frustration, stress, anxiety, and also, a feeling of hopelessness, of dread, of sadness, and a great deal of depression. I have concepts of a plan on what to do, but I don't know what to do.

There's likely a ton more I'm forgetting. But like. I'm back from vacation. It was good, but there was a toll. My car is more damaged, finances I currently don't know what to do, but, I am alive. We will survive. We'll find a way. I'm sick, but recovering. And while there's a lot to get done, I have faith. Somehow, we will find a way.

I have a lot of love to give, and I feel I will give it to others still going forward.

So, despite life's challenges, together, let's keep going. We can do it. We'll get through the rough patches. The lives we want to live might be unrealistic now, but with work they become attainable, and we can live them if we adjust. Creativity and love can carry us through. Support, network, stay safe, and stay strong. We got this. <3

I'm leaving within the next 24 hours for a Thanksgiving vacation that will take me until next month--so this is very likely my last blog of the month.

I'll do whatever I can to keep people in touch during the time I'm traveling and when I arrive, but, I'm likely not going to be blogging until around December 4th, give or take a day or so.

I've got a lot to do and my body needed a death nap today, again, so like...still going to be doing a lot going forward, but...gotta try my best.

I don't really have the time to truly outline anything really hopeful, but I do want to say...despite everything, my worldview is actually more optimistic than ever before. I love this world, and the people in it. I love humanity. I love the people. And that love has only grown stronger, rather than being shattered.

I believe love, kindness, caring, compassion, empathy, learning, understanding, and support are stronger forces when acted upon than greed, apathy, and hate.

I believe most humans are good, and want to do good. That love is the natural and the default, with behaviors encouraging hate and apathy being learned. I believe we all want mostly the same things. We want to have the freedom to pursue our dream lives, and the security/safety to, while also enabling our loved ones to do the same. We want to leave a legacy that outlives us, while also living a fulfilled life. We want to leave a lasting difference which leaves the world a better place than it was before we were in it.

We might disagree on the means/methods, what is involved in these things, their exact definitions, etc. But I genuinely believe most humans want something along those lines.

That humans are smart, brilliant, creative, artsy, innovative, passionate, filled with whimsy, interesting, having each lived a storied life worthy of sharing and telling the details of and entertaining others. I believe that humans are capable of inspiring such joy, from humor, from uplifting, from supporting each other. I believe humans are loving and supportive and want to help their loved ones and to show that level of care for other humans.

I cannot hate humanity. I don't have it in me. I can't even hate any human no matter how worthy of hate. Pity, to be sure. I mourn the loss of the good person those monsters could have been, if given an environment and choices where they were given the chance to learn how to be a good person. But never hate, because I know that most monsters were born from their circumstances and environment and could have lived lives not as a monster if things were different.

I know that humanity is flawed. But there is beauty in those flaws, and I just love everyone, no matter their flaws.

So as always, I just want to say to stay strong. Believe in yourself, and your loved ones, and in humanity. Do what you need to stay safe and protect loved ones, but at the same time? Remember to live life, and remain hopeful. The world is already a beautiful, wonderful place. We can make it an even better one, as long as we believe in our dreams being possible. So stay hopeful, stay loving each other, and we will survive, and we will build the lives we want. Much love. <3

There's an hour before I'm planning to go to a Sapphic event and the event runs until early morning so I will be too dead upon returning to do anything but sleep.

I'll say I'm going to be rather busy going forward, with work, prep trip, etc. I'm also dealing with a severe dry-eye-feeling issue that is affecting me rather strongly and I don't know why.

But, to the best of my ability, I still want to give blogs the next couple of days before my trip begins. I won't be able to blog on said trip, but I want to give as much of my life as I can, even if not sharing all of the uplifting stuff I'm aiming to.

I tested Instagram Reels today and it works. It's a little bit more of a pain compared to TikTok, but I can make it work going forward. I'll be posting there as well as BlueSky going forward, and continuing to network and communicate with my discord peeps.

We're going into rough territory. But I want to have faith that we can get through this, together.

So as always, protect your loved ones, and stay strong. We can do this. <3

...But it was for the best possible reason.

Yesterday was incredibly draining, but in the best way? All of the good in life being overwhelming.

Because yesterday, my wife and I officially got married. Kelsey Marie Lewis is my wife now. We had a wonderful day, but it left me so exhausted, I couldn't say anything on my blog, which is disappointing.

Since this entry is going to be relatively early in the day, I'll see if I can make another entry later today, with this being an honorary entry for yesterday and the later one being an entry for today.

No promises though--yesterday I knew I was pushing myself too far, but did it anyway; today I am tired and dealing with the burnout, so am largely going to be required to rest.

Regardless, there's small bits of happiness and love even in these trying times. Remember your loved ones and all that matters about them, how much you care about them, and love them, the happiness they bring you. Protect your future with them, and stay safe. <3

...But I wanted to at least try to lay out some thoughts.

Right now, the past doesn't matter. I just want to normalize this message going forward as I feel it important.

Nothing anyone has done to me, and nothing I have done to other people, would ever stop me from helping them if they need it.

I've always had nothing but love for everyone. That love is unconditional, giving full support.

To put this into context.

I had a lot of thoughts about the upcoming events.

December 3rd will be one year since my wife proposed to me.
December 4th will be one year since we have had a place together.

And December 5th through 6th will be one year since I lost most of my friends, to what I suspect was the malice of the two accomplices to the problematic streamer who nearly drove my wife to kill themself. And that loss led me to nearly kill myself. And for the last year, we've been trading off on the consequences of that misinformation campaign, where we've been suicidal and nearly lost our lives numerous times.

But all of that...all of that...means nothing.

Going forward, the past means nothing.

The problematic streamer and the people who I believe were willing knowing accomplices? Despite their problematic nature, I have always thought they're not complete monsters. They aren't going to be celebrating what's going on. They're going to be afraid, and need support, and love, and so much more, going forward...just like me.

I don't care what I believe them to have done. If they need help, and if I have any ability to help them...I will. Because love isn't conditional. Love isn't revoked off of what was done in the past. Love is something that I cannot help but give to everyone, no matter their past, no matter how flawed they are. While I wanted the truth to come forward, and I wanted them to face accountability and responsibility, I never wanted them to undergo, say, being canceled. Being banned. Being ostracized. None of them deserve that. Very, very few people do.

Like a lot of the people about to celebrate having increased power, mind you, who actually do deserve bans, ostracization, cancelation, etc. But most people don't deserve that fate.

​I don't care what people did to me.

Nor do I care what I have done to them.

​I genuinely think that, going forward, the past doesn't matter.

What matters is the present and the future, which...we need to prepare and plan for.

We need to network. We need to stay safe. To protect. To educate, to learn, to understand, to spread knowledge. To show kindness, caring, compassion, empathy, and love.

Playing the blame game won't do good. Blame leads to resentment and hatred, the very things we're trying to triumph over.

We can't be apathetic.

We have to fight.

We have to stay strong, plan effectively, protect ourselves and loved ones.

We have to hold onto the hope that love, empathy, kindness, compassion, care, understanding, knowledge, and support are stronger than hatred and oppression.

As long as we fight for those things, we will never lose to the apathy, greed, and hatred of the world.

Silence/inaction is how hatred and oppression fueled by apathy and greed wins. Staying as safe as you can, networking, checking in on loved ones, supporting each other, and building communities of love, kindness, and understanding? Is how they lose, and empathy, connection, and love wins.

We can't stay silent. As long as it's relatively safe to speak up, we have to. Speak not with anger, retaliation, outage, etc., but with calmness, compassion, patience, and love. It's okay to feel grim, but let your voice be heard, and show who you are.

A lot of people are afraid right now, and with good reason. But going forward, we're going to need a lot of bravery. A lot of courage, to take action despite the fear, to risk putting ourselves at increased risk in order to protect people, to speak out rather than stay silent. Stay strong, everyone.

To blame is human. To recognize blame leads to resentment, hatred, and harm, and that those are not what is needed, is to show understanding and love. Blame can begin a lot of division. Finding what to do next is how we start bringing people together again.

Basically.

We have to remain positive. We have to uplift each other. Support each other. Be strong together. Give what we can. We won't be able to rely on the government going forward. We have to survive, together.

My thoughts are scattered, but I will try to be a point of reassurance and strength going forward.

I will not be safe, but as far as people go, I have a lot more safety than most--I feel like I am obligated to use that to help all of my loved ones.

The vocal minority being emboldened to be hateful is going to be harmful, but I need to do my best to not let that hate dominate.

We have limits to what we can do...but we have to do everything we can to do.

Stay safe.

​Much love.