...Apparently, it's not limited to TFT.
As I made a blog about how I was trash in League.
...But today, wasn't.
I mean, my Vlad game started in a way where I was pretty sure it'd be a terrible game. I was playing poorly because I couldn't get in range to auto and when I was deep in enemy territory, I couldn't kill anyone; they weren't taking any damage whatsoever, not from autos, not from abilities.
But by the time I got rageblade and gunblade, that turned around. I went from dealing negligible damage, to suddenly dealing boatloads, and went from really squishy, to really hard to kill. A teammate did flame me for my items saying, "Vlad, that build doesn't work!" (so glad they didn't see the bork build), but like...I felt like had the enemy team not surrendered, I would've been a monster that game.
I had enough gold for the stinger, building into a Nashor's. I was actually able to split-push with impunity. Nobody in a 1v1 was able to kill me. Yeah, sending three to kill me would get me dead, but like. I was just. I took multiple towers. I only backed off when I was low on minions, the enemy had champs nearby, and I had gold to spend. I was doing work.
But that was a Vlad game. Not an Ashe game.
So I played again.
Start to finish.
I had an amazing Ashe game.
I did die a fair amount--to a Tryndamere who I couldn't escape, or to being bumrushed by 3-4 enemy champions. Nobody, not even the Tryndamere (who was the closest to it), could have killed me in a 1v1. Now, admittedly. That game was four physical champions plus a Yuumi support, so I built tabis, my iceborn gauntlet, and then frozen heart. (From there, with my transformed muramana, I was planning on building mortal reminder because while I was dealing high damage to most targets, the enemy Shen was hard to kill especially in tandem with Yuumi. Armor pen + reduced healing = I would wreck them.)
And I made very clutch plays that game.
In a 1v4, I outplayed a Tryndamere Yuumi Jhin (and either Shen or Zed, forget which) tower dive, managing to kill at least one of them, save the tower, in a situation where I had every right to be massacred. (Admittedly, I think I died there and my team came in to clean up on it, but like...I held out much much much better than I had any right to.)
In multiple drake fights, I was clutch. Including getting the killing blow on Elder, against a Zed-Yuumi combo in the pit, with both junglers fighting elsewhere. I did have a Soraka to help me, and I did get my jungler ahead fairly early (I sacrificed farm to help him take an early drake, so I was behind compared to my counterparts), but that sacrifice actually makes my contributions MORE notable.
I was a full level and a half down on my opponents due to helping my jungler out. I very very quickly came back. Yes, to some extent, that's due to having a Soraka on my team, butstill. Yes, they had a full-AD comp, so my stacking armor build was far more effective than normal, butstill.
I know there might've been very good reasons for me to have performed well.
Reasons absent from your average game.
I will not perform that well in any game for a very, very, very long time.
Much needed this.
It might've had extenuating circumstances behind why I did well. Enemy comp being perfect for my build. Soraka on my team. Helping my jungler get ahead, with them being on-top of taking drakes (and me being in a position to help them secure them every time). The enemy team not contesting the first two or three drakes (where they probably could've killed us if they did try).
I had a good game on Ashe.
And two good games overall.
After having been in a big, gigantic funk where I felt utterly trash and garbage at everything.
I feel good.
Not gonna lie, I didn't know that I would.
But oh man, this is so good.
I am still a trash player.
I still had someone say "Ashe you need to change your build" in that game. (They were wrong, my ult was half-healthing the non-Shen members and my volleys did a quarter of the non-Shen health bars.)
And my good performances in these games, do nothing to make me suddenly think I am in any way competent.
I am still Iron II in skill level.
These games don't make me not be that.
But they make me feel like I'm not whatever would be somehow-below-Iron-IV.
I was feeling like the bottom of the barrel, worst of the worst, absolute garbage trash that couldn't be worse at the game due to how badly I was doing.
And then I got back to back games where I managed to pop off.
Now I actually feel like I'm Iron II.
That is to say.
I am not a good player.
I am still pretty bad.
But I feel like I am not the bottom of the barrel. That bad as I may be, I am not the worst possible. That while I am occasionally trash, I'm not bad enough to be utter garbage. That I am still in need of work, of improving, but that I can actually do these things.
I feel just...so...liberated.