I'm not going bed nearly early enough to do the workout + shower combo I planned for tomorrow, but I desperately need both.

Mind you, I'm not going to bed late. It's just not early enough.

And I didn't do anything today. Nothing important, nothing which matters anyway.

I have various things that I should be doing.

I should be double-triple-checking to make sure my blog won't suddenly and inexplicably die when this stupid square thingymajiggy goes through.
Speaking of which, the landing page is hella out of synch with what my website is. I literally have it listed as a blog. That's an option for the type of site offered. And I have it set as such. But my dashboard is suddenly warning me about not having any products/sales/etc. Like, no duh??? I'm a blogger, not a shop owner. And have my site set to such. I have it set to be a blog, why are you giving me notifications about a shop that I don't have??? It's nonexistent because that's not what I'm using the site for.

Weebly literally was the best site for a blog that I could find back in 2014 and it is still quite good for being free. It has a lot of issues, and a lot of things which could be better. But a great amount of the content is not paygated, so for free I can have access to everything I really need for a blog. And while the formatting isn't the best (I bet anyone trying to dive through the archive is having a nightmarish time--I can't pull it off and I'm the one who wrote​ the blogs!), it's still adequate enough.

Admittedly, I haven't looked into replacement options. I probably should, just as a precaution if nothing else. "Don't put all eggs into one basket", and all that. And if this blog were to go down, so much history of me would be permanently lost. A huge piece of my soul would basically die. I would lose every story note I have stored on this blog, including things like Red Hood Rider and Phyrra and Cyrus and The Descended and more. It would lead to the permanent loss of info that should never be lost.

So I need to look into a backup, pronto, as a safety precaution.

​But for now, weebly works well and I'm quite content with it.

Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh right, things to do. (Do I have an ADHD tag? I guess that's kinda what the ramble tag is for. Well, swapping topics rapidly and/or incredibly long blogs. The ramble tag encompasses both.)

I need to go to bed.

But there's so much I need to get done, too.
Good hygienic processes I currently lack.
Stopping procrastinating on a long-overdue apology.
Writing more.
Explaining the Vetra character more.

Oh also various ideas I've had like how today I had an idea for eight vampire lords each with one element taking from various sources.

God, there's never enough time.

I had like a full list, too, before my ADHD went into a weebly tangent.

I might be able to recover the things I was going to blog about here as a to-do if I focused, but I still should go to bed so ah well. Yet another example of things lost in time forever I guess.

I was given a choice between playing tft, or having the time to write the blog I wanted to write.

Guess which I chose?

...In my defense. I knocked out every quest except for a bugged one that I fulfilled the terms for (but it didn't give due to, yaknow, being bugged), including the Monolith/Terra quest I struggled so hard on. I did need to do that, too, since the quest reset by tomorrow, meaning it was do-it-or-lose-it.

Butstill, I was meant to have a blog today.

I mean, I could technically still write the full thing but I can only do 2/3 of game, sleep, and blog; if I game and blog, I ain't getting enough sleep. (Well, I might, but then I don't have enough time tomorrow for shopping and working out. Would have a 2/3 there, too. Sleep, work, shop, not all 3 but 2/3.)

​So I won't be able to do a full blog.

The short version:
I might be okay at work. Might. The looming doom due tomorrow? Happened today instead. And it might be okay.

I'm not sure yet, but I'm at least hopeful.

​The main thing to come from today though is that I did some really good posing for photos as a villain. I realized that my aesthetic is highly villainesque: black with red accents in civilian wear (the red is in my jacket), and red with black accents in my work wear. So I leaned into it and made dozens upon dozens of photos. (Admittedly, less than half are good. The poses for many photos suck, and the eyes killed some photos that would've been good otherwise. And some are more Renata Glasc esque in appearance/aesthetic. But hey, I did them!)

This did give me an inspiration for a new character. I'm not sure what story she fits in, but she's not the protagonist of a new story. Quite the opposite, she is, explicitly, an antagonist. Not the main antagonist, but antagonistic at the very least.

​She's a supervillain in a superhero setting, but I'm not sure what story she fits in. It's not Heroes 4 Hire. I kinda want it to be a setting where supers tend to only have one power tho (albeit able to be flexible). And I want the protagonist to be a hero, not a villain.

It doesn't fit the dual-world supes story, since being a villain in one world would give the protagonist there insight I don't want the protagonist to get.

Process of Elimination, the only story I can figure out might be Vetra, where the protagonist was someone that intended to be a villain but ended up accidentally being enlisted as a hero (sort of an inverse-Worm scenario). It still kinda sorta has the "one power" theme, but Vetra himself is mostly not following it. The setting I didn't really think of as being "one power per person", although looking at my limited notes, it's mostly one power per person that is just incredibly versatile and broad/generic. (Vetra having multiple powers can be somewhat hand-waved as being an Elemental Master, since he's got "Earth"(Body), Fire, Water, Air, Energy as his five.)

​I'm not positive that it works/fits, but she's a cool character all the same.
She basically has one of the strongest forms of "Empathy" as a power, where she can sense things on the physical/mental/emotional/spiritual level (the last gives her clairvoyance of being able to detect harm in advance, think like Jack Slash from Worm), but also able to control/manipulate those things in others (think like Jasper, which apparently is called Pathokinesis to the twilight fanbase).

Which does allow for theoretically being a power amplifier, dampener (anti-magic), or even power-adjuster, but she doesn't really use this aspect of the power (because for all of her faults, she doesn't dare dabble in an area of such danger--she'll passively nullify anything that would be able to take her out before her active defenses kick in, but otherwise this is set to inert).

​She is a transwoman living a quadruple life. One, as LifeCard, the (appearing male) leader of the evil corporation LifeCorp (which actually does a lot of good, mind you, being a legitimate business that just so happens to be a front for the illicit activities, it's just that to do all the good it does requires more money than they can get legitimately and there's a need to launder the money from the illegal stuff that makes it an evil corporation).
A second, as Phantom Pain, a solo villain involved in crime that occasionally works as a mercenary. (Also appears male.) This persona uses a wave of pain that attacks on mental/emotional/spiritual levels (technically all 4, but physical isn't triggered for ~reasons~), in a completely unblockable attack that can't be countered or dodged, instantly overwhelming everyone affected with crippling debilitating pain.
A third, at home where she isn't out.
And a fourth, at work (she got herself to be legitimately hired in LifeCorp without suspicion), where she works as a (female) receptionist.

​A big secret about her is that her Phantom Pain power works the way it does by--instead of actively trying to select an action to be done--passively transmitting her own feelings onto everyone in the area. Which, yes, carries the implication that she is in constant neverending strong, strong, overwhelming pain on the mental/emotional/spiritual level and that she is suffering hardcore. (And she is a villain basically due to this.)

Her Empathy power can't be turned off, and it has no range limit. If she has an active connection, it works no matter what. If she has engage with someone online, she can sense them and manipulate them. If she is in physical proximity to someone, she can sense them and manipulate them. If she sees someone on a live monitor in an area she has been to recently, she can sense them and manipulate them. If she sees a recording of someone, she can't sense/manipulate them in of itself, but if she has come into recent contact with them she can.

Basically, she might not see the person she is manipulating. Or hear them. But her power works on everyone, across any and all distances. It has no range. It is always on. It has both passive powers and active ones. She can't turn it off. And it causes a great deal of pain for her, on top of her life's conditions.

She's watched people die in front of her that she failed to save, with her power letting her feel their final moments.
She got fired from a job she loved because of conditions that her power couldn't keep her employed with.
She lost friends she had held since before her power activated.
​She even had someone she love end up betraying her and abandoning her, leaving her alone and isolated, with a family that she despises and who would loathe her.

So she's got issues.

I wanted to go into her powers in more detail, her costumes in more detail, some events that happen to her in more detail, but I don't have the time for that full blog tonight.

Maybe tomorrow? We'll have to see.

This one can be described quite aptly as "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" crossed with Transformers with a small side of superheroes and a bit of Digimon.

Basically, in the idea I am having, Transformers are the Zords. The equivalent of Optimus Prime is both Zordon (trapped normally) and the Megazord (the only time he has a body which he can control, with him normally being trapped).

​There'd be a synergetic partnership between the Transformers/Zords and their human Power Rangers.

The Rangers in this case are justified as older teens to young adults by the process that empowers them being too hard on a body that has finished growing, since the powers granted are such that they are outright lethal to a body that can't grow to handle them with time. So, no trained professionals. It needed to be people old enough to know how to fight but young enough to not die. And they were ideally a friend group with pre-existing coordination.

In this case, the Rangers have standard sets of Ranger powers. Vastly enhanced strength (still exists partially outside of suit), enhanced speed (ditto), vastly increased durability (with the suits providing even more), analytical powers (and a danger sense when out of suit), and built-in comms. They also have a standard-issue pistol that actually is useful.

However, beyond that, each Ranger has a unique power bestowed upon them, a more magical one that they can use even when not morphed. These are superpowers, things that are enhanced in their Ranger form but which they innately have thanks to their empowering process. 

Each Ranger has a Transformer paired with them. These Transformers usually take the form of, well...cars, but transform into combat forms. Each transformer has two, a humanoid one and a non-humanoid one. They can only use the humanoid one when their Ranger is inside of them though. The Mega-Zord/Optimus Prime requires each transformer to be a part of it and each Ranger to contribute to piloting it.

Transformers have technological weapons, but require a Ranger in order to use their magical upgrades.

Transformers can transform on their own, but also respond to the commands of their pilot, their associated Ranger. The Rangers transform by use of a watch, which also acts as a built-in comms device and can refine their searches, acting like their visor does when transformed.

The idea is still young in my head, but that's the basics of it.

It'd have the original base 5 colors, but with Black as the leader rather than Red. (It'd have Red Yellow Blue Pink tho.) Later, it'd have two join (separately), as Green and White Rangers. The Black Ranger's power is considered the strongest, being a combination of a darkness shroud and a shield (a forcefield). This shroud can cut, but being a hero, is mostly used to defend others by obscuring them, shielding them, etc. It also has a side-effect of allowing for a flash-step, carrying the Black Ranger along on the magical darkness.

That's all I've got so far​, but obviously, this idea could evolve further.

I didn't do a proper start of day with workout routine (I managed to eke by the bare minimum eventually), my shower wasn't as good as it should have been, I missed a dentist's appointment (because I thought it was tomorrow), work was pretty miserable today where I barely stayed afloat, I have continued to lose LP in TFT (and not collecting my daily win quest in league)...all I've done, it's been...not great.

I just haven't had a good time.

I did get a lot of note work done on my story, but I didn't actually complete any of the notes I was writing, leaving them all incomplete.

There was something I was going to do tomorrow early, but I don't remember it so because I didn't remember it, I won't be doing it especially since I stayed up late tonight, two hours past the early-bedtime time.

All-in-all, nothing has really gone well at all.

​That said, I did end today with giving advice to someone, and I feel like sharing what I said as a blog, because it's important.

In a sense, this blog is my legacy; as long as weebly lets it exists, and as long as weebly exists, it will exist. (And the wayback machine means there's a chance, however small, it lives even past that.)

So it's fitting that I left a message about a legacy. So as part of my own, have my advice:

​​
I was asked if I had ever thought what would happen to me when I wasn't alive anymore. (I've made many twitter and blog posts on the subject, so suffice to say...)

The answer: Yes. I concluded that while it'd be unlikely that those who knew the real me would find out, if they did, they'd be devastated if they learned I had died. The knowledge would be hard to come by, but if they did, it would be hard on them.

But I had more than that. Even lacking that, I got myself in a better state by realizing, all the future things I could do would never happen if I wasn't alive for them. Every friend who I would help in the future, wouldn't have me there to help them if I died in the past. Every contribution to society would be gone. Every time I would do something of significance that would help, it'd not happen.

I can never know what those interactions will be until I have had them happen, but the chance of them happening is reason enough to prevent not being alive. Especially since interactions that meant something to others, I may never realize I made. Something I said/did I may forget but leave a lifelong positive impression on another. I will have no clue what kind of good I will do, and that gives me strength to push forward and keep living life.

Still, I do wish I had more connections to the people I care about, since my only friends are online. That is a goal and aspiration of mine, to bridge the online gap. Which is another thing to give me strength in life, ironically. I want to keep living, so that if I do die, they will know about it, weird as that may be.

On that note, it was also brought up about hiding and not feeling anything for a while. I didn't bring up how my plurality in a sense allows for that, but I do need to mention more there. It'd be so great to skip ahead in life to automatically go to when I achieve those goals. But SOMEONE has to get us there, it won't magically happen. Wanting to retreat into a state where you effectively don't exist is perfectly natural. It's not something uncommon. Life is, inherently, overwhelming, especially in our capitalistic-driven world. It's not, inherently, unhealthy, however, to have that desire. To temporarily vanish and effectively time travel into the future is a normal desire.

I get that feeling all the time, in fact. And I got to push forward in my life, because if I don't, then my future-self can't enjoy the rewards of my labor. I, personally, won't be able to magically skip there, but the future-me will feel like she did. But only if I actually push through.

So I have to keep moving forward.

Near the end of the day, it feels like there was never enough time to get everything done. I'm almost two hours past my ideal bed time, and have done practically nothing in the last few hours, unless you count TFTilt where I lost half a rank in LP tonight, getting out of promotion range.

However, while the later half of the day was not productive yet felt like it flied by, the earlier half of the day was incredibly productive and felt like it was more than enough time. I ended up streaming for six hours (it might've been almost 7?) today, and it was all writing! I worked extensively on my novel, managing to progress it leaps and bounds.

I'm still on the, notoriously long and slow, first chapter, but I knew going into it that this chapter would be the most difficult to write, as it is deliberately done in a particular meticulous thorough style as to accentuate the nature of the protagonist's life on earth.

​Butstill, progress is progress!

Apparently, this is the amount I allegedly wrote, which is...well, not amazing for six hours of work, but like: still pretty good as a haul!

​Mind you, were I to partake in NaNoWriMo this year (it's coming up), I would need to write about double that amount in a day, minimum. (Pragmatically speaking, more due to not working on it every day.) But with this being the hardest chapter to write, I think that it's a good haul for today.

​Still got a lot of work to do tho.

Yes, this is a second blog today, believe it or not.

I just gotta say that there's not enough time for me.

I'm already past my bedtime, because I've not gone to bed yet even though I should have gone over an hour ago. (9:30 - 10:30 is optimal, 11:30 is 6 hours exactly, we're at 11:45 and pushing midnight.)

Yeah, I spent 8 hours on TFT.

But the night is still young, yet I cannot partake.

​I wanted to knock out more story stuff for my current novel. I got some, but not all. I've still got some work to do on names, and fleshing out an important duo of spells and their lore. I got a fair amount done but not nearly as much as I needed to get done.

Yeah, I could do it at any time. It's not a huge thing. (Speaking of which, fleshing out how my og original notes are tied to the story is something I need to do, too. Things like how important the bipolar disorder is, and the personality traits being displayed across the entire story and growing in importance.)
(I also need to note the, "Vee's greatest strength" thing. As in, not her strength, but her belief in the best and attempt to find every alternative to avoid death.)

Butyeah not enough time to do it all.

Yeah, I could've done it earlier, but like. That required inspiration I didn't have until now.

And now there's not the time.

​Ah well.

Last night I had a dream which, after the fact, I struggled to stabilize into a story, but eventually, I managed to have it solidify into something resembling a webcomic-worthy tale.

Basically, in a Resident Evil like world (one of the three main characters is, loosely, based on Wesker, albeit with a different backstory, with him looking similar and even having tentacle powers), there was a team working at this universe's equivalent of Umbrella Corporation.

The young protagonist is a 21-year-old intern, still in college, but seen by people as being incredibly dumb. He's incredibly clumsy and while he means well, he constantly makes mistake after mistake after mistake. And it's not just bumping into things he shouldn't, it's also in him having ideas that end up leading to unforeseen bad consequences.

He's in a team with a 26-year-old redheaded female scientist (yes, with green eyes, with her hair being kept in a ponytail as being fairly short but still warranting being like that), who has been with the corporation on the team since she graduated college, which was a slight while ago but not a long while ago. She's the official assistant. (Although later she becomes far more action-oriented.)

They are in service to a veteran scientist. When he was younger, he was a field agent, being just hired muscle that was smart enough to work on the scene with highly sensitive material of all types. He was genetically modified prior to this, and during his fieldwork, infected with an experimental virus. He survived, most did not. The corporation bribed him to keep this a secret by basically making him an executive of the company. Not the highest ranking, but high up the chain of command.

So with this position, he retired from fieldwork and began to work in the lab, convinced that he could achieve the dream of immortality for himself, and potentially, the world (but he admits that the latter is an afterthought). He's 55 but appears to be about 32, in peak physical condition, because his aging has been greatly slowed. He can survive in many conditions, including the vacuum of space.

One day, the young protagonist makes a coffee that he believes the scientist will like, laced with some nanites that would, in theory, be harmless if they didn't work but if they worked could help the scientist. This was done with extensive work on his part, where he thought it was a genius idea.

When he accidentally broke the glass, the coffee with the nanites managed to splash into a vial with a genetically engineered virus--and the two combined. The team was blamed for this, made public enemies and fled. They were not realistically able to claim they weren't, either. The scientist was up to no good, the intern wouldn't be able to prove lack of malice, and the assistant was just loyal to the scientist.

Basically, it's not like the big bad corporation was framing innocent people. They had their hands dirty and knew what they were doing was shady-at-best. So they become hunted by the public for causing an outbreak of a plague that mutates humans into monsters, a semi-intelligent living growing disease. It doesn't cause an apocalypse because it's not the first outbreak to have happened, but it does periodically cause local outbreaks at random that kill plenty, mutate others, and require constant vigilance and specialized task forces to put down.

Having caused the worst outbreak in recorded history, the trio fled to an underground railway as their first base. (It's later revealed that the scientist also brought along an AI with them, this AI program is not exactly benevolent but she is still loyal to the scientist which makes her benevolent to the protagonists.)

They build this base up considerably and make good use of it, but the protagonist/intern eventually messes things up by accidentally triggering an alarm that would alert those looking for them to their exact location. Desperate, they have only one escape avenue: a teleporter not meant to transport living people, which transports them to a space station that is an abandoned weapons satellite.

The scientist, however, had come prepared, having injected the two others with nanites that would allow for the transportation to be successful, and also upon arrival, allow for them to have a form of artificial gravity. The station, being in space, has no gravity, but the floor is a specialized magnetic field, which all the items on the space station are attracted to with the approximate force of gravity, so items have the same weight they'd have on earth in effect.

And with those nanites in them, that allows for the protagonists to have weight in a weightless environment.

With the assistance of the AI, the protagonists are able to retrofit the satellite from something that is a single compartment not designed for humans to be on (it's literally basically just the internal parts with spare parts, effectively a small storehouse of bits and pieces), into a proper space station, with rooms, a dining hall, and work stations.

This is accomplished through harnessing a ton of energy and stored matter to make what amounts to effectively an advanced 3-D printer of sorts, where they rearrange matter from one form into another and recycle everything, to create food, water, air, and the materials needed to expand the station.

The webcomic details this journey but also displays the issues they run into. The scientist basically sets his two companions to work on effectively a crash-course of advanced scientific concepts neither was really familiar with. The assistant only had a bachelor's degree and the intern didn't even have that, and they were launched into forcefully learning things that even those with a PhD would struggle with.

Which, essentially, forced them to get smart, and be creative in troubleshooting. Lots of issues crop up, and at times, the protagonists need to leave the station and go back to earth, where their presence even for that short time stirs up a great amount of trouble and solidifies the view of the public that they are, essentially, supervillains.

The issues include needing to save the ai, running out of material, irreparable damage to something power-related, and later-on after the assistant has a daughter, saving that daughter who was born with nanites that began to rapidly age her. (They save her when she is physically around 10, stabilizing her.)

The concept is two parts resident evil, one part supervillain story, and one part sci-fi slice of life, covering both bio-engineered things and advanced technological things.

It's a bit of a complex thing, but the idea formed and I like it.

Will never make it, mind you. I will never have the time for every project I want to make, and this one is near the bottom of the barrel priorities-wise.

But I like it and it's worthy of being made. It's worth making, so I'm sad I won't be able to.

Ah well.

At least I blogged about the basics behind it.

​(Also, half an hour late to leave......)

I got: not being worthless by furthering my novel and streaming.

I sacrificed: blogging on my daily blogging.

Whooooops!

Ah well, today I got the blog done.

Sadly, probably no stream tomorrow due to staff meeting, but we'll have to see.

I do want to try tho, because tomorrow I can maybe get a longer stream.

We genuinely over three separate days on an every-other day basis got over 100 views of our blog.

Nobody stayed, naturally; they watched only one page if that.

But what the hell happened in that time to get people looking in the first place?

We didn't do anything back then. Where'd the traffic all of a sudden come from?

...Well wherever it came from, my apologies to people for how much we suck.

We suck at blogging in part because every blog is just about how much we suck.

But hey, it's not all bad.

We didn't stream tonight, when given a potential opportunity, but we knew it'd be a short one anyway because of work tomorrow, and we didn't waste that time.

For our novel, we did a lot of much-needed expanding of the roster.

We have an incredibly loose draft of all the main characters. We have a total for the two main classes, and some of the basics for many of them. A lot is left open right now, but that's not a bad thing, as it gives us time to basically search our collective fantasy knowledge and think of every fantasy work we've seen and the characters used to attribute the things we have preset.

Basically, we have some things set in stone, others more fluid, and between the two we can cover every character we want to cover. There's skills to give characters, personalities to give them, specialties to give them, weapons, etc.

We're also working loosely on the chronology of the story. We know the major events that happen, but we still need to fill things in.

​Still tho. Progress is progress!

Specifically, today we spent 6 hours editing.

It was grueling work.

But it was worth it.

We cleaned up a bunch and now it's, mostly, good.

We finished the editing we wanted to do and can now write more again.

The inner perfectionist in us is second-guessing some aspects of our work (sentences being too long to our inner critic's tastes), but we're calling it, going "nahhhh, let's just move on, it's good enough and still works".

I know how easy it is to fall down the eternal editing hole.

This wasn't that though, this was too sloppy to not be revised--we wrote it while dead tired and distracted without reading it after writing it, after all. So it needed to have a basic passover done on it in order to get it from sloppy trash that only works as a rough draft, to acceptable as a first draft.

And we did.

So now we can continue.

Did take us the whole night tho.

And it was exhausting.

It's genuinely so draining.

But, we think we can make progress now that we did that pass on the revisions.