This is modified from a message I sent to a community member who needed a little bit of love, and I feel it's needed to be sent to all.
I'm not spreading it directly across discords, I made it too long for one message and it doesn't fit neatly within.
But I feel like it needs to be said.
I wrote it and thought of those I have lost.
I somewhat felt like I was writing it to them, despite them likely never wanting to ever see anything me ever again including this message partially to them.
I also felt it was to me, because I need to adapt this as a mantra moving forward.
But it's mostly for others.
For community members.
For anyone and everyone to stumble upon my blog and read, or those who actually click on the link when I share this blog.
This goes out to you, those who need it. Feel free to keep spreading it, or if you want, keep it for yourself. You can read it as many times as you want. This goes out to those who have dealt with loss, and in this day and age, that's almost everyone.
So my message to you is this.
Everything is finite, so everything is temporary. Even the internet. When it comes to online spaces, most are going to be in your life only temporarily. Both the spaces and the people within. People can come and go, leaving for either just a while or permanently. Communities can slow down and stop, even shut down, and may or may not ever come back.
Whenever people leave, whenever you have to leave, whenever a community shuts down, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to lament the loss of continued times. To miss someone, to miss a community, to reminisce about all the good and wish there was more.
But, the loss doesn't invalidate the wonderful times had. They existed, no matter what. They did at least some good, and had some impact which felt positive, for some amount of time. They were real. They existed. They mattered. They were beautiful and wonderful while they lasted. The people were good friends, and maybe more. The communities were wonderful. Maybe the times weren't all good, maybe things weren't all good, maybe things didn't even end well. (Or maybe they did. Or with a whimper. Or any other way.)
It need not be all positive to still have had positive having existed, and that positivity MATTERED. And because it mattered, the loss also matters.
We can grieve that loss, and that loss is valid. It can induce sadness years down the line, and that's okay. Remorse when reminiscing knows no time limit. The loss of community, the loss of family, the loss of friends, all hurt and will never truly stop hurting. So to be hurt at any time is okay.
That pain is real. That pain is valid. That pain is OKAY.
What's important to remember above all else is the good times had. Those times were good, and they were real. They mattered. Maybe they ended badly, and it's tempting to view the past through the lens of the bad end, poison the memories, and see things in the worst light, but AT THE TIME, they brought good feelings. Maybe things ended abruptly, but they still were good. Maybe things just ended gradually and slowly from decay, but they were still good. The good times may not continue with that person, people, or community, but they weren't a lie, they weren't nonexistent, they weren't wrong, they weren't something to be ashamed of or to regret having had.
They mattered, they helped. They got you to where you are today, and you are mostly better for it.
And who you are now has a long ways to go yet, in terms of good experiences. You have the rest of your life to have those good experiences. You can find a new space for good times. You can find new people to have good times with. You have the rest of your life to form memories, positive ones, good ones, which will leave you with a lifetime of smiles to look back at. You will make good memories, in new, beautiful ways. You will form bonds, you will share spaces, and these things will be all the more precious. And this will always apply, until the day you die. You will always be able to find a place, and people, for you, to live fully and happily and with joy and positivity, and to remember down the line.
Plus, one of the best beauties of life is its myriad of surprises. Not all are good, with many giving trials to triumph over which strain and often break relationships or even communities. Yet most are, giving you wonderful twists you could never have planned for and wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Among them is reconnecting. And rebuilding. As long as people live, friendships can be rekindled. As long as people live, communities can be rebuilt. As long as you live, things can be restarted. It's never guaranteed, some things are lost forever and can never be retrieved. You shouldn't hold onto what is likely false hope of some magical way to restore a lost link from your earlier life. Yet if you are open to the possibility, you can always leave the bridge open to the potential of it happening if it feels right.
Only time will tell what twists you face in life. Yet I truly believe it will be joyous. Life is wonderful, and beautiful, and incredible. Don't be afraid to live it because of pain from the past. You can't stop yourself from feeling that pain, but don't let it control you. Don't let it define you. Let your pain exist, as it's valid, acknowledge it, yet don't let it dictate your choices, your future. Because your future is going to be better than your past, as long as you let it be.
And you can do it, even if you don't think you are. Well-wishes.
I'm not spreading it directly across discords, I made it too long for one message and it doesn't fit neatly within.
But I feel like it needs to be said.
I wrote it and thought of those I have lost.
I somewhat felt like I was writing it to them, despite them likely never wanting to ever see anything me ever again including this message partially to them.
I also felt it was to me, because I need to adapt this as a mantra moving forward.
But it's mostly for others.
For community members.
For anyone and everyone to stumble upon my blog and read, or those who actually click on the link when I share this blog.
This goes out to you, those who need it. Feel free to keep spreading it, or if you want, keep it for yourself. You can read it as many times as you want. This goes out to those who have dealt with loss, and in this day and age, that's almost everyone.
So my message to you is this.
Everything is finite, so everything is temporary. Even the internet. When it comes to online spaces, most are going to be in your life only temporarily. Both the spaces and the people within. People can come and go, leaving for either just a while or permanently. Communities can slow down and stop, even shut down, and may or may not ever come back.
Whenever people leave, whenever you have to leave, whenever a community shuts down, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to lament the loss of continued times. To miss someone, to miss a community, to reminisce about all the good and wish there was more.
But, the loss doesn't invalidate the wonderful times had. They existed, no matter what. They did at least some good, and had some impact which felt positive, for some amount of time. They were real. They existed. They mattered. They were beautiful and wonderful while they lasted. The people were good friends, and maybe more. The communities were wonderful. Maybe the times weren't all good, maybe things weren't all good, maybe things didn't even end well. (Or maybe they did. Or with a whimper. Or any other way.)
It need not be all positive to still have had positive having existed, and that positivity MATTERED. And because it mattered, the loss also matters.
We can grieve that loss, and that loss is valid. It can induce sadness years down the line, and that's okay. Remorse when reminiscing knows no time limit. The loss of community, the loss of family, the loss of friends, all hurt and will never truly stop hurting. So to be hurt at any time is okay.
That pain is real. That pain is valid. That pain is OKAY.
What's important to remember above all else is the good times had. Those times were good, and they were real. They mattered. Maybe they ended badly, and it's tempting to view the past through the lens of the bad end, poison the memories, and see things in the worst light, but AT THE TIME, they brought good feelings. Maybe things ended abruptly, but they still were good. Maybe things just ended gradually and slowly from decay, but they were still good. The good times may not continue with that person, people, or community, but they weren't a lie, they weren't nonexistent, they weren't wrong, they weren't something to be ashamed of or to regret having had.
They mattered, they helped. They got you to where you are today, and you are mostly better for it.
And who you are now has a long ways to go yet, in terms of good experiences. You have the rest of your life to have those good experiences. You can find a new space for good times. You can find new people to have good times with. You have the rest of your life to form memories, positive ones, good ones, which will leave you with a lifetime of smiles to look back at. You will make good memories, in new, beautiful ways. You will form bonds, you will share spaces, and these things will be all the more precious. And this will always apply, until the day you die. You will always be able to find a place, and people, for you, to live fully and happily and with joy and positivity, and to remember down the line.
Plus, one of the best beauties of life is its myriad of surprises. Not all are good, with many giving trials to triumph over which strain and often break relationships or even communities. Yet most are, giving you wonderful twists you could never have planned for and wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Among them is reconnecting. And rebuilding. As long as people live, friendships can be rekindled. As long as people live, communities can be rebuilt. As long as you live, things can be restarted. It's never guaranteed, some things are lost forever and can never be retrieved. You shouldn't hold onto what is likely false hope of some magical way to restore a lost link from your earlier life. Yet if you are open to the possibility, you can always leave the bridge open to the potential of it happening if it feels right.
Only time will tell what twists you face in life. Yet I truly believe it will be joyous. Life is wonderful, and beautiful, and incredible. Don't be afraid to live it because of pain from the past. You can't stop yourself from feeling that pain, but don't let it control you. Don't let it define you. Let your pain exist, as it's valid, acknowledge it, yet don't let it dictate your choices, your future. Because your future is going to be better than your past, as long as you let it be.
And you can do it, even if you don't think you are. Well-wishes.
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