So sexy that if I still feel that way when I get home I am most definitely taking a picture of it and I kinda regret having not already done so at sexiness prime. (Wear and fatigue from the day tends to diminish the natural sexiness factor as things become messy.)
To be fair. This might have something to do with the amount of time I'm spending on my physical appearance. Namely, the last couple of days alone, I've been shaving a ton of my body hair off, even in places I normally don't shave. (For instance, last time I shaved my armpits I decided it was uncomfortable. I tried again this time and yet it actually feels kinda nice.)
I mean. There's certain upsides to having hair and certain downsides. The upsides, less maintenance, and hairs actually have a unique texture; they can feel things which smooth skin cannot.
The downsides: smooth skin can feel things which hair cannot. And then there's how I actually kinda like the smoothness. So while it's a whole LOT more work to actively maintain...I'm thinking of keeping it up? Because yeah. I like this feeling. I like it a lot. I just feel very comfortable and very much...ME. At home with myself. Radiating, beaming, an aura, an energy of being the woman I am.
I still have a few things left to shave, and I need to keep the shave up on what I have shaved, but DANG did I feel smooth and sensual both before (to some extent) and definitely after my shower. (Showering has the obvious effect of washing away loose hairs, but has a secondary effect as well: it makes hairs which remain stand up more, meaning I get a closer shave after a shower than before. At least, it feels that way.)
Of course, I probably shouldn't go into TOO much detail about how nice my own body feels to me. While there's nothing wrong with me appreciating my own beauty (something it takes most people far too long to figure out), I don't like to keep going on about how awesome any aspect of myself is, with the possible exception of hobbies I take pride in, e.g. good art, most of my writing. (And even then I do so only with hesitance.) I just don't like bragging and hate it when I give off the appearance of being a braggart.
...Also when it comes to the subject of my body, while I know I'm guaranteed to not go into enough detail where someone would be made uncomfortable, my significant other is probably as they are reading this being tortured by all my descriptions as it is something that they probably are...very vividly...imagining the details for and that probably is something I shouldn't make them suffer through TOO much. (After all, I'm a tease, not a torture technician.)
Butyeah. I just am feeling confident today, and that may have shown in my counseling appointment today. I did tell a little white lie about my life (not unusual), but I think the result was a more in-depth, meaningful conversation which is lasting and with impact. Basically we talked about the pull of ideas and how that tension can be a trampoline--not a bad thing.
It did kinda remind me of how much I enjoy being a mediator, of being a moderator in issues who can arbitrate between two sides, something I don't often get to do. (More and more, I am one side, and someone else is the other side, and while being diplomatic with the other side is a skill I try to employ, it's just...not the same. It doesn't feel as satisfying. The reward of a good engagement with another is them not hating me and that's a relief; that pales in comparison to the reward of mediating between others, where you have the satisfaction of feeling like you made a difference.)
My counselor set out a chart of sorts which I took pictures of, and each had ideas attached to them. The main subject was essentially "Adulting", and the various aspects thereof: what I need to pursue in my life. Thus the concept of the ideas pulling apart...not as a bad thing, but as a necessary one, to help me have a better understanding of just who I am.
And...I feel like I am getting that. Slowly but surely. I more and more know who it is I want, who it is I want to be, and what it is I want with my life. The trickiest part is filling in the details. The concepts are fine, now comes the actual execution thereof. That...we didn't get to go into, but I definitely will need help there.
I'm at school right now, but I'll mostly be doing schoolwork today because there's quite a bit to be done. I think I can knock a lot of it out even though after this blog post is done I'll have like an hour at most to do it. Oh well. Work will be done. And I have a better idea of what I can do.
On my agenda:
-Inform my mom that I don't want to take a class during the summer, but do want to take a class come fall. (Of course this is subject to change since if I had an opportunity arise to visit or be visited by my significant other, or even better for me to permanently get to be with them, then I'd take it in a heartbeat even if that meant no class in the fall because they are worth far more to me than any class ever could be.)
-See if I can use knowledge from my class to improve my resume.
-See if I can update my LinkedIn profile with the things I've had on mind for it, both from these classes AND from my job.
-See if I can set up and schedule an appointment with an advisor where we can talk about building a portfolio. (I have the materials necessary to build one, I just don't have one and have zero knowledge on how to build a really good portfolio and I want at least one consulting appointment from the professional to give me a start, and then maybe a follow-through appointment for them to review what I end up making.)
-Research on my own what degrees and certificates are available from the college and what I need in order to get them. (I already have my degree but it could always be upgraded/augmented with other material.)
-See how good my notes for my class actually are, since what I really need more than basically anything else is for the industry standards I've learned to be able to stick with me...and not only to stick with me, but have them shine through on my job searching stuff. (I need to let them know I actually know my stuff.)
-Maybe work up the courage to talk to my instructor and see if it'd be possible for him to have me as a recommendation for jobs and/or a reference that I can contact for jobs.
-Alternatively, work up the courage to talk to my instructor and see what would be needed for me to become a teacher's assistant in a class.
...And in spite of me having written these down I expect me to accomplish...if I'm lucky, maybe half of them? And that's total over time, not "done today", because I expect stuff to distract me, I expect to forget (I'm writing them down for a reason), I expect to chicken out, I expect words to fail me, I expect to intentionally avoid these things because I'm a coward, and I expect everything to get in my way be it because of circumstances or because I let it get in the way.
...Of course. What I'm also hoping to do by writing these down is two things. One, remember them better myself. Two, give my significant other something they can nag at me about. I enjoy being nagged at and they enjoy feeling like they have made a difference in my life (and they really have!), so it's win-win. They give me the incentive/drive to follow-through; I give them something for them to do.
To be honest I sometimes feel guilty about that even though I know they don't want me to feel that way, because I wonder if I could be doing more for them, if I could be offering more, if I am pushing hard enough, pushing strongly enough, being involved enough, but then again...in this regard I feel we're actually pretty similar and that they're like me in their own feelings.
Namely, they wouldn't want me to be too hard on myself; they wouldn't want me to do anything beyond what's natural; they wouldn't want me to feel obligated; they feel plenty happy with what I have given them; they like doing what they do and expect very little in return. (And more things along that sentiment. Words not quite functioning properly, I apologize. I feel like I could explain these concepts better but right now the language isn't quite working as it needs to.)
I do think that's one reason we're so good for each other though. We do compliment one another quite well and it's things like this which show our love. <3
To be fair. This might have something to do with the amount of time I'm spending on my physical appearance. Namely, the last couple of days alone, I've been shaving a ton of my body hair off, even in places I normally don't shave. (For instance, last time I shaved my armpits I decided it was uncomfortable. I tried again this time and yet it actually feels kinda nice.)
I mean. There's certain upsides to having hair and certain downsides. The upsides, less maintenance, and hairs actually have a unique texture; they can feel things which smooth skin cannot.
The downsides: smooth skin can feel things which hair cannot. And then there's how I actually kinda like the smoothness. So while it's a whole LOT more work to actively maintain...I'm thinking of keeping it up? Because yeah. I like this feeling. I like it a lot. I just feel very comfortable and very much...ME. At home with myself. Radiating, beaming, an aura, an energy of being the woman I am.
I still have a few things left to shave, and I need to keep the shave up on what I have shaved, but DANG did I feel smooth and sensual both before (to some extent) and definitely after my shower. (Showering has the obvious effect of washing away loose hairs, but has a secondary effect as well: it makes hairs which remain stand up more, meaning I get a closer shave after a shower than before. At least, it feels that way.)
Of course, I probably shouldn't go into TOO much detail about how nice my own body feels to me. While there's nothing wrong with me appreciating my own beauty (something it takes most people far too long to figure out), I don't like to keep going on about how awesome any aspect of myself is, with the possible exception of hobbies I take pride in, e.g. good art, most of my writing. (And even then I do so only with hesitance.) I just don't like bragging and hate it when I give off the appearance of being a braggart.
...Also when it comes to the subject of my body, while I know I'm guaranteed to not go into enough detail where someone would be made uncomfortable, my significant other is probably as they are reading this being tortured by all my descriptions as it is something that they probably are...very vividly...imagining the details for and that probably is something I shouldn't make them suffer through TOO much. (After all, I'm a tease, not a torture technician.)
Butyeah. I just am feeling confident today, and that may have shown in my counseling appointment today. I did tell a little white lie about my life (not unusual), but I think the result was a more in-depth, meaningful conversation which is lasting and with impact. Basically we talked about the pull of ideas and how that tension can be a trampoline--not a bad thing.
It did kinda remind me of how much I enjoy being a mediator, of being a moderator in issues who can arbitrate between two sides, something I don't often get to do. (More and more, I am one side, and someone else is the other side, and while being diplomatic with the other side is a skill I try to employ, it's just...not the same. It doesn't feel as satisfying. The reward of a good engagement with another is them not hating me and that's a relief; that pales in comparison to the reward of mediating between others, where you have the satisfaction of feeling like you made a difference.)
My counselor set out a chart of sorts which I took pictures of, and each had ideas attached to them. The main subject was essentially "Adulting", and the various aspects thereof: what I need to pursue in my life. Thus the concept of the ideas pulling apart...not as a bad thing, but as a necessary one, to help me have a better understanding of just who I am.
And...I feel like I am getting that. Slowly but surely. I more and more know who it is I want, who it is I want to be, and what it is I want with my life. The trickiest part is filling in the details. The concepts are fine, now comes the actual execution thereof. That...we didn't get to go into, but I definitely will need help there.
I'm at school right now, but I'll mostly be doing schoolwork today because there's quite a bit to be done. I think I can knock a lot of it out even though after this blog post is done I'll have like an hour at most to do it. Oh well. Work will be done. And I have a better idea of what I can do.
On my agenda:
-Inform my mom that I don't want to take a class during the summer, but do want to take a class come fall. (Of course this is subject to change since if I had an opportunity arise to visit or be visited by my significant other, or even better for me to permanently get to be with them, then I'd take it in a heartbeat even if that meant no class in the fall because they are worth far more to me than any class ever could be.)
-See if I can use knowledge from my class to improve my resume.
-See if I can update my LinkedIn profile with the things I've had on mind for it, both from these classes AND from my job.
-See if I can set up and schedule an appointment with an advisor where we can talk about building a portfolio. (I have the materials necessary to build one, I just don't have one and have zero knowledge on how to build a really good portfolio and I want at least one consulting appointment from the professional to give me a start, and then maybe a follow-through appointment for them to review what I end up making.)
-Research on my own what degrees and certificates are available from the college and what I need in order to get them. (I already have my degree but it could always be upgraded/augmented with other material.)
-See how good my notes for my class actually are, since what I really need more than basically anything else is for the industry standards I've learned to be able to stick with me...and not only to stick with me, but have them shine through on my job searching stuff. (I need to let them know I actually know my stuff.)
-Maybe work up the courage to talk to my instructor and see if it'd be possible for him to have me as a recommendation for jobs and/or a reference that I can contact for jobs.
-Alternatively, work up the courage to talk to my instructor and see what would be needed for me to become a teacher's assistant in a class.
...And in spite of me having written these down I expect me to accomplish...if I'm lucky, maybe half of them? And that's total over time, not "done today", because I expect stuff to distract me, I expect to forget (I'm writing them down for a reason), I expect to chicken out, I expect words to fail me, I expect to intentionally avoid these things because I'm a coward, and I expect everything to get in my way be it because of circumstances or because I let it get in the way.
...Of course. What I'm also hoping to do by writing these down is two things. One, remember them better myself. Two, give my significant other something they can nag at me about. I enjoy being nagged at and they enjoy feeling like they have made a difference in my life (and they really have!), so it's win-win. They give me the incentive/drive to follow-through; I give them something for them to do.
To be honest I sometimes feel guilty about that even though I know they don't want me to feel that way, because I wonder if I could be doing more for them, if I could be offering more, if I am pushing hard enough, pushing strongly enough, being involved enough, but then again...in this regard I feel we're actually pretty similar and that they're like me in their own feelings.
Namely, they wouldn't want me to be too hard on myself; they wouldn't want me to do anything beyond what's natural; they wouldn't want me to feel obligated; they feel plenty happy with what I have given them; they like doing what they do and expect very little in return. (And more things along that sentiment. Words not quite functioning properly, I apologize. I feel like I could explain these concepts better but right now the language isn't quite working as it needs to.)
I do think that's one reason we're so good for each other though. We do compliment one another quite well and it's things like this which show our love. <3
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