I'm furious at myself, disappointed in myself, and my self-loathing is building up.
Because for something that I cannot safely talk about on here due to the rules involved, I am very...emotional right now. Angry (unrelated to the fury at myself, this was directed externally rather than internally), passionate, invested, and very very hyper-focused (speaking of which, need to take my meds there).
I lost my entire day focusing on that one thing.
When I had so much free time.
I was planning to use that time.
But I just...I didn't. I got distracted by that thing.
And as a result?
Nothing.
It's 4:20 (noice), and I am tired, I am dehydrated, I am cold, I've not fed my cats, I've not taken my lamotrigine, I've not taken my vitamins, I've not done the art I wanted to, I did none of the gaming I wanted to, I didn't get back into streaming in spite of tonight being a golden opportunity to have done so, I wasted like...it had to have been 8 hours of time that I had free but have now lost.
It's not worth it.
So regret and self-hatred grow from my stupid obsession that brought nothing but stress and hyper-strong emotions to me today.