I had an alright time at dance (last of the season but apparently not last ever), though I only got a little bit of dancing. I got a fair amount of food, which is good, because I was running on empty: breakfast this morning wasn't great, so I didn't have most of it. I'd normally have lunch at Subway, but skipped it knowing about the potluck. (My sister brought a cake which ended up melting very very badly so it didn't go over so great, but that was our item.)

Something interesting did happen there, though. I took a piece of pizza, but I apparently did it with very very smooth flow, so by the time someone noticed I had taken that last piece of pizza, she was shocked at how I had just come in and snatched it up.

She mentioned how stealthy I was, and how great of ease I had at just smoothly going in then out. But that kinda reminded me...I've maybe blogged about this way back when, but this is certainly nothing new. I have a borderline superpower of sheer invisibility.

Often at work, I can avoid drawing attention to myself at every step of the way. They simply don't notice me unless I broadcast my presence. (I don't broadcast my presence by vocal methods, by the way. I just kinda...try to lock eyes with them and expand an aura out, and that gets their attention, whereas if I avert their gaze and make no effort to expand my aura I just slip on by without them really noticing.)

Heck. My own family will often not know where I am. They'll think I'm somewhere I'm not, simply because I slipped through. They'll not notice that I'm there, or they'll not notice I even left in the first place. I just kinda come and go at my own leisure.

But far most impressive? My time when I was an athlete, I believe cross-country if memory serves me. I volunteered to be 'It' for a modified game of hide-and-seek, where once you find the person who is 'It', you stand with them, and so on, and so forth, until everyone has found the group; last one to find them is the new 'It'.

That's how it's supposed to go in theory anyway.
In practice, well...
I thought of what I thought was just a really, really simple hiding spot: behind a tree just off the path. Of course, there were nearby bushes, and I was in a fetal position, because I was worried I was too exposed otherwise. As it turns out...not so much.

Eventually, it began to get dark. Near the end of the 'game', there was a conversation between people on the path. They weren't even really looking for me at that point, just going by. One of the things they said was in relationship to jellybeans. A bit tired of being alone for so long, knowing it was a small group, I decided I'd give away my presence by shouting, "I don't even like jellybeans!"

They were completely and totally shocked, and baffled. But the most astounding thing of all? In spite of them being literally on top of me (think Lord of the Rings Fellowship, ringwraith on top of the hobbits level of close), they still couldn't actually find me.

They knew I was around, but still couldn't locate me. In spite of me having broadcasted to them. To them, it was as if I were a ghost, because I spoke, and yet they couldn't pinpoint where I had come from. The game ended up being an utter failure, where people were greatly concerned about me, starting to search for me not to win the game but to tell me the game was now over.

At first I thought they weren't serious, that it was a trick, until it became increasingly more obvious with the setting sunlight that they were dead serious, that the game was over. This was conveyed once more by their voices, and me shouting back to them.

Eventually, when I believed them, I just waltzed on out. And then surprised them once more. Like. I walked on out. And they didn't see me walking out. One minute, I was hiding. The next, I was half-way back to the house, because I was near the path anyway. And in spite of a dozen people on the path, not one of them noticed when/where I emerged, so they were once again caught off-guard by me.

For me this wasn't really a challenging thing; the whole time, I was expecting it to be harder, I was expecting all of these things. For them, I was a nightmarish ninja who vanished into thin air so much they were concerned about me.

​So I found the comment amusing. It's apparently a natural talent of mine, to just go in an get out.

After reflecting on it, I actually rather like the mood-ring. See, these things are cheap dollar-store items. (I mean my bat ring is too, given it was a cup cake ring.) I'm fairly certain we bought them in a bunch, like maybe eight for six dollars or something like that.

So it never really worked that well in the first place--not by mood, not by whatever other method other than mood it could work by (temperature? electric impulse), it just flat-out wasn't very effective, and the decay of time certainly hasn't helped.

...However, when looking at the ring, I noticed something: it had an absolutely brilliant (almost rainbow) mixture of colors. Very heavily green, some yellow, quite a bit of brown, a little blue, even some gray in there. Sound familiar? It should.

It occurred to me then that, depending on the lighting and the exact shift in colors, my mood ring is essentially the same as my hazel eyes, making it match them. Now, granted. It's too dark on one half and too bright on the other, making it an imperfect fit. It does have patches of colors my eyes do not, and vice-versa. Butstill, I found this neat little coincidence to be amusing.

...Of course it's still a size nine ring which is at least one size if not two too large, but oh well. It continues to be weird to fidget with, but I'm adjusting. Were my bat-ring permanently lost to the depths of my room, I could live with this ring as a replacement.

Don't wanna, though, especially since this ring being too large means I'm likely to lose it. My bat-ring may have its grips slowly decaying to loosen (hey it's a cheap plastic ring, widening is to be expected and eventually like it or not those two straps are gonna break on me), so eventually it could suffer the same fate. (It technically has already, at least temporarily, given I have misplaced it; I was wearing it during the night and it was gone come morning.)

But it has a tighter grip making losing it less a certainty. It is also something I almost always notice losing immediately, and can catch easily (it's lightweight and has a shape which catches on basically anything), whereas this ring is heavy and slippery so it goes clang very loudly and audibly.

So both are good in their own ways. Still would prefer the one I'm wearing now to be a backup, though. (Well to be honest. The ring I would actually prefer would be an actual women's ring. Maybe not genuinely gold, maybe not genuinely with a gemstone, it could be plastic for all I care, but at least with the aesthetic of a woman's ring. Something like this. As in, has a gemstone--real or not--that is attached with four claws to a metal band, any metal really. But I obviously can't wear that as long as I'm not out to everyone. So I make do with cheap substitutes.)

Anyway. I should probably be getting back to schoolwork soon, so this will have to do for now.

It's somewhere in my room, so not lost for good, just...in need of being found.

My hand honestly felt empty without a ring on it, so I improvised: a fifteen-year-old mood ring which is slightly too large for my ring finger but slightly too small for my middle finger. I'm not too fond of the design (it is, after all, a very male-styled ring), and it doesn't provide the same sense of satisfaction to my twitching habit, but oh well. Jewelry is jewelry; it'll do until I can find the bat-ring.

I continue to have some amazingly epic and restful dreams, but I'm ashamed that I still can't remember them long enough to blog about them. I remember them, have them in mind, and by the time I reach the shower, they're gone. Tonight's the last dance (probably ever) of my square dance club, and I have school, so we'll have to see what I can do. I'm behind on mafia games, I'm behind on comics, I'm behind on life in general but I think I'll manage.

...You know that might actually just be accurate, given the time that I'll probably be going to bed. I mean, if I stay up until 3 AM I'd probably have a happy (yet chastising) significant other shouting at me "GO TO BED BREE", but since tomorrow's Wednesday I can afford to stay up that time.

...Oh. And speaking of which. I should probably mention that on here! No, your mind did not just play a trick on you in regards to wording. Yes, I said my significant other. That's a thing now! For the first time in my life (god I'm so awkwardly inexperienced here, what's the protocol for this sort of thing I have no clue what the hell am I doing), I have a significant other. ^_^

I mean. If it weren't for my autism I'd be blushing like a schoolgirl by mentioning this so I can only imagine their reaction when they read that I've mentioned this fact on my blog. But it's a thing now! I have a special someone. <3

Of course. This might not be news. About 80% of my blog readers minimum by my estimate come from the site where we actually talk, so they either already know or aren't really surprised by this development. But it is a thing now and I'm just so happy and giddy and energetic and full of life and I love them dearly. <3

But anyway. My day so far has actually been pretty great. I don't remember my dreams from last night, but I remember them being good. So good, I got such a great night's sleep that I honestly didn't feel like I needed my normal morning nap. (I mean I took a fair amount of it anyway but it was much shorter than the norm.)

I got a lot of schoolwork done--not quite as much as I was hoping, but I actually think I finished all the CAD-specific work? So that would mean that all I have left is stuff I can do any time, meaning far less stress on me. My good day continued with my Subway experience: the toaster was broken, so I was tempted not to try anything new.

After all, toasting subs changes the flavor, the texture, the aesthetic, and the smell of the sub, all of which play a part in food pleasure. You might think those factors aren't important, but each and every one plays a part in making my subs be nice to eat.

However, I took a chance, and I'm glad I did; my good luck held when I selected Chipotle South sauce (I believe it was called, anyway--I think it had a yellowish-orange color?), and like the Sweet Onion and Honey Mustard, either I didn't notice it or it only served to enhance what was already there.

Of course.
I think I might need to either upgrade my drink size or drink a lot more water (or orange juice) after finishing, because each and every time I add an ingredient, I'm finding myself progressively more and more dehydrated come time for Tae Kwon Do. (Which is the second half of my day.) There could be any number of reasons, but most likely is that the ingredients I add simply deplete my reserves of water all the faster. (Especially since I imagine each and every one is loaded with salt.)

Anyway. One final thing I found interesting: on the station I listen to, the new rock 98.9, I heard a song I never expected to hear:
My dad's song.
My dad would, when we were children, play a cassette, but only allow us to listen to the first two songs on it. (He hated the rest.)

One of those two songs, the song that we associate with him, is the...
Hmm...
*quickly goes to google some of the more memorable lyrics, e.g. white wedding, hey little sister what have you done*

​...Ah. There we go. This song.

...Now I had heavy static interference for half the song until I turned my engine off to listen to the rest, so I didn't catch the whole thing, making it difficult to tell if it was the original or a cover. But if a cover...it was a cover which sounded almost exactly like the original.

Soyeah. Billy Idol, White Wedding. My dad's song. And I heard it on the radio. Not as an unusual song, as just a casual everyday song that they just played as one of their songs to play. Which I found rather amusing, since it's a song you basically would never expect to hear on a modern radio station except for an oldies-specific station (which I don't really listen to since most are junk).

I've always associated that song with the era of classical rock. You know. 50s, 60s, 70s, and VERY early 80s. Which I suppose is accurate given it's the last. (Early 1980s.) And I guess modern rock stations do play music from the 80s every once and a while (even The End does!), albeit not as much as from the 90s and early 2000s.

It's just a funny and unusual surprise is all.

Anyway. It's now 3 PM. I don't have all too terribly much time before Tae Kwon Do. Basically all I'll be doing is quick stuff, plus prep work, among it, that hydration plan. I may or may not make another entry for the second half of the day, for instance, maybe gushing more about how people are awesome especially my S.O. <3

Apparently, so does our kitten.
Now, granted.

Most people think of pest control as being for mice and other rodents of that sort: catch, kill, and eat...or present, to the horror of the owner, which I'm sure the cat is confused about as they are wondering why this human is screaming in terror at their gift when that gift is what they're praised for doing. (Thankfully not much of that in my household, but it's a trope for a reason.)

However, as it turns out: kittens aren't just good mousers. They're good...buggers? Fly hunters? (You can't exactly call them fliers.) Now, granted. This is something we if we can try to avoid. You know the expression, "Wouldn't harm a fly?"

Well, I'm the type of girl who takes it one step further and would actively try to save a fly. Even if the fly is, say, a mosquito. They're innocent enough creatures; I wouldn't want to massacre them. Of course, this can sometimes be hard to do. So we don't always succeed. Some ants are harder than others; some spiders are harder than others; some flies are nearly impossible to catch.

So when we fail, we might have a pest flying or crawling about the room...and yet, increasingly, it seems to be not for very long. Starlight (our kitty) is very good at her job, and she rather enjoys it, and will loudly complain when she is prevented from doing it, be it out intervention or simply her target being out of her reach.

​I thought this an interesting thing to convey at the very least.

Let me list them so you can have a good idea of what exactly I mean by that.

So this morning is a Monday--I tend to typically take showers on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. (Tuesdays are pointless since Tae Kwon Do that night, plus school in morning. Similarly, school on Thursdays. Work is on Sundays. Sometimes I shower on Saturday, but only if not on Friday too.)

In spite of me waking up with an overabundance of time to do exactly that, first and foremost, my thought when I woke up?
"I want to interact with people."
So the first thing I did, not shower, not even eat breakfast.
Was interact, was talk, to people. (And read a little webcomics as part of that, but mostly talk to people.)

It was only a brief interaction, butstill. The point is, instead of doing the stuff I was supposed to do, I wanted to talk to people, and did. By the time I was done, I didn't feel like taking a shower. I wanted to continue talking to people. I did eat (albeit only the bare minimum because my dad burnt my breakfast again--my sister offered to make me scrambled eggs, but I declined since I didn't want to impose and also to let the burnt eggs go completely to waste so I ate what I could), and then went straight back to the people.

I could have done schoolwork. Nope, people more important. Talking to them, interacting with them, was more important to me. I could have done mafia game stuff which I should be doing especially since I'm struggling to balance mafia life with school life. Nope, people were more important. (Albeit, some of them being FROM my mafia game life. Very very very closely in fact. To the point where at least 80% of my blog readers come from there I'd wager.)

I did have a minor distraction self-inflicted of reading TVTropes on Tom and Gerry (mostly to affirm that my memory of the show, of them being frenemies, vitriolic as their friendship may be, was not me misremembering and as it turns out if anything I was under-remembering just how strong that dynamic was), which was a nice trip down childhood lane (I was raised on cartoon shows), but that wasn't a huge distraction; I avoided reading anything except for the things I was looking for, essentially. (Well for the most part.)

So mostly. Just people. Talking to them. Lots and lots of talking to them, entering discussions with them about all sorts of things, good long conversations. (Also even if not a full wall, conveying my love. <3) I mean, not terrible ways to spend time, but it is me spending time on those things rather than spending time on things which are actually productive.

(Side note but I should mention how much right now I hate my classmates in college. Everett is notoriously heavy on smokers and it seems like literally everyone in my degree does except for me; I cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke. It assaults me in not just smell, but also taste. This doesn't even have to be from them smoking; it can be from clothing. In my mouth. In my throat. In my nose. And it's the most repugnant odor I can be exposed to. I have hyper-sensitive senses, smell among them. I have nothing against people choosing to smoke. But I don't want to deal with their stench after they've done so. I'd rather smell cow manure, which is surprisingly pleasant. Or gasoline, also pleasant. Or even burning hair, not so pleasant. It's just a whole 'nother level of ick I don't want to have this and is basically the smelling/taste equivalent to my misophonia. Speaking of which my class contains a disproportionately high number of people who trigger said misophonia. They assault my nose. They assault my tongue. They assault my throat. They assault my ears. The only two senses they don't assault are touch and sight, and those are pretty dang hard to assault. But I digress. Back to the topic at hand...)

Continuing my impressive feats today, I wanted to leave my other non-shower hygiene until close to when I left: brushing my teeth, my hair, and shaving. This, largely for aesthetics and also the pragmatic reason that doing my hair doesn't keep it nice for very long so the closer to leaving, the better. (Similarly so for shaving; hair grows too fast for my comfort.)

...Thaaaaat.

...Ended quite predictably.
As in, half-way already to the college I felt my face itching, touched it, and only then realized: "Whoops".
Yep.
I forgot.

And ended up doing nothing about it.
So I look (and probably smell) like a mess.
I've got a face which is all kinds of irritated (not only for the hair but also for the lack of shower), and I'm trying not to think about it as to not trigger dysphoria. (Which...is a little hard since I'm self-conscious right now. I just...I know my image right now. I know how I look. And...I hate it. When I put effort into my appearance, I don't hate how I look because I look androgynous enough and I know with work I could make it more feminine. Right now I'm just...unambiguously not and that's all kinds of...blehg.)

In a shocking turn of events, once at the college, what do I do?
The work I promised I'd be doing?

...Well.
I'm here typing out this blog entry; that should give you an idea of just how much work I'm getting done!
This well and truly is an impressive statement, innit? Of just how spectacular I am at adulting. At managing my life, doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

...Today is gonna suck.
It already does to be honest but it's gonna suck so much more when class starts and all that work which was supposed to be done isn't. (I did mafia over the weekend instead which I don't regret and yet at the same time do regret and yet...yeah.)

I am so utterly screwed.

And I surprisingly survived work unscathed!

Now for the promised Civ update: I'm out of the hole! It turns out that capturing cities gives you stockpiles of gold. That replenished my reserves enough where I never ran out, and slowly but surely, building and capturing cities worked my way up gold-wise. It only made sense, of course.

Beyond the settler being a unit itself (and thus, when it dissolves, taking away one negative gold plus giving me lessened unit upkeep via the new town), there was also the bonus that each new town provided extra commerce with no extra cost. I mean. A lot of the cities I've built? Worthless. Cannon fodder, practically. And yet. At the same time. These cities served a purpose, one they have fulfilled magnificently.

The Macedonians are gone. They had a ridiculously high number of units in Corinth (northwest of Sparta) and also had plenty of fight in Delphi (southwest of Sparta), but all their cities from Nesebur to Pharsalos (on the island) are now mine.

And, for the first time ever, I have done something: I have gotten the necessary percentage of world area for domination, yet not won. How? Simple. I lack the population. (I'm sitting at 32% give or take.) This, on turn 49. I think the reason why is a combination of me liberally rushing production with a government using forced labor, my aggressive settler-building policy, and simply the AI cheating to have megacities.

Still, it's only a matter of time; it could go over any turn.

Know what that means?

In the mean time...I get to have some fun.
I don't need to go onto a conquest of any nation--but I can if I want to.
I actually don't want to war against the Scythians, but I'm going to aggressively push on their boarders with settler-spam. I'm hoping to assimilate them through culture-hugging them to death. If they declare war on me at any point, I'll abandon any cannon fodder cities as necessary and just plow through them. (Nations tend not to look so kindly upon culture-hugging.)

I still don't want to tick off Carthage. One part is that they just sent a very large force to wipe out the Egyptians, successfully so. Like, ten or so heavy cavalry (five attack) and an additional five or so war elephants (four attack + extra health), and to be honest, that level of swarm is more than my African strongholds can take, no matter how quickly I churn out units spammed. I'm going to expand into Africa the same way I did as the Carthaginians: with settlers, not with a huge military force.

All the same, my four armies are in the four corners of the Persian empire: Africa, Scythia's southeastern boarder, and in Nesebur, the spearhead point where I'd launch into their northwestern boarder.

The fourth is up there at Salonae, guarding against the Romans. I really want to war against them, but I'm not sure I can pull it off: the Romans have a full fleet of ships. I counted a minimum of five, but I coulda sworn they had more than that; I think the total's closer to eight, maybe even ten galleys.

I have...four.

They also have Legionary IIIs by this point (attack 6 defense 5), meaning my poor Immortals (my best offensive unit) are hopelessly outclassed and so too are my Numidian Mercenaries (my best defensive unit) at a distinct disadvantage. There's a darn good reason that the Romans and Carthaginians have largely been at a stalemate, neither gaining an edge.

The Carthaginians are second to me in both world area and size, not to mention, cities: they're churning out units at a ridiculously high rate, and these are powerful units which can do some real damage. The Romans however haven't lost ground because they've fended off the assaults. Neither side has gained an edge because for all the Roman's unit superiority they're still facing a not-exactly-zerg-rush of Carthaginians.

I want to tip the balance of scales in favor of Carthage. For a start, this is because the Romans are closer: I can actually assault them. It might be costly, but I can do it. However, by far the main reason? The juicy, juicy wonders they own. Great Library? If I get that, so much for technologically backwards; I'll get all the techs in the game at once! (In this case the AIs being better than human works to my favor: they build wonders faster and they build techs faster so I get to steal both).

Hadrian's Wall? That'd help me in my militaristic pursuits.
Of course, the main reason I want to go after the Romans is that they are stealing Bacchanalia from me. They're building it in Croton. Getting both spices and silks is supposed to be nearly impossible--but they nabbed the ONE AND ONLY SOURCE OF SILK ON THE WHOLE FREAKIN' MAP I don't control. Near as I can tell, similarly so for spices. (Okay so some other nation may control some, but that's some other nation.)

I want to go on the offensive.

Even though it'll be hard.

Because if I can conquer Rome at her prime on the hardest difficulty, I'll have truly won the game.

...You don't feel good and don't want to go to work, yet aren't sick so you can't justifiably call in sick. Yep. That's me right now. It's not real sickness--not even pseudosickness. I don't have a stuffed up and/or runny nose, clogged up and/or sore throat, congestion, coughs, or anything like that. It's just an "uhg, I don't feel so great today" thing.

Suspected culprit: digestive tract. Where, who knows. Why, could be any number of reasons. I didn't get much sleep last night. (My fault, by the way. I began to get ready for bed at midnight. Games delayed me until nearly 3 am. So much for being responsible. *facepalm*)

I ate a meal at 2 am last night. (So much was my discomfort that I couldn't even eat breakfast at all...meaning at best I'll get an inquiry; at worst, a lecture. They're not mutually exclusive of course.) Even if not THAT meal, any number of prior meals may have triggered this.

It is also possible that while my symptoms are physical, the trigger was mental, as I have in fact been feeling depressed. It's also possible that this is my monthly problem; it's about the time of the month I have this sort of issue. (I mean, I'm not biologically female but sometimes it feels that way anyway.)

This could even be just...because it is, with no rhyme nor reason attached; sometimes things like this just happen to us. Or maybe it has some other cause I haven't thought of. Honestly, it's probably some combination of the above, so oh well. I'll just have to live with it.

It does kinda suck, but I'll live. The main concern I have for today (I'm writing this post-workout but pre-work) is gender dysphoria. The other guard today is (unlike normal) female. So too is the front desk attendant. Those days always seem to be worse, because in spite of my best efforts at dodging bullets, they often somehow find a way to ask of me tasks I find uncomfortable (to say the least) so don't be surprised if my next entry is an all-caps panic-induced breakdown.

​Later today, I'm hoping to give a Civ game update (I'm about to win, thus why I was delayed last night), as well as letting you know if I feel better. (I actually expect the answer to be yes physically. Mentally, well...hard to say. It really depends on the day.)

Well, last night was family night. We watched the first episode in season 4 of Sherlock.
My family was...
...Rather disappointed, feeling cheated by the episode.
And honestly, I can understand why--there have been dark Sherlock episodes in the past. But this one was...
...On a whole different level.

There was almost no humor throughout--and where the majority of the humor was, was near the beginning.
It was just a downer episode the whole way through. There was no grander mystery. There was no epic build-up. It was just one...long...continuous...moment after moment after moment of never-ending bleakness, of doom and gloom, never ceasing, never stopping.

Every step of the way, you expected either the episode to end, or for something to shift the tone and change things.
But if there was any twist at all to the episode, it was that it never happened. It would not at all surprise me if that was a deliberate creative choice: string people along, with one bad thing after another, with the expectation at every turn of there being a sudden and unexpected twist...with the letdown at a lack thereof being the twist, that it's just a depressing episode all-around and nothing can change it.

Given the occurrences within, I suppose I'm okay with that message: it accentuates, it highlights, just how much this is not a laughing matter, how serious the affair is. That doesn't mean the (very very very telegraphed) outcome is any better, though, especially since every step of the way you'll be watching, hoping it doesn't happen, knowing it will, and then being disappointed to learn things went exactly the way they seemed they would.

Now that said.
I still liked elements of the episode.
Sherlock might have had a slight troll streak within him before--but I absolutely love how that playful aspect of his nature got turned up to eleven. The sheer giddiness of him as he BSes stuff is absolutely amazing, and must be seen to be believed. It's wonderful, it's joyous, and it feels so right, especially for a character who has undergone so much development. It shows growth in personality and also embracing his image and running with the idea that he can do all sorts of complex things to arrive at an answer rather than the obvious simple thing.

Another thing I liked was his continued display at sheer boredom of formalities, and how he sometimes is genuinely not paying attention, yet at other times is clearly aware of his reputation and deliberately fakes having been not paying attention, again as part of that more trollish behavior. He started the series socially inept and basically in a position where he would always offend people accidentally.

Now he's more in a position where if he offends a person, he's usually doing so at least somewhat-deliberately, and it's often more playful, more harmless, in nature. He might not fully get people, but he's shown that he has grown to learn about people at the very least. Of course, this playful, joking nature is still a little bit on the quirky side, showing he hasn't quite mastered humor...but it's very, very nice to see all the same.

The third aspect of him I love and identify with is his insistence on keeping his promise. The way he views himself: as someone who can and will protect people. He genuinely thinks he can do it, that he can be that knight. This, from someone who originally claimed detachment from people, a lack of care for people.

He does care. And he wants to do everything in his power to save his friends. To help them, to protect them, to be the man they want him to be, even if he himself thinks he's not as good as that. But for them, he tries anyway, he made a promise and he really really really wants to keep it. His vow, his word, means so much to him. It's more than just his pride, his reputation, his image. It's more than just a contract. It's a promise. An unbreakable word.

So related to that. Seeing him freeze up, when he knows that he has failed. When he has failed, out of his own arrogance and knows he should be dead yet isn't. The sheer emotion coming off of him is so poignant. You can see the utter inability to comprehend what just happened, and lack of knowledge of "What do I do?!?"

He doesn't know. And if I had to guess. He had a desire to run away. The line "Don't you dare." Seems to be cutting deep, because it stops him from doing anything. He can't leave at that point. He can't speak at that point. He can't reach out. All he can do is just...stand there. In disbelief. In panic. In lack of understanding.

And that's why Sherlock continues to be a character I identify with. All of the traits I just laid out? These are things I myself have quite a bit of experience with. Sherlock might self-identify as a "High-functioning sociopath", but the traits he displays show continued prominence of more accurately being "somewhere on the autistic spectrum".

I mean, I'd have to look up the clinical definition of sociopathy (because all I know is the Hollywood version which I know is inaccurate), but from memory it essentially is "self-centered at all times". Protecting friends could fit that definition, I suppose, by a few leaps in (weak) logic (which goes against Sherlock's tendency towards stronger logic), but that process would more or less be "These people make me feel better and improve my life, so it is in my interests long-term to protect them even if that places short-term inconveniences on me". If so, that could be a valid reading of him, I guess.

But for me. If he's instead high-functioning autistic, the answer is far simpler: he feels very, very, very deep empathy for people. He might be more interested in challenges, in things to alleviate boredom, but he genuinely cares, not just for friends, but everyone. He absolutely sucks at recognizing social cues (whereas from my understanding Sociopaths tend to be really good at them), so he ends up saying insensitive things, yet he never intends harm, he never intends to be self-centered; his comments are genuinely innocent in nature.

And he works within the best confines of his knowledge. He protects those he is close to. He does the best he can to be what he thinks he should be. He is blunt, he will have a high level of self-awareness, knowing what he is and what he is not, and has low self-image of himself. Yet he still tries to better himself, not out of a need to blend in, but because of his genuine love of those he is close to. (It need not be romantic, either.)

He wants to care. He wants to help. He wants to assist. He tries. Yet when he faces an unexpected situation, something he didn't account for...he freezes up. He has no defined way of responding. He doesn't know what to do. So...he does nothing.

I also quite love his definition of a hunch, of it essentially being something the mind catches onto as being important faster than the brain processes--and that he, the logical genius he is, has hunches perfectly fits with what I've always thought about him. (It's especially fitting considering I play mafia games. And in fact, I largely played mafia games for the same reason Sherlock solved cases: just for the thrill of the hunt, the pursuit of the challenge.)

Anyway. I feel like I could go on all day about Sherlock, so perhaps there was stuff I meant to say but haven't, yet that ramble is enough for now. Instead, I suppose I should update you on the Sid-difficulty Civ game I'm playing. The computers cheat. A lot. They can pump out units literally every single turn. (It takes me at least two to produce mine, and often at the cost of 1-2 citizens' lives, minimum.)

They can also build wonders faster than humanly possible; literally every single wonder except for The Great Library, The Colossus (which is well on the way to being built by the Carthaginians who will beat me), and Bacchanalia (which requires resources only I have access to) has already been built, and frankly the ONLY way a human player on this difficulty level could have beaten the computers to it is if they had produced FIVE leaders from elite units (producing leaders being a very rare occurrence, so we're talking probably literally-hundreds-of-save-scums to maybe get one leader, yet alone five), and instead of producing Armies (in this campaign the only way to produce an army is from a leader, so), using them to hurry a wonder's production.

And yet the computers managed to build them with a ridiculous ease.
Also, my golden age ended, and so, even setting my science research to the minimal setting of 10%, I am losing money, fast. -39 per turn, fast. And only 31 of that is from unit cost. I am hopelessly technologically backwards at this point in time. I am going to run out of cash, which will really suck, since random units/buildings get disbanded if you're at 0 gold with negative income. (WELP.)

And, again, computers can churn out units at a ridiculous rate. In spite of me having taken Byzantium, Maronea, and Thessalonika, the Macedonians can field a ridiculously huge army. I'm marching towards Nesebur intent on taking it (on the bright side I'm now fielding Numidian Mercenaries who are defensively equal to the Macedonians' attack units so their attacks take less save scumming to foil), and I'm also thinking of marching my army towards Thebes.

Macedonia still has Sardica, Dyrrhachium, and Salonae to the north, with Ambracia next to Thebes, plus that huge number of units to overcome, but I'm thinking of doing that march anyway for one simple reason: the Macedonians built both The Oracle and The Temple to Artemis. Two of the more important wonders to have. (Temple to Artemis = temple in every city for free; The Oracle = doubles effects of temples.)

In a suitably-ironic turn of events, the Romans built Hadrian's Wall, and the Egyptians built the Great Lighthouse. Speaking of which: I decided that, thanks to my inevitable lack of resources and them having a wonder, I needed to war against the Egyptians. It was a little earlier than planned, but Gaza fell quickly; Pelusium fell quickly; Memphis fell quickly. I'm marching towards Alexandria (where The Great Lighthouse is, fittingly enough), and once I capture it, I'm probably going to start peace talks with the Egyptians: I want Byblos and Elephantine, but both are cities which if I tried to capture, I'd auto-raze them. Similarly so, Pi-Ranesses is near an incense source.

I'm not quite sure if I can wedge three cities during peace talks, but I want those cities, because I want control over all the luxuries on the southeastern half of the map. Northeastern would require invading the Scythians, which if at all possible I want to avoid: I want to war against, in order, Macedon-Egypt-Rome-Carthage.

The reason I want to avoid warring against the barbarian people is because for the most part, they're just not worth it. Scythia might be, eventually, once Macedon is gone, but I'd prefer to go after Rome. Rome, I want Hadrian's Wall from. A secondary goal would be halting their expansion. (Also, looking at the map, apparently they captured Caralis and thus control the Mausoleum wonder, so there's that, too.) That being, forcing them to live within Italy, unable to send their citizens forward and expand their empire.

In fact if I can manage it I'd actually just prefer to flat-out wipe Rome out. I don't want Rome to have iron. I would prefer them not having horses, either. To do that, I'd need to capture Rome and Canusium, optionally Croton as well...which basically would require me capturing ALL their cities of note.

Carthage, in that case (if I don't have to capture Caralis from them), is someone I'd avoid warring. Next I'd probably war the Scythians, once I positioned my troops accordingly, though if I conquered Rome, the Celts would be an option, too. (The Goths are too far away to ever be worth warring.)

You might wonder why I'm so focused on warring.
To repeat: this is Sid difficulty. 
Now I'm not going to face defeat at any point, as long as I can avoid my military being massacred not by the enemy but by budget cuts.
I'm in the dominant position world-wise. So yes, this is basically victory by default especially with the Macedonians eliminated eventually.

But.

39 in the hole.

I'm churning out settlers as fast as I can. (Each town, 2 units. Each city--7+ units--4 unit support. Don't really get Metropolises given this difficulty but that'd be 8. So I get a net-benefit from colonizing quickly, with a bunch of cities defended by a single unit. Well, towns. But you get the idea.)

Yet the only way I'm going to bridge that gap before my limited treasury runs out (432 gold and decreasing) is...by getting a lot of extra cities, and quickly.

Soyeah.
Conquest it is!
That's the name of the game, after all.

The faster I win a domination victory, the better. I'm half-way there, both by world area and population. It'll be tricky getting all the way there. Yet I think I can manage.

But whatever it was, family night stripped away most of my thoughts there.
Now I can only remember one thing.
Now granted.
It's a good thing to remember and blog about, but I had two or three things I was gonna blog about, and now I've just got the one. Oh well.

​Basically, I was at work. Work could have gone any number of different ways, but I decided to take a legally-required lunch break at a certain time, and on my way to Subway, take a certain route--I never made it to Subway, because along the way, I was intercepted by some of the seniors, who invited me to the senior potluck.

Now, I am not a senior.
I may be one in spirit, thanks to our similarities.
We were both raised on the same types of music.
We both dance to the music.
We're both kids at heart.
We both smile and laugh.
We talk to each other a lot.
So I might be an honorary senior.

Yet, I am still not myself a senior.
So I hate to impose on a thing which is theirs, especially after it is technically supposed to be wrapping up.

I couldn't say no, though.
It was just so...so nice of them, and I do enjoy interacting with them a lot.

I probably had more to say, but it's nearly 2 am, so my thought process is basically 12 hours old at this point, meaning my mind is deeeeeeeeead.

Not quite enough to not be playing Civ 3 (I just as I was typing this blog post had a breakthrough; I'm about to capture Cyzicus since their 1/4 swordsman can only be victorious against my 1/4 archer so many times given his 2 defense against my 2 attack means we're even and that's quite literally their last defender there), but enough where I'm not able to form many coherent thoughts.

​So, that'll be it for now.