I was right that today was gonna suck.

I was wrong about the reason.

I woke up today feeling really sick. I ignored it, because I always feel a little bit sick in the morning, so what's a little more sickness than I usually feel? It usually goes away anyway, and even though this sickness persisted, I thought it would just go away once I hit an hour I normally wake at.

I went to the Y for my tae kwon do workout, and the sickness briefly felt gone...but then it got worse. Much, much worse.

And ultimately?

I vomited.

Only once, but that's because there was nothing else for me to vomit up.

I have had brief periods where I thought it was just a momentary sickness. That I was making it up, that it was not as bad as I thought, that I was just having bouts of sickness and was actually just fine. Periods where in that bout I thought that I would be fine, I would recover, I was actually well, and I could go on with my day.

...And then the waves of sickness hit me strongly as a reminder that no. I am not imagining it. I am not exaggerating it. I am not making it up. I am not temporarily sick. I am just flat-out outright sick. Sick to the point where I can't even drink water without the risk of vomiting. No joke, I put a single mouthful of water into my mouth...and then immediately spit it out when my body warned me that if I swallowed it wouldn't stay down.

Reflexively I just knew.

Just...ugh, I'd have preferred the suckiness of working to the suckiness of vomiting-sickness.

I get up at 5.

And then work until 3.

​It's going to be brutal.

I don't know why I am, I just...am...well, basically dead right now.

​I'm altogether struggling to stay afloat, but it's something which I don't really know what to do about.

Or even two?

Well, if so: my apologies.

This isn't really a blog, but I'm fighting distractions, and do need to go to bed.

​Sorry!

So we had guests over for the first time that I can recall; my younger sister's boyfriend and two of her friends came over. The day was fairly standard; we shopped for our fireworks the day of, we ate our dinner (it was more of a different holiday's dinner though...is it Memorial Day we have it? I dunno, but this isn't usually a fourth of July meal as far as I can recall), shot off the parachutes (TNT was sold out so we got a different brand, which shot out instead of one parachute...a whole bunch), watched Independence Day, had s'mores, and then shot off our fireworks.

Said fireworks had a couple of instances where we're pretty sure something which was meant to launch up into the air detonated inside the tube, but nothing exploded violently, so no harm no foul. What was a foul but thankfully still no harm was when a firework tipped over...resulting in us needing to run, run, run, and pray that the shots wouldn't set off any other fireworks because we were too busy being as far as humanly possible away from the barrage of explosions.

Exciting stuff.

Unfortunately, I do have work tomorrow, so that's about all I have for tonight.

But I can't think of anything to blog aboutttttt.

I mean, fourth of July is tomorrow.

But that's a blog for tomorrow, not today. (Or more likely Friday.)

It's not something which there's much to talk about right now.

​So I don't know what to say especially not when I'm this tired.

...But not unjustifiably so. Got up at 6:30, worked a long shift which had me get home at like 3:30ish, so naturally after a long hard day of work, I would be exhausted; that's par for the course and fairly normal. Who wouldn't be exhausted? So it's not something I'm particularly worried about.

I also lasted until 3 am, too, which means in spite of the exhaustion I still managed to hold on. Mind you, I did nap for quite a long while at one point, and during work I had dubious amounts of coffee (par for the course, mind you), so I had help getting this far, butstill.

This is, all things considered, as good as it gets for me.

​Now if you don't mind, while I know I didn't make a proper blog entry, I do kinda sorta want that sleep, so I'll be going to bed now.

So I've been lucid all day.

Mind you.

Today's a fairly short day. I woke up at some time after noon.

I go to bed shortly after midnight. (Well I could stay up until 12:30, but I'd prefer to have six hours and change, as to allow me the guaranteed six hours, rather than exactly six hours which usually means I sleep less than six hours. And having half an hour extra gives that comfortable cushion of extra time.)

Twelve hours isn't exactly the shortest of days, but a usual day is like sixteen to eighteen hours. Sometimes up to twenty, albeit rarely. So the true test is having a day like that.

Yet all of today.

I haven't been tired!

As far as I can recall, no need to nap, no having taken a nap, no heavy reliance on caffeine, no more caffeine than normal (in fact, probably less!), and having had caffeine early in the morning...it has long since worn off (I had it almost 12 hours ago and it only stays in you for half that amount), and yet.

No tiredness.

No exhaustion.

Now, that's not to say there's no problems.
Stress is there, from a self-inflicted hell of my own making. (Basically I undertook a wonderful project, but one which I am simply put...rapidly finding is something incredibly hard to execute.) Fatigue from working on it for three hours straight is there as well; I needed to do something else with the rest of my day because of how much it took out from me.

Guilt's there for feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job, and all of that, but like. These aren't long-standing problems that have been plaguing me forever. This is just a problem which is my own fault for having taken it on and thinking arrogantly that I'd be able to do it far easier than I actually can. (It's much harder than I thought.)

Which isn't mind you in of itself even a new problem; I do that sort of thing all the time, where I start something thinking it'll be easy, a breeze, a cakewalk, but end up learning that it's a ridiculously hard task. One which I hope will be worth it in the end tho!