Today was a grand nothingness day.

I fell behind in games and I did nothing of note. My only thing of note was blowing my game budget for the month to playtest a game and give feedback to my family on it. (Conclusion: playable, but probably not as fun.)

Ah well.

​Not every day is a win. Today's about as much of a failure as I get, but I hope I can bounce back tomorrow.

Today I updated my twitch streaming schedule, and added a whole bunch of new nightbot commands.

​I do need to test them out obviously, but hey. I have them for if I need them! Took me like three hours to do, but it done!

So I did as much of the work stuff as I could (there's still more things I do need to do there but I did as much as I can do right now), I have done medical stuff, but I still haven't updated my stream schedule, done art for my stream, set up notifications for my stream, wrote the script for the youtube videos I can make, made a youtube, investigate if I can advertise myself on fanhouse, and probably more.

Still, though, I've gotten a start. I realize this blog kinda is lackluster, but I'm at least writing something and trying to at least get productivity from it in giving notes.

I've had an incredibly busy month, but with what I have done so far, I think that I am getting into the zone where I will be able to do the things I want to do.

I wanna tell the story of how I got ma'am'd for the first time ever, and how on Monday, at approximately a time between 8:10 and 8:30, the person who did so was asking for my help. I keep on playing through something I will never ever have the answer to, because the only person who could answer it was that random total stranger I will never ever meet again.

They were asking for help with gas. I keep on playing it through my head. Did I hang up the fuel line (ending my transaction) before or after the request? After would mean no help, before would mean I could've, but didn't. Did I misunderstand the request and they wanted me to use my credit card to pay for some gas which I could do at any time? Could I have rewarded them for correctly gendering me by doing something different? I will wrack my brain on this for god only knows how long, but I will never know.

It won't stop that from weighing on me tho.

In better news tho.

I got back into streaming after a 20 day drought. I should be getting my new stream schedule up, streaming tonight, creating a youtube, writing a script for youtube videos, updating linkedin, finishing work stuff, and streaming, but I am doing none of it. Tired, just not feeling up to it. I can't even properly tell the story I want to.

I did also come up with two item combos in League, albeit not for Ashe most games. Brainstorming the highest amount of damage which can be dealt, I wasn't sure if it would be (mostly) full lethality or (mostly) full crit against non-tanks, but I think the combo is Eclipse + LDR + BT + IE + Ravenous + sixth high-AD item (Navori probably), but I'm not positive.

Beyond that?

I got authorized to start HRT and am beginning it tomorrow!

You'd think that'd be a big thing; it is! I'm just a terrible blogger and can't really figure out how to write my mood into words right now.

​Sorry for being so lackluster.

...But this time the issue is being too tired, combined with having a fairly early appointment tomorrow requiring an earlier bedtime.

Thiiiiiis sounds familiar.

I can't blog tomorrow, either, due to closing shift Wednesday into opening shift Thursday.

Thaaaat sounds familiar.

I am preemptively sighing my sigh of resignated defeat, with a sad acceptance that in all likelihood I inevitably won't be making that blog.

​Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhh.

...But sadly I'm out of time.

It was a blog pertaining to something which happened today, the good of it but also the resulting anguish I had from the situation that I didn't explain on twitter, or in any of the places I shared the goodness of it.

Basically, it was a good thing--but the good thing had with it more than just the good thing, it had a "I will never get this out of my head" anguishing wracking my brain about it for all of time in spite of knowing I will never get an answer, to it, that I wanted to blog about.

Now granted.

Not time wasted.

I did stay on top of job stuff, and on medical stuff.

I handled mafia stuff as well.

But I also am wayyyyy past the time I wanted to go to bed and yet I'm not writing the blog I wanted to.

Knowing me, that's a high chance I never will.

So I apologize to everyone, including the person that this blog was meant to be a story about (basically), for my shortcomings.

​They are many.

Felt like I was far far far below the acceptable standard at work.

Ended up getting literally nothing done. Like, nothing nothing. I had hope of maybe having an in for getting started on my hormones, but nothing there yet. I have done zilch. I promised to do mafia stuff that I have not. I've not touched steam, including having not worked on my civ 3 mod. No league, no tft, what have I don today?

Nothing. Not even lifeguard humor which I have the ability to do.

I've not even watched streams that I should! If I was catching up on the 2 streams I've now missed huge swathes of, I'd call the day acceptable--didn't even do that.

So this day is basically a failure in every way possible. What could I have done worse? Not hygiene, that was terrible too.

​I got nothing good to say about the day.

Okay so I ended up not doing the thing that I meant to do on Thursday and meant to do on Friday (ooooops), but in my Civ 3 mod, I managed to get a ton of work done, and beyond that?

I actually managed to install some Christmas gifts on my computer! Which is good and will help me a lot.

I do apologize for that, but I am incredibly incredibly busy with a bunch of important rl stuff right now.

I will be doing better in the future. January has been one of the busiest months in my entire life, and I've got even more to do yet. But the things I've got to do are mostly getting done and will soon be finished. From transitioning maybe starting to work that I need to do to keep my job at work to recovering from covid (okay that one's not getting done sadly), I'm genuinely almost there in terms of getting better.

Still got a few things to catch up on (one vod to watch, and tomorrow will produce an LEC vod to also watch), but mostly? Mostly getting to the spot where I will be able to be not bad at blogging.

I am being kept busy. I'm not going to be able to make a real blog tonight thanks to all of the catching up that I am doing but suffice to say, today was a catchup day and so was yesterday to some extent, just not as productively so. I've got a lot to do. League stuff (final mission is ranked, and ranked is something I want to be trying to do anyway), work stuff (very important things), a lot of things, too many for me to think of.

I'll also say that it's now been 16 days since I was sick with covid (I think that's the math? Two weeks was Wednesday and today's Friday) and I'm still coughing. I'm not feeling like I have a bacterial infection but hoo boy I don't really think I'm doing so well.