I went to a new years eve dance. Three and a half hours of continuous dancing. We went because my sister had, for the first time, no plans, and yet, a couple we dance with regularly had bought tickets to the event but couldn't make it due to a change of plans--not wanting the tickets to go to waste, they offered them to us. (Similar to how we went to that dance thing earlier in the year, albeit a different couple, but same end result. We went for free to something that would usually cost us money.)

Certainly not the worst way to spend a new years eve party, although an experience I found incredibly strange. Ever since we stopped having new years eve celebrations as a family, I've been used to having the house to myself, alone. Now, granted. Half the time, I haven't been alone. Last year, I had my girlfriend with me. Either the year before that, or the year before the year before that, I spent time with friends from ComicFury watching films.

Butstill. Interacting with people on such an event felt highly weird.

​Was overall a pleasant experience though!

But there's no better way for me to say it.
I've just had a really shitty day and I just.
I don't want to talk about it.
And feel like curling up into a ball to die.

Considering that I didn't make a blog entry.

But I also don't know what to say, exactly, for today. I feel like there's stuff worth blogging about, but my mind is blanking as to what that'd be.

I need sleep even more!

I need bed.

I'm sure that I could share stories, but given the effectively party day (including a date with my girlfriend), I'll keep it to the short detail--the largest gift I got was a laptop with some pretty impressive specs that I don't remember most of, something which I have wanted for quite a while.

Now all I need is for the magical headphone combination that I'm pretty sure doesn't exist but would be a godsend if it did.

I don't like how most modern headphones are sized--they're the size of the ears, which means...they don't actually cover the ears, allowing even headphones that are brand new to let sound in, because there's just no way to have the ears be fully covered.

Older "ear muff" style headphones, where there's this big gigantic pad over the ear are ideal.

But I also like noise cancellation; the big gigantic ear muff headphones tend to not have that feature, even though it's a useful one to have.

More than both of that though--I don't want a wireless headphone because that takes installation which is a pain (rather than something you can just plug in to have instantly work) and doesn't tend to have the range desired...but I also want headphones that have a longer cord than what I have. The cord I have now is so ridiculously short that I constantly, constantly, am unplugging them on accident, and when I have need of them my range of movement is limited beyond what it should be.

But the cord if it were too long would get tangled up hopelessly. Another useful feature to have is the adjustable length of the split point. All non-wireless headphones feature a split point, where the single cord splits into two, one for each ear. While ones with adjustable lengths tend to be slightly more fragile, it's still a convenient feature to have for customization.

And obviously, I'd like for the actual headphones themselves to be adjustable, because headphones never fit well on your head. The ones I have now can move to be longer, and also have two pivot points. A feature like that is rather useful, too.

I'd love to have a headphone combining these features, because it would be something that I'd get endless mileage out of, but I honestly don't think something like this exists, so I'm not surprised it's something I don't have yet. Still, would be my current dream gift, now that I have a new laptop.

But anyway, I've got work tomorrow, so it's time for bed now.

It's a little hard to tell for certain, but I THINK I've done most of what the power outage put me behind on. (I know it's not everything, because there's one thing which I've been putting off because it's a bit of a project to undertake.)

That's left me feeling content--and I even got a little bored. Watched the first seven episodes of the original Fate/Stay Night anime adoption (at least I think it's the original? It's the one with this wiki page for the episodes, so I just kinda assumed), since it was on my mind.

My older sister, brother, and I during our "anime night"s at one point watched all of Fate/Zero (although I'm watching the original in subs not dubs) quite a while ago--we're talking, years, plural, ago when Fate/Zero was a pretty new anime at least dubbed--and when that happened, I did a little bit of a wiki walk on immersing myself in random pieces of the lore.

Combined with the vast exposure of multiple (rather spoilerific) tropes about the series, and it was just something that I held interest about watching, even though at least one of said siblings did not. (Thus, why we never watched it as a group.) Of course.

I don't know much about it, believe it or not. I know the Fate/Zero stuff more or less (obv), I also believe I pretty much know about Archer, I might know one of the unrevealed Masters, I definitely know what happens to one of the Servants, I know a little about the Master for Berserker, but in actuality, for someone who is TVTropes-spoilered and binged on knowledge, surprisingly?

I don't know much beyond that. (Well, I certainly know about some non-Master/Servant characters. But I am talking about Servants and Masters specifically, who are the ones I am interested in the most.) I finished Episode 7, so I've only seen 4 of the Masters, said Masters' Servants, plus Lancer. And of them, I actually know absolutely nothing (beyond what's been shown) of Rider/Rider's Master; I don't know the specific in-universe lore behind Berserker; I don't really know Lancer well in spite of him being one of the ones I specifically researched (well, it's more like I researched his weapons without stumbling upon much about him, just a few details), you get the idea.

In other words, in spite of me knowing some rather HUGE plot twists.
I actually am finding that by and large.
I actually know nothing in spite of just how much of the series I was anticipating having been spoiled to me.

But I'm calling it a night there.

(Note, I am rather aware that the anime series are of course based around the...what's the term...visual novel?...but I take it as a given that people understand that, and understand that I understand that.)

I'm probably not going to stay up much longer.

Tomorrow is Christmas, after all.

I'll be pleasantly surprised if half the gifts I get end up being something I make good use for, but then again, I'm probably the second-hardest member of the family to shop for. (The hardest of course being my brother.)

AGAIN!

But, hold please.
​Gonna take me 24, 48ish hours to get my affairs in order, so, sorry no blog!

Similar, albeit, I was more focused at work, and had more to do after work to the point where I was totally distracted for basically all of my time.

Given that, I don't really have a blog.

I could stay up to write one, but I'm tired, and I kinda want to get the extra sleep at the moment. Apologies!

This might surprise you.

The thing which I hate most about work.

Is not anything to do with work.

It's all me.

What happened to me today, is not at all an uncommon occurrence to happen--in fact, it's quite typical, and that's why it's so frustrating when it happens.

I will develop a thought which I want to ramble on when I get home from work.
I intend to ramble on it when I get home from work.
But then.
Once I actually get home.
I just...don't feel like writing it anymore.

I was passionate about this. I took measures to ensure I'd write it. I not only wrote down all the notes on what I was to ramble about (as to make sure I didn't forget), I wrote as much as I could in the space I had available and in the time constraints I had. (Okay so that was mostly during my lunch break and after my shift ended, as to avoid slacking on the job, butstill.)

I knew that if I didn't pre-write the blog, I would probably convince myself not to make it.
So I pre-wrote it.

Except.

It's a worse effect than I anticipated.
In spite of me having known at the time I wrote it that this could happen.
In spite of me having known at the time I wrote it that I really wanted to make it then and that I wouldn't have that passion when home.
I underestimated my "ugh" factor.

Because I just don't feel like it. In spite of knowing how I felt before.

This ramble was going to be hands-down the longest ramble of the year, making it most likely my longest blog entry of the year as well.

And I have the time for it.
I have all the time in the world.
I don't have anything better to do.
I'm not doing anything productive tonight.
So I really have no excuse, no distraction, nothing to keep me from doing it. There is nothing that should keep me from talking about this. I was even counting on that. That between the sheer boredom I'd have and the overabundance of time and lack of tasks to do (I did everything I needed to yesterday, leaving me with nothing to do today), would be enough where I'd just do it by default.

...Except I'm not.

The feeling's not there right now.
In spite of being there all day at work.
And you know the worst part of this?
It will be there again at work tomorrow.
And it will be gone when home from work tomorrow.

And every. single. day. This is what happens to me.
You know the number of ideas which I don't so much as mention on my blog, due to this? Quite a few. The lucky ones have writing to record the surface of their existence, even if the depths of them are known only to me. The really lucky ones actually get a mention. But mostly? Mostly they just...stay in my head, and disappear.

And that is the absolute worst thing, for most of these things.
Because many of them I instantly know are good, are insightful, are meaningful, and should be said.

But I don't say them.
And I have no reason not to say them.
I just don't.

​I suck.