Last night, I got tarot readings telling me not to worry--that I’ve done everything I can do.
That worked for my anxiety!!! I actually feel better because of it. It means that not all hope is lost. I got told to maintain hope, that everything will work out in the end, and I believe it!
So, the anxiety I had on Saturday carrying over into Sunday? Mostly gone. There’s twangs of paranoia. What if I accidentally crossed a boundary. What if I am being thought of as a toxic person who should be fully cut out. What if the way things work out is by fully cutting me off from those that I love. What if I’m doing the wrong things. Etc.
But it’s MOSTLY gone.
I’m Mostly free of anxiety.
Depression, on the other hand?
Yeah, I’m doing terribly.
I feel alone.
I feel isolated.
I feel lonely.
And I am in extreme pain.
I’m going to be busier at work for the rest of my life.
And today, my fiancé isn’t here with me.
And I’m lamenting my lost friendships, including the pain of not being able to interact with those who I am Respecting the boundaries of, despite how much I would love to share with them.
I want to share my happiness with them, and let them share their happiness with me.
And vice-versa, too. I want to share my thoughts of sadness, too, but I fear crossing the boundaries set, so I can’t.
And that makes me feel so alone.