And the answer to that is quite simple: internet issues, into computer issues.
I had not one but TWO days with 12+ hour outages to the internet.
And last night, my computer bluescreened on me. (In the middle of a stream. During a ranked game of tft.)
Suffice to say, been quite frustrated recently. I've been through a lot of struggles right now.
Currently, we're snowed in, which is a big issue since I only have one day of medication left. (Maybe two? Would need to track down the remnants of one that I think I have still in the old storage location.) And we're still sick. And it's cold. Very cold.
So having an inability to use my desktop for any reason. No power. No internet. Computer bluescreening. It's infuriating. I live my life online. Which is, explicitly, not a bad thing. Neurotypicals consider it such, but to someone as neurodivergent as we are, as isolated as we are, the internet is a literal life-saver. We need it to survive. We thrive on the internet.
So being denied that for any reason is just--it's frustration beyond frustration, since it shouldn't have any reason to happen and it is super duper mega big of an impact on someone like us.
But, anyway, we're back to normal now. We're currently bored out of our minds right now, tho. (Which is why we are actually making a blog before midnight. xD) The reason for that is that we are busy doing necessary content creation work, which leaves us unable to do anything really fun. We burned through the entirety of our buffer for vods so we need to start uploading them again. But those vods take a ton of processing power. Like, a ton a ton. So we can't really do much else while uploading vods.
We need to build up the buffer again (ideally to 65 but 62 will give us at least a few days), which means spending the whole day effectively doing nothing but uploads.
Simultaneously, we're going through our five and a half hour stream from last night, to clip moments from it. (Clipping clippable moments is something we're trying to do more so that we have more content to show off.) Which is a grind. We're doing nothing but listen to ourself and our content. And uploading. And nothing to break up the monotony. No games, no watching of content, nothing. All focus on the task at hand. We're only 3 hours into the vod and only on the 60th video. (For the record, 58 is tomorrow's video pretty sure. 59 needs editing so can't be uploaded yet and thus skips a day. But like. That's basically no buffer at all.)
Granted, last night's stream was only our seventy-fifth stream. So we're getting nearly caught up. But we still gotta get the process fluently rolling, moving, to be more automatic. Ideally, vods would be uploaded the day after a stream and we'd be streaming most days. All of it is necessary. But all of it is a grind. And it's not fun.
We want to be doing other things. ADHD is incredibly overwhelming. The urge to do something, anything, is so strong. And being unable to is just...so...maddening. The presence of nothing has always been my worst nightmare so being left with nothing but myself has left us feeling bored out of our minds and basically just...struggling hardcore. We want to do something, anything, else. But there's nothing we can do. We only have the task at hand.
Needs to be done tho!
I feel like we can actually succeed at our goals--if we keep at them. So gotta keep networking, gotta keep expanding, gotta keep doing what we are doing so that we can do what we are setting out to do. We are aiming to build a communitBree. So we need to actually do the work needed.
I had not one but TWO days with 12+ hour outages to the internet.
And last night, my computer bluescreened on me. (In the middle of a stream. During a ranked game of tft.)
Suffice to say, been quite frustrated recently. I've been through a lot of struggles right now.
Currently, we're snowed in, which is a big issue since I only have one day of medication left. (Maybe two? Would need to track down the remnants of one that I think I have still in the old storage location.) And we're still sick. And it's cold. Very cold.
So having an inability to use my desktop for any reason. No power. No internet. Computer bluescreening. It's infuriating. I live my life online. Which is, explicitly, not a bad thing. Neurotypicals consider it such, but to someone as neurodivergent as we are, as isolated as we are, the internet is a literal life-saver. We need it to survive. We thrive on the internet.
So being denied that for any reason is just--it's frustration beyond frustration, since it shouldn't have any reason to happen and it is super duper mega big of an impact on someone like us.
But, anyway, we're back to normal now. We're currently bored out of our minds right now, tho. (Which is why we are actually making a blog before midnight. xD) The reason for that is that we are busy doing necessary content creation work, which leaves us unable to do anything really fun. We burned through the entirety of our buffer for vods so we need to start uploading them again. But those vods take a ton of processing power. Like, a ton a ton. So we can't really do much else while uploading vods.
We need to build up the buffer again (ideally to 65 but 62 will give us at least a few days), which means spending the whole day effectively doing nothing but uploads.
Simultaneously, we're going through our five and a half hour stream from last night, to clip moments from it. (Clipping clippable moments is something we're trying to do more so that we have more content to show off.) Which is a grind. We're doing nothing but listen to ourself and our content. And uploading. And nothing to break up the monotony. No games, no watching of content, nothing. All focus on the task at hand. We're only 3 hours into the vod and only on the 60th video. (For the record, 58 is tomorrow's video pretty sure. 59 needs editing so can't be uploaded yet and thus skips a day. But like. That's basically no buffer at all.)
Granted, last night's stream was only our seventy-fifth stream. So we're getting nearly caught up. But we still gotta get the process fluently rolling, moving, to be more automatic. Ideally, vods would be uploaded the day after a stream and we'd be streaming most days. All of it is necessary. But all of it is a grind. And it's not fun.
We want to be doing other things. ADHD is incredibly overwhelming. The urge to do something, anything, is so strong. And being unable to is just...so...maddening. The presence of nothing has always been my worst nightmare so being left with nothing but myself has left us feeling bored out of our minds and basically just...struggling hardcore. We want to do something, anything, else. But there's nothing we can do. We only have the task at hand.
Needs to be done tho!
I feel like we can actually succeed at our goals--if we keep at them. So gotta keep networking, gotta keep expanding, gotta keep doing what we are doing so that we can do what we are setting out to do. We are aiming to build a communitBree. So we need to actually do the work needed.
RSS Feed
