...Yeaaaaah, aboooout thaaat......
...Suffice to say, sorry, but that's going to be the worst of them all. I couldn't sleep last night. At all. I was tossing and turning all night long. The few times I entered dreams, they were lucid nightmares, in that they were all...bad. Tragedies would be an understatement.
Bad things happening, one after another, with me powerless to do anything. And any time I became aware I was dreaming (keep in mind these dreams were SO realistic I thought them real: I had all five senses, I was thinking, I was FEELING, so for all intents and purposes, it was reality and a very unpleasant one), I was launched out of the dream, to toss and turn some more.
No relief out of the dream, no relief in the dream, with the dream being actually worse than reality and yet reality being so bad that I was still trying to escape to the dream anyway. I wasn't being kept awake because I feared sleep; I was being kept awake because sleep refused to let me in. Or when it did, would make me regret having chosen it.
Dreams are meant to be an escape from reality. Mine were an even worse version of it. I was being psychologically tortured by my own subconscious, as I was miserable awake and even WORSE asleep. There was just...nothing good in this experience at all.
Not only does that mean I'm quite literally restless, but also I have a longer work day ahead of me than normal, an extra hour. I kind-of suspect I might be given a drill today, and that would be the absolute worst timing, yet there's nothing I can do to control that if so, meaning I could end up wet, stressed, tired, fatigued, drained, and pushed beyond my breaking point.
That, not even going into the possibility of being asked to do something I wouldn't want to do, forcing me to experience on top of everything else I'm going through, gender dysphoria. Because just about the ONE saving grace of today is how euphoric I feel and how strongly I'm projecting my female form--and that'd be all too easily shattered.
All-in-all...not a good time.