Normally, when I have days go by and am disappointed in my lack of having done what I wanted to do, I can point to exactly where the time went. "Oh I spent 3 hours on this game", "oh I spent 2 hours on mafia", etc.
But so far this week, I just...don't know where my time is going???
I mean, today I woke up fairly late (which is itself an example in a sense), and will be going to bed early (which artificially shortens the day), but like.
I still don't know where the time goes???
I spent ~4 hours with my attention divided between two streams. From ~1:30 to 5:30, I can account for that time.
It's 10 pm now.
And that means there's four and a half hours where I've zero memory of doing anything.
Yeah, I had a streamed movie in the background, but I wasn't dedicated to watching it.
Yeah, I had a twitch stream or two open in the background, but I wasn't watching them.
They were background noise, white noise to help me.
...So what was I doing???
I know what I wasn't doing. I wasn't watching streams.
But for the life of me.
I can't figure out what I was doing.
I know I had to be doing something. Because I have vague memories of having spent the entire time I had those streams in the background, as having done something while having those streams in the background. I remember the background, but remember it wasn't dedicated to the stream backgrounds. They were backgrounds, not foregrounds.
So what was the foregrounds?!?
I have zero memory of things.
Like, I remember spending the majority of the movie I watched being looking up the movie on tvtropes.
But it wasn't all of the movie.
So what else was I doing???
And what did I do after it ended???
There's missing time.
I don't know what happened.
I don't know where my time keeps disappearing to.
Everything I have memory of doing doesn't fill enough time, not even remotely.
So I keep on having time disappear.