How much? Six and a half inches, snow. Enough where we have maybe one car capable of getting out? Most of us were certainly staying home today, including me. Fortunately, I didn't need to tell my boss that I couldn't come due to inclement weather, because my boss told me that our facility was closed for today. (Did need to cancel my counseling appointment tho.)

It is cold and it is not gonna melt and even if it did melt it's gonna refreeze which is even worse than before the melt. (Funny thing, ice is ten times more dangerous than snow. Snow's not much worse than water; ice is...well, ice. And melted snow refrozen makes solid sheets of it.) Meaning I probably won't be going to tae kwon do tomorrow, either. (Which kinda sucks, as I said I would and it's the first day of a new session for the lil' kids class. But, safety first.)

Being trapped at home on a day I didn't intend to be left me realizing...it is immensely, tremendously, overwhelmingly, boring because I am still in that recovering position of not really knowing what to do because I still don't feel like :efforting:. Mostly, I messed around for a few hours in Majesty (someone figured out a quest turning Majesty into a tower defense game of sorts, and then released a mod based on that quest for guardhouses which upgrades them further than the mods existing, allowing for lots of fun).

I also have made significant progress on the story of Worms. I'm ending the night having just finished Interlude 14--by my understanding, not even remotely close to finished with the story and it certainly doesn't feel that way. There are events which I know happen (TVTropes spoilers, the very thing that got me into reading Worms in the first place). One or two, I can kinda sorta see as maybe being close, but the others are events that in order to transpire (which I know they do), require significant setup (which hasn't happened yet), setup that doesn't just magically appear out of thin air.

So, slow and steady progress to go. Reading a comment at circa 12 posted in like 2018, I seem to recall them stating, "not even a third of the way through", and that wouldn't surprise me in the least. It is a thoroughly entertaining read, and I'm actually a little miffed at one little thing; Shatterbird's control over glass (which extends to Silicone) is pretty much exactly the power one of my heroes (canonical to the Rubyverse) has; he even goes by the codename of Silicone.

Ah well. The OP nature of that power (in a bad future, said character is one of less than ten superheroes/supervillains left alive in the dieing Earth and could continue to exist even after literally every single other person died; through time travel where he basically inserts himself into the pass, said future is averted and thus his present-self is significantly weaker than that and rather deliberately keeps himself rather weak since he hates his future self's guts and both share the sentiment of him not wanting to walk that path a second time, but I digress) is bound to be something others would be aware of.

Anyway, at least I'm not sick like I thought, and didn't have stress of work to make it worse. Also, we haven't lost power. Obviously, saying that is tempting fate, but realistically speaking, if we were going to lose power, we probably would have already. The snow stopped falling; the melting and refreezing could knock out power, but is incredibly unlikely to, and even if it did. It remains true that so far, it hasn't, which remains a blessing in my books.

I think that's all I can think of to say, so probably gonna go to bed now.

Coldest it's been all season, cold. Cold enough to snow fairly decently, cold. Not helping is that I have a twinge in the back of my throat suggesting I may have a cold. Did I mention it's cold?

I kinda just want to curl up in a blanket and just stay there for a very long time. Mental state may also contribute--or rather, emotional state; right now, I mostly feel like doing things that are neither physically nor mentally exerting, where I can do stuff like watch anime, read stuff, mindlessly play video games, the like. No real thinking, no real acting.

And yet.

Inevitably.

I know I'm going to have a hard time tomorrow due to the all-day work day.

Mind you, I'm not fully recovered, but I am back to, once more, recovering. Again.

Yes I know, I've said that before, only to relapse later, but I am cautiously optimistic that this time for real, it'll start to heal and stay healed.

Believe me, nobody's more annoyed at how debilitating the illness has been than I am, because I know all too perfectly well and good exactly what it means. Basically, it's dragged me down, and all I can do to stop it is...tough it out. Wait. Try different treatments, but ultimately, be at the mercy of time to just. Get better.

And I hate having no control over how I am doing.

​If I am sucking, I prefer to suck because I just suck. Not because some illness is dragging me down.

Doctor's orders, rather than parent's, but the effect is still the same regardless.
I am still sick.
I had a fever of 102.2 yesterday, and today kept a fever albeit not as severe as that one was.

The doctor couldn't tell if it was viral or bacterial, and pretty much split the difference between the two, prescribing an antibiotic as a "just in case" (which I hate the thought of, but given how much I've been sick...screw it I'll take it anyway), plus a cough suppressant to be taken as-needed.

Now, me being sick means that I am making myself be limited in obligations, and it just so happens that both existing obligations ended at the same time--so now I am left with.

No work.
No games. (Because the Civ 3 editor is still broke, in spite of my computer suffering from what seems like a half-restart where most things got closed down but a few remained open.)
No art, tho this may be the one I am closest to fixing.
And no writing, due to a lack of inspiration/desire to write.

I've got nothing now except for boredom killers, aside from a singular activity; dates with my girlfriend, which aside from being boredom killers, are also​ health rejuvenators. In a day I would otherwise be miserable, going on a date with my girlfriend livens me up, giving me a certain source of vigor.

It is also a nice, convenient way for my girlfriend to monitor my health/condition, and overhear conversations relevant thereto that happen in my house, conversations I would otherwise be prone to forget or even totally leave unheard. I genuinely, legitimately think that without going on dates with my girlfriend, I'd have died by now.

Especially since I am not exactly one who takes the best care of myself at any stage, even when healthy. But with prodding and poking from my girlfriend (which is also impossible to avoid--tho I wouldn't be inclined to try anyway--given that my girlfriend can see me), I am set on the right path to recovery.

Aside from my girlfriend staying on top of my health, there's also the obvious mental/emotional benefits. I never am smiling more, I am never more happy, than when I am with my girlfriend, and that joy, that glee, gives a certain sense of instant recovery, motivating me to get better, and making me immediately feel better.

Of course.
It's not something we can consistently schedule (which is why it's always so important to me when we can spend time together, that we do), and to some extent, I worry about...well, remember when I blogged a long time ago about how I was worried there was a chance I could feel smothered no matter how small? (Fortunately, that has not once come up.) I have a fear, no matter how ridiculous it may be, that they could end up smothered by me.

But it's something that I well and truly do enjoy.

I probably had a train of thought with this, but speaking of girlfriend time...
​...That's what I'm headed off for, so if I was going somewhere and had more to say, WHOOPS, I forgot it. Oh well!

I already knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was this bad.

I got a temperature of 102.2. I also have achy, sore muscles as well, which I believe is more symptoms confirming that I am sick with a very, very bad virus.

Yeah, could be bacterial, or worse, both bacterial and viral, but I'm pretty sure these are hallmarks of a very bad viral infection.

All the same.

Plan is for me to take Tylenol before going to bed, for me to sleep out on the couch, propped up, and to go to the doctor tomorrow. I am siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick right now. Not life-threatening yet, but bad enough where regardless of whether I feel better tomorrow, I need a doctor visit anyway.

Speaking of which, I ironically do feel better, aside from the temperature. I'm coughing far, far less than I was this morning, and while I still get a runny nose, it's not clogged up as it was before. My throat is far less raw, and overall, I mostly feel okay, except for the obvious giveaways that I am very much not okay.

I think that come tomorrow, I'll probably be okay.
I think that come tomorrow, I'll be feeling better.
I am certainly hoping as much, obviously.

But if not...yeah.

​I am bad, bad off right now.

How sick?

Sick enough that I the person who only uses antibiotics as an absolute last resort (I don't like using them because they are the micro-biological equivalent of a nuke, killing everything both the bad and the good, plus the risk of use when not needed leading to increased chances of superbacteria immune to them) rushed to the doctor and was prescribed two antibiotics.

It's not like I'm actually miserable.

I have a swollen, sore throat, and my cough is frequent yet dry-because-it's-trying-to-be-wet-but-isn't, but this is an annoyance at worst. I don't have any symptoms in my head aside from the throat; it's mostly in the chest. But I can just tell that this is a bad sickness, off of feeling.

I don't get this feeling for a normal cold.

Sure enough the doctor took a look at me. With me having come back negative for strep throat, at first the doctor thought it might be viral due to the sore throat...until the doctor actually started the examination. I described the nature of the cough, I described the feeling of gunk in my chest, I described what I could feel in me, and after listening to my breathing (not to mention, perfectly timed, hearing my cough), the doctor surmised that it was high enough a probability of bacterial to take those extreme measures.

I am, after all, still recovering (and not recovering well) from months of Vitamin B12 deficiency.

The initial diagnosis, they called pneumonitis. Which I suspect was a mixture of the Vitamin B12 symptoms in. But I am treating it, aggressively, because this is something I need to stay on top of.

I normally hate taking antibiotics, sure. But when I was hit by this sickness, there was just a level of intuitive panic to it. This was not something that I feared off of rational reasoning; there was a deep-seated feeling that this was wrong and very very dangerous to leave untreated. Rationality happened to back that up, sure--I am recovering from Vitamin B12 deficiency, so it makes sense that if I get sick with an actual sickness, the effects on my body are going to be far more dangerous than normal.

​But that level of fear was something which I knew I needed to listen to. Because it was scary. I am vulnerable right now, and having what I frankly suspect is a triple-hit of the B12 deficiency, a viral infection, and a bacterial infection (at least that's my hypothesis) is something which if I tried to "tough it out", could potentially have literally killed me.

So treating it's the best option.

Know how I said that the tests came back normal?

Turns out they didn't.

I have a deficiency of vitamin B12, with a recommended treatment of a vitamin supplement. That particular deficiency would explain not quite all my symptoms, but basically every single major one aside from the sore throats and cough. Including the fever, and including a symptom I forgot to mention when visiting the doctor (that I occasionally look pale, especially during tae kwon do, something which my instructor gets concerned about).

It'd also be, in one way, an answer for some of my cravings. For instance, B12 being necessary for absorbing iron, a deficiency of it would by proxy cause iron to not be where it needs to be, so I'd crave foods rich in it, something which has happened!

It may not be an answer for everything (for instance, nausea), but it seems like it's probably the main culprit, and things related to the B12 deficiency are probably secondary culprits, so treating it should treat most of my problems. Not all, but enough to get me on the road to recovery.

Blood protein levels were also elevated so I need another test to sort that out; my girlfriend suspects my diet which is incredibly protein-rich is to blame. (In my defense, I get an overabundance of carbs already, so I frequently feel like I NEED the protein-rich foods. I probably don't get enough fat in my diet tho.) And my girlfriend is probably right, so I'm not too concerned there.

​I did have a small amount of red cells in the urine test I had, but no infection was present; I'll need a retest in a couple of weeks for that, but the doctor thinks this is unrelated to my current problems and that it probably won't be present again so is likely nothing at all.

​Overall, this is pretty good news. With the treatments I am receiving, with luck, I'll start to improve soon.

But no less sick.

In fact I'm actually more sick than before.

I had pains all along my right side. Shoulder, arm, knee, and especially the hip. These have since faded, but were quite bad at work.

My "zoning out" problem is getting worse and worse. To describe what that is, I honestly think it's a self-defense mechanism of some kind. When my body's suffering, my eyes just kinda...vacate. Become vacant. Zoom out. Fade out. I still see things, and I see them with no blur, but in spite of my vision not being blurred, it's unfocused. I can't really process what I'm seeing, because it's just kinda "out there".

That's something I've had every single day, some days much worse than others, and usually it's when my sickness is making me absolutely miserable, not helped by rather human conditions, like needing to use the restroom, dehydration, hunger, being cold, being hot, being tired, though these latter three are mostly from sickness. (The former three are more from work conditions just being brutal.)

I kinda blank out when it happens, too. My mind sometimes has thoughts in it, but often it's just empty. I exist, but there's nothing in me in those moments.

To be honest, those moments are a little scary--because every time I have them, I'm worried that they could take a turn for the worse. With, I dunno. Maybe me blacking out altogether or something. (Buthey. Doctor in two days! Not tomorrow, but the day after, on Wednesday. With luck, something can be done.)

I've been exhausted, in spite of multiple naps, and also suffering from a minor depression symptom of demotivation, in that I really haven't felt like doing anything. I've had productive things I could have been doing. Or even unproductive things which would at least be progressing something. Something, anything, even if not much.

But I didn't really do any of those. (I did knock out some puzzle games from my 500-game-and-growing-due-to-my-procrastination-and-giving-up playlist on Kongregate, though, so at least I was exercising my brain? Doing puzzles is scientifically proven to be healthy, so. Not total waste?)

I've also eaten a fair amount, albeit not quite as much as I was hoping. I ate most of my lunch; all but the ham and cheese sandwiches, which I felt I wouldn't stomach. I ate soup. I ate some grapes. I had some orange juice. Also drank tea and plenty of coffee at work (with two artificial sweetener packets and two sugar packets for the tea). But I was fixed four hot dogs, and...I don't think I can eat them.

I didn't take a shower today even though I know I need one, in part due to my dad's eating at the time I wanted to but mostly due to fatigue and wanting sleep rather than a warm shower (which honestly would probably have helped more than the sleep but OH WELL).

I have a slight sore throat and have had a little coughing today, too. Didn't really check my temperature at any point but have had the normal sickness variances in extremes between burning up and freezing cold. Then there's the tiredness, if you hadn't gathered that already! Less than before, but still existing.

But I think that's about it.

So, worse than before overall, but not terribly so. This is still "about normal" for me...given that I'm sick.
​This is, absolutely, in no circumstances, normal. But it's normal for me in my current condition. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm glad I'm not worse off. Still bad, still sucks, but I know I could be faring much worse than today.

That is, proof of me having a fever. I took my temperature at 100.1. Not terribly high as far as fevers go, especially given my family genetics (our temperature is always on the higher side; I'm not even sure if a very low 99 is actually feverish for me, higher side), but definitively and unambiguously a fever nonetheless.

Now all that remains is to catch it again on multiple days, preferably at multiple times, to get a wider array of readings that will prove that, yes, I do have this fever, so maybe then the doctors can actually give me something more than skepticism.

I wake up and just really don't feel like going to work, but force myself to go anyway. Initially I start out feeling fairly bad, but then shortly after, as if my body suddenly wakes up, I hit my stride and feel fine...for a few hours. And then. CRASH. I want to go home, and yet have time left in my shift still.

And when I do get home, I just sorta...collapse.

​I need to get better.