Can I please just...not be a problematic piece of shit?
I am not a water sign, but I know most of the people I hurt are--and seeing them get a reading saying "someone is unable to be happy seeing you succeed" terrified me. That someone would be really public about it and could've been ride-or-die, and yet they hurt people by being...yaknow.
God.
Why can't I be...not that?
I don't want to be...that level of bitter. That level of sour. That level of nasty. That level of hurtful.
I just want to be the one supporting the friends I love.
So like...can I please...not be that?
Like...are my past blogs just going to make me all the worst in the eyes of people?
Should I take them down?
I don't know.
I just...I don't want to be a problem for anyone.
God.
I just...please. Can I please...not hurt people? I know, I want to respect myself, but the only reason I want to self-advocate is for the healing of all. Am I going to fail at that AGAIN and end up just making things worse???
Please...oh god please. Don't let me have been in the wrong again.
I don't want to be bad.
I just want to be good.
Please.
Please.
I love people.
They deserve good.
So they don't deserve me to not encourage them.
Please, let me help them.