Yesterday was rather productive, but I didn't have time to do literally everything I set out to do. I had to pick and choose near the end what to focus on, and it wasn't on blogging.

Today? Today's been a waste. I went to pick up my medication, and...
...And that was it, I legit did nothing else of note.

Unless you count spending more time on twitter engaging in conversation which doesn't actually convince anyone to do any good and blocking a small percentage of people of which there are countless more. (I could never block them all.) Which I consider to be a waste of time. I do it because I am mentally unwell. I am severely depressed, I go onto twitter when depressed. (Twitter doesn't make my depression worse but it likely is adding stress.)

Twitter is a useful tool for, if properly cultivating things, becoming informed. Once you figure out the signs of people spreading things which you can ignore and block, what's left is legit informative. I sometimes lack context in things, but most of the time, I can actually become educated. If not instantly, than with time. (I struggle with non-US issues, generally speaking, but I'm slowly learning.)

Still though. Not a good place to be. Really really not a good place to engage. Activism might be valuable, but my words aren't gonna do much of anything there. Those I talk to, I'm either preaching to the choir or preaching to bad faith actors with no intent to change their bigoted ways. In either case, I make little to no difference, so my time would just be better spent...

...Literally anywhere else.

I should be working on things.

Maybe on internally looking at our plurality (we were close to identifying another voice, because we got a name--Minerva--and knew she was active, but instead of finding her voice we let it go).
Definitely should've showered.
Probably should've napped properly.
I'm not taking care of myself across the board.

Picking up my meds was nice, but that's all I did, and it was because I have no choice but to.

​I have more notes to write for farn, and I've done none of them.
I haven't kept up on discord, either.

So like.

I should be doing more.

​I'm not doing well.

And the answer to that is quite simple: internet issues, into computer issues.
I had not one but TWO days with 12+ hour outages to the internet.
And last night, my computer bluescreened on me. (In the middle of a stream. During a ranked game of tft.)

Suffice to say, been quite frustrated recently. I've been through a lot of struggles right now.

Currently, we're snowed in, which is a big issue since I only have one day of medication left. (Maybe two? Would need to track down the remnants of one that I think I have still in the old storage location.) And we're still sick. And it's cold. Very cold.

So having an inability to use my desktop for any reason. No power. No internet. Computer bluescreening. It's infuriating. I live my life online. Which is, explicitly, not a bad thing. Neurotypicals consider it such, but to someone as neurodivergent as we are, as isolated as we are, the internet is a literal life-saver. We need it to survive. We thrive on the internet.

So being denied that for any reason is just--it's frustration beyond frustration, since it shouldn't have any reason to happen and it is super duper mega big of an impact on someone like us.

​But, anyway, we're back to normal now. We're currently bored out of our minds right now, tho. (Which is why we are actually making a blog before midnight. xD) The reason for that is that we are busy doing necessary content creation work, which leaves us unable to do anything really fun. We burned through the entirety of our buffer for vods so we need to start uploading them again. But those vods take a ton of processing power. Like, a ton a ton. So we can't really do much else while uploading vods.

We need to build up the buffer again (ideally to 65 but 62 will give us at least a few days), which means spending the whole day effectively doing nothing but uploads.

Simultaneously, we're going through our five and a half hour stream from last night, to clip moments from it. (Clipping clippable moments is something we're trying to do more so that we have more content to show off.) Which is a grind. We're doing nothing but listen to ourself and our content. And uploading. And nothing to break up the monotony. No games, no watching of content, nothing. All focus on the task at hand. We're only 3 hours into the vod and only on the 60th video. (For the record, 58 is tomorrow's video pretty sure. 59 needs editing so can't be uploaded yet and thus skips a day. But like. That's basically no buffer at all.)

Granted, last night's stream was only our seventy-fifth stream. So we're getting nearly caught up. But we still gotta get the process fluently rolling, moving, to be more automatic. Ideally, vods would be uploaded the day after a stream and we'd be streaming most days. All of it is necessary. But all of it is a grind. And it's not fun.

We want to be doing other things. ADHD is incredibly overwhelming. The urge to do something, anything, is so strong. And being unable to is just...so...maddening. The presence of nothing has always been my worst nightmare so being left with nothing but myself has left us feeling bored out of our minds and basically just...struggling hardcore. We want to do something, anything, else. But there's nothing we can do. We only have the task at hand.

Needs to be done tho!

I feel like we can actually succeed at our goals--if we keep at them. So gotta keep networking, gotta keep expanding, gotta keep doing what we are doing so that we can do what we are setting out to do. We are aiming to build a communitBree. So we need to actually do the work needed.

We had constant internet woes with unending issues there, and then our staff meeting at work was moved to be two hours earlier, and we have family night tonight, which is always hard on us, so like. Today is not a good time.

I guess there is something we do want to do tho; we figured we might as well plug something.

We were going to catch this live, seeing the entire premiere, but see above for why we didn't.

​To make up for it, here's a link to it.

We'll have to see if I can figure out how to embed videos in my wix mirror to the blog. (As a reminder, my main blog is on weebly, the mirror is wix, I'm updating both to not put all eggs in one basket and create a backup.)

On weebly, to create the embedded youtube video, I have to do text-YT-text.
But on wix, I've not done it yet so this will be an experience.

Anyway, I'm a big fan of Jordan (aka detune) DiSorbo's content, especially the Paranormal Detours, and have been waiting for the video to release, and today, it finally released the highlight video of the first one at the Bellair House.

Three for three in not making it to bed by 9:30. In fact I'm pretty sure I got worse and worse across the week, starting at like 9:35 then 9:45 and then it now being past 10 and I'm just now writing my blog.

Well, "blog".

There really ain't much to see here, to be honest.

Because we gotta go to bed.

Like, we're overdue by over half an hour.

We ain't got time to do a good entry.

Lots on our mind, but nothing we can do tonight. Gotta wait for tomorrow and hope and pray.

Oh, and by the way, about yesterday's to-do list: I remembered two items forgotten, and one of them I did, the other I have not--not gonna mention them on the blog for safety reasons but there's something rl that I gotta do.

I also tried to stream!

...And had my computer freeze on me, forcing me to use a hard-shutdown and boot it up cold. (Miffed we lost our Opera tabs--again!--but at least we kept the important browser's tabs.)

Literally was 2 minutes from hitting go live.
And my computer froze in a way that made it not respond--mouse frozen, keyboard unresponsive, nothing working not even control-alt-delete, not the windows key, zilch. Technically better than a bluescreen, but not by much.

​Anyway, now 40 minutes late for bed so we really gotta go.

As a reminder, weebly is my primary blog, for any who would view this blog entry on wix.
And I am creating a mirror/backup blog on wix, for those who view my blog on weebly.

Today, weebly had me logged in. I attempted to log in with a square account and that wasn't working, so I went back to the log-in-with-google option which seems to consistently be the only one which works--which is a concern, because if it stops working...well, bye bye weebly blog.

With my repeated links to the wix blog, it'd be fairly easy for blog viewers here paying attention to what would inevitably be my last entries on weebly to figure out what happened: that I had lost access to weebly and swapped over to wix. But still, I'd prefer not to lose my weebly blog if I can avoid it, especially since I've not ported over the eight years worth of blog entries yet.

I need to tho, just in case the weebly blog does become inaccessible to me at any point for any reason. After all, losing access to making entries isn't the only concern; losing the content of the entries is also a biggie.

So yeah, I definitely need to do that.

The problem is, there's so much extra I need to do, too.

I should be checking Disney Dreamlight Valley daily to see what outfits are there that I want to buy. Furniture, meh, don't care about it. But clothing, quite a bit, I do. Not everything, but enough.

And there are both quests for League of Legends, and for Teamfight Tactics. I need to keep going on those areas as well.

In addition to that, I've got a doctor appointment tomorrow, and a training on Saturday.

All in all, an incredibly busy week, so finding the time to continue porting over is...quite difficult. Especially since I do have mafia duties to attend to as well as other games that I want to keep playing. It's just...it's a lot. And I don't have time for it all.

​Still gotta try my best tho.

None of the images are loading pretty much so it bustedddddd.

I'll keep using weebly until it BREAKS breaks tho so I'm fine for now. It's functional. Broken and busted, but not BROKEN broken, if you get what I mean.

Anyway.

Obviously, a weebly issue I just now am having isn't what I am here to blog about. (Does make a decent intro tho.)

What I'm here to blog about is a change in my work schedule.

I went from closing on Mondays/Tuesdays/Wednesdays to opening--
From 9pm end, to 5:30 am start.

​Which is, uhhhh...literally the exact opposite.

It has a lot of pros/cons.
A ton of upsides, but also notable downsides.

I have the natural "body out of synch with timezone" thing. (Which I recently learned is an actual thing!) For me my natural bed time is 2 - 4 am or so, so like. I'm waking up at the time I was previously going to sleep at. Which is rough, and brutal.

I am not a morning person. So it is difficult.

I am going to miss the end of all the nightly streams I normally watch during that time--that or lose out on 6 hours of sleep.

Going to bed so early means not getting good sleep--even if I could get to sleep, my FAMILY is still going to be up. (That said they always are either up at the beginning or end so I lose sleep either way to be fair.)

I am far less familiar with the morning shift than I am the evening shift.

It's harder to work in a workout during work and impossible to do before work.
I can't really eat my preferred breakfast, or much of a breakfast at all.
I need far far far more coffee in a day and caffeine in general.
The drive home is far more dangerous than normal.
Going outside in mornings is far scarier than coming home; we live in the woods, so being attacked by a creature is not unrealistic.

And so on and so forth.

...But there are notable upsides, too.

It's two hours of extra pay, per day. (Well, sadly 15 minutes less. So not quite.) Given minimal wage is $20/hour, that means nearly $60 extra per week. Which adds up.

​You might think that means less free time, but actually, no; I mathed it out! I actually get ~2 hours of extra free time! I get ~6 hours of sleep regardless, but when working the afternoon-evening shift, it doesn't matter when I get up; I spend the entire time prepping for work (even if not, I am in the mindset of prepping for work which means not doing things that I think get in the way of that), which means that my only true free time is after work. Given free time starts at ~10 pm with the evening closer shift, that means 4-6 hours of free time.

Given free time starts at ~2 pm with the morning shift, that means 7-10 hours of free time.

It gives at least equal access to workouts, too, but mentally it's easier. When I do morning pre-work workouts I am in the mindset of rushing to work (see also, the above about no matter when I get up I always think about going to work). When I do an afternoon workout I might have the mindset of getting home from work, but otherwise, I have free time to do what I want, when I want.

Both the main streamers I watch stream on those days, and I can catch the beginnings of their streams--since they both start with chatting before going into the game, yet the game is what I find less interesting/more mindless (welllll, most of the time), that means I'm going to be around for the part I like more and miss the part I like less. (I like both, to be clear. I don't want to miss either, to be clear. But given the choice where if I MUST catch one or the other, catching the talk is better than catching the game for me.)

It allows me to catch streams that I normally can't catch, and I won't be missing many--most late night streams I catch are explicitly "extras", where I'll watch them but I'm not really watching them. Most morning streams I want to catch are friends and friends of friends and associates and such that I do​ want to catch.

At work during the evenings, I am always asked to do tasks and given nothing in return. I also have extra responsibility that I should live up to but often don't, via being the experienced guard who should be leading. (My leading style being fairly ineffective. I need to change it, but I lead by doing all the work the "right" way, rather than delegating and teaching. Delegating and teaching is the leadership style I need to learn tho.)
During the mornings, I am given free drink and occasionally free food, and while I am still asked to do things, this also comes with the benefit of teaching me things I needed to know.

At work during the evenings, there's hectic stuff going on like family swim and kids lessons, neither of which I will truly be good at guarding for because family is sensory overload and swim lessons, I as a lifeguard have no clue about anything in them.

At mornings, there's lap swim (I know how to handle that) and water fitness--which allows me to dance. Dancing gives extra workouts, too. I dance to the music, which actually helps me guard better because music has rhythm and rhythm brings with it regularity in scanning.

All in all, the ups do outweigh the downs, at least in theory.

But it does​ require a huge adjustment.

My hope is that I can effectively trick my body into effectively accepting the shift fairly easily.
"Oh, you're waking up at the time you normally go to sleep, I guess that's an all-nighter after having taken a nap."
When said '''nap''' was 6 hours, that mindset might be able to make me sleep easier and better.

Tonight's the first true test of it (tomorrow should've been but I cut my sleep by staying up too late), so we'll have to see.

In theory, once I get used to it, I think that I should be able to get 6 hours of sleep and get things done. We'll have to see. After I eat my dinner tonight, it's bed time for me so wish me luck! (I'll need it. Desperately.)

It's actually so simple, neat, and clean. It's probably better than weebly to be honest. (Which I guess makes sense, Wix was listed as #1 on the list with Weebly as #4, and weebly was described as like-wix, so presumably wix is a better weebly.) 

It's a shame that either it wasn't around back in 2014 or I didn't discover it back then. Granted, I think I said the same thing of weebly when I started, butyeah.

Also, I'm attached to my current blog so momentum will keep me blogging here.

But, hey. If my current blog on weebly fails, I have a reliable backup now!

​Here's the backup blog link.

To touch on yesterday, we have in fact calmed down significantly. Yesterday we had a strong manic episode fueled by adhd which allowed for us to do what we did yesterday. Today we lack that, so we're more, ah, so to speak: "normal".

But we're still changed. Yesterday happened. It was a dam breaking. A gasket unsealed. A cork unpopping. It happened, and once it did, no going back. We're here now! And we're here to stay. All of us. Not that we really know who we are. There's fewer of us right now active, but there's a lot of us still around.

We're not going to be quiet it seems.

We've pretty much not had that expected almost-singlet pseudo-singlet zone where we basically meld. We're having fewer present. But it's still more than it was before. We'll have to see how things stabilize in the coming days.

And to follow through on other things (oh speaking of followthrough: Bree you still need to work on the apology thingy majiggy for torn you dummy), we're working on making a backup to the weebly blog we have here. We looked at the first recommended options and are trying out a wix blog as an option. Today will largely be spent trying to get it set up and then, hopefully, getting my archive on weebly up on there, too.

I realize writing a blog twice per day is going to be extra work and a pain--but content creators always say, "don't put all your eggs in one basket" and that applies here. I need to have a backup. I'm not going to update everything to have the backups included because weebly is still my main blog. But it'll be there as a backup in case weebly fails me. At least, that's the hope.

I'm not going bed nearly early enough to do the workout + shower combo I planned for tomorrow, but I desperately need both.

Mind you, I'm not going to bed late. It's just not early enough.

And I didn't do anything today. Nothing important, nothing which matters anyway.

I have various things that I should be doing.

I should be double-triple-checking to make sure my blog won't suddenly and inexplicably die when this stupid square thingymajiggy goes through.
Speaking of which, the landing page is hella out of synch with what my website is. I literally have it listed as a blog. That's an option for the type of site offered. And I have it set as such. But my dashboard is suddenly warning me about not having any products/sales/etc. Like, no duh??? I'm a blogger, not a shop owner. And have my site set to such. I have it set to be a blog, why are you giving me notifications about a shop that I don't have??? It's nonexistent because that's not what I'm using the site for.

Weebly literally was the best site for a blog that I could find back in 2014 and it is still quite good for being free. It has a lot of issues, and a lot of things which could be better. But a great amount of the content is not paygated, so for free I can have access to everything I really need for a blog. And while the formatting isn't the best (I bet anyone trying to dive through the archive is having a nightmarish time--I can't pull it off and I'm the one who wrote​ the blogs!), it's still adequate enough.

Admittedly, I haven't looked into replacement options. I probably should, just as a precaution if nothing else. "Don't put all eggs into one basket", and all that. And if this blog were to go down, so much history of me would be permanently lost. A huge piece of my soul would basically die. I would lose every story note I have stored on this blog, including things like Red Hood Rider and Phyrra and Cyrus and The Descended and more. It would lead to the permanent loss of info that should never be lost.

So I need to look into a backup, pronto, as a safety precaution.

​But for now, weebly works well and I'm quite content with it.

Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh right, things to do. (Do I have an ADHD tag? I guess that's kinda what the ramble tag is for. Well, swapping topics rapidly and/or incredibly long blogs. The ramble tag encompasses both.)

I need to go to bed.

But there's so much I need to get done, too.
Good hygienic processes I currently lack.
Stopping procrastinating on a long-overdue apology.
Writing more.
Explaining the Vetra character more.

Oh also various ideas I've had like how today I had an idea for eight vampire lords each with one element taking from various sources.

God, there's never enough time.

I had like a full list, too, before my ADHD went into a weebly tangent.

I might be able to recover the things I was going to blog about here as a to-do if I focused, but I still should go to bed so ah well. Yet another example of things lost in time forever I guess.

I was required to swap from google automatically logging in to an entirely different service, so if I suddenly stop being able to update this blog at some point (especially post-October-8th), you'll know why.

We'll have to wait and see if things are okay since I've no clue.