My fiance came with me to work today (they felt it was needed and tbh they probably were right) and was tired when we got home so cleaning didn't get done.
I had a lot of uplifting things happen and I feel a lot better.
I have a ton to be proud of, but a ton not getting done.
My bills are likely overdue and still not paid.
I'm probably still making the wrong choices--for instance, a couple hours ago I asked myself "do I send (a type of message) to (a person)", but I ultimately felt it'd have been a mistake even with the best wording so opted out, and I'll always wonder/ask myself if that was the correct call and I likely never will know. (In general, I am naturally reactive. I don't show proactivity and proactively reach out, but I always wonder if it's the right thing to do to wait for someone to reach out to me with the appropriate action on my end being doing nothing until they do, or if I should be doing more than I am. AS FAR AS I KNOW, waiting is the better option, but again...I dunno.)
Today I was largely more positive, so my exercise in getting a better mental yesterday partially worked--not fully, which is why having my fiance helped a lot, but today was mostly more in the positive realm. I did dwell an uncomfortably long time on hypothetical what-ifs I never want to visit yet instinctively keep around as intrusive thoughts, but instead of dominating for ALL of the day, it was only a small part of the day and I was able to shake them off and get more healthy thoughts going.
I did story stuff today, albeit just a bit of notekeeping. Still proud of doing it as it's been weeks maybe months since I last did and I've been wanting to do that for a long while.
I'm not going to get everything I want to do done today but that's okay. Any deadlines on things like getting a new streaming software or my discord bots to have reactions for roles to be auto-assigned are purely arbitrary and did not need to strictly be done today. And there's always tomorrow.
I wrote some lovely messages and spread them to maybe too many discords. Well, it was only two or three messages with one of them copypasted across almost all of them--I wrote that message for one server, but I ended up feeling it shouldn't be limited to just there. It just felt right to spread it around to share that love, kindness, and affection to others.
And maybe, I should also share it on here. I know (other than my fiance reading over my shoulder which to be clear is okay and I am okay with it and it's lovely and I love you so much my love and it's okay and I do mean it) that nobody really reads my blogs outside of maybe when I advertise them or random checkins (I don't have a consistent daily viewerbase despite the blogs themselves being daily--and that's okay, just stating I know it is the case), but in case anyone does do those random checkins and sees this, or in case this blog gets seen when I next advertise it, or in case the blog gets regular viewership, or in case the blog gets someone at some future point deciding to bingeread and they stumble into here or in case someone looks at the tags and spots this, basically in case anyone by any method sees this, it bears repeating for everyone.
This is the kind of message I aim to spread to everyone in my life this year, as long as they will let me. (And I know, there are those who won't, and that's okay. That's valid. I will wish them well regardless even if they wish nothing to do with me, but I will respect their boundaries. As long as I know what they are, I will never cross them.)
I resolved to spread joy and positivity, and it starts with messages like this.
Don’t worry about any setbacks. You are still doing good regardless of them.
Don’t worry too much about what you’re not doing. It’s okay. There’s a finite amount of time in any given day. You can’t do everything you want to in any given day. You will always give something up, and you will probably be inclined to lament the loss of that thing, but you have your whole life ahead of you.
It’s never too late. You can and should focus on what you believe is the most important thing in your life on the given day, and It’s okay if what that is, changes.
You can find a way to balance eventually, no matter how long it takes. 💖
And on top of that, I also wanted to add more. I will always be around to help, as long as I am able to, in any way I can.
I will always have my DMs open.
I will accept any request.
I will do anything for those who I would gladly call my friend.
And I call plenty of people friend gladly, including plenty who probably would prefer I not.
Regardless, I will be there for a friend, always, in any way they want me to be.
I will always show my love.
I know there are a bunch of people in pain. The pain is active, the pain is real, the hurt is there. The fallout of past actions had consequences which left longlasting hurt and damage and left so much harm which hasn't healed. And perhaps never will. But while I can't do anything for those who don't want me to do anything, if they do want me to do something I will do whatever I can to help them in any way shape or form.
A lot has changed, and things will never be the same. I'm the same I've always been, but I've also changed. (For the better I feel.) And that applies for all people, too. They change. Their perceptions change. Their lives change. They face turmoil. They face pain. But I will do whatever I can to spread words of positivity and affirmations and give them a bit of joy.
I will not be perfect, but I will offer the reassurance I can, as I can. I will strive to make everyone's lives be better, including giving them a fresh outlook on things, to build on what they have. And you, my lovely reader, are part of that.
I know my words are just words, they probably don't offer as much impact as I would want them to. So this message is temporary, perhaps lasting only seconds, or minutes, maybe if I'm lucky can last you a day. It won't stick, no matter how much I wish it would, but I offer it all the same because so much as a single second better is worth it in the end so take this message with you.
You are loved.
You have such amazing and wonderful love, compassion, and care to give to others and the world, which you do.
You are talented. You have a good sense of humor. You are nerdy. You are worth spending time around, and you are worth being invested in.
You are enough as you are. You are good enough. You deserve all the good things you have.
You are going to go far in life. You are going to accomplish great things.
You have made an impact in life, more than you know, and you make it just by existing.
You matter. You are seen. You are loved.
And yes, life is not perfect. Not everything will go right. There will be challenges. There will be setbacks. There will be hurdles. But you are remarkably adept at overcoming them, more than you know, and that is beautiful. And if you decide not to, then whatever you pivot to? Just as amazing and wonderful.
You are incredible.
You can do it.
You can get through the trials and tribulations.
You make a difference. And you are memorable.
I truly hope you can some day accept at least some of these things as true. I know it's hard to show that self-love, but just know I truly believe this of you, and if I believe it of you, then you can eventually too.