The day is lost...but there's always tomorrow!
I ended up not having work this morning as I thought. I did of course have my staff meeting this night, and I got just about as much sleep as I would have if I had worked anyway (I took a shower, waited for my hair to dry, then napped, but the time the hair was dry came well after I'd have been done with work), meaning I am extra tired and today was just all-around disappointing in terms of doing things.
The day is lost...but there's always tomorrow!
So I might as well give one today! Christmas actually contained a lot of thoughtful gifts this year. Every year, my family at least tries to get things good for each other, but this year, everyone was basically entirely successful with every member of the family, a first as far as I can tell.
Including myself, mind you. My brother got me two really, really, REALLY nice fidget rings. Unfortunately, they're not that photogenic but that's a shame because I really want to show them off in their full glory because seriously WOW they are amazing. They have a black chain in the middle of the ring for spinning, and an ornate design on the outline. The one I'm wearing is all-black, too.
There was a slight flaw: the ring's too big for my ring finger and yet too small for my middle finger...however, more on that in a second. There's a reason it's still such an amazing gift. My brother joked when I couldn't get it off my middle finger that it was a cursed ring...but seriously, this ring is so amazing that it absolutely demands a story be written with it as a central object.
I was thinking along the lines of a binding object, a contract of some sort perhaps or maybe death-related, definitely full-blown supernatural urban fantasy though specifics beyond that I haven't worked out. I do think it deserves at minimum one story--honestly the ring's so cool that it could have three, four, even five different full-fledged individual stories each with their different takes on the same object. It was THAT on the mark.
My older sister got for me a gift of many pairs of gloves that work with touchscreens (i.e., allowing me to use my phone with gloves on), plus a single pair of fingerless gloves. Now, these fingerless gloves are the same type of material as my more flimsy gloves. That being, the material which is like a type of clothing. Wool? I dunno, but it's a really common type of glove which is prone to tearing with a short life expectancy especially with long fingernails.
You can probably figure out what I mean by the description. So it's not exactly the fingerless gloves of Ruby. That being said, I've felt the closest I've ever felt to being Ruby since adorning them. As in. I lost my glow-in-the-dark bracelets a long time ago. I lost my bat ring a long time ago. I ran out of the hairties which I associate as being Ruby's instead using a much thinner type (and out of laziness now only have one instead of the signature two on the left arm).
So I've felt a little bit distanced from being her, in that I've had a harder time conjuring up imagine spots where I was roleplaying as her. It wasn't impossible, mind you, but it was difficult--more difficult than other characters. Sally my lifeguard tube acts as her bazooka; Hanna I play with her god-tiered wind powers; Gary I can do a lot with; Vili is easy; D.D. is also easy; Whitney and Amy I tend not to play around with that much but if I did I wouldn't have much trouble.
Yet I've been having difficulty for a while getting into the shoes of Ruby, in spite of her being the character that launched the whole Rubyverse as someone originally based in part off of me before she gained her own life/identity. Something that troubled me deeply.
And yet. The moment I put on the fingerless gloves. Instantly, it just came rushing back to me. The magic, the sensation, of her. Of Ruby in full form. It's not the right material and certainly doesn't have the square gap in the palm. But it still has made me feel much closer to her.
Not to mention, they're just kinda...really, really cool. And feel fitting, appropriate. They have merged with me, becoming natural literally overnight. They are a part of me, and a really awesome one. And there's one more thing. You know how that ring I mentioned was too small for my ring finger? Yeah, well...with the fingerless gloves on, it fits perfectly. It doesn't want to fall off, nor is it smothering my finger. It's removable, but not accidentally.
And the colors are complimentary as well, given both are black. Yet not the same black, different blacks so the ring is not invisible on the glove. So overall...I'd say that my older sister's gift hit the mark and was dead on the money in terms of being good.
My younger sister gave a gift which I have wanted for years as well, albeit one which has progressively gotten weaker and weaker in me as the years have gone by. A bit like Deck The Hall Ball in that regards; my parents gave it to us as a Christmas gift years after I had wanted to go, and yet the year we went was sandwiched between two awesome years as a year which was mostly unremarkable. (Though I did rather enjoy seeing Jimmy Eat World live, I wouldn't be able to note any other band there. They had plenty good enough performances with stage presence, it's just that...they weren't as memorable as bands in other years would have been.)
In this case, the gift given? One-day pass (believed to be Friday) for Emerald City Comic Con 2018.
The reason this is a gift that I've wanted for years that has gotten progressively weaker and weaker in me is that I have been a comic artist and avid reader of webcomics for years. Many, many, many of my online friends would be going to events like these, and I couldn't go to meet them in spite of it being in my back door practically.
I have always wanted the chance.
I've lost current contact and familiarity with most of the people who might be going there.
ComicFury has literally thousands of people who I know, dozens/hundreds of which who might be in attendance, and yet, I last contacted them...my god how long ago was it? Was it almost a year, or is it almost two years now? Three? I lose track of the time. I simply...haven't been there in spite of my desire to be there. I love them all so much. I love it there so much. I just haven't been able to stay there no matter what I try and it's not their fault, it's always something stupid on my end.
Life gets in the way. I make promises I break. Even knowing I'm bipolar, even knowing I am autistic with inertia, I end up with issues, where I get things going and when I grind to a halt I get a ridiculous fear and it stacks and stacks and I just don't go even though I want to.
They're not the only place.
Comics I read off of ComicFury, I am behind on.
Many of them probably have way too many fans for me to ever get to know them, and it's not like they'd really remember some random reader who comments under the name Bree. (Something I may or may not even be able to tell them given that my older sister will be in attendance as well--something I think is for the better overall since it gives me a way to have an anchor, a root, because I have no way of really knowing anything will be okay.)
Some of the fans for said comics might. Even that's a stretch. For instance, while I became a vocal commentator on Go Get A Roomie for a few months, it was only a few months of a webcomic that's been going for years. Who's one commentator to them?
There is of course the slight chance of meeting people from the site I play mafia on, but the experiences I'd look forward to are the above ones. Meeting these people I called my friends. Meeting these people who I looked up to. Meeting these people who I engaged in various conversations at length, often with good banter. Showing them the shy real me who is an introvert in spite of my rather promiscuous activity when I am around.
I don't...really get that without reconnecting. I can attempt to come 2018 and getting closer to said event, where I begin to comment again and look out for announcements of attendance. But that's why this is a diminished thing from what it could have been--me years ago needs no reconnecting because me years ago was already there actively all the time. Me now does need the reconnecting because I am just a tremendously stupid individual who can't control her life.
However. All the same. While not quite as "on the mark". This is still a good gift. Because while the above might lead you to think I would be bitter...it's the opposite in fact. I am thankful that I now finally have that chance. I am hopeful that I might get the ability to reconnect with things I have wanted to reconnect with for ages. This represents an opportunity. It could be an opportunity for disappointment and suffering, yes, but it can also be an opportunity for me to really get to get things I've lacked for far too long.
I'm not sure how I can really explain my hope, my vision, my viewpoint there. But basically. I have faith that it will be something where good things will happen as a result of me having tickets to go there. Never in the way I anticipate of course even though the way I'd 'anticipate' would be awesome, but it will be there I am sure of it.
Besides that, I also received the gift of wireless headphones for my desktop. They need some hardware to be installed that we don't have at the moment (the anticipated date of arrival is this Friday I believe?), but these would allow me to not be limited by the ridiculously-short cord on my current headphones. I could potentially sleep in my room with them, or eat with the family while my dad is (listening to music to drown him out), or do things more freely without removing the headphones, and so on and so forth.
A pretty pragmatic, useful gift if not one which has the level of emotional investment those other ones do. It's not working yet, but when it does it will help a lot I imagine. Won't be perfect I anticipate that of course, but oh well. My point is, I got some good presents this year, and also gifted some good presents, too. My brother is notoriously hard to shop for but I believe he just might actually play the remastered Crash Bandicoot games I got for him. My older sister actually really liked the bracelet and necklace I got for her. My younger sister got some earrings, a ring, and one other item I forget and she seemed to think they were nice.
I think I have a reasonably competent sense of a metric for "gifts that they are putting a happy face on for the sake of politeness" versus "gifts they actually think are good", and basically, this year I felt disproportionately there was a higher amount of the latter than normal.
After gifts, we ended up playing a game called Dreamwood between us siblings (which I won) and, after it finished, did our annual Gauntlet Dark Legacy playing until dinner. After supper, we had two rounds of full-family Uno, then a second round of Dreamwood for us siblings again.
My brother got disproportionately lucky--in a perfect storm, he captured TWO of the strongest item cards in the game, giving him a +2 bonus when making 2/3 attack types. (For reference, creatures have difficulty ratings between 3-9 for most monsters. So any rating of 3 he was guaranteed to get, any 4 he had >random odds of getting with one card, etc.) He put it to good use, gaining an insurmountable lead.
To our credit, we did try to stop him early and often. I failed four times in a row to capture monsters that he on his turn proceeded to take. (I had >random odds, too, I just got bad rolls which landed me squarely in last place.) Eventually, however, I managed to capture the literally-strongest-item in the game (+2 regardless of attack type, capable of stacking with other items), albeit being too little, too late.
It allowed me to go from last to second (although because I took risks out of desperation of knowing I was last that ended up working aside from those early failures which placed me behind, I had already gained some ground), but it was literally impossible to catch him.
He ended the game with a move which was ridiculously lucky, too--he was attacking the strongest card in the game, with a 1/32 chance of success. His +2 bonus, two cards, and a one-time-use card allowed him to have a 3d4 + 2 (rather than a 2d4 + 2 without the one-time-use card), which had a 96.875% chance of failing because he needed nigh-perfect rolls on each of his dice to beat the monster...and he did.
Not that it'd have mattered since if *I* had captured the monster, my point total would have been one below his point total without said monster. Like I said, he had an insurmountable lead. But by capturing that monster, he stomped us all. It was simply impossible to recover from the early setback. (Seriously, the guy captured two of the hardest items to get at the earliest stage of the game and as a result got two of the best items to allow him to cruise :easymode: through the rest of the game. It's dumbfounding that he got so lucky, but them's the breaks.)
It was a pretty fun time, though honestly in spite of all the fun I had with my family, I'd still have preferred to spend my time with friends instead. (By which I mostly mean my girlfriend.) Something I thankfully got some of later in the day and also today.
Soyeah. That about sums it up.
Though, I think it best to wait until tomorrow to tell stories about today. I know that it's a risk to wait a night, but that's better than a half-asleep me trying to narrate it late.
And, well. To be honest. I think it kinda sucks. I can sometimes feel festive, but right now, I don't. I haven't really been feeling the holiday spirit, the cheer, the uplift, which "should" be felt. Now, granted. My quotation marks should make it abundantly clear I strongly disagree with the notion that one SHOULD need to feel holiday spirit.
Butstill. It is a time where there's a lot of rituals--some are interesting, but most of what it is is just a pain. Oh well. It is what it is.
We had our normal sibling ritual, but for the sake of safety (oh god I'd be in SO much trouble if a sibling actually read my blog, but thankfully they don't; still, I act as if they do just to be on the safe side as a precaution), I can't go into the details of what we did there.
I did have work today, but it was a pretty standard (albeit light in traffic) day.
Not much else I can really think of. I skipped my nap because I have counseling tomorrow, though, so I'm in need of sleep now.
I had dance and it was same as usual overall. Tomorrow I believe we're celebrating my mom's birthday even though her birthday isn't until a weekday but that's the reason why we need to celebrate it on our weekend. (Friday.)
So, not much, and don't expect much from me tomorrow.
...By which, I mean, without a reminder I would have completely and totally forgotten to blog. Whoops. Ah well. Uhh...let's see. I had my counseling appointment, but it wasn't the most productive of things. What else? There's not much I can really think of honestly.
Tomorrow's going to be one of those long days (in that I'll be working from 8 to four and have tae kwon do after that), and after it I'll probably need to spend the day doing mafia stuff I haven't done yet. (Which will eat up all of my day.) I am basically free the whole week except for round dancing on Thursday and family night on Friday, so that means that I can stay up REALLY late tomorrow and every day thereafter, basically meaning a near-infinite amount of time on my hands.
We'll have to see how many creative ways I come up with to waste it all!
And a fair amount happened, but my mind is a bit jumbled and scrambled up (it's a bit late so maybe that's why), meaning I can't really talk about it coherently. Still, I'll try. For some random reason, we had fresh-brewed coffee tonight. I usually eat after my dad, but today I ate before him. This being the day after Thanksgiving, our meal was leftovers.
The film we watched was The Hitman's Bodyguard. You could tell that the actors had a lot of fun making it, because none of them were really taking things too seriously. In spite of this, they were actually acting. It was a pretty standard film otherwise, but I quite liked it.
I feel like I should be saying more, but that's all I can think of. Guess that means I need to sleep soon.
So there was lots of family night fun. We watched Atomic Blonde, which was a pretty reasonably decent film. The surprise-lesbian-sex certainly did no harm to it for me (and there was plenty of nudity even outside of those scenes), and the twist at the end was something decently clever. It was easy enough to guess part of the twist, but the whole twist I did not in fact see.
For cleaning up dishes, there were tasks for three people, with four available. The obvious solution: a rock-paper-scissors duel to the death. You might think that with so many people, it'd be impossible to get a winner. But on the third throw, we had a decisive winner: my brother, meaning I got drafted to dry dishes. (Also of interest, our first round defied the odds by virtue of every single one of us throwing the same one.)
That's about it as far as commentary I can think of goes. It was a good day.
And in the right order, too. My keyboard smash entry was for Thursday; this is for Friday. Anyway! Today, I was scheduled to work from 8-1:30, and 3-6. I set an alarm for 6:30...
...But as far as I can tell, it didn't go off.
I discovered this when I woke up at 12:15 or so.
Every step of the way, when I 'woke up', I trusted in my alarm to wake me up. I figured I was waking up prematurely, and that I needed to get back to sleep. Every step of the way, I ignored the warning signs that something had gone wrong. Until I didn't. I just felt something was off. So when I woke up, the first thing I noticed: daylight.
Lots of it.
Then the time.
Confusion, disorientation, panic, and then anger, followed by more of each in particular the chaotic disarray where panic reigned supreme as I rushed out the door to be basically five hours late for work. The anger comes in a bit at me not paying attention to the warning signs that something went wrong (I mean, I can't really be mad about the circumstance given that there's no way to prevent your alarm from not going off), but also at my family.
I sent texts to my mom days ago telling her my schedule. She didn't wake me up or even notice I hadn't left.
I told my sister my schedule. She didn't notice I was still at home.
I told my dad what I was doing. He can maybe be excused depending on when he left, but I should have gotten up before he left most likely, albeit only just.
None of them said anything.
No coffee, no breakfast. I had to go to work with nothing. It was a rush every step of the way.
Once there, things went pretty smoothly. I did the remainder of my first shift, then had the senior potluck. This was intended as my lunch, but ended up as my breakfast. Staff are allowed to eat, but even if most staff weren't, I'm probably classified as an honorary senior given the way seniors interact with me and the way I identify with them (in particular, their taste in music, which has gotten me the reputation of "that lifeguard who dances").
I did end up feeling a little sick to my stomach later, but that's probably from eating too much of these strange unfamiliar foods in a short duration of time while my body was fasting. They passed in less than an hour, so I was fine. It was a pretty standard day, really. Tonight was family night, where I was the last one home. We watched Spider Man Homecoming. Desert was pumpkin pie. Pretty standard evening, with all six of us.
I mighta had more to say, but I can't really think of anything if so, so I suppose this is it for now.
Just your average blogger.