You might be wondering why.
And that's where the blog title for today comes in.
What was the reason for that absence?
After my favorite streamer finished his late night stream on Tuesday night, I decided to play a game of ranked tft.
I have a rule that I end at the same or higher LP than where I started.
Except I had three very very bad losses in a row.
And I demoted.
And fought.
And fought.
And fought.
Suffering absolute bs loss after loss, time and time again, with mounting frustration as I would run a comp and get dead last only to see the exact comp I ran end up creaming me the next game proving that the theory was right, that I wasn't running a bad comp, with them showing me it should've worked, only when they were running it they won when I was running it I lost. Even with the same items on the same carries with the same champion synergies and the same champion star levels.
I started at Gold II with 61 LP.
I kept playing for I believe it was 30 hours straight, no sleep, no break, nothing except having streams in the background (while I continued to play) and the occasional checking in on pbe patch notes and tft balance notes (thus the tweets there), and at my lowest point was at Gold IV with zero LP. Literally one loss away from demoting out of Gold from having started near the top of the Gold ladder.
When I finally did stop playing, I decided to take a nap, to prepare me for the night.
The scheduled 2 hour nap lasted...12 hours.
So that was all of Tuesday Night. And all of Wednesday. (Playing the game.) And most of Thursday. (Sleeping into the evening.)
It was only today, Friday, where I got to get some semblance of normality back in my life.
I'm slowly clawing my way back into a normal life and normal schedule and normal routine. (Coincidentally I did also get back into Gold II albeit barely; I'm sitting at 3 LP rather than 61 so I've still got work to do to get back to where I was. I'm at a massive winstreak right now, which I suspect is due to people having found out about the B-patch. I started playing before it went live and people contested me. I kept on playing through the B-patch going live and even after it went live people kept contesting me. But like, 24 hours later, I was finding basically nobody contesting me. Which suits me just fine because while the comps I run had B-patch nerfs to them, MY VERSIONS of them did not get nerfed at all so people thinking they're not as viable to spam anymore works to my advantage. See also, Hellnomicon, my favorite comp to spam, which relies on the Mor-evil-lonomicon Kennen and while Kennen got a slight nerf, the item that makes him so good didn't get touched at all so my version of a Kennen comp wasn't nerfed at all meaning that less people contesting me on him makes my version of the comp actually stronger. It also helps that I discovered an alternative to Skirmisher 3 Ironclad 2, in the form of Forgotten 3 due to Thresh Viktor Hecarim giving similar to Rell Nautilus only overall better albeit at the loss of Dragonslayer 2.)
I'm not there yet, and the fact that MSI is going on and starts at 6 am means I won't be there for quite some time fully, but slowly and surely, I'm getting closer to being there at the place I am back to normal in.
It was stupid, and I would not recommend the experience. There is nothing that I learned from it, there is nothing good that came from it, it was basically two days lost in my life, wasted time, time I won't get back, and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing good for it. My dream of climbing out of Gold is basically dead as I'm pretty sure that as soon as I get back to 61 or higher LP in Gold II I'm just not going to play ranked anymore, in spite of my prior enthusiasm in playing the new set of tft.
Because it was that much of a negative experience, that much of a mood killer, that much of a drain, that much of a just bad experience. Nothing good, only bad, from it. I was less dedicated to streams I was watching. I wasn't involved in the discord. I literally went a full day and a half without eating anything and in spite of drinking a fair amount of coffee probably was dehydrated. And I was sleep deprived. I wrecked my body for no reason. I wrecked my mind for no reason. I wrecked my emotional wellbeing for no reason.
I'm not stronger from it. I'm not better from it. There was not a single good thing to come from it. There wasn't even a good lesson to come from it. I'm in the exact same spot as I was before. There was no humbling to be had, there was no change in mindset to be had. I learned nothing. I got nothing from it. It was, purely, a negative experience with literally nothing good to be had from it. No good time. No fun time. No positive experience. N o t h i n g.
I literally was miserable in every way for two days, for nothing. Nothing good came from the experience, there was nothing to be gained from the experience, the experience did nothing but make my life worse in every way without contributing so much as a single positive.
The closest I can think of to a positive is of being a cautionary tale I guess for any of my hypothetical (albeit probably nonexistent especially after a 3-day absence) readers to just: don't do what I did.
But I think that'd be fairly apparent anyway that it's stupidity and stubbornness incarnate. Thus, why I am the biggest of morons.
Anyway.
Not back to normal yet, butyeah, hoping to be there soon.
MSI is on in an hour and a half, so the plan is to nap for an hour and a half, watch the matches, then sleep until the evening. Not a good sleep schedule, mind you, but if I can pull it off, it should at least be a passable sleep schedule, similar to my normal sleep schedule, just shifted in hours slightly. At least that's the hope.