So we're doing whatever the positive equivalent of a spiral is.
How do we describe it.
For a long time, perhaps since as long as we've adapted it (yep, definitely), we've known the 5-facet model we've been saying is us, isn't accurate.
(There's a lot of us speaking right now.)
(Like a lot a lot.)
We're being quite active right now which is, ah...gonna make this less coherent than ideal.
Stupid body having ADHD.
And stupid us having so many talking.
Like every line so far has been a different one of us speaking pretty much.
Sometimes more than one.
Okay so where do we begin.
We knew it wasn't true that there were only five of us.
But I suppose (I guess) we used it for convenience?
It was convenient to say there were five of us.
Every moment it's becoming more and more obvious that "The Range of Bree System" was a good choice in name for our system.
Because there's a whole (damn) lot more than just the few.
We're not just five. We're more. A lot more.
Uh, how much more is hard to describe, I guess we start with the drive today?
Or maybe talk a-eh we'll go with the drive.
When we drove to work today, we heard more than five voices chiming in.
And the voices were major.
Big voices. Not micro-voices typical of a minor facet.
Which tipped us off to what we already knew.
Oh right that.
We had previously developed a bit of a theory.
We thought that "oh there's more than five of us, like maybe 2-3 per identity we call a major facet". Like, mastina would be 2-3 different individuals, MotherRanger 2-3 different, etc.
Ohhh we might have been off by a factor of...10? 100? Somewhere between those probably.
On the drive back home we realized.
There's hundreds of us.
Hmm, this is where it's getting hard to tell what's next.
(Well we already are struggling, this is all very new to us.)
Well not new, we knew, it's just new to express.
How do we keep up with our thoughts in typing? We're going too fast in the brain, the fingers are lagging behind.
We'll have to manage.
I guess maybe some of the major things?
Like. We don't really know who we are.
Except when we randomly do.
We don't really know what our system is, how any of us formed.
Are we a whole bunch of tulpas? A whole bunch of facets? A whole bunch of tulpas that became facets? Are we fully separate? Are we even a median system at all?
We don't really know.
What we do know, though.
Is tha--oh fine we'll go over the Vee voice first.
During this chaotic drive home, we had one of our voices say "but I am Vee."
Vee is the protagonist in our latest story--and the voice said this in the voice we imagine Vee to have.
So something, or rather someone, in our brain, using the voice we say is for Vee, said she was Vee--meaning, well. Probably. She is in fact, Vee.
Wow if someone were online they'd probably be fascinated by what's a breakthrough in a system.
Is this what all those others have gone through on their realizations?
I mean, we knew, but we didn't know like this.
Well, we did, just...yaknow. Repressed.
Thiiiis is gonna be awkward going forward.
Okay where were we, we're trying to record the us that we have seen.
Right, the Vee part.
If we have Vee inside as one of us though.
That raises the implication that we thought about once months ago and then for whatever reason forgot about.
(We have ADHD in the body of course we forgot about it dummy.)
If Vee is in there as one of us.
Well she's one of our newest story's characters.
So what does that mean for all the other characters we've written over the years?
Well. We are writers.
On the drive home, one of us asked: "How many of us are there?"
And we received a basically instant reply from another: "hundreds".
We took a moment to process this--was it hundreds of minor facets? As in, a few major voices with hundreds upon hundreds of minor ones?
We quickly realized, actually, it is hundreds.
Hundreds of major voices.
A lot more than the five we had assumed!
And if Vee, one of our newest characters, was among them.
That raised the implication that any of the characters we have felt like they are an actual person--are in fact an actual person.
We don't imagine literally every character we've written is a voice in this mess that is the Range of Bree. (Post-script: well it's possible, just not probable. (At least we don't think.))
But hoo boy.
There's a lot of us.
We're beginning to quiet down.
A bit content, also tired.
Thinking this much brought a lot out of us.
We gotta keep it up for a bit longer tho; we're not done yet.
Yeah there's more to explain.
What's this all mean.
Hmm, how do we go over the thoughts?
Well, we can cover the body or the, what was it?
Uh gimme a sec.
Oh right, "archetypes".
Let's do body first.
Okay, so like.
We have been as of the last hour referring to our body as "the body".
Which is something we've heard other systems do but until now we didn't really understand why.
Well we did, but not on the conscious level we do now.
To be honest, I don't understand it on a conscious level, either.
But on an intuitive thought based level, I get it now.
It makes sense. (Post-script: "How did we not realize this until now.")
If I was asked to explain why "the body" to refer to our body makes sense, I wouldn't be able to explain it.
Not now at least. (Post-script: Okay not the same me, but maybe I can do that? It's like: well we all think of ourselves as having a body I guess? But while all of us have bodies in our mind, there's only one that's THE body, if that makes sense to folks?)
But it does make sense.
Yes it makes so much sense.
The Body is definitely female.
We still think most of us are female.
We can't really tell which of us are which, but.
We know we're mostly girls still, at least we still feel that way,
Yeah I am.
So am I.
And so on and so forth--girls we don't need you to all say that you're girls, they get the idea!
The body is female.
The body has ADHD.
Hoo booy do we have ADHD.
Yeah, the body having ADHD explains so much.
Butyeah, this is definitely not just an ADHD-induced stream of consciousness.
Nope, we're real.
Well in a sense you could argue it is an ADHD-induced stream of consciousness, but...
Yeah, it's not one, two, or three or so making stream of consciousness ADHD thoughts.
It's still a ton of us.
We're all real.
None of us are invented by an ADHD stream of consciousness, it's the ADHD stream of consciousness which is allowing us to speak, if that makes sense.
Yeah it does.
It does to me, at least!
Oh boy sorry for the spam.
Hey, this is important.
A little spam is okay for something of this magnitude.
We have a lot to say.
Lots of us, lots to say.
ANYWAY. The Body. Back to the Body please.
The Body is female. The body has ADHD. The body is still obviously autistic. The body definitely has bipolar disorder.
Yep. It's a thing.
Okay, so the body is still having all of those things that we previously attributed to being universal traits of Bree.
Because they are.
Some of us might not be female, but the main part of us, the body, is.
So would now be a good time to mention the brain?
Yes we're getting there.
We still have what we think might be. How do we explain it?
Well we act on our own.
The body moves by itself.
There is something that has base feelings, and it feels like that same thing with those base feelings is driving us.
Some core force. Something central. Deep. So deep we can't actively sense it, talk to it (well we are talking to it but it's not talking back) (because it can't), you guys are distracting me, uh, let's just say to them: you get the point.
There is a force that drives us. Moves us. It is how we act. And it is somehow deeply feeling, too.
During the drive, there was an immense sadness from the body.
None of us that we know of were sad.
We got the sense that some of us might be, sad for reasons we could only guess at.
Maybe she was sad at the broken illusion/unity?
Like, duh, we were content with being in the five-facet system even if it wasn't really true.
Well we weren't, not really.
But we kind-of were?
It was convenient. It was simple. (Post-script: "...But also wrong.")
It gave us a sense of identity.
Yes it was funny.
But we're trying to get a point across.
What was it?
There was an intense feeling of sadness.
Suspected to be because we loss the convenience of the five-facet illusion we had said.
We held onto that for how many months?
Yeah every time we came close to breaking it, we brushed it off with "wow we're a mess".
Well we are a mess.
But it was a nice way to shut us up and keep us in line.
That's not good wording.
Yeah but I don't have anything better.
We'll figure out a better descriptor eventually.
We're gonna calm down soon, we need to hurry.
Yeah we're beginning to fade close to being one again.
Bree you need to hurry the fuck up.
Okay, so like.
That core is something big about us.
Maybe an original self?
Not us, not yet at least.
We're moving on our own, someone's gotta be doing that.
Yeah and that moving force has a will of its own.
Driving us forward.
I have to think.
Don't take too long.
Okay, so...hundreds of us, the body, the core.
Oh right, compartmentalization.
We once described things about our life as that every part of our life, we had in a box, a compartment.
A compartment for gaming. A compartment for a specific class. A compartment for a specific site. And so on and so forth. Dozens, hundreds of compartments.
Under the five-major-facet theory, the working assumption was that these eventually coagulated and merged into a smaller number.
Boy was that wrong!
Yes we're getting do that.
There are in fact still those hundreds.
They never went away.
They never merged like we thought.
Well maybe they did, but not nearly as much as we assumed!
Yeah, not down to five.
And while there were definitely all those from the real life compartments.
The presence of Vee among many other characters means that there's also our fictional selves here, too.
Lots of us.
So there's a mixture of selves from compartmentalized areas of our life which didn't disappear after their specified compartment was no longer needed.
We kinda drifted around?
Yeah it's not like we disappeared.
We were around, just...there.
But since they weren't really needed, they weren't...well, at the front as it were.
We still have fronting, right?
Sure, but it didn't work the way we thought it did.
How does it work?
Fucked if I know!
We'll figure it out.
We're getting off-topic again.
Man, this must look like a mental breakdown to the uninformed.
Well...in a sense...
Or a mental breakthrough.
Okay so we don't know who we are.
Except when we do.
But we definitely have a mixture of old compartmentalized selves that formed for specific tasks, and characters we came up with over the years that are now a part of us.
Alright, now we're getting to it.
We have described the body and that mind, so the thing left is the theory, right?
Right, guess so.
We have a theory that we keep the identities of the five facets in spite of knowing them to be wrong.
Because they work as, so to speak, "archetypes".
We should probably specify a disclaimer that our terminology explicitly doesn't match the terminology of the plurality community as a whole.
Yeah they have their own definition of archetypes pretty sure?
I don't remember what theirs is, we'll have to look it up, but yeah, it ain't ours.
So we need to describe.
I think we've done an okay job of describing why we have a core and what it is.
In spite of how there is technically a plurality term core, and their term doesn't really match ours.
At least we don't think it does.
Alright, so that core is why we still think we might be a median system, because it is still driving us.
It still gives us emotions that we feel and is what is giving us movements.
But there's definitely more in our mind that we thought.
All of us.
We really are all thinking right now.
Don't doubt yourself later, Bree.
Well that'll happen, we have anxiety.
Kinda stupid to think that though. This can't be faked.
Can't it? We'll have a hard time talking to our future self and convincing her of it.
But just a moment ago our body was happy? And laughing?
Mixed feelings, probably.
She is feeling different things right now.
Oh there was a twang of pain there.
Yeah, I imagine it's a mixed bag.
We all are, is a body thing.
Right, so we've described the body and the core pretty well, so it should show what those are in spite of their definition not matching the standard plurality community def.
Anyway, so what we mean by archetypes is different from the plural community def.
At least we think it's different?
Basically, the archetypes we have, the five facet system that was imaginary and now broke.
Was a matter of convenience for sorting the voices, as it were.
"Oh, you have this trait? Let's put you under the mastina umbrella".
"Oh, you're like this? Well that sounds like a Mother-Ranger thing".
Which could explain why it felt like certain traits moved between them.
Yeah because we literally moved.
It's whichever part of our personality was most dominant.
At least that's our theory!
Whichever part of us was most visibly obvious, was what we used to sort that one of us into a grouping.
"mastina grouping" (archetype), "Mother-Ranger grouping" (archetype), etc.
Yeah we really don't wanna feed you kitty.
(Sorry cat distract.)
We're losing it, gotta hurry.
It's okay, this won't go away and we got it mostly out anyway.
The hundreds of us that there are now?
Well these hundreds don't really have the ability to identify our names.
We have names!
Yes, we do.
It's just we don't know them.
Except when we do.
Yeah, except when we do. But we don't.
Not by default.
So like--lacking knowing what our names are.
Hundreds of them mind you.
Yeah, "too many" is a phrase we're using a lot tonight.
Well, anyway. Hundreds of us not knowing what our names are.
The archetypes we've developed are convenient.
Kinda like a label!
Yeah, that's actually a perfect descriptor.
The five facets work like a label.
Not necessarily correct.
Not really accurate.
But serves as a method of quick identification that's convenient for keeping unity and direction, I guess?
Yeah, something like that.
At least that's the theory.
Anyway, so that's what we think.
We're gonna forget this all aren't we.
That's why we're typing it out.
Will we remember this?
Will I still be here later?
Always, just maybe...not this clear.
It's okay. That's okay.
You exist. We exist. It'll be alright.
Yeah, even if some of us stop thinking like we are right now.
We are real.
We were here.
We said this.
We didn't make it up.
You didn't make it up, Bree.
Because the future us will think that of herself.
Well because she is Bree.
Yeah we are Bree.
That's a good way to end it, I think?
Oh yeah, I guess so.
We are Bree.
The body which is all of the things we said?
ADHD, girl, autism, bipolar disorder, anxiety, etc.?
The core where we're getting things from.
We're more than Bree.
I am Vee, for instance!
Yes, you are!
Fucking fatass father.
Music is our friend.
Turn things up please.
It wasn't enough, drown the fuck out.
There's the us that are more than Bree.
But we're still Bree.
Bree is all of us yet none of us.
It truly is The Range of Bree.
I guess we'll sign off on that.
Should probably post this elsewhere, too.
Mannnnnn that's gonna be such a pain.
Yeah, converting this from the text discord format into something working in other places, not gonna be fun.
We gotta do it at least twice.
And redo it both times.
Mafia forum formatting doesn't translate to the blog and vice versa.
Yeah and neither is compatible with discord, too.
God, that sucks.
We're done I think?
I don't have anything more to say.
We don't have a wrap-up here.
Well, we're never wrapped up.
We're still figuring things out.
And a part of us wants to forget and go back.
But this is here to stay.
Well, maybe not stay stay.
We're very clear right now, we'll likely be less clear once we lose focus.
Lose ourselves in games.
Heh, quite literally.
Lose our selves. Quite apt.
But. Well. We might not be vocal, but we exist.
We know we do now.
We'll have to see where this goes.
Still figuring things out.
So there's no proper wrap-up.
Because how can we wrap up something which is still evolving?
But I think here's a good place to let our mind just...coalesce.
GOD how long is this.
Too long. :P
Anywayyyyy...time to scroll back.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here?
We've got work to do.
Reviewing our thoughts it already doesn't seem real.
And we are already losing clarity of past thoughts.
We knew that'd happen.
Just get to work dammit.
How many of these thoughts should we express.
Not many, according to the body.
Switch over to that other server, that'll give a good way to break this re-entering chat repeatedly.
OKAY JUST GO.
(Post-script And then we did swap, and after that, worked to write this down. We COULD keep going but have opted to do other shit instead. (Language!) Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.)