Productive days, mind you (well, kinda--largely networking? Which I consider productive), but still.
It's nearly an hour past my bedtime meaning two consecutive days of 5 hours of sleep.
Productive days, mind you (well, kinda--largely networking? Which I consider productive), but still.
...And then at the very last second, I had a near-miss with potential power going out. We had a storm, we had previously lost power for a week, so I instantly panic-sleeped my computer. Oh well. I made it now tho! Anyway, will be late for bed for work tomorrow, so hey, may as well be making a blog.
I've had an incredibly productive weekend. Did waste some time on TFT and League, but still made good progress in minecraft, and, notably: actually finished my art project!!!
I finished my new profile picture/avatar for twitter, twitch, discord, and youtube!
This is an image that is me.
It's an artistic depiction of me, taken from a selfie of me.
I wanted to art-ify that selfie, but have it retain the realism of the selfie.
And then I wanted it to identify who I am.
The lesbian hair, because I am a lesbian.
The transgender shirt, because I am trans.
The gay mask/necklace because I do be gay and they are easily recognizable as such.
The hazel eyes because that's my eye color.
The plurality necklace is, as far as I can tell, the plurality pride flag for a median system, which is what we are.
And then we have the nametag to show our name, Bree (short for Brianna Danielle Lewis), with our pronouns she/her. And it's the autistic pride flag because we are autistic.
The second necklace (as well as subtle colors throughout) has our blue, our red, our yellow, our white, and our black in it, the colors of the five groups in our brain.
It's an image that is just...it's me.
It can't fit literally everything, obv. No bipolar disorder, no anxiety disorder, no ADHD (this one I kinda wish we could fit in).
But it is a perfect encapsulation of most of who I am, in a single image, that allows people at just a glance to tell who I am, what's important about me, and is essentially a visual way to instantly tell what I am.
And I love it.
Artistically it is the best thing I have ever drawn. Which means it advertises my talents, too.
It's everything I was hoping to make.
There's little imperfections. But it is as good as I can do.
And I am happy with my work.
On the one hand, super duper productive day.
On the other hand I'm so tired that I am fighting hard to not typo every word here and have precious few to say.
My family normally stays at home for Thanksgiving, and I had planned around that.
I was told we were going to be visiting rather than staying at home...12 hours before leaving.
Nobody told me, at all, until 9 pm, that we were going to be spending Thanksgiving away from our home, yet alone, that the planned departure time was 9 am.
So that was fun.
Anyway now I'm sick, a day behind, and basically just "uhg I needed that day to rest" and I didn't.
Mind you, wasn't a bad experience. Food was delicious, we actually ate it all rather than wasting it like we normally risk.
But like...it's not how we'd have preferred to spend our time, basically. I got a few things done but not what I wanted to do done.
Is an alright experience tho. Not a negative one. Just not my preferred one.
Our normal tradition gives me unlimited computer time, and freedom and comfort.
Doing something different from that isn't bad, it's just--well it doesn't give me the freedom and comfort I like from the usual family tradition, so. It's not my preference.
Honestly, the main thing I am miffed at is the fact that my family didn't bother to tell me about this big important change from the typical routine until it was effectively a last-minute thing.
But oh well.
Is done now.
Tomorrow is going to be rough--Thanksgiving with my family, but not even at home--no use of my computer.
Want to sleep my existence away right now.
Had a productive day.
But am too tired.
Didn't blog yesterday since by the time I remembered I was already in bed.
Can't blog today since I am late for bed but I want to be as little late as is possible.
I need to build my youtube buffer back up since I'm pretty sure I have none.
I need to watch the rest of the debunk stream going on right now.
Tomorrow I ideally need to shower.
I should note today was an accomplishment in lore once more (writing down something I forgot to write down, a few detail things, and then fleshing out an entire non-farn realm), did a little bit of minecraft, did a little bit of progress on my art profile picture, and it's a productive day but again: am late for bed so...crud.
I had a thought that I was going to leave for just my journal/diary--but like.
I actually feel like writing a proper blog about it?
Not like I have anything better to talk about. (Unless talking about my chronic fatigue this week counts. I don't know why, but I literally can't not be tired.)
Anyway. So basically.
I had a thought.
I won't be able to make everything that I want to make, be a reality.
I come up with new ideas on the daily, and each idea takes literally years to come to fruition, if I keep up on it. (I never keep up with it.)
...While I can't make everything that I want to make a reality...
...I can make a few things a reality. Realistically speaking, assuming I don't die too young, I should be able to get at least a few down.
And I genuinely think I have a chance of getting about four done. One would be harder, but I think I can pull off doing all four in my lifetime.
There's a Big Four that I feel I owe it to them to create.
Those four are my current work (a novel stylized as if an anime) on Farn (both the main story and the sequel), because of Vee;
Red Hood Rider (as a webcomic), because of Ruby;
The Descended (as a webcomic), because of all the characters within (sequels are more optional);
Phyrra and Cyrus (animated series with four seasons each at 12 episodes except the last which has 2-4 extra).
Each of them represents a world that I have built extensively, so extensively that literally multiple characters from each have permanently become part of my brain--no literally. I'm plural, you may recall, and part of that is that I literally gain notable characters in my head, permanently, as they become proper people of their own.
When I write a narrative, the characters I write don't stay as characters. They become people. I start with the idea of a person and their function in the story, but past that point, they start to evolve. They grow beyond their roles.
They gain personality traits they didn't need. Emotions they didn't need. Quirks that are things they didn't need. They say things beyond the necessary. They grow. They expand. Their motivations change. Their reasons shift. My notes often display this evolution in characterization where some notes start with them saying one thing, but then I seemingly later retcon it to be something entirely different.
But that's not me changing my mind--it's them having taken on lives of their own and made their own decisions. Often in line with what was written, but for entirely different reasons. They have lives on their own. They are people. Not characters. They are fluid, dynamic, ever-shifting, ever-evolving.
Because they are still part of a narrative I am telling, they basically act out what they need to act out, but they are not defined by their actions. They grow beyond that, and can shift the narrative. They can change what they act out. They are greater than anything they would be.
Basically. Once I make a narrative, they populate the world and the world becomes a world. Not a setting. Not a story. A world. A whole universe. A universe populated not by characters, but rather, by people. The people in that universe have free wills. Those free wills, those emotions, those motivations, their memories, when I think about them enough to bring them to life:
I literally bring them to life.
And then, once they are brought to life--they are a part of me. As in, a voice in my head. I influenced their life. I came up with a story which they did things in. But after having done that...after I got to know them, to really know them. Talking to them. They talked back. And then, they start to talk to me outside of the story. And make decisions outside of the story.
I have a Vee facet. I hear her voice clearly. Vee has facets of her own, but I can hear her. Vee is as real as I am, quite literally. She has just as strong a voice as my own. She is one of us. There's hundreds OF us--and she is among them. Vee is not a character. She is a person. She is me, and I am her, and she is a proper individual. Every bit a part of Bree as any other voice within the Range of Bree system that is us.
And she's not alone.
Ruby is there, from Red Hood Rider.
Phyrra is there, from Phyrra and Cyrus.
They're not alone I'm sure. Others from their worlds are in my head beyond just them. It's just that those are the ones confirmed.
And while I don't have all the characters of The Descended in my head, I'm fairly sure most or all of the main 16 among others are in there, too. (Aria definitely, probably Argus, etc.)
The big four are the four that are more prominent in all aspects of my life. Literally all of them.
I constantly go back to them.
I go back to the world of Soano.
I go back to the Rubyverse.
I go back to the colliniverse.
And I am actively deep diving Farn.
At every chance I get, I channel them.
They are part of my life.
They are literally defining decisions I make. They talk to me, advise me, give feedback, are part of my internal council, even make decisions of us.
I go to those worlds for comfort.
They are the four I have always been the most passionate about.
They are the stories I blog about.
They are the stories I talk about.
They are the stories I never ever forget.
Most of the details, I just don't forget.
They are not settings for stories. They are worlds. Universes.
I owe it to my headmates to make their worlds be reality for more than just me. I owe it to them. They have given so much to me. I need to give it back to them. Those four stories just are everything. They are passion projects. Epic in scale, but which are worth being made. Difficult, grand, large in scale...but all worthy of it. They have grown beyond the scope of what was set for them.
Soano was just a joke but now is genuinely a full world with full geography.
The Rubyverse grew into an amalgamation of so many past ideas but took on a unique life of its own--not any of the past works just imported, instead being more inspired by past works.
The Colliniverse just organically wrote itself, albeit taking some cues from Soano.
And Farn, while taking some inspirations from the Colliniverse (and by proxy, from Soano), and taking some cues from a really REALLY old setting (that also kinda influenced all of the other three), has also written largely most of itself.
They deserve to be made.
And I think that I can actually make those in the span of my lifetime.
It'll be challenging.
And I might not succeed.
But I think that I can pull it off if I do that.
Okay so there was more to the ramble originally.
I wanted to mention as a reminder something about the main blog (weebly) versus the wix mirror (wix), but I forget whatever it was.
I also was going to mention notable stories that are not in the big four, but which I keep coming back to. (Life of a Mortal, Coat, Disease, namely.) And honorable mentions to the likes of the superhero stories, notable stories like Gistou, etc.
But I started this blog before midnight (10 pm I think), and it's 3 am now--not written continuously, but over the course of time.
I'm tired and beyond being tired, I am also scatterbrained.
So I think it'll be good to leave it here.
Okay so like. My family's putting on a second episode after my bedtime anyway so given how loud the tv is, I wouldn't have been able to go to bed and sleep on time anyway, but like.
I need my six hours, I'm not getting it. Every day is more rough on me than the day before.
The good news is, I'm crushing it in most areas outside of that.
Brushing teeth, taking showers, changing clothes, and doing a majority of the workouts I'm meant to (which is the second failing outside of sleep).
I have done a lot of lore-work on my novel, but now I need to actually write it.
Oh speaking of, I think I might've also solved the demon problem I had there, which basically gives the demons I have in mind to be able to do everything I want them to do (which borrows from other settings heavily), while still being my own creation. (Basically, domains both in farn and in their demon realm. All have demon domain, some have farn domains, which works through land connection, people connection, etc. Have the details in head, keep them there, Bree.)
I do need to better define the limits of all divine beings, what they can/can't do, but mostly: I need to write. It's half-way through NaNoWriMo. If I don't keep writing, I ain't finishing in time.
Anyway, gotta get ready for bed.
In my defense, there's a paranormal detour going on right now, butyeah.
I should be going to bed very soon and I ain't making it before 9:30.